With weary hooves, Trixie trudged through Ponyville on her way to the Golden Oaks Library. It was very late and the only thing that Trixie wanted to do was to find Twilight. Looking around, Trixie noticed that something was off about Ponyville. The buildings around her resembled what they looked like, but they were made out of oily shadows that were going down and off of the structures. The sky above her did not look promising at all. Black and grey clouds were swirling around the entire town. Ponyville did not look warm and comforting like the last few times that Trixie visited, it all looked cold and threatening.
Something's not right here, thought Trixie. The town looks, nightmarish, haunting. It looks like Nightmare Moon took over this town. I need to find Twilight, and fast!
At that, Trixie took off into a full gallop. She didn't want to spend another second in the frightening, shadowy PonyVille. Trixie galloped through the blackened streets turning her head constantly in an attempt to find the library. All the while, Trixie kept thinking about this darker PonyVille. What's causing all these shadows, Trixie pondered to herself. Why does the sky look so ominous? This isn't another nightmare, is it? I really hope it isn't, I just can't take anymore.
Finally, like a lighthouse in a storm, Trixie finally found the Golden Oaks Library. Like all the other building in PonyVille, the library had shadows rolling off of it as well. All that didn't matter to Trixie, she had finally found the home of Twilight Sparkle! She can help me out, she can tell me what's going on, thought Trixie. Without a second thought, Trixie raised her hoof and knocked on the door of the library. After a few seconds of waiting, Trixie was soon graced by the presence of Twilight who had a skeptical look on her face.
"Twilight! Thank Celestia I found you! Trixie has been running through this horrifying town trying to find you. Trixie needs your help Twilight, you see-"
"You want me to help you?! Even after all you've done?!"
Twilight's harsh response caught Trixie off guard. She thought that she and Twilight were on decent terms. Everything that had happened was all water under the bridge between them. Why was she being so hostile all of a sudden?
"T-Twilight, Trixie doesn't u-understand, after the duel I apologized and you forgave me, why are you acting like this?"
"You've got some nerve showing your face here in PonyVille again, Trixie, and to say that you need my help is just plain laughable," replied Twilight with an evil look on her face.
"P-please, Twilight, Trixie really needs your help, I-"
"No Trixie, you don't deserve anything after what you did to me, my friends, and Ponyville. I don't care what you are suffering from because quite frankly, you deserve it. Now get out of my sight Trixie, leave and never come back again."
At that, Twilght slammed the door of the library which dissolved into shadows, leaving Trixie screaming Twilight's name.
"ARGHH, NO! TWILIGHT!" Shouted Trixie as she sat upright in her bed. Panting heavily, Trixie looked around the room she was in. Fortunately for her, she was still in Twilight's guest bedroom. The clock on the wall read 3:17 AM, way too early to get up for the day. The only thing that she could hear was the sound of the thunderstorm outside and her own breathing. The fact that she had another nightmare, however, caused her to break down into another fit of tears. Her nightmare felt so real, the sting of Twilight's words, the feeling of loneliness, it all felt real. As Trixie sat there crying, she heard the sound of the bedroom door being opened.
"Trixie, are you okay? I heard you shouting my name," said Twilight as she trotted over to Trixie's bedside.
"Twilight! Thank Celestia you're here. I had another nightmare, one that was far worse than all the other ones."
At this point, Twilight had climbed onto the bed next Trixie and pulled her into a hug. Just the feeling of being hugged by Twilight helped to calm down Trixie a little. Her sobs turned into soft crying which eventually turned into faint whimpers and sniffles. Using a hoof, Twilight reached down to Trixie's face and dried up the river of tears on her cheeks.
"It's okay, Trixie," said Twilight gently, "I'm here, just tell me what happened."
Wiping her eyes one more time, Trixie lifted her head and looked Twilight in the eye.
"W-well, in the nightmare that Trixie just had, I dreamt about coming back to Ponyville to ask for your help getting over my past."
Without breaking eye contact, Twilight only nodded in understanding. She could already tell that Trixie's newest nightmare probably involved her.
