The Temporal Manipulations of a Victorious Timekeeper

by Rodinga

The Pony Who Is Going To Have Has His Cake, And Eat It Too.

When Chancellor Puddinghead was told that her ponies didn’t have any flour to bake bread during the Windigo Crisis, she famously said, “If they have no bread, then let them eat cake!” The following silence was quickly punctuated by Smart Cookie informing Puddinghead that flour was needed to make cake as well.

Horrified at the possibility of there being no more cake, Puddinghead immediately set forth to find new land to ‘grow flour in’. Unicorn spies informed Princess Platinum of what happened and she set off as well. Hurricane’s pegasi caught up eventually.

So the existence of Equestria and modern life can be attributed to the desire for cake. So when I walked into Ponyville’s Dentistry with a trolley full of cake and said, “Happy Birthday!” You can see why there was much rejoicing.

It was very deliberately timed for twenty minutes past three o’clock in the afternoon. The Dentistry’s waiting room was full with fillies and colts just out of school that had been dragged here by their parents for their scheduled check-ups. The kids were all bored out of their minds and dreading their trip to the antiseptic scented rooms in the hallway. The parents were also getting frustrated with telling their kids not to fidget.

Before you could say, “Whose birthday?” the kids had all crowded around the trolley to get their own piece from Sugar Cubed Corner’s finest selection, including: Sticky Caramel Fudge Nougat Delight, Turbo Berry Cheese Cake, and Fizzy Fun Flan Filled Sponge – with extra pop-rocks.

The parents looked on with shock. Then I reassured them saying, “Don’t worry, they’re all here to have their teeth cleaned anyway. The dentists won’t mind.” I shrugged and took a piece of the cheesecake for myself. “It’s free cake. Have some.”

“It-sh amathing,” said one little filly, Her mouth echoed with the sound of crackling pop rocks, pupils dilated from a sugar rush, and her curly red mane was practically floating in the air. There were similar sounds of joy from the other kids.

Somepony’s father, another member of the Ponyville Gentlecolt’s Club, got a piece as well. “Thanks, Time Turner,” he said past his plate as he sat down to eat. With the first piece taken, everypony else got one as well. The receptionists also took extras for the dentists working in the other rooms.

A new filly ran out from the hallway, gasped, and joined in on the festivities. Behind her came one of the dentists and she called out, “Twist, it’s—” before freezing in shock.

It was one of those sights that scarred themselves into memory: the fillies and colts demolishing their pieces of cake, some just sitting in a daze as they listened to a crackling only they could hear, and a few giggling as they blew bubbles made from the sticky caramel lining their teeth. The parents had taken refuge in a corner and were chatting idly as they ate their own cake.

I sidled up alongside the frozen dentist as her jaw dropped. “Happy birthday, Colgate.”

Her mouth opened and closed a few times as she found her words. “It’s not my birthday.”

“Ah well,” I said with a shrug. “It has to be somepony’s birthday somewhere.” I pushed a waiting plate on a nearby bench forward. “Caramel cake?”

She looked at the piece like it was something out of Tartarus. Then something clicked in her mind. Colgate turned to face me and stared up her glowing horn as she pointed it right at my forehead, a classic sign of an angry unicorn. “What are you doing here?”

I licked my hoof and touched the tip of her horn, defusing the glow of her magic with a hiss. “After you gave me a pie, I decided I had to give you some cake in return.” I turned to look at the party and added, “With interest.”

She slapped my hoof down from her horn and relit it. “Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take me to clean this off their teeth,” she snapped back at me.

“I’m sure you’ll find the time.” I grinned.

“I can’t do that all day,” she hissed. “This isn’t something where I just need an extra five minutes every few hours.”

“You’ll cope fine,” I said back. “Oh, and these forty seconds are free. Back up.” Colgate hadn’t noticed, but threatening somepony with your horn tends to get attention. When you think about it, a time turn was the ultimate form of privacy, nopony else can witness it and as far as reality is concerned, it never happened.

As the time turn finished, Colgate stood stunned for a moment. I put a hoof to my mouth and shushed her. “Enjoy the cake.” Then I left before she could respond, snatching a piece of the cheesecake as I passed it. Nopony else really paid me attention as they ate their free cake.

In retrospect: it was a good prank, playing off Colgate’s aversion to anything with more sugar than an apple. Although it felt a lot less satisfying than I’d hoped. The amount of money I’d had to put forward to buy those cakes wasn’t small, and I didn’t quite feel like I’d won yet.

---

Back home, I opened my front door and found a note wedged beneath it. I flipped it open to find Ditzy’s distinctive mouth-writing.

Turner, could you come over if you’re free this afternoon? From Derpy.

It wasn’t the first time I’d found a note like this. I’d been Ditzy’s go-to repair pony for a while now because she could pay me in muffins. True to her name – either one – she had a tendency to break anything not made of solid oak, and when she did break solid oak it wasn’t too much trouble for me to replace that either. Her front door was actually reinforced with metal and the door latch would jump open if she crashed into it. The modifications meant she could at least avoid injuring herself too badly or breaking the door when she misjudged her landings.

I got my toolbox out of the workshop and went across the road. Once at her door, I shifted my legs around to take on the extra weight of the toolbox in my mouth so I could spare a hoof to knock on the door.

There was light pitter-patter as something ran up to the other side of the door. As the reinforced door opened there was a cry of “Mr Turner!” and little Dinky attached herself to my leg. I resisted the urge to try shaking her off: it wouldn’t work, nor could I ask her to let go while I had the toolbox in my mouth. So I just walked inside.

Ditzy had a classic single story family house. Family room up the front and a hallway that led back to the kitchen that acted as the nerve centre of a family home. Ditzy could generally be found in the kitchen, so I went on down the hall.

“Hi, Turner.” To my surprise I found two mares and a filly in the kitchen. Carrot Top and the gold coated filly on her back gave me a wave, while Ditzy had her mouth full with a muffin tray she was pulling out of the oven.

I nodded at Carrot’s greeting and put the toolbox down. “Hello. Oh and, Ditzy, is this yours?” I held up my foreleg that still had Dinky attached to it like an affectionate limpet.

Carrot Top giggled, while Ditzy just smiled and said, “Muffin, you need to let go of Mr Turner if you want one of these carrot muffins.”

Dinky shook her head. “I’m gonna hug Mr Turner till I make him nice.”

I shrugged. “Don’t worry, I have a crowbar in my toolbox.” Dinky tightened her grip.

“Dinky,” Ditzy said as she slid a bowl closer for her to see. “Would you like to help me put icing on the muffins?” Then she lifted up a spoonful and let it blob back down into the mixture. Dinky’s eyes followed every drop. “I’ll let you lick the bowl when we’re done.”

Dinky’s eyes widened. “Okay…” she said regretfully. “Could you put me down please, Mr Turner?”

I let her down and she ran over to Ditzy who lifted her up onto her back so the little filly could see the mixture properly. Carrot smiled at the sight and came over, turning so her passenger could see me as well. “Noi, this is Time Turner.”

Noi stood up, shifting her hooves around to find stable places on her sister’s back. “Sis tells me that you’re her bestest friend ever.” Noi puffed her chest up and bravely stuck a hoof out with barely a wobble. “That makes you my friend too.”

I brought my hoof up to meet her gesture and solemnly replied. “Then we are friends.”

“Good,” she said. Then she tapped Carrot on the ear. “Sis, could you let me down? I want to go help make muffins.” Carrot sat and Noi slid off and over to join Derpy. When she stood back up she nodded toward the hallway and led me out of the kitchen.

“So that was Noi,” I said. “She looks a lot like you, without your mane.”

“You think so?” Carrot said as she gave her mane a quick swish. “We stopped by your place earlier, but you weren’t there. So Derpy left you a note instead.”

“I had to make a delivery,” I explained offhoofedly. “When I saw the note I figured something else had broken over here.” I looked over my shoulder and the kitchen archway. “Not to insult Ditzy, but it’s usually the reason.”

“Well…” Carrot trailed off. “As long as she isn’t doing it intentionally.”

“Somehow I don’t think anypony would intentionally break a tap, flood the kitchen, and ruin the paint on the ceiling,” I said flatly. Carrot winced. “Then the new coat of oil-based paint caught fire before it dried properly. Ditzy wanted to make sure the thank you muffin was ready before we were done.” I brought a hoof to my chin. “Although I had wondered if it had been intentional a few times before that one.”

“Why would it be intentional then?” Carrot asked.

A smile crossed my face as I said, “If a small disaster meant that you’d get a visit from a handsome stallion who’d solve all your problems, wouldn’t you sabotage your plumbing?”

The derisive look I got from Carrot Top could only be described as “Did you really just say that?”

“Even if it were Big Macintosh?” I added and Carrot’s look disappeared. “But that’s probably not going to happen.”

“Why not?”

“Because Ditzy’s moved on,” I said.

Carrot blinked. “Oh. Yes. She has.” A clang of something being dropped echoed out of the kitchen.

“So Goldie, I take it the muffins are your recipe?”

Carrot nodded. “Mostly, though we used a few other things Derpy had in her fridge.” A loud thump came from the kitchen. “I thought it would be a good time to try sultanas in the mix as well.”

