A Comet's Tale

by Parakalo

Chapter 14 - Comet's Kite

"G'mornin', Comet!" She beamed at him, getting off of him to find he had dark bags under his eyes. "Trouble sleepin'?"

"Y-yeah..." He cracked his back with a long stretch and looked at the clock. It was late. Rudolph should have been here by now. He hadn't been late once yet. He took a quick glance at his machinery as Applebloom scuttled around the room. The Everfree forest was motionless. That was also a first. What an eerie day, Comet thought to himself. He shook himself as awake as he could, and opened the door to a warm, autumn breeze. "We should get you home. I said I'd bring you home last night, remember?"

"Aw, Comet, do we have to? We had so much fun!" Applebloom rushed out the door and then back inside in her excitement.

"I'm sure, Applebloom, Applejack is probably worried about you. Let's go." He motioned out the door and away they went. The sky was clear, the wind was nice. If Comet wasn't afraid of his reception in town, he'd have decided that today was good flying weather. He hadn't made a kite since he was little, but it was certainly something to keep him busy. Maybe he could pick up some supplies in town. As they walked, Applebloom couldn't stop talking about the stars Comet had shown her the night before. It always made Comet smile to see someone as passionate about the stars as him. The thought made him think about Twilight Sparkle. She probably hated him now.

"Everyone... everyone seemed pretty mad yesterday, huh, Applebloom?"

"Yeah... can you really only love earth-ponies, Comet?" The naivety in her voice didn't match the insight in her words.

"I... I dunno, Applebloom. That's what my parents want."

"That's weird, Comet." Applebloom went back to ranting about Comet's telescope, leaving him lost in his own thoughts.

Was it weird? He had never thought about it before. He was always told that this was just the way it was, and he accepted it. Why was that wrong?

When they got into town, it was emptier than Comet had ever seen it. The town was absolutely silent. He had no idea Ponyville could be so quiet. "It's almost like it was when Zecora first showed up!" Applebloom looked around in awe. They passed by Twilight's library, and Comet had a half of a mind to knock on the door and see what happened. Was it a holiday or something? They foraged on into the eerie silence. As they passed Sugar Cube Corner, Comet couldn't help but notice figures moving in the window. That's what confused Comet the most. The ponies hadn't left. They were hiding. From what? Comet wondered. They crossed out of town and on the outskirts, they found the entrance to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack and Big McIntosh stood at the archway, waiting for Applebloom. She ran to greet them. She got up to them, and they quietly beckoned her inside. Applejack looked at Comet only once before turning and disappearing into the barn.

At that point, Comet realized it was his doing. He had caused this cold shoulder amongst the residents of Ponyville. He walked from storefront to storefront, occasionally calling into window displays in hopes that someone would help him. After a bit of pestering, he managed to get over to the library with assorted colors of tissue paper, springy dowels, and a sappy adhesive paste. He only needed one last thing. Summing up his courage, he approached the large hollow tree. It took a few minutes of playing with the doorbell before the door creaked open.

"Spike! How've you been?" The baby dragon appeared apathetic at best.

"Oh, hey, Comet. Can I get you something?"

"I just need an encyclopedia of dragons, a menagerie of birds, and a paintbrush or two, please."

"Okay. Let me get them for you." Before Spike could shut the door, Comet tried to stop him.

"Actually, I was wondering if it would be okay... if I came inside?" Spike looked up at his friend. There was something in his eyes Comet didn't recognize.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Comet. Let me get your things." The door shut with a soft slam. Put out, Comet waited on the doorstep for a solid fifteen minutes or so before Spike came back, producing two large volumes and a pair of small paintbrushes.

"Thanks, Spike." Comet grinned at him, but it appeared to have no affect.

"See you later." The door shut again. Collecting his things, Comet walked back out into the empty street. For the first time in a long time, Comet felt a pang in his chest from being left alone. Searching his mind for some companionship, he thought of a place where there was always someone to talk to him when he needed it.

Comet sat at the table of his favorite restaurant, hoping to see a smiling face come out of the back. Eventually, the waitress appeared, producing two glasses of ice water. She sat across from him at the table, looking for something in his face.

"What?" After awhile, it started weirding him out.