"So anyway, when I got to your door, I knocked on it and waited for you to come. When you finally opened the door, you had an evil look to you. When Trixie explained to you her plight, you interrupted me and told me that after all I've done, I deserved to suffer in life. It shocked me that even after I had apologized, you still had a grudge against me, even in my time of need. After all that was said and done, you slammed the door in my face and I was plunged into darkness. The worst part about it, is that it all felt real, the loneliness, the sting of your words, i-it all, felt, real. I didn't know what else to do so, I shouted out for your name. I'm sorry that I woke you."
Upon hearing this, Twilight was struck with pure empathy for Trixie. She had a just had a nightmare that shook her to the core. Trixie was afraid of being lonely, she was afraid of being left behind, but most of all, she was afraid of being abandoned by somepony she trusted. It happened once before to Trixie and she thought that it was happening again.
"Oh Trixie, I'm so sorry to hear that. If I had a horrible dream about losing somepony I trusted, I would be pretty shaken up too. Don't worry though Trixie, I'm here for you, I care for you, and I want to help you get better," said Twilight with a comforting voice.
Trixie looked up at Twilight with a hopeful smile on her face. Twilight really did want to help her, her promise sounded genuine.
"Thank you Twilight," said Trixie as she buried her head in Twilight's chest. "Just hearing you say that has made Trixie feel much better."
As Trixie laid her head into Twilight's chest, she heard a familiar, biological sound: thump-thump, thump-thump. Trixie's ear was positioned close enough to Twilight's chest that she could hear Twilight's heartbeat. Thump-thump, thump-thump. Even though it was a simple bodily sound, Trixie found it quite comforting. It reminded her that Twilight was still there for her whenever she needed somepony.
The beat of Twilight's heart, along with the sound of the rain outside created a very soothing environment for Trixie. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
For once in a long time, Trixie felt safe and secure. Being held by Twilight made her feel cared for, a feeling she had not felt ever since she left home.
"Twilight?"
Thump-thump.
"Yes Trixie?"
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
"Will you stay here with me, until I fall back asleep? I don't want to have another nightmare."
Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
"Absolutely, Trixie, anything to help you out."
"Thank you, Twilight, Trixie," yawn, "appreciates it."
With that, Trixie closed her eyes and kept her head pressed against Twilight's chest. The warmth of her fur and the sound of Twilight's heart made it easy for Trixie to nod off to sleep. The last thing that she heard before fully drifting off to sleep, was a gentle thump-thump.
As Trixie started to fall asleep, Twilight couldn't help but to feel a sense of accomplishment. Here, she was able to comfort Trixie and calm her down enough to the point that she was able to settle down for the rest of the night. Yawning to herself, Twilight just remembered that she was jolted awake by Trixie and she was starting to feel the effects of an interrupted sleep.
With the utmost care, Twilight lowered Trixie onto her bed and used her magic to put the covers over her. After making sure that Trixie was fully comfortable, Twilight headed for her room. Before she left, however, she took one more glance back at the sleeping mare.
She looks so peaceful, thought Twilight to herself. I really hope that I can help her get over her past.
Without thinking, Twilight went over to Trixie's side and gave her a comforting nuzzle which caused Trixie to let out a soft coo. After she was done, Twilight headed off to her own bed.
"Sleep well Trixie, I'll see you in the morning."
With that, Twilight softly closed the door and went off to bed once again.
It's spelled Ponyville. The "v" isn't supposed to be capitalized.
Twixie?
As I've said before, something as evil as the 'Alicorn Amulet' is going to still affect you, even if you take it off. I will be keeping an eye on this story.
Oooh this has some potential i will keep a eye on this story for now.
Twixie is one of my favorite pairings and its not done all that often.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter
How Twilight going to explain to her friends about having Trixie as her new roommate?
interesting this looks, read later i must
Could use some pre-readers, and I don't mean for editing purposes. These chapters are moving much too quickly, and don't hold the emotion it says the characters are feeling. Twilight's practically Fluttershy-levels of kindness and Rarity-levels of generosity. While I expect her to be kind and generous and all around a good friend, she'd only accepted Trixie's apology when Trixie left town - they hadn't become friends. But now she's treating her as if she were one of the Mane Six. Trixie's also spilled her entire relevant backstory in one go, an infodump. While that may be more realistic, it kind of takes away from the read.
