The Hacker Pwny

by Chetzi

Chapter 23: Straight to the groin!

August 9, 8:47 P.M.

(Play this music.)

*poke poke* "What?" I asked Jessica, who was poking my shoulder.

"Was the whole sword fight thing true? Are you really that good?"

"Yes, now be quiet so I can hear about this new evidence."

"Did you practice sword fighting?"

"Yes, 2 hours everyday with a lightsaber, now go away." She attempted to stifle a giggle and faced toward the bailiff. The bailiff took the stand and held a small plastic bag with a bloody Swiss army knife in it. I asked,

"Please testify about the knife." The guy screamed,

"SIR YES SIR!" I covered my ears as he did.

(Replace that music with this music.)

"Someone brought it into the police HQ a few minutes ago. They said they found it near the tools shack sticking out of the trashcan. The victim's blood is on this knife, and so are Wolk's fingerprints." The court held in an awkward silence after we heard this. I blanched backwards once I realized what just happened. This case is as good as closed! Both blood and fingerprints! A nervous bead of sweat formed on my brow. I calmed down and proceeded with the cross-examination. Things are looking grim. I asked about who brought it to the police,

"What do you mean by 'someone'?"

"It was, uh, I don't remember. He- that's him!" He pointed to the witness, Smark. The crowd burst out into conversation as everyone in court become surprised. I slammed my hands on the table and yelled,

"HOLD IT! Smark! What were you doing digging around in a trashcan?!" Miles yelled,

“OBJECTION! That is unimportant right now. What we all want to is why Wolk's fingerprints are on it!" I saw it, Smark was more surprised than anyone, like he was hiding something. Hmm, I have a theory.

Random intermission

"ALLONSY, Derpy!" Docter Hooves said as he fled the TARDIS. He jumped out, Derpy following close behind. "Come on, I want to find this by lunch time! I refuse to miss tea time!" Derpy said,

"Okay!"

Random intermission over. Now we're at a military meeting in the Pentagon.

"Why can't we just nuke the place?" The military general asked one of the government scientist. The scienctist said,

"Based on the crystallization residue that takes place in the introspace travel, a nuclear reaction would cause a sustainability issue and cause a nonreactive live cell cancer."

"In English son."

"If we push a nuke into the portal, it will create an explosion so big, it would destroy half of the galaxy."

"What about other weapons?"

"No jets that can over 1.5 mach, the moisture level will prevent a vehicle that insulated from starting. And tanks have a low chance of success, with the high-density steel, to make it. If we were to send a thousand tanks, only about ten would make it. Outside of that, everything appears to work. But we haven't gone through enough testing, and even worse the physics in this world are nothing like they are here. We have no idea what will happen. But the air does seem to be a mix of nitrogen and oxygen, something that we can breath."

Back to Dylan.

"No, hold on for a second. I think I might know why he found it. What if..." I paused to think about my next words carefully. The whole court room turned into an eerie silence as they watched me ponder. I have an idea, I will be making this up as I go, but it just might work. "Ahem," I cleared my throat, then pointed my finger at Smark. "I accuse you of murder!" Smark blanches backwards, Miles does this,

everyone else stared at what was going on. I said,

"Remember earlier, I wasn't there, but I was told that Wolk said he was unconscious. From a blow to the head." Miles tapped his arm and said,

"Your point is?"

"Smark could have wiped the knife's handle from his finger prints, then pressed Wolk's hand onto the handle. He framed him!"

“OBJECTION! He found it in the trashcan!" I shook my head and said,

"Look at this photo of the shack, the trashcan's in it. As you all can see, the trashcan is filled with trash and other dirty things?"

"So?"

"So, the,

(Play this music instead of the previous one.)

knife would be dirty! It was never in the trashcan, it's evidence that was suppose to frame Wolk!" Miles yelled,

"HOLD IT! Maybe it was in a clean part of the trashcan!"

"Not possible! The bailiff said that it was sticking out of the trashcan, that wouldn't be possible if it was in a clean part! Smark's motive is that Wolk accused him of murder in a case four years ago. Smark's wife divorced him for it. Smark intended to kill Wolk, but he thought of a better idea, so he killed the victim instead!"

"OBJECTION! It was dark when the crime happened! He couldn't tell who it was! I've proved that there were boxes blocking the lamp!"

"OBJECTION! The boxes were hollow and had plenty of space between the wooden boards for light to be able to pass! He could clearly see the victim! And that knife is a very special knife imported from Japan. it just so happens that Smark is a knife collector!" (Turn off the music.) There was on awkward silence. We all just passed glances at each, waiting for what would happen next. Smark slammed his arm on the stand, and breathed heavily. He then said,

"You think you've won... you think it's all over. Well, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" He freaked out, his hair flying everywhere. He mindlessly thrashed around as we all watched. Once that subsided, the judge said,

"Well, I guess that concludes this case. I hereby rule the defendant, not guilty." The crowd cheered and Miles seemed to take losing hard. I turned to Jessica and said,

"It's all over. Let's head back home." She nodded, and Cortez came up to me. I held out the respawn box, we all slapped our hands on the big red button. The next thing I knew, we were in my living room. Your next Bentley, I told myself.

Bentley's point of view, a few hours ago.

"Is this even remotely safe?" I asked GLaDOS. I stood at some large alien-like device. GLaDOS said,

"In layman's terms, it random opens up a portal someone where in the universe. We're going to test it. It's not like I've killed you yet." True, even though she did came close many, many, many, times. Wait, I'm Bentley, I don't give a fuck about safety. Without a care in the world, I jumped into the sparkly circular thing.

Now, let's see, where am I? I got up of the ground, it was an anciant looking cement. I looked around me, and all I could see was the small platform I was on, and sky. Okay, so I am appearntly floating in the sky. I looked around me, there were three thin platforms.

How odd, I feel like I've seen this before. Just then, some furry fox thing in space clothes jumped down, and just started kicking me! I fell on the ground a few feet away and said,

"What the hell man! What did I ever do to you!" The fox had a green scouter over his eye. He knelled on his knee and said,

"Come on!" and motioned for me to attack. He then pulled out a small space looking blaster thing and started firing red lasers at me. They stung, but I didn't flinch. He just kept spamming those, until I run and punched him in the groin. He rolled around on the floor, moaning. I then felt around in my pocket, and found the object I was looking for: A semtex grenade. I pressed the button and dropped it next to the furry. Then I calmly walked away, until an explosion was heard, and the fox went shooting off the platform. That'll teach 'em.

Comments

[Doctor.whooves]

Yes make moar please

Sincerely the Doctor

[VX]

519332

Ha! doctor, you got what u wanted, happy?