Chronicles/Epilogue
Sleep has overtaken us, and if it weren't for these binds, I would float away.
It's been countless moons since that fateful day. Our once beautiful forest, reduced to ruins. Vorjhan's castle smashed to pieces, an eternal curse of darkness and evil filling our realm. Because of Morrow.
No, because of Vorjhan. It was his influence from the day he was released that took a hold of Rose. I knew, all that time ago, that something was off about the way Celestia's copy had been dissipated and transferred into Rose to be reborn. That wrongness that I felt back then... I should have acted on it. I should have refused Vorjhan's gift, no matter how heartbroken Celestia would have been. But hindsight is a terrible thing, ever arriving late by its very nature.
Rose never was the same after that day. The way that her coat faded a few shades of colour should have been an obvious indicator. He had an influence on her; made her less warm, loving and open. Transformed her into a more selfish, colder being. I'm just glad that there was only a small amount of taint left inside Luna when she was born.
Celestia. Luna.
Each of our races split off into different groups, my family dividing itself. They developed a mistrust for each other, especially the unicorns, who considered themselves the master race because of their magic. They forced the pegasi to control their weather and forced the Earth ponies to grow their food.
The day finally arrived when the Earth ponies would not tolerate their oppression any longer. This simmering rage reached a boiling point when one of Vorjhan's corrupt races cast an extended winter over the land, fueled by the tribes' hatred for each other. But three brave ambassadors—one from each tribe—united them all again with the power of friendship and defeated Vorjhan's windigos. So it was at this time that Equestria's greatest defensive weapons were born: the Elements of Harmony.
"The Elements of Harmony..." That is what my Lady called them, when I felt my spirit taking root in the dark, forcing its crystalline foundations out from the Earth. "They will awaken soon," she told me as my shimmering branches extended beyond any reach I'd ever had. "You will see them rise again," she assured me while blue leaves and small white orbs spread out from above me. "They will take the fruits you now bear—infused with my own spirit—and triumph over the power of chaos," she said while five gemstones grew upon my new limbs and warmth converged upon my heart. "One day, they will truly realise who they are. They will fulfill their destinies."
I will never forget Lady Dimiourgia's parting words, her final whispers as a blazing sun and waning moon engraved themselves onto my cobalt trunk: "I love you, Ilias. I am so sorry for what came to pass. I promise I will keep watch over your daughters. One day, I will tell them about the brave stallion who gave his life for them. The wonderful, loving, caring stallion who forsook his own existence for the sake of their happiness. They will do you proud."
Some time after this turn of events, Celestia took up the role of sun shepherd, as Luna took up the moon in Rose's stead. They shared the responsibility that they inherited and ruled Equestria as sisters and equals. Princesses. Never queens, for the title did not suit them. At first, there was Harmony between them. All was well, for a time.
Vorjhan made another appearance. Renaming himself as "Discord," he returned to Equestria many years after Morrow had banished him from the wood. He sought to enslave all of our little ponies as his own personal playthings. Corrupting their world, making life a living tartarus for them. Celestia and Luna were forced to stand up to him once again. Wielding their new weapon of Harmony, they put a temporary end to his reign of terror and chaos and cast him in stone; a state of what should have been a permanent petrification.
Alas, all was not to be well. Not long after Discord was defeated, my daughters were once again forced to use the Elements to cull an evil unicorn whom Discord had tainted. Sombra was his name, I believe. Like Discord, he sought slaves to do his dark bidding. Although a being of inferior power to Discord, he and his accomplice fought a mighty battle against the sisters' weapon. In the end, my daughters prevailed and cast him deep beneath the ice of the frozen north. While the price of victory proved steep, Harmony reigned over the land once more.
They had thought that Harmony made them invincible... until the day there came a new threat, one they never expected. A threat from within.
Luna's taint finally caught up to her. Jealous of the attention that her elder sister received for raising the sun, while ponies slept through her beautiful night, she rebelled. Luna attempted to seize control of Celestia's beloved Sol. Unable to negotiate with her sister, my firstborn was forced to take up the very weapon they had wielded together twice before and banish Luna to her moon, lest she let everything we loved die in a freezing, eternal night.