Just a few notes to consider in the future.
Twixie? And fast paced emotionless writing?
Burn in a fire. Trixie is a cunt, keep her away from the librarian.
Hmmmmmm....
so far this is not bad, but it is also nothing special.
There are a ton of stories like this out there. Trixie having a terrible past as a reason for her behavior. Her coming to Twilight for help and both of them falling in love for each other over the course of Trixie getting better....
This also feels very rushed and things happen way faster then someone would expect.
Again, please don't get me wrong, this is not half bad, but it really needs something that would make it stand out a little and a pacing that makes us care more about the characters.
I'm following to see where this is going
2836773
Maybe YOU should appreciate the time that went into this story.
In her own right, Trixie is NOT a bad character. The fandom has many head-cannons about her past, And I can even direct you to another story that describes so.
As it is, this story is written for the viewer's enjoyment, and it was ALSO clearly stated that this was the author's first attempt at a Twixie Fanfic.
Don't like it? Don't read it. In fact, why are you even looking?
2837638
Why? To state my opinion, and to have fun when someone responded, of course! Thank you for being that person.
While the whole arguement can be made about Trixie's character, in the show, she comes across as an interesting individual. If by interesting, I mean the epitome of everything that I particularly despise in people today. Egotistical is the first Adjective that comes to mind to describe this illustruous character. She puts on a show that centers on humiliating other people and 'one-upping' them. Based on this fact alone, I'd have enough fuel to justifiably hate her.
Now, let's take a look at the alicorn amulet, shall we? Trixie marches back in, still with her mental health issues that have her referring to herself in third person speech the entire time. She manages to exile Twilight, even if only for a short period of time, from her home, all for the sake of revenge. Now, please, do tell me. How can anyone LIKE this character? I haven't even gone into the finer dissection of her piss poor character, and already, she's a massive cunt.
Now, as to this author's attempt at writing. It's not bad, but nothing stands out at all. We get a massive expositional dump on Trixie's backstory, and honestly, it's not that great. Oh boo hoo, we're supposed to feel bad for the egotistical mare who has done nothing but ridicule the inhabitants of Ponyville? Nope, I don't. One could construct her backstory as being living out on the streets, and you know what? I wouldn't give two shits, let alone one. Now. the next glaring issue is that everyone seems oh-so forgiving of her, and she's treated as if she were there with the Main Six during the confrontation of Nightmare Moon. They just instantly accept her with open arms.
If you'd paid a little more attention to the original comment, I was hating on the pairing more than the author. There's a LOT of mistakes and flow issues that removes 90% of the potential of this story, and it is 'simply another Twixie story' that gets featured because for some odd reason, people like the cunt mare. I'm sorry, but keep that bitch far away from Twilight.
Your Serve.
2836773
Dont like, dont read it U cunt!...
2837638
Argeed
2837697 Now that you have pointed out your obvious bias, and said your piece, do you have any "...helpful criticisms..." for the author? You said that this story could of had potential, but because of mistakes and issues with flow, 90% of that potential had been lost. Well, as an author yourself, I think it'd be considerate of you to at least leave some specifics that this particular author could improve on. The mistakes will point out themselves. All I ask of you is give some suggestions on how to fix those mistakes.
2837830 Hey now, no need for name calling.
2837697
Well, you are asking for a challenge.
Tell me, what did her PAST actions on the SHOW have anything to do with this? From what I'm reading and feeling through your comment, you are referring to Mainstream/Cannon Trixie, who was a up-stuck bitch who though she was higher then any pony, and could out due all in Magic.
Let's take a look DEEPER at her first arrival. The show only shelled out 4 ponies, not the rest of the town. How do YOU know that was her job?
Her workings are with ILLUSION MAGIC. With Illusion Magic, there are no rules, and there are no restrictions. Illusion magic is strictly something to boast about, because she FEELS her magic is best. While this is not entirely true, she can pass up for above average.
Taking a look at the Alicorn Amulet Episode, yes, Trixie did it out of revenge. And Severe Mental Issues. I actually have no arguments there, as I Personally hate that dammed amulet.
Hey Hasbro, OP much?