A flash of light shone through the kitchen arch, but quickly vanished with a splashing sound and somepony saying, “I got it.”

A smell wafted past my nose. It had a sort of excited texture, like air after a bolt of lightning passes through it.

Carrot pointed over my shoulder to the kitchen. “Perhaps we should go back in there.”

“Good idea.”

We peered around the corner to find the two fillies holding onto a large fire extinguisher, Dinky had the hose and Noi had the trigger. Ditzy was covered in wet foam. “Uh,” Ditzy said as she held out her dripping wings. “I’ll just go rinse myself off, back in a minute.” She nipped out into the backyard.

Carrot Top looked down at Noi, who stood rather proudly with the extinguisher. “Noi, what did we learn?”

“Um.” Noi scratched her head. “Icing sugar is flammable?” I shrugged at Carrot. “But it’s okay,” Noi continued, “because we put it out.”

Carrot nodded. “Good work you two.”

Dinky bounced over to hug Noi with a “Yay!” Noi didn’t flinch from the sudden physical contact. “We won!”

“Now,” Carrot said. “Why don’t you go play in Dinky’s room?”

Dinky gasped. “Noi, I gotta show you my Battle Clouds set.” Dinky swung behind Noi and started pushing her along. “Let’s go.” Dinky slid Noi out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

After watching them leave, I commented, “Somehow, Carrot, I know Noi’s going to make you regret that.”

“I’m sure they’ll have fun,” she replied.

“If by that you mean at least one of them will have fun, then yes, you’re right.” The one having fun would be Dinky while Noi bravely put up with the constant hugs. I decided to get her a present later.

Carrot looked at me quizzically for a moment.

“I’ve said it before, ‘Nothing acts that cute without some ulterior motive’. One of these days we’re going to wake up and Dinky will have weaponized her cuteness to take over Equestria.” Carrot Top snorted with laughter. “Goldie, I’m serious.”

Carrot shook her head and said, “We’d better get the icing done.”

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll get the eggs and milk.”

“I’ll see if there’s any icing sugar left in the pantry,” Carrot said as she went to look in the cupboard and I went over to the fridge.

“You can learn a lot about a pony from the contents of their fridge.” That chestnut in mind, I gave the contents a good look – at least what was there. Ditzy’s fridge was mostly bare, what was left included: Bottled water, milk, eggs, butter – her muffin making supplies, an unopened packet of cheese, carrots, some cabbage, and three types of jam.

My analysis was: primarily baking supplies and staples, with a few long lasting luxuries. There wasn’t anything too out of the ordinary, which itself was telling. Just food that was low cost, effective, and filling while on a budget. My fridge for instance has a wider variety of fruit, salad, and a yogurt tub; I could afford diversity because I wasn’t supporting two kids on zero savings. I put the milk, eggs, and butter on the bench which left the fridge even barer.

Carrot was already mixing the icing when Ditzy returned with her mane just a little shorter and damp from being washed. “Are they ready yet?”

---

As the afternoon rolled past we chatted about everything from Ditzy’s rapidly escalating relationship with Cloud Kicker, to Carrot returning Noi to regular classes at the school, and the approaching Tornado Day.

As dinner approached I begged my leave. Carrot and Ditzy had more catching up to do, but I had another appointment to keep. They’d probably have more to discuss they wouldn’t want to say in front of a stallion. Just as stallions occasionally have things they don’t want to talk about in front of a mare.

But we have places to do it properly: with cards, and cider.

Tonight was yet another meeting of the Ponyville Gentlecolt’s Club. This time we were gathering at Pokey Peirce’s restaurant which had been reserved for the night. Dinner would be served, and once that was done we’d move on to Apple Two Card Poker.

Tonight I also had to keep my half of a deal. So I needed to make a stop at the library. After knocking on the door I could hear the sound of an odd pitter patter pass the door a few times as I waited. This went on for another minute and I checked progress against a clock I could see through a nearby window. I knocked on the door again, and the pitter patter stopped.

A slower noise approached and the door opened. Spike stood behind the doorway and blew a few bubbles out of a pipe. “So you remembered me.” A small phoenix on his shoulder chirped as well.

Spike blew a few more bubbles as I looked at his clothes and said, “I don’t recall your phoenix, but your fez is familiar.”

Spike brushed some dust off the burgundy coloured blazer that matched his fez. “His name is Peewee.” The little firebird chirruped and waved at me.

“A phoenix chick.” Impressed, I whistled. “That’s rare. Phoenixes live a long time. They don’t lay eggs often at all.”

Spike reached up and gave the chick a scratch under its beak. “I rescued him from some dragons. They wanted to smash his egg.”

I reached forward to give it a scratch as well. “Good thing you did, it might be centuries before his parents make another nest.” The little bird nuzzled my hoof. “This is the cutest thing I’ve seen all day.”

Spike looked a little uneasy. “Shouldn’t I bring him along then? I’m trying to drop the cutesy wootzy look.”

I blinked. “Bring him. Everypony will think he’s cute instead of you.”

“Uh. Good. I wouldn’t want everypony to think I’m lame or anything.”

“Right,” I said with a nod. “Just try to act mature, courteous, and so on. But don’t be too eager, or oversell the maturity thing. You’ve got nothing to prove. You nearly destroyed Ponyville a while back. You’ll be fine, savvy?”

“Right.” We stepped outside and Spike locked the door behind us.

“Twilight not home?” I asked.

“She’s out, but Owlowiscious is here to look after the place.”

“Who?”

“Owlowiscious. You can see him in the window up there.” Spike pointed up at the second story.

I looked up, and an owl in a window upstairs said, “Who!”

“Owlowiscious apparently,” I murmured. “Right, let’s get going.”

“Right,” Spike echoed eagerly. We set off into the evening air toward Pokey’s place. Peewee jumped over to my back and waddled around as we walked. The weather team had been busy training for the tornado in a few days, so the sky was littered with rogue clouds that hadn’t been cleaned up.

It didn’t take long to get down to the restaurant. I knocked on the door and a voice asked, “Password?”

“Time Turner, with Spike.” There was a chirrup from behind me. “And Peewee.”

“Spike?” The door opened and our regular door-pony Noteworthy poked his head out. “Time Turner, I thought the decision was that Spike was too young to join the club. He’s practically a kid.”

Spike was about to protest but I held up a hoof to stop him. Peewee bounced down my leg and back onto Spike’s crest. “Noteworthy,” I said. “Didn’t Spike nearly crush you during his rampage a few weeks ago?”

Note looked uneasily at Spike. “It was a close call.”

“Clearly he isn’t a baby, and nopony really knows if he’d be considered of age among dragons or not.” I looked back and down at Spike. “He might not even grow again unless he starts accumulating a hoard, so this might be as big as he’ll get.”

“If it helps,” Spike added. “During the Dragon Migration, I was named ‘Rookie Dragon’, which means I’m not a kid anymore.” He blew a few bubbles out of his pipe.

I nodded at Spike. “See, the dragons think he’s old enough.”

Noteworthy grumbled, “You made your point. You’ll still have to clear this past the Elder’s Table though.”

“Great, we’ll waddle over there,” I said. Noteworthy rolled his eyes and opened the door to let us pass. Ponies turned to look as I brought Spike over to the Elder’s Table by the kitchen doors. Peewee made the most of the attention and puffed his adorable little chest up.

As we reached the table I bowed my head. “Noble Elders, I request thy dispensation to permit this seeker the honour of joining our most fraternal brotherhood.” I gestured toward Spike with a flourish. Spike bowed as well, his fez held in claw. Peewee clung onto Spike’s crest for dear life.

Mr Waddle grunted with effort as he turned to look at Spike. “Isn’t he a little–” he said before he caught himself, and breathed in to give his next attempt the proper gravitas. “We recognise Spike the Seeker, but doubt the seeker’s age.”

I nodded. “Thy doubt is recognised, but the seeker is considered ready by his own people.”

Waddle leaned forward. “We serve alcohol here, Turner. Dost thou believe him capable of holding it?”

“More than us,” I replied. “The seeker can eat rock, cider will do naught.”

A grunt came from across the table. Cranky Donkey raised a hoof and said, “I nominate the seeker for membership.” A couple of the other elders glared at him. Cranky grunted again. “I’m older than most of you, I have as much say. Anyway, if he can hold his liquor, then that’s good enough for me.” I gave Cranky a grateful nod.

“Seconded,” Waddle declared. “Provided the seeker passes a test.” Waddle raised his voice, “Host, bring forth a bottle of your finest!”

I heard a crash from the kitchen and some grumbling. Pokey Pierce came out the kitchen doors with a familiar bottle of Crystal Clear, 190 proof alcohol. “I’ve got a dozen burners going and no bloody help back there. You want my finest, then here ya go.” The bottle flew across the room and landed, uncorked, on the table. Pokey went back to his kitchen.

Waddle nodded at the bottle and I passed it down to Spike. It was nearly empty, but there was still enough in there to get somepony drunk. Before Spike could lift it I put a hoof over the top. “Peewee, hop onto the table. You don’t want fire anywhere near this thing.” The little bird bounced over to where Cranky was sitting.

