• Published 2nd Mar 2012
  • 3,285 Views, 222 Comments

The Hacker Pwny - Chetzi



A 19 year old hacker with a troubled past visits Equestria. Will he live there or bring it all down?

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Chapter 37: I can't even think of a chapter title

Put all thought into my horn... focus. Focus. Call my inner power, focus it into my horn...

I think it would be appropriate to give a little context. I sat on the wooden floor in Twilight's room. Twilight was skimming through books, looking for spells that could help me. I felt silly doing this, but Twilight said I need to. I should just use a gun. Wait... gun... I could just use a gun... now there’s an idea! I could use- Oh wait, I don’t have any fingers. Well, fuck. Making some kind of trigger mechanism for a hoof would make it very clunky and not very practical. But, that doesn't mean the idea won’t be useful. If I could somehow use the human race’s knowledge of ballistics, I could make a very strong magic projectile shooter. Although that’s a good idea, I need to know my enemy first. The only thing I know is that he has some kind of vanish spell, hence why he escaped Fluttershy’s cottage when he first confronted me. Except it wasn’t like he just disappeared, it was more like he melded into the shadows, like he become a virtual object and traveled along shadows. To counter that, I could-

Something slammed into me, causing me to get shot backwards a few feet. My eyes darted open, looking for the attacker.


In Octavia’s point of view.

“*sigh*, I think it’s been long enough. I should head back to Ponyville,” Octavia said to herself after giving up on finding Vinyl.


Vinyl’s point of view.
(Play this in the background.)

I bobbed my head up and down with the music, it was pure bliss. Even though it was just me, Pinke, and Spike, it was still a great party. Even Neon would love thi- Wait, didn’t I see him earlier? Oh yeah, right when Pinkie Pie called for me. I think he went upstairs with Twi. Imma go get him, then tie him to a chair. It is still mating season. Hehe. I put my music on autoplay, and snuck upstairs. As I approached Twi’s room, I heard some kind of... punching sound? Are they fighting? Uh oh, I should go check this out. I opened the door in one swift motion. The room was empty. But how?! I know I heard somepony fighting in there. They can’t just vanish! I entered the room, rapidly looking over every inch of the area. Nothing moved. I’m the only pony here. Maybe what I heard wasn’t real. Must be all the loud music I listen to. I left the room, closed the door, and returned to the party.

(Stop playing the music.)


“Why the hell would I help you?” The Changeling Queen angrily asked the unknown pony from before.

“I promise you your land back if you can rid Equestria of the false hero,” the robed pony replied.

“Ha, that’s a laugh. What could a regular pony like you eve-” In the blink of an eye, the robed pony teleported behind the queen, holding a magical glowing knife up to her neck.

“Let’s get things straight. First off, I’m not a regular pony, Queen Chrysalis. Second off, I can do a lot more than you. After all, you did get defeated by the very thing you feed off of. Next time, don’t bite off more than you can chew.” The robed pony teleported a few feet in front of Chrysalis. “I’m more than pony.”

“Why are you so obsessive about this human? I’ve feed off of them before, and they don’t taste good. They’re too bittersweet. Though they have a wide range of emotions, I have yet to encounter true love.” The robed pony turned around and started walking away.

“I have a long and dark history with Earth. And this fake hero, he just might be my savior. The one to stop this pain of mine. Gather what evil you can, and attack the one they call Neon Blaze. Your only task is to kill him. If he dies, I will know he’s not the one.” He then teleported away.


Dylan’s point of view.

“Ow, my head...” I said as I examined my surrounding area. My head was throbbing from a blow to the left side of my skull. I was in some library, judging by the tall rows of books everywhere. Twilight was shuffling through them. Once she heard me talk, her eyes look at me, and she said,

“Oh, good, you’re aliv- I mean awake. Sorry for the sudden teleport, but there’s a book in here that we need if this pony you’re talking about is real.”

“Where exactly is, ‘here’?”

“Why, you’re in the royal Canterlot archives,” said a feminine voice from behind. I turned my gaze to behind me, to find Celestia standing over me.

“You should move your hair away from your eyes.” I told her.

“And, pray tell, why’s that?” She asked.

“I just never see both of your eyes at the same time. I imagine that you can only see three quarters of your field of view like that.”

“I’m quite fine with my current hair style. But, back to the point, can you tell me about this mysterious pony that you told my faithful student about?”

“Who?”

“You don’t know about the pony you told Twilight about?”

“Oh, wait what? Twilight’s your student? In what?”

“In the studies of magic. She possess a large amount of raw magic that-”

“I don’t care about her. I just want to be alive by the end of the month.”

“Then tell me what you know about the strange pony that visited you at midnight while you were at Fluttershy’s cottage.”

“That’s just it, I don’t know. He just told me he would prove me being a hero wrong, and that he’d do it in a month. Then he just vanished.” I don’t trust Celestia. Ruler of all of Equestria or not, she has no authority over me.

“Lo sister,” Luna yelled as she came into the archive room, “art thou ready for a game of chess?” Oh, I like chess. Maybe I could play a game with her sometime.

“Not this moment, I’m learning of this new threat Neon has encountered,” Celestia yelled back. Luna walked up to me, and said,

“Threat? Care to elaborate, sir Neon?”

“Yes,” I replied, “all I know is that he was dark colored, maybe black or blue, had wings, and somehow melded to the shadows. He will be trying to kill me in a month, after I recover. And he also wants to prove that I’m not a hero.” I trust Luna a lot more than Celestia. She just seems more normal.

“Hmm, did he have a cold, evil kind of voice?”

“Yes.”

“I think I might know him.”

“WHAT!?” All of us, with the exception of Luna, screamed in unison.

“Yes, let me explain. He visited me on the moon, about half-way through the thousand years. He said he was banished also, but he escaped within an hour. He wore a brown rope, so I’m not sure what he looked like. But he sounded like he wanted revenge.”

“That’s all?” I asked Luna. “That’s all you know? I may not be alive in a month, and that’s all you know?”

“If you need protection,’ Celestia said, “I would be more than happy to assign royal guards to you.”

“Royal guards would only make it worse. Keep them.” I told her. “I need to be trained. I need to learn more spells.”


“First off, you need to be able to detect him when he’s vanished, or stop him from doing it. There’s a thermal vision spell that should do the trick.” Twilight told me as she flipped through a book on eye spells. I said,

“Maybe not, if he can meld into the shadows, he wouldn’t give off any heat.”

“What do you propose then?”

“He won’t want to escape, we can count on that. So, the only thing we can do is make sure that his attacks do minimal damage, or even find a way to counter, or find some spell that has a large area of effect.”

“Hmm, like a shockwave? Those are easy to learn, but hard to do and tire you out quickly. I don’t think there’s enough time for you to defend yourself. I think we should just hide you, and take care of the threat ourselves.”

“Wait... enough time... that gives me an idea. Why do you think he gave me a month?”

“To train and prepare?”

“No, so my leg could heal. He wasn’t expecting me to train. Maybe he doesn’t want to fight. Maybe he’s going test me in a different way.”

“Interesting theory, but it could still be very dangerous.”

“Then come with me, you will always be better at magic than me. But there’s one thing I’m better than you at, and will always be.”

“And what would that be?”

“Cheating.”

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