Now on the subject of the BACK STORY... You cunt. You don't realize how much work goes into some of the greater back stories or the plot set up for Trixie.
You can have her as a street girl, as a failed student, as an actress, It doesnt. MATTER. What matters is what the story/author will DO with that back story.
Here's a fine example: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/37836/of-maids-and-mistresses
Over 100,000 words PURELY for readers, and focuses on Trixie and Twilight, and the evolution of their romance through events you would not expect. If you can top that story, I would not believe you.
As for TWILIGHT'S part in this, there are so many head-cannons she can have, I would doubt she was forgotten. Twilight is a very studious mare who wants to learn EVERY thing she can on the Magic of Friendship. And what better way then to help Trixie?
The thing is, Friendship has several levels. You've got Acquaintances, Friends, Best Friends, True Friends, Friends with Benefits, and then it goes into Relationships.
If YOU hate this pairing, so will a few others. But MANY enjoy a classic Twixie pairing like I. If you can't be bothered, then why the hell are you still looking at this story?
Guys lay off Steely, I am Steely' s new editor for this story and many more to come. She has great writing skills, they just need to be tuned and refined. Great job Strings.
2837697 dude really there is a few things that could of happened when she was gone like, her realizing her actions, a change of heart, etc.
I like it, but something about the dialogue strikes me as a little too blunt. Some of these sentences don't sound like anything a real person would say, it's just too straightforward to be believable. Also, these emotional scenes seem a little over-the-top sappy, and sometimes it can ruin the mood you were trying to set. However, I do like Twilight and Trixie's personalities in this: neither are too OOC to be unbelievable, but they're still different enough to work in this kind of story.
I agree that this feels rushed, but it has a lot of potential. Keep at it!
2837697 Wow your the only one who makes a good point and yet no one cares!
The reader's enthusiasm I had died in the first chapter.
I don't know if the actual story is well written or not, but the entire first chapter doesn't feel right. There's dropping everything on someone's lap, and then there's weaving exposition into the story. It's done all too fast, and I don't feel like I'm in any characters' heads.
I'm afraid I just can't believe the Trixie in this. She's too soft, in particular she manages to ask for help just fine, which is very odd when you consider how prideful she is. Even if you aptly consider Twilight as a mind-altering substance, I would expect her pride to assert itself at least intermittently, since it's clearly a long-established habit.
But by all means carry on, I'm sure your characterization will improve as you write more.
2840963 Now that I think about it you do have a point about trixie asking for help just fine.
2837894
Yes, yes, yes and yes.
Problem is, the author here failed to craft anything that makes Trixie stand out while also retaining her character and what makes her her. It seems like they've gotten an editor, so hopefully it'll improve with some heavy work, but as it is now, this is simply another worthless Trixie and Twilight story that fails to make an impact, or just ends up a smear on the windshield.
I hate Trixie, but I have read some stories where the author actually did their job and and beyond and made it a good read. The Teacher, Sorceress and the Wonderbolt is one, although a bit cloppy, The Empty Room, not really Twixie, but Trixie's character is captured well, and The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle, a well written Twixie.
By the way, really immature to name call there pal. And oh, I wouldn't want to top the story you linked, as I'd rather do unspeakable things than write a Twixie. I'd make a more logical and thought out ending and additions to this comment, but really, there's no point to even as tired as I am. You really didn't address much there. The concern was that the Trixie here failed hard, and is not believable as a character. Again, with an editor, or two, or three, the author can turn this into something that draws more than rabid Twixie lovers [such as yourself] to it.
EDIT - Also forgot The Piano Man. That's a spine chilling portrayal of Trixie that I enjoyed.
Your description needs some work. Your description is the first impression of a story and currently it's giving a very bad one.
You start in past tense.
You then switch into present tense for no reason. Tense changes are the uncanny valley effect for writing. It's bad, don't do it. This should also probably be a new paragraph.
Also it's "Ponyville" no capital V.
This is completely unnecessary. Don't tell us how things will develop. Leave it a question, a mystery. A mystery is much more intriguing than when you tell me how it is going to end.
Currently because of the poorly constructed description I have zero desire to read this piece. Fix it.