"How old are you, Comet?" The tone in her voice was much more serious today than usual. It gave Comet the feeling he wasn't going to particularly enjoy the following conversation.

"Uh... gee, I don't know. Twenty? Twenty-two? Somewhere in there?"

"Do you think that's old enough?" She sounded almost angry at him. He didn't understand the question.

"Old enough to... what?"

"To make your own decisions?"

"Well sure. I think? What's with the weird question?"

"If you are old enough to make your own decisions, then why do you just go along with what your parents say?" Comet blinked.

"Excuse me? Why am I being interrogated here? What did I do? Why is everyone acting strange today?" The waitress stood up.

"You need to grow up, Comet. You can't live in your parents' shadow for the rest of your life. You have to make your own decisions."

"I don't understand. What have I done wrong?" The waitress slammed back down into the table, her hot breath in Comet's face.

"Your parents said a lot of hurtful things yesterday, and you just sat by and watched. How did you think people would respond?"

"Why are you so angry with me? I didn't do anything." She slumped back in her chair at this, looking away.

"Look at me, Comet. What do you see?" Another weird question. Comet focused on her. He was shocked to find that this was the first time he had ever really given her a serious glance. It was almost as if she blended into the background, her voice being the only thing he noticed. It took much more effort than he expected to produce a description.

"You're a tall, slender pony, with a very light purple skin tone and a cut, grey mane." Comet nodded. She was quite pretty.

"What else?"

"You... you have dark blue eyes, a white uniform, with some kind of string necklace, and a horn." She was a unicorn. Comet began putting two and two together.

"Am I less of a pony because I have a horn?"

"No! No, of course not!" She looked back at him, anger still apparent in her eyes.

"Then why couldn't you say that for Twilight Sparkle last night?" He couldn't produce an answer for her.

"Everypony here is part of a family, Comet. You can't insult one third or two thirds without hurting the whole community."

"I didn't insult---"

"You sat back and watched. You did nothing. That's just as bad. You have a lot of making up to do." The waitress stood to walk away.

"Wait! I... all this time, and I never got your name." She turned to look at him.

"Maybe some other time. Maybe when you're ready to be a better pony." With that, she disappeared back into the restaurant. Her words weighed down on Comet like a ton of bricks. He hadn't grown at all since he had gotten here. Everyone has been growing up around him, and he's been a naive little colt. Comet collected his things, wandering back through the town back to his church. He watched the windows of the shops as he passed by. What redeeming qualities did he have? After everything that has happened, what did he have that he could use to bring his friends back?

The dirt path had no response for him, despite the earnestness in his gaze. Comet's door opened silently as he passed through the doorway into his house. At least my door is reliable. He looked at his machinery, his achievements and his pride and joy. What did it matter if he didn't have friends to share it with? What was he worth without a camaraderie to make him laugh? He sat on his single pew, sorting his tissue paper by color. Although they were slightly different, they were all the same. They were different colors, of course, but what all was different besides?

He looked out his window to the now bustling village. He had to apologize. He had to show them that he wanted their friendship. He wanted to laugh and play and be irritated by Pinkie Pie.

"Pinkie Pie..." He looked curiously at his tissue paper. He thought of the crazy pink one and her revelries. He needed to get their attention. Colors... He had an idea.

Applebloom paced back and forth in her clubhouse. "I want to help Comet." She finally spoke to her friends.

Scootaloo and Sweety Belle looked at her. "Why? Applejack said not to. He's not any of our friends." Scootaloo was tired of this subject.

"He's my friend! He wants to be friends with everypony! Ah know it!" Applebloom didn't understand why everyone didn't like Comet anymore. She looked through her telescope at his church, a position it had been in for a few days now. "I'm sure as sugar he's doin' somethin' to get everypony's attention right now..." As she focused the lens on the window, a purple shape floated out the window. A tail dangled out the window for just a moment before it began to drift down the hill in the breeze.

"Thas it!" Applebloom bolted out the door before either of the other two could get a word in edgewise.

The library was unnaturally quiet. Twilight remained in her private quarters, silent. Occasionally, Spike would call to her as he polished a ruby to pass the time.

"I'm sure he wants to be given a chance, Twilight." It would not be graced with a response. The wind began to grow gusty outside.