Peace was had by all Equestrians for the next thousand years... until the day that the stars in the night sky aligned to allow the abomination to escape. The legacy of Discord and Morrow—Night Mare Moon—had returned. She seemed all-powerful. Nopony truly knew who she was; certainly none were powerful enough to oppose her in any way. Yet hope was kindled in the form of a distant descendant of Starshine's. A lavender unicorn, Celestia's star student: Twilight Sparkle. She and her five friends made their way through my cursed forest, bravely going where nopony had ventured for a millennium or longer.
I watched all of these brave ponies, my spirit ever-present, as they made their way through my cursed wood. Luna—no, Night Mare Moon—used her dark powers to manipulate the wood, seeking to halt their progress, sometimes even to end their lives. It pained me greatly to observe Morrow’s taint corrupting my precious daughter, even more so to witness her wielding our once-beautiful home as a living weapon.
They faced all the trials that the nightmare threw at them, reactivating my long-dormant Elements in Discord's crumbled fortress to defeat her, eradicating all of the taint from Luna once and for all in the process. If it were possible at all, I would give each of those brave bearers a hug of gratitude for rescuing my darling from her taint, after her horribly extended torment in exile. Mercifully reunited, my daughters reconciled and were once again able to split their duties. Balance was restored and Equestria's defenses reborn in the form of six new bearers, more powerful than ever.
* * * * *
I burden no longer the tales I wrote, take of me these Chronicles of Woe.
They call my forest "Everfree" these days. Perhaps because nopony will ever venture into it willingly to make it into a home. Well, except for one certain odd individual. Dimiourgia must have created others besides Rose and I, for I had never seen a pony like her before. A zebra, she calls herself. She seems... aware of me, somehow. It is... comforting to have her living in my domain, at peace with the tainted flora and fauna. It gives me great hope that one day the forest shall flourish once more, that ponies may yet again see it for the paradise it once was.
Still, I cannot help but laugh at the wood's name: Everfree. Most ironic, given that I am permanently bound within it to keep it from spreading. Even now, Morrow's spirit fills the wood. She tries unceasingly to break free of my containment spell and cover Equestria. Yet as long as I have bound my own spirit to it, though, she will fail again and again.
Morrow will never win. If it takes all eternity to keep her sealed away, then so be it. I will not have the beautiful world that my daughters have cultivated be destroyed. They deserve to be happy, as long as they both shall live. All of my little ponies do. Just as Dimiourgia and I wished for them, all those years ago.
The Neverbloom bush remains the same. Untouched and untainted. An unchanging monument to the great love that Rose and I once shared.
I'd wait here forever, just to see these flowers bloom. They never bloom.
The creature appeared in a flash of blinding light, on the borders of a forbidding looking wood. His world was pain. Every one of his limbs crackled and stung with residual arcane energy, the likes of which he'd felt only once, after facing her wrath. He recognised the essence of the power immediately.
Dimiourgia.
But Dimiourgia had long since departed from the world. She'd abandoned him, imprisoning him and creating a new "master race" before doing so. Yet the power that the creature had just been subjected to reeked of her creative and destructive omniscience. It terrified him. No creature of any species had ever stood up to him and come away unscathed, or at least mismatched in some way. Yet there he lay, writhing in life-consuming pain, on the threshold of what was once his own, glorious domain.
And you called me a monster.
Moments later, the agonising pain faded, subsiding to a dull ache. His fingers still crackled from the last dying wisps of power, but it was over. Mercifully, over. The creature welcomed his current pain, preferring it far more than the disintegrating feeling he'd experienced but a moment earlier. Rising to his feet, he stared back through the trees he had just been expelled from. An unusual emotion filled him, one he'd only recently become acquainted with personally. An emotion he was not keen to feel again.
Fear.
The creature knew the emotion. He had tasted it, in every being he had ever played with. What fun he'd had, marching into that lion's den without a care, clicking away at them while he transplanted other creatures' body parts onto them. Scorpion tails replaced their own and grew to an immense size. Bat wings swelled from their shoulders. He'd cackled madly as the newly manufactured manticores began to attack each other, out of their own pain and horrified confusion. From manticores, he'd proceeded to mutilating chickens and serpents, throwing members of each species into makeshift arenas.
