Blah blah blah... IM A WIZARD OK?!!?
Applejack tries to build up nerve to ask Rainbow Dash out. She does all she can for her dream to come true eventually. She asks for advice but her chances with Rainbow Dash are slimmer than almost anything.
(Sorry if this is bad, it's my first story.)
Cover was found on Google images but it's on this website: http://s4.zetaboards.com/Fluttershys_Cottage/topic/9195972/1/
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Very nice. I look forward to more.
good story so far i ain't big on appledash stories but they grow on a person
A splendid story darling. I love the plot line, but if I may make a suggestion, I recommend indenting each paragraph, just makes it look a lot more professional in my terms at least, also recommend a grammar checker and reading it over, you have a few mistakes.
Anyways, I am excited to see what happens next :D
3335525 I could probably ident the paragraph but this is my first story and I just joined so I can't really get a spelling checker. Thanks for enjoying though!
it was good, can't wait for the next chapter!!!
Pretty good for a first story, I'm sure you'll get better as you go along, but I thoroughly enjoyed this fic. Well done!
It looks good but I do have a few complaints.
Overall it seems a bit rushed, events are starting and ending too quickly. I'd suggest fleshing out some scenes and don't be afraid to go into detail.
I think it might be better to go more into Applejacks thoughts. We know what she's doing but not why, like why she's in love with rainbow.
And I also feel that some scenes seem like they happen without a purpose. An example is her turning on the light in applebloom's room or heck even the party. They happen but nothing really builds from them. Going back to the party, nothing even happened there. It just came and went without any real effect. You could add scenes where she almost reveals her secret or acting strange if the topic of love comes up, just something so that the scene isn't just...there.
But don't worry about it too much, this does have potential and the only way to get better is to keep trying.
3396219 I just want to say I only did the things to expand the reading time, I really was rushed because I have a lot to do. But I promise next time I will try my best to go into detail sometimes. I don't really have a backstory about Applejack's feelings, so that'll have to wait. One more thing I'm a f*cking retard and I have no f*cking idea why i did this! thanks.
Why you no post the second chapter yet? I'v been waiting so long
3594366 Oh my god it took me 12 weeks to read your comment. Well, thing is, this story is discontinued now, because I never have time to finish the second chapter. Plus, another thing is that I am no longer a fan of AppleDash shipping, I'm into FlutterDash. (Plus, this story sucked. Sorry.
)
4048763 Betrayal to Appledash... Shame on you...
Eh, I thought it was good... I know my opinion barley matters... I guess the same with all the other people who said you had a good story... But... Do what you want... I don't control you