“Well,” Spike said. “Here goes nothing.” He lifted the bottle of high grade griffon alcohol to his lips and drank the entire bottle.

Nopony said anything as a loud gurgle came from Spike’s belly. I took a few steps back, and was ready to do a lot more if this went bad.

Spike groaned, then brought his claws to his mouth and quickly looked around. With nowhere better, Spike just pointed himself up and let forth an almighty belch that took the form of a huge green flame.

“Pokey’s not going to like that…” The flame left a scorch mark on the ceiling paint.

There was cheering from ponies at the other tables and clapping. The elders at the table nodded approvingly and Waddle lifted his hooves to get silence.

“Spike,” he said solemnly. “Doth thou wish to enter into this brotherhood?”

“Yes,” Spike said.

“Good, let’s eat.” Waddle raised his voice again, “Host, bring forth dinner!” There was the sound of more cursing from the kitchens. Then the elders went back to their discussion.

“That’s it?” Spike asked me.

I shrugged. “You were expecting a blood oath or something?”

“I guess,” Spike sighed.

“Nopony could agree on a good oath. Come on,” I said with a nod. “Let’s go over to our table.”

“Peewee,” Spike called. The little bird squeaked goodbye to Cranky and bounced over to take a place on Spike’s fez.

We made our way across the room as Pokey started bringing out dinner. The acerbic unicorn chef had a whole table’s worth of bowls suspended in his magic. The contents looked to be a simple soup that Pokey could make en-mass for the entire club by himself at low cost. It’d be too much to ask for a five course meal.

“Hey, bud! Good to see ya,” Thunderlane called from a few tables away. He flew off of his seat and came to meet us halfway. “I can’t wait to tell you what—oh, hey Spike.”

Spike blew a few bubbles from his pipe and remained silent. Peewee squawked a greeting.

Silence hung in the air before Lane broke it by saying, “Nice bird.” Peewee puffed himself up again, and a lone bubble left Spike’s pipe. Lane leant over and whispered in my ear, “Tell ya later.”

“I’m sure you will,” I said. “Let’s sit down before our drinks get here.”

“Heh, yeah,” Lane agreed. “If this is like last time, our soup will have less in it than a… than a…” Lane’s face scrunched up in thought. “I got nothing.”

“You’re telling me,” Spike muttered.

We took our seats. Lane to my left, Spike on my right – with Peewee – then further around was Caramel and Big Macintosh. “Hey guys, let’s all welcome our newest member, Spike.”

Responses flowed with enthusiasm: “Hey new bud”, “Evening”, “Welcome to the club Spike”, and “Cheep!”

“Hey, guys.” Spike nodded back. “So… what do we do tonight?”

“Same thing we do every meeting, Spike,” I said.

“Eat,” Lane replied.

“Drink,” Caramel added.

“Occasionally plan to take over the town,” I said.

“Usually we just talk about mares,” Mac finished.

Spike slumped down in his seat. “That sounds… exciting.”

“Nope,” Mac began ponderously. “But y’all be mighty surprised to find that even the most boring and mundane things become a whole lot more in’tresting when y’all have friends around.”

I sighed. “Thanks, Spike. You used up Mac’s word ration for tonight.”

“Nope.”

“Well, thanks,” Spike replied. “I’ve been wondering what you guys all do for fun anyway. I guess it’s about time I found out.”

“It’s always a party,” I said as a leaned back in my chair and looked at the charred ceiling. “The best part about all this is that we don’t need to hold anything back, we can make dumb jokes and talk properly.” I rolled my eyes and smirked. “Considering how outnumbered we are out there, us colts need to stick together.”

Then everypony started looking at me funny. “What? I didn’t mean like that.”

“Bud,” Lane said awkwardly. “You just squeaked and shuddered.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah,” Caramel added. “It looked really weird from over here, like you… um…” Caramel looked over at Spike.

“Like you had a seizure,” Spike filled in.

“Yeah, that,” Caramel said.

Spike continued, “Twilight got into one of her hypochondriac blitzes a while ago. She thought she had this disease thing that makes ponies have seizures if they stare at lights for too long.” Spike leant forward on his arm. “She actually had insomnia.”

“I didn’t notice anything,” I said as I looked between them.

“Don’t worry, bud,” Lane said as he gave me a pat on the back with a wing. “Something happens, I’ll get you to the hospital.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

A bright glow interrupted us as a set of bowls touched down on the table. “Enjoy your soup,” Pokey grunted as he walked away to get the next table’s batch.

Spike inhaled the smell. “This smells good.”

“Alright, guys, you know the rules,” Lane said before he licked his lips. “Turner counts us down, and last pony to finish picks up the tab.” We positioned ourselves above our bowls. Spike quickly figured it out and put a napkin around his neck to protect his blazer.

I started the countdown. “Three, two, one, go!”

Five faces hit the surfaces of their soup bowls and began inhaling the soup. It sounded like bath water emptying down a drain. A few seconds in, we all stopped.

Fire!

We couldn’t spit it out fast enough. Worse, in our rush to drink, more than a little had gotten into our noses. I felt like my face was on fire. My mouth burned, my nose burned, and my tongue screamed as it was overloaded by chili pepper.

I fell out of my chair with a crash as each breath I took only made the feeling worse. Painful seconds cringing up on the floor passed before I could recover enough to pull myself back onto my seat. Big Mac had toppled out of his chair as well, and I could hear his deep gasping breaths from where I was. Caramel had tried to ward off the taste by biting into the side of the table. Thunderlane was nowhere to be seen, having probably flown off to find water. Unfortunately, water only makes chili pepper worse.

Spike just looked calmly back at us as he used a spoon to finish his soup. “I don’t see what’s wrong with it. It tastes great.” The lucky dragon was fireproof.

Looking around for Thunderlane, I noticed one of the windows had been opened. Outside a blue unicorn mare waved at me happily. She waited until she was sure I’d seen her, and then disappeared off into the night.

---

By the time Thunderlane returned, soaking wet to the skin, we had all been moved to a new table. Pokey had been too pressed for time to clean up and we had to get away from the contaminated soup.

Lane shivered in his seat. “It’s really cold out there.”

Nopony else looked too neat either: my coat was mussed up from my fall; Mac had landed on his shoulder and was trying to keep weight off it; while Caramel looked pale. Spike on the other hoof still looked neat in his blazer, but he’d stowed away his pipe. Peewee was resting inside Spike’s fez sitting upside down on the table.

“Lane, why are you soaking wet?” I asked.

“I threw myself in the lake,” Lane said. “Best thing I could think of.” Then Lane coughed. “The water was really cold, but it didn’t help.”

“So you were on fire and freezing at the same time?” I guessed. Lane nodded. “Don’t worry, Pokey will bring out our replacement soup in a minute. That’ll warm you up.”

“Great,” Caramel grumbled. “Then we can go through all that again. Pokey could have at least apologised for doing that to us.”

“Ehyup,” Mac said as he watched the kitchen doors.

Lane coughed again. “I just want that soup.” The kitchen doors opened again and a weak breeze passed through the restaurant. Lane shivered again.

“Wow, Thunderlane,” Spike said. “Do you want me to warm you up?”

Lane looked like he was seriously considering it. “Nah, it’s Tornado Week. I need my feathers.”

“I wasn’t going to set you on fire, or anything,” Spike grumbled before sighing. “Peewee, think you could warm Thunderlane up?”

Peewee squawked back, tipped his impromptu nest in the fez over, and waddled over to Lane’s side of the table. Hopping up to Lane’s shoulder, he started to glow a little brighter.

Lane recoiled a little at the touch. “He’s like a little hot water bottle.” Lane brought up a wing and gave Peewee a tap so the phoenix chick moved onto the wing. Then Lane brought Peewee around to let him rest against his chest in a wing wrap. Peewee returned the motion by snuggling his head into Lane’s coat. Lane giggled, “That tickles.”

Spike put his fez back on his head. “Twilight thinks that phoenixes can control their body temperature. Makes sense if they’re part fire.”

“You’ve got yourself the perfect pet there Spike,” I commented as Lane started trying to tickle the phoenix back. “He’s fireproof, he can fly, and he’ll live as long as you will.”

“He’s awesome, isn’t he?” Spike agreed. Spike’s face held a grin for a few moments before it disappeared. “I might not be able to keep him though.”

Lane’s head snapped up from preening the little bird. “Why not?”

“Fluttershy says he needs to be with his parents, otherwise he might not learn how to be a phoenix properly.” Spike snorted some smoke. “Like I needed to meet other dragons so I could learn to be a proper dragon. I’m just fine how I am. Peewee will be fine as well.”

“That’s a hard decision…” I leant back in my seat to think about it.

“Don’t let him go,” Lane objected. “Look at him.” Peewee was dozing off in Lane’s feathers. “He’s happy, and growing up with you won’t cause problems.”

“That’s what I told Fluttershy,” Spike replied as he started running a claw around the tabletop idly. “But then she started saying how nice it would be for him to grow up with his family, how worried his parents would be, and then went on about how many little birds she’s returned to their parents and how happy they were.” Spike slouched in his seat. “Then she started begging.”

