Chapter 2 Enter the Speed Demon
Resilient Spirit, coming home from a speed festival in Salt Lick City, was very careful coming in knowing if Rarity caught him he be in for a long day of grooming. So when he heard some pony coming the gray alicorn did what any sensible pony would do. He dove for the nearest bush. Cobalt looking for a place to hide from the same exact pony dove into the exact same bush.
“Who are you, and what are you doin’ in my bush?”said Reese
“I’m Cobalt, I’m staying with Twilight Sparkle. Who are you?” Cobalt said
“Resilient Spirit ,her older brother, but everypony calls me Reese.. Whaca’ doing In a bush?” he asked.
“Hiding from Rarity.” Cobalt said peeking out of the bush.
“What you waiting for...to the Cave of Insanity” Said Spirit.
“The cave of what?!?” Cobalt said worriedly, but it was to late Cobalt felt air whist past him as Spir began running to his home with Cobalt on his back.
“Welcome to The Cave of insanity.” said Reese. It was not strictly homey. In fact it looked foreboding with the storm cloud fence. but Cobalt felt some how that he belonged here. On the wall he noticed a long straight sword with a thin blade.
“That's a rapier one of my favorite type of sword.” said Cobalt
“You mean my manure sword?” Said Reese. Cobalt ignored the comment ant took the sword off the wall.
“ Guessing by your build I can tell two things about you. First you hate magic. Second you like to use claymores or some other type of long sword.” Cobalt said now practicing some moves.
Cobalt had guessed right on the money“If you know so much about swords then why don’t you prove it with a duel” Spir said his temper flaring up.
“Well if you want to duel let me get a different sword.” He said putting back the rapier and looking around the cave for a new sword.
“What’s wrong with the the rapier?” Reese asked.
“Rapiers are great just not piratical.” Said cobalt. He then looked on Reese’s word bench where there was several small tools, some sword designs, and a rather rusty saber with a golden hilt. The curved sword had a strange appeal to Cobalt. “Hey Reese did you make this.”
“Um no,” Reese replied, “would you believe that I found that buried in a field?”
“I don’t know what to believe. I work up this morning ,crash landed, in your sisters house with absolutely no memory at all. But I do like it.” said Cobalt.
Reese ,taking pity on the colt, he forgot about the duel and said, “Well if you like it so much you can keep it.”
“REALLY!” Cobalt said very surprised.
“Sure, consider it a ‘welcome to Ponyville’ gift.” Said Reese.
“Thanks Reese!” Cobalt said.
“No prob, let me get you a sheath for that.” Reese disappeared into a back room.
“REESE! ARE YOU HERE?” Sweetie Bell and her two friends then came into view of the front room window.
“DON’T LET THEM IN!” Reese’s voice rang from the back room.
“Hi Cobalt.” said Apple Bloom, “Reese here?”
“Yeah, He’s in the back getting me a sheath for this.” Cobalt showed the saber to the fillies.
“It’s a little... rusty.” Said Scootaloo.
“It just needs a little TLC...and a little polish as well.” Said Reese “Here’s your sheath.”
“Thanks again Reese.” Cobalt said whiled he slid the into the sheath. “Rarity’s probably given up here search. And Twilight's going to be looking for me.” He then looped it onto a belt. “Well, See you later Reese, Sweetie bell.” Cobalt buckled the belt on and walked out the door.The white filly sighed.
“What’s with her?” Reese asked Scootaloo.
“You don’t want to know. You DO NOT want to know.
…...................
“I’m back from your brother’s Twilight” Said Cobalt setting his new sword next to the door.
“Oh, did you enjoy yourself.” Twilight was currently re-shelving the history section Cobalt crashed into.
“Yes, he gave me this saber.” Cobalt showed her the sword. She then took the sword preparing her analysis.
“Estimating from the rust growth on the blade, I’d say It’s Pre-Celestial era.” She handed back to him. He proceeded to start polishing it with a rag “Where did Reese say he found It?”
“Buried in a field some where outside Ponyville.” Cobalt said engrossed with his polishing.
“Interesting.” Said Twilight.
"How did he become an alicorn anyways? Assuming he was born an unicorn of course." Asked Cobalt.
"Well we don't really talk much but he did mention something about a spell called healing wings. And that's all I really know about that." Twi said.
“Interesting.” Cobalt said almost mimicking Twi.
i wont read it just YET
i will if you fix your spelling mistakes
thats all
Fourth Alicorn? Spelling prologue wrong? "To find out who he is"?
Nope!
Na-uh!
Not touching this with a ten-foot pole!
20/5 I've read this fic seven times already and it never gets boring that's how amazing it is.
You're a literary mastermind!
265616 Minus spelling errors.
265662
Finding Nemo guy is MC Doesn't Know What Sarcasm Is.
265671 You can't tell from words typed on a screen without anything to show said sarcasm.
265675
Saying 20/5 on a fic with kindergarten grammar and saying I read it seven times. Yeah, that's so hard to get...
265701
There's no reason to be so rude to everyone.
Hmm. Looked like an interesting story, but due to spelling errors before I even opened a chapter, I'm not going to read.
Sorry. Probably a great idea, but the spelling. Sorry again.
IM SORRY ABOUT THE SPELLING OK?
IS EVERY PONY HAPPY NOW!?!
I think I know why the bristh don't like my grammar.... I'm an American
266499
Ah! Shh! It's alright!
Didn't mean to be so sarcastic with you. What I should have done was actually give you some advice, the first of which is to read over your work. Just read it and just think to yourself "Will other people enjoy this? Will this catch their interest?" Now, as I said in my previous comment, I was instantly turned off by the concept alone, which has been done thousands of times.
Try and think outside the box, even if it's rather simple. It seems it'd work to your advantage anyway, since you seem to be trying to do one very long epic of sorts.
Sometimes we need to WALK before we RUN.
Sorry all of us seem mean, but that's just another reason why you need to read over your writing multiple times to make sure it's legible. Make sure the dialogue flows smoothly and most important of all, READ IT OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF. This helps immensely and you'll catch many more grammatical errors that way.
Not to sound harsh, but I would scrap this story and write a bit of a simple story, maybe even a one-shot. Just so you get used to writing dialogue and writing in general.
Good luck, hope you take this to heart.
@Cobalt the Alicorn: i dont give a rats ass cheek about the grammer its still a great fucking book. yes there are quite a few mistakes but that dosent fucking matter YOU GOT THAT HATERS?!?!? anyway you should keep it up and remember take it slow and proofread your work and youll do great