Chapter 6
“Y’know,” the half-starved pegasus mumbled between mouthfuls of food, “always figured this place was prob’ly pretty dull. Good ta see I can still count on being wrong from time to time.”
The casino roared in activity around them. True to its name, The Big D was a titanic amalgamation of hotel, multiple restaurants and clubs, and the gaming floor where Pipsqueak, Sassaflash and Longhorn found themselves comfortably seated. They were waiting on Pip’s new lieutenants, Longhorn had announced, who should be arriving shortly. Every few minutes one of the staggering number of minotaur staff would stomp by their table and give Longhorn a cryptic stare, followed by a firm nod or shake of his horns.
As for Longhorn himself, his mood was souring by the minute.
“THREE MINUTES. FIFTEEN SECONDS. FOURTEEN. THIRTEEN...” He continued to count off under his breath until a puny weight impacted itself against his crossed arms. Looking down, his haze of rage cleared just enough to see the little Don staring back up at him.
“What happens when you’re done countin’, Mister Longhorn?” The colt had climbed over his half-finished plate of minutely-detailed hors d'oeuvres and rested his hooves across the minotaur’s slabs of muscle and sinew. Reaching out with a titanic limb, Longhorn deposited his boss back in his seat across the table.
“SOMETHING. MESSY.”
A smartly-dressed earth pony approached the table, grinning happily as he pulled a martini from a passing waiter. Longhorn sighed, aggravated, and stood up to meet the newcomer.
“MISTER CAESAR. GOOD TO SEE YOU. FINALLY.”
“Ah, Longhorn, how wonderful to see you back home with the Family.” Caesar finished his drink and tossed it carelessly to a minotaur walking past with a tray of similar glasses. “It’s simply been so dreary without you around for some theatrics. Where did you disappear to, by the by? You left without much warning, my good fellow.”
The agitation building inside Longhorn’s brawn was reaching critical mass. Managing a snort rather than a war cry, he shifted to the side and lifted a finger towards Pipsqueak.
“I HAVE BEEN BUSY. FINDING WHAT REMAINS OF THE FAMILY. MISTER CAESAR, THIS IS PIPSQUEAK - SON AND RIGHTFUL HEIR TO THE DON OF DONS.”
To his credit, Caesar didn’t bat an eye at the sight of the messy-faced foal and his rather… uncultured pegasus companion. His pupil managed to twitch involuntarily, though. This spot-speckled thing in front of him was waving a friendly hello and giving him the warmest smile the stallion had ever seen that he didn’t have to pay for.
“Hullo there, Mister Kai-zer! It’s great to meet you! I’m Pipsqueak, but you can call me Pip if you want. And this’s Sassaflash. I met her outside near some dumpsters and desperate ponies at the end of their rope. She’s a bleedin’ riot.” At the mention of her name, Sassaflash looked up from her food to size up the stallion.
“Nice tie, Con Mane. I’d lose the hat, though.”
He blinked, trying to process the fact that this wretch was actually speaking to him. “My… hat? Whatever for?”
“Well,” she muttered as she smeared a napkin across her face, “Guess I just don’t find it very attractive. Can’t imagine a mare who would, really. Saw a pretty cute couple’a coltcuddlers last week wearing hats like that, though.”
Caesar reeled, disgust evident in every inch of his grimace. “Are you insinuating that I’m g—”
“I won’t judge,” Sassaflash finished before ignoring his sputtering outburst and continuing with her meal.
Struggling to keep himself from shrieking in rage, Caesar plastered on a practiced smile and tapped gently on Longhorn’s arm.
“Longhorn, would you be a sport and talk to me privately for a moment?” His easy smile suggested pleasantry; his flashing eyes screamed murder. Reluctantly, Pipsqueak’s bodyguard took a few thundering hoofsteps away from the table and stopped with Caesar among the golden jungle of the slot machines.
“WHAT.” Longhorn crossed his arms and returned Caesar’s glare with one equally lethal.
“You know what, you oaf. That,” Caesar pointed a quivering hoof at Pipsqueak’s table, “Is no Don. Get rid of it. I don’t care where you found this little urchin, but if it’s not off the premises in under thirty seconds I will personally go up to the Baker’s loft and place an order for four hundred pounds of New Yoke Ribeye, medium rare.” His eyes danced dangerously under the brim of his high silk hat. “Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Longhorn only sighed and reached into his satchel, drawing out the blood-stained letter and handing it to his employer. Caesar scoffed and waggled the dirty thing in his hoof.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
“YOU COULD READ IT. YOU ASS. SIR.”
Pointedly shelving the comment away for future outrage, Caesar unfolded the letter and scanned its contents. After a moment, he crumpled the few sheets of paper into a wad of detritus and threw it in an ashtray left sitting on the edge of one of the gilded slots.
“So this foal really is the misbegotten spawn of our late Don. You know as well as I do that the other lieutenants and I would never agree to have a brat like that command our empire.”
“THIS EMPIRE,” Longhorn rumbled with all the thinly-veiled menace of an icebreaker advancing on a floatie-clad swimmer, “WAS NEVER YOURS. HIS FATHER BUILT IT. HIS FATHER PASSED IT ON. HE DID NOT. PASS IT TO YOU.”
“Be that as it may, I speak for the Family now. We have a new business model that requires the Don’s petty ideals die just like he did. And I’m telling you to get rid of this creature immediately.” His irritation had boiled into white-hot fury, the carefully-pressed bowtie around his neck wilting visibly as he grit his teeth.