“Good to see that assertiveness training in action,” I said as I tapped my hoof on the table. “What does Twilight think?” Considering that she’d be the one paying for Peewee’s food, Twilight would have a strong say in what would happen.

“According to Twilight,” Spike continued in monotone, “Phoenixes are sentient, and so ‘foalhood is extremely important to his development’.”

“Then y’all should take him home,” Big Mac rumbled. Mac had time to mull it over, and now he’d come to a solid conclusion. He wouldn’t open his mouth otherwise. “Foalhood passes far too quick when you think ‘bout it, best that Peewee gets to enjoy it with his parents while he still can.” Mac’s face remained stoic, but what he said reminded me of the time I’d seen him break down into tears as he spoke about what happened his parents. Mac had asked us to keep the details to ourselves, and I’ve kept my word.

Spike looked down at the table guiltily. “I suppose. I just don’t want to lose him.”

“Who says you’re going to?” I said. “Just like Twilight said, he’s sentient, and he’s going to live a long time yet. So will you, and once Peewee grows up the pair of you can find each other again.”

“Yeah,” Caramel agreed. “Don’t think of it as goodbye, it’s just a… see you in a decade or something.”

“I guess you’re right.” Spike leaned forward on his elbow. “What’s a decade when I’ll live for another millennium or so?”

“How long do dragons live anyway?” I asked.

“Nopony knows, not that ponies know much about dragons at all. I haven’t heard of one dying of old age.”

Another glow covered the table as another set of bowls landed in front of us. Thunderlane looked over my shoulder. “Is it poisoned this time, Pokey?”

“Shove off,” Pokey cursed back. “You lot should just be happy you’re not being charged extra for this or the damn clean up you’ve left me to do.”

Mac grunted before asking, “Then could y’all explain how our soup got so darn hot?”

Looking over my shoulder I caught a look at Pokey’s scowl. “Somepony emptied my entire stock of cayenne powder into your table’s bowls while I was out of the kitchen. It’s going to be flipping weeks before I can replace that jar, and it’s going to cost me a bucking fortune.” Pokey turned around with a grunt. “Enjoy your soup.” Then he went back to the kitchen mumbling, “When I get my hooves on that…”

We all turned back to our soup bowls, and stared. You could feel the enthusiasm in the air.

“So,” I said neutrally. “This looks nice.”

“Yeah,” Caramel said. “Looks amazing. Pokey must really have outdone himself this time.”

Thunderlane gave it a good look. “I can see flakes and stuff in it.”

“You mean that green stuff, right?” Caramel asked.

“I don’t see any red,” I said.

“Oh good. No red.” Lane nodded. “So no chilli then, because chilli is red.”

“Some are,” Spike said innocently. “Most of the stronger ones are green.”

“Great.”

“Well,” I said. “Only one way to find out.”

“Well go on then,” Caramel said.

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t want to spoil it. Spike, you know what soup is supposed to taste like, right? Let us know if it’s good or not.”

“Oh I’m full. I actually finished my last bowl.” Spike lent back in his seat.

“Mac?”

“Nope.”

“Thunderlane.” I smiled innocently at him. “Didn’t you want to warm up after your swim?” Lane nodded down at the sleeping phoenix he still had in a wing hug. “You have to warm up on the inside as well, or you might catch a cold or something.”

Lane lent forward and gave the bowl a sniff. When his face didn’t burn off, he stuck the tip of his tongue into the soup. “I don’t taste anything.”

“So it’s alright then?” Caramel asked.

“Unless the last bowl burnt his tastebuds off,” I said flatly.

Big Mac then pointedly leant forward and began drinking from his own bowl. Barrier broken, the rest of us did the same. The soup was bland and barely tasted of some mystery green vegetable, but there was something worse, “Ugh, its gone cold.”

---

After dinner everything went along normally. Playing cards and chips were dealt out by Thunderlane, Caramel got some cider from the kitchen, and Peewee did his absolute best to snuggle up to everypony. Before an hour had passed a clear winner had emerged, Spike.

The young drake had gotten soft treatment from everyone at the table, though we all denied it. Mac seemed to be particularly lenient, losing more than a few stands of cards to Spike. Either Mac was throwing the matches, or he simply couldn’t read Spike’s tells.

Personally, I think Peewee was helping Spike.

The little phoenix spent a lot of time wandering around the table, often pausing to say hello to somepony. Conveniently the only times Peewee came up to me were when I had a pair of princesses and when I had two pairs.

Since the objective was fun, nopony seemed to mind. Once the evening had started to wind down, we said our goodbyes and split off home. As Spike’s sponsor and designated ride, I took Spike home. The little dragon rode on my back while the littler phoenix slept in Spike’s fez. Peewee was all tuckered out after running around so much.

“So that was fun,” Spike said, leaning over so I could see him. “When’s the next meeting?”

“I don’t think it’s been decided yet,” I turned to look back briefly. “We’ll have to wait until the elders find a volunteer, and then they’ll send notes out.”

Spike shifted on my back. “Why is the club run by those old ponies anyway?”

“It’s an old club, and the ‘old ponies’ have usually been in the club the longest. It goes back a few generations. Granny Smith would have been young when the club started.”

“So it’s as old as Ponyville?”

I shrugged. “Officially: no. Unofficially: probably. It’s hard to say because we haven’t really bothered keeping records. Paperwork is the last thing on your mind if you want to have fun.” Spike didn’t respond for a few minutes. I looked back over my shoulder and saw Spike staring into his fez. “You okay, Spike?”

“Huh?” Spike looked up. “Oh, I’m fine. I was just thinking that I’ll probably be running the club someday.”

I suppose if he’s going to outlive ponies by centuries he’d end up getting the best seat on the elder’s table. “Probably, and considering how well the library’s been running since you came to Ponyville, that won’t be a bad thing.”

“Thanks,” Spike said. “I try not to think about that stuff. I get all moody when I do.”

“Part of being alive, Spike.” I gave him a wry smile. “Take a tip from the time pony: ‘take care of the present, and when the future becomes the present you can take care of it then’.”

“Thanks, Time Turner, I’ll keep that in mind.”

It wasn’t much longer after that until we came to the library. We said our goodnights and Spike went in to go to bed while I set off back home.

However, I had other things on my mind: Colgate had retaliated. I’d come on very strong with the cake delivery earlier, a deliberate attempt at shock and awe. But she’d still retaliated and hadn’t been afraid to let me see it. Clearly I hadn’t tried hard enough.

---

My selection of clocks includes every design and variety known to ponykind, and a few more. There’s a few Zebrican ones I’m still trying to figure out, but most of the rest are fairly simple. Simplicity rules in clockwork despite outward appearances. Although in the case of Zebrican clockwork, they take pride in making it appear as complicated as possible – like their national sport in rhyming.

One of these Zebrican designs is an alarm clock I picked up while passing through Freeport. It was the first clock I’d ever bought and the start of my collection, yet the internal clockwork is still a puzzle to me today. Wound by a key, the clock tracks a twenty-four hour day, the date in the Zebrican calendar, and when the set time arrives it rings its bells in an uneven pattern.

The zebra who sold it to me had guaranteed it would never fail to wake me up, and at six in the morning it kept her promise.

I went straight down the stairs, picked up the bag I’d prepared last night, went out my front door and set off toward Colgate’s house. I needed to be ready before she went off to work at the dental clinic. Last night’s prank deserved a suitable response, sooner rather than later.

I made it to Colgate’s house just as the light of day crept into Ponyville. Shucking my bag off, I started preparing my little trap. My favourite prank is sneezing powder: it’s mostly harmless, cripples the target, and makes a lasting impression. I stuck a box of it above Colgate’s front door and attached a ripcord to the door itself.

Turning to go back up the path, a whoosh of air passed my face and something landed on the ground. “Morning!” called a voice from above me, and the pegasus responsible flew off. Looking down I found a Canterlot newspaper at my hooves.

The door behind me opened. The ripcord tore the powder box open, and a pale pink clump fell down and burst into a cloud. I held my breath, covered my nose and stumbled out of the cloud.

The pony behind me got a face full of it and stumbled out of the powder. She sneezed a few times and fell onto the grass gasping for air. Her blue coat a lighter colour from the new powder covering her.

I stepped over her, looked down into her watering eyes, and waved. “Got you back.” I brushed some of the powder from her nose. “Have a good morning, Colgate.” She tried to say something in return but breathing in gave her another dose of the powder. I left before I could be hit by some of it too.

---

Since I was out and about this early, I stopped for breakfast at Sugar Cube Corner. Skipping anything with too much sugar, I contented myself with a bowl of oats with apple pieces. The corner’s copies of the newspaper were dropped off while I ate and I read up on the day’s news while I finished.

Today’s paper listed details about Tornado Day tomorrow, with Rainbow’s declaration – from a hospital bed – that she was confident they would be breaking the wing-power record after the training she’d put the town’s pegasi through. Obviously she wouldn’t be staying in the bed much longer.

The next page held a Namby Pamby article about the history of the town hall, but before I could read it something hit me in the back of the head and burst. A gloopy liquid dripped down my neck and it smelt absolutely horrid.