The serpents had had a field day at first, with the sudden all-you-can-eat buffet. That is, until the creature had turned the tables. One by one, snake heads had detached themselves from their bodies and simply vanished. But the chickens' respite was short-lived. By the time the creature had finished toying with his "playthings", a flock of cockatrices had rapidly fled on their new scaly bellies, as far from him as possible. The ones that hadn't been petrified, at least.
The realisation dawned on him that he had just been defeated, by what he'd considered to be a far lesser being than himself. A different emotion replaced the fear, a much more powerful one. Anger. Who was she to usurp his domain? The rage festered like an old wound within him. He'd not had one before, but he'd seen the aftermath of the manticore fight days afterwards. Not a pretty sight at all. Or smell, for that matter.
With a soft pop, the creature teleported himself back into the wood, with murderous intent. He'd been a fool to leave them to their own devices, allowing them to carry on extending their exponentially-growing herd. He'd show them the true meaning of pain and suffering!
pop
As he returned to the wood's outskirts, the pain returned twofold. All life ceased to exist for the creature, as the feeling of thousands of jagged rocks piercing his skin invaded every nerve. In agonising pain once more, the creature admitted defeat. The power—that terrible, uncontrollable, viciously corrupt power—was absolute. Once again, every limb crackled with arcane energy. He had received the message loud and clear.
"I hereby banish you from this realm, as Dimiourgia did before me! As far as my forest spreads, you will not enter! You shall never again set foot in my world!"
Morrow, the betrayer. She had sacrificed everything she loved, in direct opposition of his "tainting" of her world. She'd been so angered at his superior modifications to her realm, that she'd tapped into her goddess-given power in the hope of forcibly "correcting" his alterations. How was it his fault that she didn't like what he'd done? Nevertheless, the nightmare had been unleashed. Morrow had become the great destroyer, her former life-loving self clenched in the grip of insanity forever.
Ilias, however, had tried to reason with him. The creature had liked the stallion. He'd been willing to let everything go as it was, under the solemn promise of simply leaving his own family and home alone. It would have been a mutually fair arrangement. Vorjhan would have had the rest of the world to shape and play with, with free reign to do whatever he wished; simply in exchange for not touching the herd. Of course, there was no way the spirit of chaos would ever have really kept that promise, but he would have given them a decent period of peace, at least.
Yet it had not come to pass. The damage was done, completely irreversible. A wood, and almost an entire world destroyed, tainted forever by Morrow's blackened heart. The creature knew he could never re-enter that cursed grotto again. He could feel the lingering traces of Morrow's power. A power that warned him against trying to enter once again. With a sigh and a long gaze at his old home, the creature flapped his mismatched wings and made to fly north.
One epiphany later, Vorjhan's head had snapped back to face the wood once more.
Nothing was wrong at all! Ilias had appealed to him to leave their home alone, with the condition that he'd have a free world to explore and warp to his own desire. He had achieved exactly this result. The only difference between being unable to accept Ilias' proposal, versus his current position: that Morrow had forcibly, yet effectively enacted that very proposal. The wood was now completely inaccessible, but there was still another entire world out there, waiting for him. To top it off, nothing remained to contest him!
The creature's laughter echoed over the wood, as birds were startled from their perches.
"You want to banish me from your home? You can keep it! You hear me, Morrow? It's a destroyed realm now anyway! I'm off to have far more fun, with my own incredible world!"
As he once again made to fly away from the wood, an unexpected sound interrupted him. A gasp. Followed by the sound of a short struggle, magic activating and silence, muting the final words of the unfortunate soul. Intrigued, the creature cast his gaze further into the wood. It rested on a most peculiar sight. A unicorn. A petrified unicorn, freshly cast in stone. Searching for the culprit, he caught a glimpse of a serpent's tail whipping around a large willow, before vanishing into a bush.
He had won staring contests against cockatrices before. It had always been amusing to see the chicken hybrids' eyes extinguished, by the very power they'd been emitting. But there was something about this unicorn that gave him pause. Somehow... it just didn't seem as funny as usual. The way it had frozen was not contorted into the usual, ridiculous shape, as one would normally have ended up in, while it tried to escape the spreading prison. Its eyes were not wide and staring, fear etched into them with great detail. It just looked like a normal unicorn. Four legs on the ground. Tail dragging between legs, limp. Head down, eyes closed. But what drew Vorjhan to investigate the statue further—as close as he could get to see it—was the twinkle below its left eye.
