The Hacker Pwny

by Chetzi

Chapter 20: Getting the team back

August 9, 8:21 A.M.

"Just stay here, I won't be long." I told the mane six as they stood around Vinyl's house. I pushed open the door, expecting the unexpected. I'm assuming she's here. The dance floor was empty and off. I went through the kitchen door, Vinyl was there, with Octavi. Vinyl was mushing on some kind of sandwich, Octavi sipped tea. It contrasted oddly as one was a informal DJ, the other a fancy musician. Octavi put the tea down, and said,

"Hello, is your name mr. Blaze?" Vinyl turned around and waved as she chewed on a sandwich. I said,

"Just call me Neon." Vinyl swallowed the bite she had, and said,

"Yo, just me and 'tavi hanging out." I told her,

"Okay, well you just keep doing that. I'm just here to see if anything's new." Vinyl walked over to me and kissed me. She tasted like a sandwich. We both smiled as she pulled back. "Right then, I should be leaving now. It was fun, hope to hangout later." I slipped out of the kitchen, finding Pinkie Pie and Rarity inside the house. I said,

"Okay, Pinkie Pie I expected. But why are you inside, Rarity?" She replied with,

"I was just dying to see your relationship with Vinyl. It was a fascinating bit of gossip." I sighed. Of course, I shouldn't expect anything else. I pushed them outside, meeting the rest of the mane six. Rainbow Dash was impatiently tapping her hoof as Applejack picked at the dirt. Twilight quietly pondered about this. Once she noticed me, Twilight said,

"So, is anypony else on your planet?"

"Outside of countless different species and one super-destructive one, Lyra and Luna are," all the ponies looked directly at me at the mention of the Princess's name, "there." Applejack said,

"What' the Princess do'n there?" I replied with,

"I value your question of low significance. Now, stop wasting my time and let's go."

"But I think my gals would like 'ta know also."

"I'm not keen on social interactions. If we could keep conversing to a minimum, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Now I don't like them big words you be using." I said nothing and walked off. The others chased off after me. I stopped, turned to Twilight, and said,

"Why are we walking? Just teleport us to Canterlot." It was only a few seconds before we all got zapped to the middle of Canterlot. I told Rainbow Dash,

"Go find the aperture device that transports carbon-based cellular organisms without disrupting life processes." She just turned her head and gave me a confused look. "That big portal thing that you chased me into." She nodded and took off. The rest of them followed. I turned around, viewing the castle as the sun shined across the sky. I calmly walked through the crowd and arrived at it. My right foreleg smashed open the right door. Celestia was sitting in her royal chair, unsurprised at my sudden entrance. There were two guards on both sides of her. The one on the right looked almost familer, and tensed at seeing me. Must have been one that Lyra knocked out. Celestia rose and said,

"Human, I expected your arrival. I must ask of you where my sister has gone. She left a quickly scribbled note on her bed that said I should ask you."

"That's actully the very reason I came here. Luna's on my world. She can take as much time as she wants."

"I will send you to the moon if you don't bring Luna back right away."

"Tsk tsk. Tyrant Celestia. I think Luna would like the democracy system I use on Earth. But that's beside the point. I've said what I've needed to, and now I will be going."

"Wait! Not without licking the Royal Flank!" Now she's Molestia? She must be on her period. Or whatever the hell the pony equivalent is. I quickly ran out of the castle. I pushed that gross memory out of my head and went to the MTSC. It almost seemed like there was a transition because I was there fairly quickly. Am I really doing this? Or was I wrong? Is Earth safer than I thought? Damn it Dylan! Stop doubting yourself. And stop caring! These fucking ponies are a weakness and nothing more. I refuse to have a complex life. It was simple, hack, save the world, sleep, eat, repeat. I liked it. And I can't keep bring life forms back and forth, it's a liability that I just can't have. What if a helicopter starts firing at me? I can't save the ponies. And what I bring Pinkie Pie into the real world? Who knows what will happen! She doesn't follow any physics, and what wall would she break? No, I'm done. I'm done with this. I'm saying 'fuck it.' Not my problem. Fuck the ponies, fuck the humans, fuck life. I stormed into the building and stomped right past the mane six. Rainbow Dash flied in front of me and said,

"Stop! Where are you going? Aren't you going to say something about how dangerous it is?" I glared at her and growled,

"No. I'm done." I attempted to nudge past her, but she held firm. "You want to know something? My life used to be simple and easy. I liked it like that. Since these damn ponies have been in my life, it's been going downhill. I want to erase my mind from all this." Fluttershy walked up to me and whispered,