I didn’t want whatever it was. “Reset.” I didn’t go back far, just enough to undo the damage. As time resumed I dropped my head and rolled away from the table. From the ground I saw my paper still in the air and falling suspiciously slowly. Above it, a water balloon spun slowly in the air. Then the balloon was seized in a blue glow and thrown back toward me.

To add insult to insult, the time dilation effect holding my newspaper in the air was cancelled. The water balloon had been doing a reasonable speed during the time warp, but in real time it flew much faster. It hit me with a slap in the face and its foul smelling contents.

From a safe distance Colgate yelled, “Got you back!” before she stalked away.

---

I didn’t come out of my shower until the only thing I could smell was the pine scent in my shampoo, and once I’d made a good dent in the town’s hot water supply. Whatever the liquid in the stink balloon was, it was strong and oily too. Damn stuff had sunk into my coat and it took ages to get it out. Celestia knows what pit of Tartarus Colgate dug that stuff out of. Worse, she might have even made it herself.

For my next trick I’d have to try something more mental. First thing I needed was to find out was where she was hiding. Once I’d dried myself off and brushed my coat down, I started scouting around town to try and find my opponent.

The first place I checked was the dentistry. A polite request to the receptionist about making an appointment with my ‘favourite dentist’, told me that Colgate had been given a day off to recover after doing a lot of overtime, and to give her a chance to celebrate her ‘birthday’. They had no idea where she was, so I had to go find her the old fashioned way.

After spending twenty minutes trotting around town, I found Colgate enjoying lunch with Berry Punch at one of the tables outside Pokey’s restaurant. What kind of pony would I be if I didn’t go say hello? I swung around behind Colgate so she wouldn’t see me. First I took a seat at the table behind her to do some eavesdropping.

“…fine, Colgate,” Berry was saying. “You’re a beautiful, strong, capable mare. You don’t need to settle for anypony, you deserve to find somepony who’d appreciate you for being you.”

Is this supposed to be a pep talk? I thought.

“But I made such a mistake with Caramel,” Colgate replied. She held her head in her hooves as she looked down at her sandwich. “I hurt him so badly, I’m not sure I want to take that chance and lose everything again.”

Berry slid her chair around the table and put a leg around Colgate’s shoulder. “You can’t keep thinking like that.” She put her other hoof on her chest. “I used to be a terrible drunk, it was something I did to myself, and it wasn’t until I decided to clean up that I actually did. You could keep telling yourself you’re not ready, or that you shouldn’t love anypony, and it will never happen. You can’t give up.”

“And if I screw up again?” Colgate asked glumly.

“Then I’ll be here for you,” Berry squeezed Colgate closer. From where I was sitting, I could taste enough sappiness in the air that I could have bottled it to sell to Canterlot Nobles on pancakes.

“Thanks, Berry.”

“There’s plenty of hay in the haystack, Colgate.”

Colgate laughed bitterly. “So I just need to keep searching until I find my needle then.”

There was no way I could pass that up.

“Hello.” I said as I sat at the spare seat in front of both mares. “I was passing by and I couldn’t help but want to see how the two of you are going.” While Berry was somewhat uneasy, Colgate openly glared.

“We’re fine here,” Colgate said flatly.

“We’re… uh… all fine here,” Berry added. I was going to take a wild flying guess that the subject of Colgate and me had come up.

I put my hooves behind my head. “Well I can see I’m not welcome. Before I go, just letting you know that by my count our current score is 3-2 in your favour. I’ll be evening that out sometime soon.” I tried to smile unnervingly at her.

“Oh you don’t have to,” Colgate said. “You could just go somewhere else instead. Vanhoover maybe.”

“I like Ponyville, nice atmosphere.”

“You could get that on a mountain somewhere,” she countered.

“That’s more of a unicorn thing.” I crossed my forelegs and lent forward.

Her horn lowered and she growled, “You could throw yourself in a hole instead.”

I brought a hoof to my chest in mock shock. “Such venom, what did I do to deserve this?”

She brought her hooves down on the table and lent forward to meet me. “Because you’re such a hypocrite. Why should you be allowed to do whatever you want, while I—”

Berry pulled Colgate back. “As much as both of you would like to get the last word in, I think you were leaving, Turner?”

“Yes, you're right.” I unfolded my legs and stood back up. “I’d better get going; places to go, scores to settle.” I waved. “Toodles.” And left.

I think I made my point. Now Colgate knew that I’d be planning something, and from here on anything that went wrong for her would be my fault. “The clock’s running slow and now I’m late? Time Turner broke it.” Or perhaps, “I can’t find my toothbrush. Time Turner must have stolen it.” Basically I’d be getting extra credit for nothing.

Of course I’d be adding some actual tampering into the mix, and I had a few ideas.

---

When you spend a lot of time working with clocks, you get a bit of a knack for dealing with mechanics. So a simple door lock was rather trivial to open. Colgate’s house hadn’t changed since I last saw it. It was still clinically neat, the colours tended toward white, and everything was straight.

Everything was neat, ordered, and predictable. Colgate either likes control or takes refuge in it; controlling what she can in a world she didn’t have much actual control in. So if that was a key part of her personal life, then disrupting that control was the quickest way to knock her back.

So I’d disrupt her house: move things around, hide a few things, and perhaps an addition or two. I couldn’t overdo it either, because she could be back from lunch soon. It couldn’t be anything she could quickly correct with magic either, or at the least nothing too obvious. I wasn’t making this sound easy.

Where to start though? A memory spoke up, “Check the fridges. That’s important.” I figured I might as well start there. Her kitchen was more or less the same as the rest of the house, but her fridge told an interesting story: it focused on vegetables like carrots and leafy greens while also including milk, but nothing to add to it. So she practiced the dental habits she preached.

I quickly shifted a few things around and moved a few things between shelves. If she had some sort of obsessive shelving system this’d mess with her mind a bit. While in the kitchen I also switched off the water in the cabinets beneath the sink.

In the dining room: I moved the chairs around a bit and, in a weird moment for me, I put the dining room clock backwards by about five minutes.

Lounge room: moved the magazines on the table around and hid the coasters underneath them. For extra credit, I hid a few of the magazines between the cushions on the sofa.

Bathroom: Hid her toothbrush. Utter evil.

Bedroom: It was the first room on the second floor, and the only one in the house that wasn’t impeccably maintained. Colgate’s own messy sanctum. I made an addition here, a keywound alarm clock made by yours truly. I set the time properly, the alarm for five in the morning, and then put it on her dresser behind a school photo.

Something caught my eye as I put the photo back. It was from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, according to the sign up the front, and by the princess appearing in the photo beside Miss Sparkle. Colgate herself was halfway along the second row. Evidently Colgate managed to get past the entry exams, so she was no pushover magically.

That tantalizing titbit of information kindled a curiosity about my opponent. ‘Knowledge is power’, and there was so much I could learn by sorting through a few things. Her wardrobe held a few dresses for formal occasions, some were tailored to Colgate and bore Rarity’s subtle trademark. The top drawer held a selection of socks, but underneath those was a photo album. Peaking inside, I found Colgate’s baby photos.

I let it fall shut on an image captioned, ‘Our darling filly, two months old’, put the socks back, closed the drawer, and shut the wardrobe before my head fell against it. Privacy is such a tempting thing to break, and there I was, in her personal sanctum. As I thought about that, the eager curiosity soured and I started to feel uncomfortable in the room.

Leaving the alarm clock as the only part of my intrusion, I left to check out the rest of the second floor. There were a couple of spare bedrooms but the final room caught my notice, it was a music room.

The room seemed to be a personal retreat, a place where Colgate could hide away and enjoy some music. There was a high quality set of speakers, the kind that use magic to amplify a record on a turntable; and a bookcase full of records. Opposite sat a well-used sofa and a table with some detective novels. By the window was a music stand holding an open folio. The song written on the open pages was titled ‘Somepony to Love’, and an accompanying record was on the turntable. There weren’t any instruments around, so Colgate just sang along.

Reading through the lyrics I saw an image in my head of her singing along to this. The music was high tempo and upbeat, but the words were depressing. I shut the book. It was foalish stuff.

I didn’t change anything in the music room. I didn’t want to anymore.

Stepping away from the music stand, I looked out the window to think. What am I doing here? I’m trampling my way through her life, and for what? Just to settle a score? Leaning on the windowsill I stared out into the perfect Ponyville afternoon.

I’d hit a catch 22: military strategy usually harps on about ‘knowing thy enemy’, but the truth is you don’t want to know anything more than, ‘They’re bad’. The more you know, the more you can sympathise, and the more you sympathise, the more you find in common.

And I was just doing this because she ruined my pie.

While I was halfway through more philosophising, I caught sight of a problem. Colgate and Berry Punch walking this way together. Colgate stood a little ahead of Berry and walking in a sort of semi-enthusiastic trudge, while Berry just matched pace.

A wild leap of logic said they were headed to Colgate’s house, another leap said I’d have to do just that out a window. It was a shame; I might have undone some of what I’d done otherwise. As the front door downstairs opened, I did the same with the music room window and hoped the sound wouldn’t be noticed. This had to be done right first go, sure I could time turn back if I broke something, but I wouldn’t be able to hide from Colgate then. This wasn’t too high, I’ve done stupider jumps.

