Things That Happen at Night

by CMKpower

Supervillain in the Supermarket

I’m in a white room. I believe that my name is Dr. Draco. It is the last day of my education and I’m finally ready to pick my own optional superpower just as all other newly educated supervillains do. Without hesitation I decide that my superpower must be to control, you guessed it, spaghetti. I leave the room with my spaghetti and enter a long white hallway.
Along the walls in the hallway are some lockers and doors. I decide to test my newly obtained superpower on these.
As I control the spaghetti it lights green as if it is some kind of aura. I make the spaghetti slide under the doors and in the lockers to unlock them from inside. It is quite effective it seems. I continue down the hallway. At the end there is a fairly wide opening and on the other side there is a very large supermarket. I like to think that it is about the same size as an Ikea.
The supermarket is so large that it even has some rooms inside of it. The walls are white and there must be seven meters to the ceiling. In the part I’m going through it is mostly filled with cloths although it does seem that I have spotted something I’d like. A fifty centimeter long machete in a sand colored sheath. I grab it and as I walk around I start to think:
“It must seem quite suspicious that a newly educated villain goes as the first thing to buy a machete”
The guy watching the stores security cameras seemed to have the same thought as he suddenly had an urge to leave his post and go in the store. Meanwhile I have gone into a small black room with clothes on the walls and some in the middle as well to leave a nice square path for the customers to walk along. I put my machete on a shelf and look at some of the clothes. Suddenly I get interrupted it is the guy who watched me from the security cameras.
“Can I help you with anything?” He asks.
“No, I’m good” I say.
He turns around and leaves while I continue to look at the clothing. Alas I’m again interrupted.
This time though it’s different it’s Pinkie Pie standing behind me. I turn around as she starts to speak.
“What’cha doing?” She asks.
While I’ve suddenly transformed into a door opener pony with brown coat and mane and a wooden door and question mark for cutiemark* I yell with a low voice: “NOTHING!”
Seductively she asks while raising her eyebrows: “What kind of nothing?”
“Every kind of nothing” I say with a smug smile on my face.
We barely get to have a moment of eye contact before we once more are interrupted. This time it is three men with slightly dark skin color and black hair. The one in the middle seems to be their leader as it was him who had the six-shooter.
I thought to myself:
“They must be immigrants.”
While we somehow now both are human he raise the gun in his right hand. I quickly grab the machete.
With Pinkie behind me I swing it with all my force against his arm. Midair it stops as she grabs my arm saying:
“Why don’t you try to aim for the guy with the gun?”
Equally confused me and their leader look at her as we both knew what I was aiming for. Then I took a second swing at his arm. With all my force hitting his leather jacket I succeeded in lowering his arm by sixty degree.
It must be quite blunt machete. I mean I can’t be that weak. Can I? With great haste we break free from the three and run out of the room into the rest of the clothing section again. They didn’t know where we went so we fled.

The End

* The picture shows exactly how I look

Comments

[Theater Critic]

Too short.

Insta thumbs down

[CMKpower]

2818632
Sorry but I'm not the one who decides the length of the stories. I'm just the one who writes them down in as great detail as I can remember them.

[Theater Critic]

2818904

Get an editor. It will help you alot!

Just go here for an editor.

[CMKpower]

2818919
Sorry but the stories are what they are. They can't be made longer or shorter even though I want them to continue.

[Theater Critic]

2818945

They can be made longer. Just edit them

[CMKpower]

2818950
Trust me I have squeezed all the details I could into them. I just have to wait until a new story comes.

[Warren Peace]

You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...

[CMKpower]

2822126
I can't wait ☺

[Warren Peace]

I'll say it once, I'll say it a million times: don't write chapters less than a thousand words in length. If you don't follow this rule then people like TheaterCritic will instantly give you hate for it. Don't make lame excuses like: 2818958. This story belongs to you, not the other way around. You can make these chapters whatever length that you want to.

Also, going off this: 2818904 you make me begin to wonder if this is some sort of dreamfic or other fic where you're writing down random crap that pops into your head. If this is the case then let me let you in on a little fact that I've come to know: dreamfics and the like never do well on this site (I should know, I've ended up reviewing quite a few).

Going off the dreamfic theory and continuing with the info gathered from the comments, you don't need to hold true to what your specific dreams/ideas are. In fact, most of the time you shouldn't. I took a creative writing class last semester and one of the things that we talked about is bringing real life elements into fiction. If you do this then sometimes it's better to not stick to what really happened and instead make it up.

But enough about the description and comments! Onto the story...

[Upon reading the first chapter]

...well that was...odd (and gives me more fuel for the dreamfic idea).

And there she now stands paralyzed.

Here's a good example of when you should not hold true to the actual story. Dream or not, no one would just stand there after getting their eye gouged out. In all reality they'd probably be screaming their head off and clutching at the wound before (probably) going into shock. Head wounds bleed like a motherbucker so she could also reasonably lose consciousness. Much of this scene could be improved upon with additions of details of what Rarity does upon taking an egg beater to the face.

[Whilst in the middle of the second chapter]

You need to indent your paragraphs if you aren't separating them with enter key spaces.

While we somehow now both are human he raise the gun in his right hand.

Yep, it's a dreamfic, isn't it.

So yeah, my guess is that this is some form of dreamfic or other fic where you pull random thoughts and put them on paper. While dreams can be decent fuel for a story idea, they themselves do not make good stories. My ultimate suggestion is that if you dream or think it up, then don't post it directly onto a page. Instead, if you must use it in the first place, alter it to make it make more sense.

Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
/)

[CMKpower]

2822237
I can't believe someone took the time to review my story. It is beautiful .
And it even seems that you like it even more than I had expected anyone to do.

[Warren Peace]

2823252 That's what I'm here for.

[timothy2400]

2818950 it's a bit hard to "edit them" when there is no more content to put in there ...