2836135
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS-JRb7QaYMnlb7NzL0eIqkwUnCVBEgFllYdNgJkcne0NmbK5MJUg
Eventually, the nightmares get so bad that she is at her breakong point and in desperate need of help.
(Might want to change that...)
Sorry, couldn't help it... Good story though~
That moment when you find a really promising Fic Starts reading all sophisticated like Notices you can't scroll any further Goes back to website and sees "Incomplete"
Can't wait for next chapter
2842513 I know dem Feels
2836773
2837697
Whoa there. It's fine to have an opinion, but telling someone to 'burn in a fire' crosses so many lines it isn't funny. Also:
If you'd paid a little more attention to the original comment, I was hating on the pairing more than the author.
'Burn in a fire' makes it seem like your hatred is focused almost exclusively on the author.
As for the actual opinion I've quoted, let's see what happens when I analyze it.
While the whole arguement can be made about Trixie's character, in the show, she comes across as an interesting individual. If by interesting, I mean the epitome of everything that I particularly despise in people today. Egotistical is the first Adjective that comes to mind to describe this illustruous character. She puts on a show that centers on humiliating other people and 'one-upping' them. Based on this fact alone, I'd have enough fuel to justifiably hate her.
On the surface, she certainly does have a lot of things that would make me dislike her intensely, but going as far as actually hating is actually a bad idea. Hatred is only good for destroying stuff, and it's best aimed at sins, not sinners. Nothing justifies hating the sinNER, IMHO, and love does a far better job at destroying the sinful nature and saving the sinner, while you still get a healthy dose of vengeance with wracking the sinner with guilt.
However, bullies may have hidden motives for being like that, they may be caught in a lie where they measure their self-worth by how others percieve them (which is completely bogus, everyone is an equal, regardless of their nature), and will do ANYTHING to maintain an image of being powerful. Why? Because if they don't, they might perceive themselves as worthless, which can lead to depression, and depression is HELL on Earth (trust me, I know). Depression such as that is something to be genuinely afraid of. It's a bit hard to blame people for wanting to avoid such self-destructive negative emotions, particularly depression, and if people believe that facing what they believe is the truth would lead to that, then they'll hide behind lies to protect themselves.
As for what Trixie did in Boast Busters, her bullying started off when Rainbow Dash heckled Trixie! Trixie didn't start the bullying off without provocation. Her ego is probably her only defence against the 'truth' that she feels worthless, and she would be desperate to maintain it. It would explain why she keeps going on with her ridiculous lies and goes into full-on denial at the end of that episode.
Now, let's take a look at the alicorn amulet, shall we? Trixie marches back in, still with her mental health issues that have her referring to herself in third person speech the entire time. She manages to exile Twilight, even if only for a short period of time, from her home, all for the sake of revenge. Now, please, do tell me. How can anyone LIKE this character?
Don't you think someone with mental health issues deserves some sympathy for having them? They can be pretty brutal and out of the control of whoever has them (trust me, I know). As for the Alicorn Amulet, it was stated to have an evil corrupting influence on its wearer, so it's a form of mind control. You can't judge Trixie's level of evil when she's suffering from evil mind control. Once she's broken out of it, she does NOT like what the amulet did to her, and she actually came down off her high
horsepony and apologised, and became a bit less egotistical (better than no change).Well written villains, whether they are truly evil (Discord before partial reformation by Fluttershy), or people that are not quite evil, but messed up (Trixie Lulamoon) can make for interesting characters, and are liked for those reasons. People that became somewhat evil due to being messed up by life, rather than a conscious choice to go evil, are also far more likeable than those who choose to be malicious smegheads (although technically, I'd still love the latter, even though I'd dislike them intensely).
That's as far as it goes for canon Trixie.