As the door downstairs shut, I leapt through the window and down onto the road below. As I hit the ground I tucked my head in and let myself topple into a roll to cushion the blow. The painful part was when I did a complete roll and my legs had flipped over to hit the ground again. There were a few funny looks from other ponies, but I didn’t stop to explain as I got up and galloped home.

---

Back home I started locking my doors and windows. Once Colgate started figuring things out, she’d probably try something in return and I wasn’t going to make it easy for her.
The afternoon passed with no sign of her. I spent my time working on a few clocks while keeping my ears open. Nothing happened as night fell and as I made my way to bed I felt somewhat disappointed.

Then about two in the morning, I heard a knocking sound from the front door downstairs. Peeking out an upstairs window, I caught sight of the shadow of a unicorn on my doorstep. I didn’t want to take any chances here, so I got out a water balloon I’d put in my freezer that now held an icy slush. If Colgate wanted to try something she could have a snowball to the face. Balancing the balloon on a hoof, I opened the front door with my mouth and prepared to throw.

“Oh good you’re home! I wasn’t sure you’d be here.” That wasn’t Colgate’s voice.

I looked out from behind the door. “Oh, Banana Fluff. Is something wrong?”

Banana, Pokey’s old assistant chef, was a little agitated. Her mane was still cropped short from the dessert accident, but her regrown coat had red splotches on it. My eyes narrowed. “Is that blood?”

Banana nodded. “It’s Thunderlane’s. He’s in the hospital. I didn’t know who anypony else who could help.” It was about now that I noticed that Banana had been crying.

“Don’t worry, Banana, you came to the right pony.” I reached up to give her a comforting shoulder rub. “Let’s get going.”

I shut the door behind me and we both galloped off down to the hospital. Normally I’d strongly advise against that sort of speed in the dark, potholes aren’t fun. But when one of your best friends is in hospital you can throw caution to the wind. As we galloped I kept pace with Banana instead of pulling ahead, she’s the one who needed comfort the most right now, and abandoning her wouldn’t help.

Once we came to the hospital I led the way inside to the front desk where a somewhat tired and flustered looking Nurse Redheart was filing in some paperwork.

“Redheart,” I said as I came up to the desk. “I need to know what room Thunderlane’s in.”

“It’s the middle of the night,” she chided me in a strict tone. “Visiting hours are over.”

I rubbed a fetlock across my forehead. “Redheart, do you know who I am?”

“No,” she replied, rather unamused.

“Good, then you won’t tell security my name,” I replied coldly. “And as soon as you turn your back I’ll be running up and down this hospital until I find Thunderlane.”

“I only need your description.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, brown stallion, very distinctive. Anyway, your ‘security’ and I go to the same club, they’ll leave me be. Face it, I’ll get there. It’ll be easier if you help me, and nopony will be blaming you for it later.”

We got into a staring contest. Redheart got to look through the metaphorical window to my soul, and blinked. She huffed and started sorting through the paperwork. “Mr Thunderlane is still in surgery,” Redheart said tersely. Banana gasped. “But he should be out soon and recovering in room four on the second floor.”

I nodded and politely replied, “Thank you, Nurse Redheart.” Before I turned to leave. “Come on, Banana.”

We made our way up just in time to see a pair of orderlies leaving Lane’s room. I pulled Banana out of sight until they left so we could avoid any more discussions about visiting hours. When they were gone we nipped into Lane’s room.

He didn’t look good. His dark coat was more grey than black now and cotton balls had been taped to his wings in a dozen places. Lane tried to say something as we walked in, but it was lost in a hacking cough.

“Lane!” Banana ran forward and took him up in a hug. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah,” he croaked. “Jus lost a lil’l blood is all.” He coughed again in Banana’s hold, causing a few feathers to fall from his wings.

I tilted the chart hanging from the end of his bed up to read it. “Symptoms: dry cough, forced moulting, blood loss. Diagnosis: Influenza virus (feather flu)”. “He’s got the flu.”

Banana stopped nuzzling Lane. “Oh stars.”

“Seems so,” Lane said before he coughed something unspeakable into the bin beside the bed. “I broke some blood feathers before they were preenable, and so that’s why I’m here.”

“Uh, Thunderlane,” I asked. “I’m not a pegasus, so I don’t know the terminology here.”

Lane nodded, swallowed, and took a breath. “Kay, Bud. A blood feather is a feather that hasn’t finished growing. When broke, they bleed, and you have to yank ‘em or they won’t stop, get me?”

“Uh huh.”

“Normally it’s just one or two every now and then, so no biggie,” Thunderlane continued. “But if you moult, you get a dozen or two at once.”

I checked the clipboard again, ‘Forced moulting’. “So the flu put you through a moult, and somehow you managed to damage all the blood feathers on your wings.” I let the clipboard drop down again. “What were you doing?”

“Um,” Banana said. “We were on a date.” She blushed. “The end of one actually.” That thought bounced around my head a few times as I made the mental connections.

My eyebrows furrowed when I figured it out. “The part where you went home for a vertically-challenged dance, I assume?”

An enthusiastic grin crossed Thunderlane’s face as he nodded weakly. “Worth it,” he croaked.

I brought a hoof to my face. “So you went on a date, even though you were sick.”

“I’ve been planning this all week,” Thunderlane grumbled. “A little cough wasn’t going to stop me.”

The hoof remained on my face. “Banana, have you had a flu shot?”

“No,” she admitted.

“Congratulations, Thunderlane. Not only have you gotten yourself hospitalized, but you’ve also guaranteed that Banana Fluff is going to come down with the flu too.” Minus the losing feathers part. I crossed my forelegs and leant over the bed end. “Was it still worth it?”

Thunderlane looked between Banana and me. Perhaps some hidden survival instinct drove his next words, “She is.” Then he coughed again.

Banana stepped forward to kiss Lane on the forehead. “Don’t worry, I forgive you.”

You won’t soon. It’s hard to have sympathy at all when you’re being whipped by the flu. “So what now, Lane? It’s going to be a week or something until you can fly again. That means you won’t be able to get up to your cloud house, or look after yourself.”

“Uh,” Thunderlane scratched his head. “Haven’t really thought about that.”

“I could look after him,” Banana volunteered. Lane nodded at that idea.

“Might not be a good idea.” I gave her a sympathetic look. “You’re going to be sick soon as well.”

“I can look after him until then.”

“If you think so,” I replied with a nod. “But if he gets to be too much then you can bring him around my place.”

Lane coughed again. “Thanks for the offer, Turner.”

I returned the nod. “We’d better let you get some rest, you’ve lost a lot of blood.”

“Wait a moment, bud,” Lane called. “There’s one thing you could do for me.”

I turned and nodded. “What do you need, Lane?”

“You know how it’s Tornado Day tomorrow, right?” Lane asked weakly.

“Actually it’s today now,” I corrected and pointed at the small clock on the bedside.

“Right,” Lane accepted flatly. “Just you see, my bro is gonna be there.”

“Yeah, Rumble’s his name, right?” I asked.

“Just.” Lane coughed something up and swallowed it again. “He wanted to be there to see Spitfire. Just make sure Rumble knows I’m sick, but that I’ll be fine.”

I nodded. “Easy, I’ll get that done.”

“Then get him to tell my folks that I’m fine.”

“No problem, Lane. Get some rest.” I looked over at Banana Fluff who’d made herself comfortable in a nearby chair. “You coming too, Banana?”

“No,” she yawned. “I’ll just stay here and keep him company for a while.”

“Alright, good night you two,” I said with a wave. The pair echoed the sentiment with a sniff and yawn. I didn’t hang around any longer and when nopony was looking I went out the front door on my way home.

At home I put the melted snowball balloon back in the freezer and went to bed again. Colgate still hadn’t made an appearance yet, though tomorrow would be another day.

---

For something as mundane as water relocation, Tornado Day was a fairly big affair. Walking out I could look up and constantly see somepony with wings making their own way out to the reservoir. The pegasi were still mustering when I arrived. I wandered around through the group looking for Rumble.

Wings were everywhere, ponies stretching and loose feathers were all over the ground. On my second lap I nearly ran into a familiar looking brown colt with a fetching mane style.

“Hey, Crescent.”

“Hey, Turner.”

“Good luck with the Tornado.”

“Thanks.”

Luna, it was creepy being around that pony, he looks so much like me it gives me the shivers. If it weren’t for his wings and lighter voice you’d almost think we were twins.

Eventually I ran into Rumble as he ran counter clockwise into me, looking a little lost. Picking himself up, Rumble was about to leave when I caught him. “Wait, you’re Rumble right?”

“Yeah, what’chu want?” One thing I noticed is that Rumble was a rough opposite of Lane’s colour scheme, dark mane, light coat as opposed to dark coat, light mane.

“Thunderlane wanted me to find you and let you know that he’s in the hospital because of the feather flu. He won’t be here today.”

“Oh.” Rumble looked down at his hooves. “But he promised I could meet Spitfire.”