"It's okay. If you need some time to-" I rapidly turned to her and said,

"No. You want to know my life? How about you live alone, hated, and an outcast for nineteen years. How about you have both of your parents die all because of pointless conflict do to greed?" I raised my voice at each sentence. "How about you spend your whole life working your ass off learning how to do very hard things to save your species many times over from itself, and then have the only thanks being constantly shot at and wanted dead by everyone?" I stood taller as Fluttershy started to whimper. "You don't know me. You never will. I'm a human. I could take over Equestria if I wanted to. It's in my blood to fight. I evolved to kill. And if you think that you can even begin to understand me, don't. I won't hesitate to kill you all where you stand. No amount of kindness, generosity, honesty, loyalty, laughter, or magic will change me. I'm a cold-blooded killer. None of you will ever see me again." They all stood there shocked at my speech. I proudly walked into the portal. I learned something, the easiest way is often the best. I appeared in my living room, the sun was just rising. Chuck was in my pocket the whole time. He said,

"Wow. I never knew you took so much shit. Even though my humanity is fake and I'm just a program, I don't think I could have done that." Did I make the right choice? Am I doing this to protect the ponies, or for myself?

A day ago at the Pentagon.

The president of the United States walked quickly down a white hallway that bustled with activity. Papers were being rushed everywhere and phones were all in use. Two people, a man in Army camo and an older man in a Navy uniform that had many pins and stripes on it, were following the President. They arrived at a locked door. All three of them held out small silver keys and pushed them inside of the keyholes. The keys turned in unison and the heavy blue door clicked open. The President quickly walked inside, and took a seat at a small metal table. He smoothed out his black suit as the other two men sat down across from him. The man in Army camo pulled a vanilla envelope out from under his arm. The envelope slid across the table and a few documents spilled out. Extreme tension filled the air. The President picked up one of the papers that said, TOP SECRET in large red letters across the top. His eyes skimmed over it, until he slammed the paper on the desk, and said,

"I'm not believing for a second that a fake world full of cartoon ponies exists." The man in Army camo said,

"Believe it or not, it's real. We need to take action before they attack us first. We've found a way of sending a mass amount of soldiers there using a matter converter. I think we should just send everything we have as soon as possible. The less they know of us, the better. I'm getting the whole army ready as we speak." The old man in the Navy uniform said,

"This feels like a Michael Bay movie."

Back to Dylan.

Luna politely stepped into the portal with Colby, and I had just shoved Lyra in. I guess I should start gathering my team back. I asked Chuck,

"Can you locate where Cortez is?"

"Yeah, yeah. Plug me into the long-range bioscanner." I did what he said, and he started compiling the data. I grabbed a small box with one button. A respawn button essentially. I slid it into my pocket. Chuck dinged, and said, "Dude, you are not going to believe this. The bitch is in the Assassin's Creed universe."

"You've got to be kidding me. Really? Well, then where is Bentley?"

"In the Super Smash Bros Brawl universe. Well, they're less of universes, more of independent galaxies and sometimes solor systems."

"Set the geometric perimeters to Cortez's location."

"It's set. Now, just unplug me-"

"No. Bringing you in a world that's in the Renaissance is a horrible idea. So, just stay there and do what A.I.s do when no ones looking."

"Fap. Got it." I rolled my eyes and stepped into the portal. The ride was only about thirty seconds or so. Maybe in another red shift galaxy. My body assembled, and I caught myself from tripping on the ground. The buildings look old and and the ground was jagged stone tiles. The place reeked of a pungent odor. Sweat with rotten onions, maybe. So, now to look for a man in a white robe that carries around two hundred pounds of weapons. Must likely walking behind street poles so mentally retarded guards can't find him, or jumping off ridicules hights to magically land into a random hay stack. Oh look, found him. He was running across rooftops, being chased by guards. And he just jumped into some small wooden thing on a roof that had curtains. The guards looked all around it, then walked off. I facepalmed at this. I ran up the building Ezio was on and climbed after the first jump. I pulled myself over the building and found him exiting the shack. He turned toward me, wait, he looked more... feminine I guess? His hood his his face in a shadow. Ezio turned and ran away. I held my hand out and yelled,

"Wait!" He didn't stop. I ran after Ezio. Wait, that can't be him. The body shape is too curvy, the weapons are different, and the person runs much more modernly. I stopped as I was a few feet from the person and asked, "Cortez, is that you?" The person stopped dead in their tracks and turned toward me. They pulled their hood down, revealing Cortez. She blinked and said,

"Dylan? Could that really be you? What happened?"

"Why did you run away?"

"You weren't wearing modern clothes, so I thought you were a thief."

"Okay, well, I could ask you the same question." We jumped down the roof, finding a shaded alley. I shared what happened to me, she shared what happened to her. I gotta admit, becomeing an assassin is pretty cool. Way better than my, 'I become a pony' story.

A few minutes had passed as we conversed, and I said,

"We should head back to Earth now. I need to find the others. Hold onto this device as I press the button." I held out the respawn device, but Cortez said,

"I am sorry. I can't leave just yet." I lowered the device and replied with,

"What!? Why!?"

"I promised Ezio I would assassinate a greedy tyrant king. I was just on recon. I know you don't make promises, but I do. And I honor them. Now, can you help me?" I sighed and mumbled,

"If I have to."

Comments

[Butterbeaner]

Bam new story line!