<i>Now, as to this author's attempt at writing. It's not bad, but nothing stands out at all. We get a massive expositional dump on Trixie's backstory, and honestly, it's not that great. Oh boo hoo, we're supposed to feel bad for the egotistical mare who has done nothing but ridicule the inhabitants of Ponyville? Nope, I don't. One could construct her backstory as being living out on the streets, and you know what? I wouldn't give two *****, let alone one. Now. the next glaring issue is that everyone seems oh-so forgiving of her, and she's treated as if she were there with the Main Six during the confrontation of Nightmare Moon. They just instantly accept her with open arms.</i>
I'm no expert writer, but it didn't seem too bad, a bit of tension as Trixie starts to fall apart, and only once she hits rock bottom does she even want to risk going after Twilight Sparkle for help, rather than maintaining the no-longer-maintainable tough facade. As for the exposition, I really don't see what was wrong with that, it's not like other stuff was happening in the story. As for the backstory, it gives motives behind why Trixie acted the way she did, she was wounded, and being heckled (see Boast busters) would open deep wounds and make her lash out in anger (which inevitably leads to not caring about inflicting pain and suffering on others). It's not the same as being malicious and revelling in inflicting pain and suffering on others for the lulz (e.g. Discord). With this information, it is supposed to make readers feel sorry for Trixie, especially due to the unfair and pretty much 'unprovoked' treatment from her father, which is what twisted her in the first place. It's not like she chose to be a jerk to others at all. Protip: Don't judge a person's character if you don't know the motives behind their actions. Judging by what you see on the surface means you're using incomplete evidence, and pre-conceived 'obvious' motives that may be false. As for being forgiven, remember that the Mane 6 are EXTREMELY loving characters, with unusually high amounts of compassion, and it's something Twilight is studying (love, via the 'magic of friendship'). Really compassionate people are extremely forgiving to repentant people, and Trixie DID repent right in front of Twilight Sparkle after the Alicorn Amulet incident. There was no 'sudden' forgiveness out of nowhere, that already happened at the end of Magic Duel. Furthermore, once the truth is exposed about how badly broken she is, and what lead her to be the way she was, of course they'd want to love her and fix the problem.
If you were dealing with an evildoer, would you rather:
A. Mercilessly harm/destroy them, or:
B. Severely punish them, teach them the error of their ways (which will involve a fair bit of vengeance by guilt-tripping them, which is intentional), search for past events in their life that would have lead them astray (and try to fix these), and make sure they stopped being a foolish idiot, and started being smart and loving instead?
Bear in mind B has loads of vengeance as well as A, but it's not aimed at being destructive.
I'd ALWAYS go with B, even with scum like Adolf Hitler (of course, in cases like THAT, I'd still go for life imprisonment without parole, I have very little sympathy for that sort of evil).
TLDR version: Don't judge someone when you aren't aware of their motives behind their behaviour. You could be way off. Hate the sin, not the sinner. I don't think the writing was that bad TBH.
so not sure if this is intentional and i don't want to be rude but trixie seems to speak in third person AND first person. if this is intentional then i would like to know the grammatical reasoning behind this. Once again not trying to be rude. Just trying to learn.
P.S. my grammar is pretty bad on this comment cause im not THAT good at grammar and it was 1 am when i wrote this
2852854 I've noticed that when she's talking casually, she speaks in third person. When she is being serious, she talks normally.
2854886 ok i understand now. Thank you
2863144 Thank you! Glad to hear you're enjoying it so much
Im really enjoying this fic, I hope to see more soon.
This is off to a great start! Those dislikes does this story injustice Promise to update often, okay?~
2886091 Gald to hear it I'll do what I can with updates. I'm going to get another chapter done as soon as its written and sent to my editors
2886237 Glad to hear! Can't Wait~
Next chapter?! please!!
2864025
I really like this story too!
Can you pretty please upload another chapter? I'm starting to like this.
This is also my first Twixie story I ever read and I want this to be the best one; because of Trixie's past is (in my opinion) the most legit, well-written head-canon part I ever read.
3146458 I began writing the next chapter a while ago, but it kinda grinded to a halt just because I ran out of motivation. The other ones were easy to get up because I was psyched to get them done and uploaded. Also, the new semester for college has just started and the classes I have are designed to get me closer to fulfilling my major so I have to concentrate on them. Long story short, the new chapter is on my radar, I just have to get an outline for it and the other ones done, write them up, send them to my editors, then post them. Updates will come, just be patient And I agree with you to, Twixie is just flat out awesome!
3146731
Of course I'll be patient, there's no need to rush. Life and studies must come first.
Goodnight Wesley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.