A frozen, crystalline teardrop.
The pony's last words echoed in Vorjhan's mind.
"Forgive me, Grandsire."
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Wow.. I'm shocked that nobody's commented on this yet. The writing's great, and I'm enjoying the characters and descriptions.
I reread the entire thing (that you've written so far) and listened to the music this time (because the first time I didn't have my ear buds in).
It's not my style of music, but it's an interesting compliment to the story, and I'm finding it more enjoyable to read.
So yeah... More people should comment.
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Thanks a lot for bothering to give this even a small amount of your time! I'm pretty happy with the concepts that I've mixed together, I'm so happy you're enjoying it!
Yes, the music I always knew wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but it truly is the main inspiration for this bizarre crossover of ideas. Thanks for the feedback!
Wow man. That was really moving and interesting. Very well written indeed man.
I really enjoyed this. I love how it's a story about a family. And your mythology and world-building are neat. The relationship between Ilias and Rose/Morrow (and their eventual fate) is beautiful, and my favorite part of the story. (Something about the theme of loving someone who has fallen appeals to me--and is probably why I also find the relationship between Celestia and Luna so fascinating.) I hope you end up writing more stories.
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Thanks so much for your kind words. The world building was exceedingly fun to write, especially in Weeping Wastelands as Discord. I did my best to write him in character. The thought that it could have been him who created all the "chimera-type" monsters is really not so far-fetched, I believe.
I'm grateful you got to this story to give it such praise. I'm pretty sure I lucked out with it though. Once I had the initial idea, they just kept flowing thick and fast, and that hasn't happened to me for years.
I'll certainly consider writing another story if I find suitable inspiration, I really wish to keep my concepts on a deeply unique level. Thank you for giving me the idea to write about Luna's origin in an abnormal way, that's on you mate.
Pretty good background story, Adren. The OCs were lovely and you managed to give them all distinct and realistic personalities. Could've done without the lyrics involving expletives, but that's a very minor complaint and on the whole it was well-written and engaging. So, I dunno... an 8 or 8.5 out of 10?
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story name: These Flowers Never Bloom
Grammar Score 9 (out of ten)
Pros
1. Very descriptive word imagery
2. Sophisticated writing style
3. All of your OCs were distinct people/ponies.
Cons
1. Your chapters are almost too descriptive, I actually found it dry to read.
2. Your characters hardly talk, most of the words are used on describing things.
3. I don't really think Discord would have the power to revert Celestia's copy back to foalhood change her into a completely different pony then put her inside her mother's womb and have her be born again. But that could be just me.
Notes
I'm not going to lie, this story is not to my preference and I don't think it is to many others liking either. That is the reason why you don't have more likes. And the reason why you don't have any dislikes is (probably) because your story is done well, just to the wrong audience. I found it story very boring, and a struggle to read because of that.
All in all I can tell the story was done well, I just don't like it.
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Thank you for pointing out that which I'd simply not noticed. I thought that making it very descriptive would be fitting as it's supposed to be a personal journal written by the Lord of Woe, but if it really is that jarring, I think a re-write might be in order.
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That's the thing, it's done very well for its intended purpose. Just not appreciated by many. Like I said before, even though I don't like it I can appreciate it for what it is.
Have a like, because I didn't do that earlier.
I really quite liked this story, it's not to my usual style, but it is certainly well written. There isn't really much else I can say, but nice job!
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Story name: These Flowers Never Bloom
Grammar Score 9.0 (out of ten)
Pros
1. Impressize creativity and imaginative.
2. Extremely detailed.
3. Very colourful and artistic.
Cons
1. You decribe things too much, slowing down the story to a snail-like speed
2. Your characters, Illias and Rose/Morrow doesn't seem to have much personality. They seem quite bland. Morrow's transformation was also quite sudden.
3. Discord's former self seems to be way overpowered, plus he lost to his own creation instantly, showing a giant leap of power between him and Morrow.
Notes
In my opinion, the story is quite impressive. I was able to imagine the story as I read it, but the story lacks the punch it needed to make it incredible. Not only the characters are bland, but the story seems more like a never-finished painting. It's all colour and detail, but not enough of the story behind it. Because of it, it didn't interest me enough to keep on reading (but I read it anyway for the sake of this review).
