"Our nations have always been at each other's throat, and now their guns close in on Canterlot with the intent of complete annihilation. You have but one choice: kill - or be killed."
Set a hundred years ago at the dawn of the Equestrian Industrial age, the factories and steelworks began to drive a new era of prosperity for its citizens and the comfort of mechanization made all relish in the illusion of peace. At the height of the boom, that peace was shattered by the blazing guns of the mighty Griffon Empire as they waged war against the Equestrian mainland, conquerors seemingly invincible that held Equestria on its last thread of resistance. When young Florizel Goldenclaw; a journalist from the Griffon Empire, is shipped to the front lines to record history and heroics, he discovers a war with a greater purpose than to secure victory. Driven by the guilt of his own doing, he sets off on his wings to discover the truth behind the propoganda, to face an enemy he would have never seen coming.
Oh my friend behold this victory, this is our first gloria
Oh my friend rejoice as we prepare, the next battle is now.
No longer will our sacrifice be for nothing,We will fight to be free! Fight till the last!
Fight we class with forces barbaric and colossal we will attack'em
Fight in the name of Gloria, singing our victory
Flying on the wings of freedom we bear
Vows etched upon our very soul,we will not faulter here
We cut through the madness and Fly high. We soar into the blue on the wings of Freedom
The meat of the story is there, even though the story needs a proofreader / editor. You can find some in the Proofreader group. Most of the errors are in comma placement.
Seems a bit short for a chapter. Perhaps consider adding descriptions that arise from smells, sounds, touch as well as visual.
I like the hint that the commander / officer seems more complex than what Florizel thinks of him.
All in all, a good first try.
"Ruina Imperii", he. Chuy russkiy duch!