"Twilight..." Tap, "I really think you're--" Tap-tap, "Overreacting." Spike paused. Something rapped on the upstairs window. When he had finally decided to get up and find out what the fuss was about, Spike was surprised to have found four ornate kites had caught on the branches of the tree, scratching at the window. Each one of the purple and pink kites had a portion of a long letter painted on it. Spike collected one out of the tree, dropping it when he found the glue was still wet. It drifted from the window down to the floor, sticking to the table face down. Shutting the window, Spike pulled it up to find the paint was also still wet, smudging into an intelligible grey mark on the table. Spike did his best to clean it up, but he hoped the letter's contents weren't too important. Being much more careful this time, he grabbed the box kite that was closest. He was relieved to find that the letter was written on the inside, and was careful not to drop it.

if that's possible. I've never minded that you were a unicorn, or that any of your friends weren't earth-ponies. In fact, I've always felt that their gifts made them special, just like yours. I've always felt you are special, Twilight Sparkle.

Comments

[Dee Bee Doo-wop Cooper]

Something Parakalo forgot to mention, he updated the scrap of a chapter that was 13 so if your completely lost go back and read 13.

[yusha]

YESSSS YESSSSSSS YEESSSSSSSSSSSSS finnally after soo loong i can red this again yaaaaay

[Baboosh]

Yay! New chapter!

[Slotos]

Halfway developed situations are not fun.

This chapter is inconsistent with previous chapter implications. You had a clear "again with their earth ponies talk, have to endure through this" feel, reinforcing it with Comet sister reaction.
Additionally implications of this chapter are not consistent with your story in general. Cheery bunch of ponies turn into a judging bunch of bigots with no ability to build a single theory of mind. You've just equalized the whole Ponyville to Comet's parents.
In this light Zecora episode reference looks particularly ironic.

[Dee Bee Doo-wop Cooper]

145238
That is a very interesting analysis, I may be speaking for my friend a bit (sorry Parakalo), but I believe that point is more that Comet is unwilling to make his own decisions than his point of view. The fact that he believes something simply because his parents tell him he has to.

(Okay Parakalo please don't kill me for this)
As for the ostracizing him, now that you point it out I think that that is to great of a reaction on the part of the town.

[Slotos]

145924
Described situation would render any attempt at trying "to become a better (Ponyville) pony" into an act of peer pressure submission. It's not really enough to kill the story for me, but it is frustrating for someone who tries to play different scenarios ahead of time while reading.

I would suggest reworking the previous chapter dinner talk to remove the "let them talk, arguing will only make things worse" feeling. Actually building some conflict and making Comet actively avoiding it would build a stronger impression. Then instead (or in addition to) total ostracizing introduce some mixed perso... ponyfied episodes.

[Parakalo]

145238
146563
... It appears I have come up short. That's a shame.
I appreciate the feedback. Really, I do. It's good to have experienced critics cracking down when I get out of line. It makes my job much easier.
After some review and re-reading, I find that your first comment is pretty spot on, Slotos. My dinner scene should be much much more dramatic if I am to hold on to my town-wide reaction. For remedying this, I have a few ideas. Underhanded tactics, but they will do the job for me.
Your second comment, in response to my good friend Digit putting in a good word for me, also was spot-on.
I do have some work to do. Coming back from a hiatus has left me rusty and a bit unresponsive to my own writing, it appears.

I'm glad to have such a warm reception, though. I think some may be sad to find I have every intention of finishing "A Comet's Tale" soon. Like, within the next four or five chapters. The more I write, the more stoked I get for my next project: "The Foal That Time Forgot", It kinda makes me want to drop everything, but I persevere. At least I try. And Digit forbids me from not seeing this to the end.

Edits to come tomorrow morning (after the new episode of course )
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for the thoughts, Slotos.

[-Brutus]

This chapter is good, I discovered this story today and just burnt 2 hours of my life reading this. I'm pleased with good pace of story rather than most fanfic (ex: *meets a mare "OMG I LOVE HER ALREADY" HAPPY ENDING). You know? Haha, I think Twilight Sparkle and Comet is really good match but to end up together they have to mend their relationship if they start one that is.

Tracking and gave this 4 stars. Toodles!