Some parts of the story were quite sudden, such as the return of Discord and Other Celestia's existence. Also, both of Celestia's and Luna's personalities are extremely similar, much like being twins. Though I know that Luna used to be Other Celestia, it doesn't seem logical for her to be that similar to Celestia.
For the entire story, I like it. I admit, it was fun reading it and it was very colourful. The imaginative level in this story is impressize, as you were able to take very simple things and expand it ten times larger. For me, it needs more views. But like I said ealier, the story doesn't have that punch to make it incredible.
Also, thanks for reviewing my story, Book Of Time. I really appreciate it.
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Thank you for the counter-review. I suppose it is an incredibly descriptive story. It's not exactly meant to be action-packed though: it's written more like a personal diary. Because that's what it is - the Chronicles of Woe (refer to the album Neverbloom if you feel like it). I would have written it more action-wise were it not for this reason. I kinda knew it was gonna be hit-or-miss from the get-go with people. I mean, look at the concept. Who bases a creation story about ponies on the theme of a death metal album?
You and another reviewer below, Nightwolf289, both agree about it being overly descriptive and it not really holding your interest. Also the fact that Discord may be just too OP in the beginning, although I figured he would come across that way. That's great, it means his opinions are no longer his own. You seem to disagree with some others I've spoken to about the characters and their differences in personality though. Not calling you wrong, but it's always interesting to hear different takes.
I'm sad that I didn't earn your like or favourite, though I guess I can understand why.
Name of Story: These Flowers Never Bloom
Grammar: 9.0 (Your grammar is perfect much of the time, but there are a few rather jarring moments throughout the entire story, such as misplaced commas or missing a capitol letter when necessary.)
Pros:
1. The backstory that your story gives to Equestria is very well done; the characters are interesting, if somewhat under-developed, although that can be forgiven as this is a shorter story.
2. I found your usage of Lauren Faust as a kind of goddess to the characters to be very interesting, as well as making perfect sense when you get to describing how she imposed rules on some characters (a "script," one could say).
3. Your descriptions are all very vivid and fun to read, as well as bolstering your already-good backstory.
Cons:
1. The chapters -- at least some of them -- feel too short. I understand that it's to break up the pace of the story and to give each chapter its own song, but some of them feel as if they are just about to peak, only to stop before they do.
2. Morrow's transformation just feels too sudden; there is no real build-up to her becoming as monstrous as she does, and it makes her character become somewhat bland as a result.
3. I noticed that neither Illias nor Rose/Morrow gains a good deal of characterization; they simply feel as if they exist, but they both feel rather flat in terms of personality.
Notes:
I personally found this to be an enjoyable story for most of the time that I read it. The mythos of Equestria that you have crafted is not only interesting, but fun to read, as well, and characterizing Lauren Faust as the creator is something else that I found to be a nice concept. As I said, your descriptions of events are very vivid, but they sometimes lack focus and lapse into telling me what's happening, rather than showing me.
In addition to that, the chapters feel a bit too short to me, and I feel that you could fix one of my other gripes with this story by developing the characters and their personalities more. By fleshing them out, the tragedy aspect of this story will be more fulfilled, for I -- as the reader -- will have grown to know your characters more before you transform Morrow completely and then kill them both off. Otherwise, it simply feels a bit awkward.
I will also fully admit that this is not the type of genre I normally read, so my apologies if I have no idea what I am talking about. However, that being said, I did enjoy it nonetheless.
I hope that you can find some use out of this review, and thank you for your statements regarding An Epic for Gilgamesh! I'm sorry that this took so long to get to you.
Reading Request Review: These Flowers Never Bloom.
This story starts off with a similar context on that from the biblical story of Adam and Eve. Such as The Scared Garden, Illias and Rose, Discord (or Vhajriah. Sorry. Forgot the name.) being the snake, and Faust being God. But there are as well some great difference between them. Such as.
One: Them being ponies.
Two: There is no Forsaken fruit, but instead (what I interpered) The Mirrior Pond.
Three: Illias' and Rose's divine capabilities. and I'll stop here because the list extends quite a bit.