Longhorn grinned.
“NO.”
Caesar choked on his own words before they could spray out of his mouth. No!? To his knowledge, the barely-restrained typhoon of a minotaur had never refused an order before. Granted, he had always taken them directly from the Don himself, but… in the absence of the Family’s figurehead, the cabinet of four lieutenants spoke in his place, Caesar chief among them.
And Longhorn apparently did not give one shit.
“I CAN SEE. YOU ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH THE DON’S WISHES. HIS VISION. IF YOU WILL NOT SUPPORT HIS BOY,” he leaned into Caesar’s face, blowing the stupid hat off his head with a powerful snort, “WE WILL BE ENEMIES.”
Trapped between emotional states both livid and confused, Caesar ground his hoof into the marble floor and bared his teeth.
“I have thirty armed boys on this floor alone,” he seethed. “What have you got, Longhorn?”
The meaty fist shot out faster than Caesar thought possible, wrapping around his neck entirely and lifting him from his hooves.
“YOUR NECK. MY PLEASURE.”
Caesar barely had time to whimper before he found himself airborne.
Pipsqueak and Sassaflash had only just finished their fantastic meal before the scrawny pegasus threw a hoof around her new benefactor’s head and dragged him under the table.
“Giddown, kid!” A roaring slipstream of air tore their plates off the tabletop while the two huddled underneath the stout, oak furniture. Somewhere in the distance of the game floor, a very heavy something crashed into a row of slot machines.
Pulling himself away from Sassaflash’s death grip, Pipsqueak ran a hoof through his mane and whistled. “What the hay was that?” He gawked at the damage he could see from their hiding spot: four separate slot machines, one after another, had been knocked to the floor from their anchored positions. A grey-coated heap raised a weak hoof from the last one, mewling painfully.
Their cover lifted and flipped away from them, landing near a party of unicorns only too eager to leave the suddenly dangerous premises. Longhorn stood over them, glancing around and noting the sudden appearance of two dozen ponies armed with truncheons, bats and brass horseshoes.
“PARDON ME. LITTLE DON. IT’S TIME FOR US TO LEAVE.”
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This is instantly the best response ever.
Does this minotaur carry his badass certification in his wallet?
"Coltcuddlers" ...
...
...
/mlp/ lurkers are we? Who wrote that set of dialogue? Cuz it's genius.
10/10 would bang.
So Pipsqueak and his (and his late fathers) crew is the House Stark to Caesar's House Lannister, good to know. Hopefully this time there'll be enough cunning on the part of Pipsqueak to avoid disaster.
3314144 I'd love to see Pip and Sassaflash manipulate Luna and Twilight into taking care of Caesar and the other bosses. That's be some shit.
Go Longhorn! You defend your adorable boss!
/completely serious here yo
3314037
It's actually tattooed on his bicep.
3314038
u wot m8 lel
3314144
KING OF THE D
3314179
Of course. How silly of me.
KEEP THAT SHIT VISIBLE AT ALL TIMES.
I would join the new Don's family in a heartbeat! Little Don for Pres, who's with me?
I knew right from the start that Longhorn would be my favorite character in this story, and with every chapter I love him more. Dog bless this story.
My only complaint with this fic is that there are way less dick jokes than I would've expected. Come on guys, get it together. I expect nothing less from you two.
3314423 lets not make this story a mature
But every once in a while...
3314469
Spaceballs had a dick joke that ran nearly the full length of the film, with quite a bit of less than child-friendly language. It's still rated PG.
Dick jokes aren't a big deal.
3314653 And it was made when you could show tits in a PG movie as long as it was one scene and didn't last for over a minute. Standards change. That being said, though, penis jokes aren't really bad.
you really shouldn't speak for everyone ceaser now by rule most of them well like and follow the kid immediatly. you screwed yourself there.
Oh goody, fun time is starting!
#popcorn&lawncahir
considering Luna and her liking Pip, Longhorn and the true family's taking care of the people, Caesar might be crawling to tia for protection by the end of this
I am SO looking forward to the Bronx Rumble
Why is this story so damn quotable?
3314653 never saw that
And wouldn't "Big D" count
3316069
Never saw the movie? Or never saw the joke?
If the movie, I recommend it. It's a hoot.
If the joke, take a close look at Dark Helmet's necktie whenever he's on screen.
3316173 the movie
Seems like Longhorn lost a lot of leverage by throwing Caesar rather than continuing to threaten to wring his neck.
Unless of course he actually wrung Caesar's neck. Which would probably have been a good idea.
aaaaand I'm dead of awesome. I knew Longhorn would be fun, but nothing like THIS!
I can't wait until the next chapter!
Pip Daddy needs bodyguards.
Female bodyguards.
3316379
I just lost the game.
FFFFFFF-!
This looks very promising. I just hope Longhorn doesn't die at some point or other.
3350313 He will. He's The Obi-Wan. A gangster Obi-Wan.
3317140
Filly Bodyguards
With sexy leather outfits and machine guns
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/114/8/3/cutie_mark_crusaders_war_criminals_by_brokenscanner-d62x3gq.png
You know, once Luna finds out they are trying to knock off her favorite little pony shits ganna get real.
420 likes, better praise it.
4366492
Totes mcgotes that dank-ass grass, holmes.
Is this story going to get an update...?