I pointed over my shoulder at the anemometer. “You can still meet her after the tornado by yourself. Spitfire won’t mind.”

“But,” Rumble protested. “It’s not just for me. Lane wanted to ask if he could get into the Wonderbolt Academy.”

I was about to offer some reassurance, but a horn sounded. “Sounds like things are getting started. I have to go up to the spectator area, good luck.” Rumble nodded back, and I took my leave. Tornados are dangerous, and it’s best to avoid dealing with them if at all possible. While a pegasus can fly out of a tornado, an earth pony would get tossed out instead.

Up by the fence on the hill overlooking the reservoir a small crowd of curious farmers had gathered around to watch and turned the day into an impromptu social occasion. While fun, it would be something I’d have to keep an eye on: farmers tend to feud.

Over the last millennium the major earth pony families have spread, founded farms, and through numerous social functions have created connections between each other. While on the surface the Apples and Carrots are still arguing like always, underneath they’re just as closely related to their neighbours as their distant cousins. It’s a real double standard; family tends to be more name than blood, and the blood ties mean that familiarity breeds contempt.

More than once in recent history the Apples and Carrots have started throwing Pies and Cakes at each other respectively, literally, and metaphorically.

This was demonstrated rather effectively by Applejack and Carrot Top both having set up their market stands directly opposite each other. Where there’s a crowd, there’s a market for food. Applejack was selling apple pies, apple juice, and apple fritters. Carrot Top was selling carrot cupcakes, carrot juice, and vegetable pasties.

Both were being assisted by their little sisters, Apple Bloom and Noi. For my own personal safety, I didn’t want to get involved with Apple Bloom’s sales technique. Neither what happened or could of have happened turned out well for me. Applejack isn’t nice when her little sister starts to cry.

Going over to Carrot’s stand I could hear Noi greeting customers. “Two carrot cupcakes, that’s, um,” she brought a hoof up to her chin. “Four bits.” There was a clatter of change and Noi thanked the customer.

When I stepped forward Noi beamed. “Mr Turner! Would you like some cupcakes? Only one bit for you.”

“I’d love one, Noi.” I put a bit on the countertop.

The little filly reached beneath the counter and got out a little iced cupcake. I took a bite out of a corner. It was like one of Carrot Top’s full sized cakes, but the centre held a walnut. My next bite took in the walnut and creamed icing which was a wonderful and moist combination of sweet and bitter taste.

“Did you like it?” Noi asked. The filly was gazing at me blankly, waiting for a response.

“It was incredible, Noi.”

Noi’s face burst into a bright smile. “Thanks, I helped make it.” She went over and pulled on Carrot Top’s mane. “Sis, Mr Turner said the cupcakes we made were incredible.”

Carrot quickly finished up with her customer before switching to me. “Good afternoon, Turner. Noi, why don’t you look after our customers while I speak to Time Turner?”

“Sure, sis.” Noi went over to greet the next customer.

Carrot looked around then leaned over the counter so we could talk normally. “You out here to see the tornado as well?”

I shrugged. “Might as well while I’m here, but I’m just down here to let Thunderlane’s brother know he’s in hospital.”

Carrot’s eyes widened. “What’s wrong with Thunderlane?”

“Feather flu, then he managed to break a bunch of new feathers after he lost the old ones,” I explained. “Turns out they bleed badly when you do, he had to get medical attention to deal with them.”

Carrot nodded. “Derpy’s had that before. When she was growing her feathers back she got so hungry that I’d go out to harvest and come back to find my fridge completely cleaned out.”

I blinked. “That’s a lot of food.”

“Her daughters were there as well,” Carrot explained.

“Still a lot of food.” A teenager like Sparkler could gulp down like a champ and a filly like Dinky would vacuum up sweets, but the amount still boggled the mind. “But Lane hit the jackpot there, he’s staying with Banana Fluff until he gets back on his wings.”

The sound of a horn filled the air. I looked down to the field. “Sounds like they’re getting started.”

Carrot nodded her head. “Let’s go watch.” I agreed and we joined the rest of the ponies lining up against the fence. The seventy or so pegasi had already taken off and were beginning to fly in a circle over the water. A wind cone quickly formed as loose moisture and dust was pulled up into the cone, giving it a distinctive blue colour. Then the wind flying off the storm started to reach us, blowing back manes and forcing some ponies to hold onto their hats.

Some of the spectators around us cheered and started waving, until somepony was thrown out of the tornado. Then everything fell apart and the tornado burst, dropping its water load back into the lake. Most of the pegasi looked dizzy from over here.

“Looks like they’ll have to try again,” I said unworried. Taking a moment, I looked around at the crowd around us. Colgate still hadn’t made an appearance. Perhaps she’s given up. Frankly I wouldn’t mind that because I’d win by default, even If I’d have to stay on guard for a while.

Carrot leant forward on the fence. “Do you think they’ll be able to do it?”

“It looked like they almost had it.” I held a hoof over my eyes to block the sunset as I tried guessing their numbers. “I don’t think Spitfire was in that last one, if they’re just under then she can push them over the line.” A wonderbolt like her must have a decent set of wings.

Rainbow pulled all the pegasi back up with one of her pep talks, probably about putting best effort in, proving something, and getting the job done with ‘awesome’ said at least four times. Whatever it was, it got them all back in the air again and the horn sounded again.

The tornado formed again. “It looks straighter this time,” Carrot said as she tried to get a better look at what was happening.

“The water level is going down,” I added. Somepony else joined the tornado at the last minute, and a yellow blur added itself to the collage.

“They’ve got the water up, I think,” Carrot said. There was an abrupt change in the tornado’s shape as it bulked up with a thunderclap. “There it goes.” The water shot out the top, the initial wave dragging the rest with it as it flew off toward Cloudsdale.

The horn sounded a final time and the tornado split up as all the pegasi followed the wind out. Celebration broke out as they landed, I could hear the cheering from where we were. Once they were done with the self-congratulatory stuff the muster of pegasi came up the road toward us.

“Here come your customers, Goldie.” This late in the afternoon, and after that kind of exercise, those ponies were going to be hungry. Turning to mention that to Carrot, I found she’d already disappeared. In fact she was already over at her stand with a big sign declaring what they had for sale. On the other side of the road Applejack and Apple Bloom were doing the same.

As the crowd arrived many of them split off to line up at the stands, both quickly doing brisk business. Most were over by Rainbow Dash and Spitfire.

I felt a tap on one of my legs, looking down I found Noi and Rumble at my hooves. “Mr Turner,” Noi asked. “We want to go see Spitfire, could you take us?” Looking over at the crowd it was fairly clear to see that it wasn’t a safe place for the kids, too easy to get crushed or trampled.

“Okay, kids.” I set myself down on the ground. “Hop on.”

“Thanks Mr Turner,” Rumble said. The pair sat themselves upright on my back, Noi up front behind my neck and Rumble behind her.

Noi tapped her hoof against my neck. “Mush!”

I turned to look back at my passengers. “Do I look like a diamond dog to you?”

Rumble leaned over. “Giddy up?”

“Better…” I trailed off.

Noi brought a hoof to her chin. “Um. Giddy up, please?”

“Hold on you two.” I stood up and made my way toward the crowd. Despite being surrounded from all sides and even above, Spitfire and Rainbow were coping well with all the attention. Questions were constantly being asked by the ponies in the crowd, lost to my ears in the din, but Spitfire answered them quickly.

“There’s no real secret to being a Wonderbolt. It just takes dedication, and the will to push yourself to your best and beyond.” Somepony else asked a question. Spitfire pointed to them and said, “Absolutely, prove you have the ability and it’ll happen.” Then she turned to face somepony among those hovering above. “The Wonderbolts run training camps during the summer. You can sign up for one at the Cloudeseum in Cloudsdale.”

Rainbow Dash gasped. “Oh. My. Gosh. You gotta sign me up for that!” This was echoed from several other pegasi in the crowd.

Rumbled jumped up and down on my back yelling, “Sign my bro up for that too!”

Spitfire chuckled. “It just so happens I have a bunch of Wonderbolt Academy sign up forms here with me.”

“Convenient huh?” I said flatly, though nopony seemed to hear me.

Rumble flew off my back and around in front of my face. “Mr Turner, you gotta get my bro into that camp!”

“Rumble, I’m not sure I should—”

“Please!”

I rolled my eyes with a sigh. “Fine. Get back on and I’ll get a form.”

Noi gave me a pat on the neck. “I knew Dinky was wrong when she said you weren’t a nice pony, Mr Turner.”

I gave Noi a smile. “Noi, I’m nice to ponies I like. Anyway, Dinky only says that because I don’t let her win at battleclouds.” That got a giggle from Noi.

Rumble landed on my back again and I pushed forward into the crowd. There were two things in my favour as I pushed ponies aside to get through: first, as an earth pony I’ve got more mass to throw around, a lot of it muscle; second, nopony was going to argue with somepony carrying innocent children.

Once through, I snatched a form from the pile and used my child enhanced aggression immunity to escape. Once out, I took the kids back to the Carrot stand and put the form down to read.

Borrowing a pencil from Carrot Top, I filled in Thunderlane’s name and details. Then I found out what the catch was. “Attendance requires an enrolment fee of two hundred and twenty bits,” I hissed.