The fic as well serves as a gateway view to how everything started in Equistria's History. The orgin of alicorns and their symbolism. pony race segregation. The birth of Heart Warmth Eve. Discord's return. Sombra's reigning, Princess Luna's banishment, the begin of Twilight Sparkle's friendships, and the elements of harmony.
The mistakes I found in the fic range from simple grammar errors, Character development, and unsolve question.
The grammar errors extend from misspelling to missing punctuation and missing words. Nothing to grave, but keep a close eye for this errors, because for some readers they can be a complete turn-offs. I suggest re-read a chapter before posting.
As for Lack of Character Development, mainly falls on Morrow herself. The only part that Morrow truely got character was when she first appeared, during her pregancy, and at the end when she is sealed away. Even then, her transformation to Nightmare Moon was sudden and lacked developing of a hint that her was heart and self were slowly being corrupted by Discord's magic. Which brings me to my next part, "Unsolve Question?". Maybe you can shed some light on the situation. ( Note: I don't expected for you to know the anwser to some of this question.)
Question # 1. If it was Discord's intention from the begining to fill Rose's heart with corruption. Why on earth would he have given her so much power that it will surpass his? Maybe it was the story development. That or. Discord, you bucked up.
Question # 2. What are the purpose of the NeverBloom? What is there symbolism?
(Note: I'm asking this, because I really didn't get the meaning of the NeverBlooms. So, Vocie, can you give me the meaning. Thanks.)
Question # 3: (I don't expect you to know this one, Voice.) During the era where the three pony race were divide and ruling amongs each other. Where were Celestia and Luna? Hmmm.
. Hub, we demand anwsers!
Overall, I greatly enjoy reading this fic. It was really intertaining. I love how detail it was written. The description of how Illias felt when he first gains conscious. The theory of how everything began. Although, I wouldn't claim these as a head cannon. It's still a fascinating fic. I can strongly say and suggest its a fic worth reading and if in your liking worth favoring, as I have.
Cerulean Voice, congrats on a well written fic. I wish you further success.
Read and Reviewed by --- Aruzo Night.
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as well as understand that it is indeed, a "gateway story". Of course, time will tell with season four coming up soon if it gets totally blown away.
Thank you for the review, Azuro. I will be happy to answer all three of your questions via pm, if you wish. Two of them are actually answered in the sequel, Keeper of the Crystal Heart (of course, I don't expect you to go and read that now/immediately/ever if you have other stories to review.
I'm so glad you were able to get all of the biblical analogies
I thank you once more for reading and reviewing this story.
P.S. I have re-edited the teeny tiny grammar errors in this story, and also altered the goddess' name. "Some people" don't seem to like who was written into the role... also, Vorjhan was a very clever name I came up with. Try pronouncing it a few different ways and see what you come up with
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I will greatly appreciate that, Voice. I'm eager to the answers to my questions. Also, remember some people won't always agree with who or what is written in a fic. You can't always expect to please a crowd.
Signed --- Aruzo Night.
P.S I pronounced Vorjhan several times. Clever.
Alright, I know I'm just supposed to review the sequel...
Ah, what the heck. I'm already here.
'Twas quite enjoyable. I love that you've implemented a Creationist view into this story—that's something I've never seen done before. The grammar is fairly good. As you've seen, there are some mistakes, but they're all fairly minor and finicky.
The story itself was enjoyable. There's not much I could criticize. If I had to, though, I'd say that character development is a tad lacking, though it is supposed to be a journal-thingy.
All in all, an 8/10 for me. On to the sequel!
Despite the biblical references, I thoroughly enjoyed this story -- and I look forward to reading the other two installments!
I have to say, this is a good story. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Though this story overall really didn't accomplish much outside being a "How the Universe Was Made" story. It had its symbolism (Rose being the ultimate villain of the story, as roses have thorns; Illias, the mythological mother of Romulus and Remus that would build Rome), but outside these points, it did little to truly brood a thought for me. Now, this is coming from the guy who has spent most of his childhood thinking about life and such, so maybe that is the disconnect. However, you have set up a perfect spot for a sequel, which means I will see what you will do with what you have shown.
Impress me, Cerulean Voice.
Who is that pony at the end? I've been glued to this thing but my mind's drawing a blank here.