Rumbled looked over my shoulder. “That’s not too much is it?”

I looked back at the innocent hope on his face. “No, it isn’t.” That’s coming straight out of the vault. I filled in my own address to receive the bill. Thunderlane, you’re going to owe me big time for this. Details filled in, I folded the form up. I’d post it to Cloudsdale tonight. Last time I checked, the big vault in my lounge room still had a few thousand bits in it. Most of that money had come from my last trip to Los Pegasus.

The crowd of ponies migrated on as night fell, which didn’t trouble Carrot because she’d already sold out. Noi and Rumble came up to Carrot as I was helping her pack up. “Sis, I want to go sleep over at Rumble’s house, he says it’s a cloud and really cool. His parents are here to pick him up, and say I’m welcome.”

Carrot looked over at me then to Rumble. “You live in cloud house, don’t you, Rumble?”

The little pegasus nodded. “Yeah, but my whole room has a magic carpet so I don’t lose my toys.”

“I’m not sure…”

“Please, sis,” Noi asked. “I wanna see how clouds work.”

Carrot looked over at me. “It should be safe,” I said. “It’s a bit weird, but as long as you have a pegasus around you can manage.” I looked over at Noi. “You can’t leave Rumble’s bedroom carpet, or you’ll fall through the clouds.”

“I won’t,” Noi answered.

Carrot sighed. “As long as Rumble’s parents are okay with it, and you don’t leave that carpet thing.”

Noi gave Carrot a hug around her neck. “Thanks, sis.” She let got and turned Rumble. “Come on, let’s go.” The pair ran off giggling toward a pegasus couple on the other side of the road.

Carrot looked after Noi mournfully. “I guess this means I’m going to be alone again tonight.”

I stepped forward and gave Carrot Top a pat on the back. She’d spent a lot of time alone before Noi came back to Ponyville, I guessed Carrot wasn't ready to be alone again for a while. “Don’t worry about her, she’ll be fine. And if you don’t want to be alone tonight you can come around my place for dinner. Then you can use my spare bedroom if you want.”

Carrot nodded. “That would be nice.”

We finished packing up and I hitched myself to her wagon. Then we went back around to my house for the night.

---

I woke up again to the sound of metal crashing downstairs. The crash could herald any number of bad things, so I rolled myself out of bed and stumbled into the hallway. Taking the stairs necessitated a quick breather to find my sense of balance, but I was quickly down and looking for the source of the sound.

The first place I checked was my workshop. Opening the door, I found nothing out of place except the smell of something cooking. Turning to follow the scent, I found Carrot Top making pancakes in the kitchen.

She turned at the sound of my hoofsteps. “Good morning, Turner, I thought that was you up. There wasn’t much around, so I used what you had to make some pancakes. I hope you don’t mind.” The previous crash resolved itself in my mind as just the sound of pan on my stovetop and my worries disappeared.

“Yes… um, no?” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “No, I don’t mind, and next, did you make some for me?”

Carrot sighed and said, “I’d thought you’d ask that.” She flipped a pancake out onto a plate with a spatula. She dropped the spatula again, turned, and said, “Do you know how to cook at all?”

“Only in the sense of, ‘Make fire, then apply food until tasty.’” I grimaced. “I normally just buy something when I’m hungry.” I nodded at the pan. “I only bought the flour you’re using to fill the spot in the cupboard.” A spot last vacated when the preceding bag had fallen onto my head.

Carrot smiled to herself and shook her head. “I made enough for both of us.” She picked up the spatula and flipped another pancake onto a second plate. “It’s a wonder you colts even manage to look after yourselves properly.”

“It’s probably why we’re outnumbered.” I took my seat and Carrot delivered the plate. My solitary jar of jam was already waiting with a spoon.

Carrot sat down beside me. “You didn’t have any cream or maple syrup.”

“Cream would go off, and maple syrup is expensive,” I replied.

I set to adding jam while Carrot said, “So what were you doing in your workshop before? It sounded like something fell over.”

My eyebrows furrowed in thought and I put the spoon down. “Nothing fell over, my workshop was empty.”

Carrot blinked. “Then where—” A knocking sound interrupted her. “What was that?”

“Front door.” I stood up and my way out of the kitchen. There was a clatter as Carrot followed. We went through the lounge room, the curtains were closed so instead of peaking outside I just went to the door.

I opened the top part of the door to find Ditzy waiting on the other side with a large envelope in her mouth. The kind of envelope that meant whatever was inside had to be important. “Good morning, Ditzy. Back to normal after Tornado Day?” Ditzy nodded.

Carrot waved to Ditzy as I opened the lower part of the door. “Hey Derpy.” The postpony nodded back before passing the envelope over to me.

“Morning Carrot,” Ditzy said with a nod before looking back at me. “Lyra had my job for a few days while I was training for the tornado.” She nodded at the envelope in my mouth. “So this letter’s been waiting a few days for me to pick it up from Canterlot.” My eyebrows rose.

“Couldn’t Lyra have just picked it up instead?” Carrot asked.

Ditzy shook her head. “I’m the only one supposed to carry it.”

I turned to Carrot and hummed to get her attention before motioning my eyes at the letter. Carrot Top took the letter in her mouth. “It’s a special arrangement. Ditzy, I suppose you want to hang around for a minute in case I need to send a response?” Ditzy nodded. “Alright, I’ll take a look now.” I led the way into my lounge room again. Ditzy took a spot on my couch with an audible sigh of relief.

“Goldie,” I said as I stood by the table, “could you hold that out for me please?” Carrot nodded and held the envelope out. I leant forward and tore the end off of it, then I took it in my mouth and flicked the contents out onto my coffee table. A folder and a piece of paper slid out. As they came to a halt a photo slid out of the folder.

“Is that Colgate?” Carrot said as she slid turned the photo to face her. There was a thud from somewhere. “It is her, look.” She slid the photo around to me. It was Colgate. Her mane was shorter, as was her horn, but it was her. Must have been taken a few years back, it was a profile photo of the sort done in schools.

“It is,” I confirmed.

I flipped over the loose piece of paper to find a letter from Siren.

Time Turner

After your last letter I sent one of my assistants down to the archives to find any sixth law violations on record. Such violations are by their nature hard to track down, but this search bore fruit.

Cross referencing Ponyville with all violations on record brought up only a single pony, other than you of course. I’ve enclosed her dossier. Since she is a previous offender, and already on notice, if she is indeed the source of the time spell you experienced, then it is crucial she be apprehended. I don’t need to explain to you of all ponies how dangerous violators can become if left unchecked. A warlock with skill in time magic is something that must be avoided at all cost.

Since you are uniquely skilled in the matter, I leave apprehension entirely up to you.

Siren

“Well buck.” So much for my deal with Colgate then. I already told somepony about her. Our little rivalry just went up a few notches.

Turning to the dossier, I found it stamped with the seal of the Equestrian Intelligence Service and marked ‘secret’. Not really something a civilian, even a regular consultant, should be seeing. Siren was really going out on a limb here.

Seeing as Ditzy and Carrot were already here and had already seen it, I read the secret document aloud.

“Threat Dossier: Level Epsilon (Low); Name: Minuette, Alias: Colgate; Magic Level: Beta.” I sighed. “Detail: Sixth Law violator, Minuette has a talent in time magic, while untrained she has a natural Variable Time Dilation Spell. It is believed she has previously used this spell on a regular basis. However it was not discovered until she attempted to use it during a written examination that resulted in her expulsion from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Minuette was pardoned by Princess Celestia on the provision she keep use of any time magic to an absolute minimum. Conclusion: Minuette is to be monitored as convenient and is to be considered a null threat until she relapses. Violation of the conditions of her pardon will escalate her threat level to Beta (High) and will require immediate apprehension and reformation, or… petrification.”

Stepping back from the dossier I could see the slack jawed expressions on Ditzy and Carrot Top’s faces. Both were genuinely speechless.

I sat down in my armchair with a sigh. “And I’m the one who’s supposed to bring her in. Because she violated the terms of her pardon.” I gave the dossier on the table a kick. “And then they’ll throw her in a dungeon or add her to the Canterlot Statue Garden right alongside Discord.”

Then I heard a panicked whimper. Leaning forward in my chair I looked at the other two. They were looking around, they’d heard it too. Then again, it wasn’t the only suspicious sound I’d heard this morning.

I scanned the room for hiding places. Nothing behind the chairs or under the table, but the curtains were still closed. In the corner, where the curtains came up against the side of my thunder forged vault there was a bump. Now that I was listening for it, I could just hear an almost panicked breathing.

“Minuette.” I said solemnly. “I can see you.” A gasp. Then time seemed to slow down as the constant sound of my clocks was reduced to a dull thud. The stillness in the air broke with a rip as Colgate came flying out of the curtain as it tore around her glowing horn. Once out, she changed course for the front door and left the curtain floating in air as if gravity had stopped. Then the effect ended as she went out the front door and the curtain fell to the ground.

Carrot Top flew to her hooves, standing on the couch while Ditzy took off into the air. “Celestia!” Carrot gasped. “What was that?”

“That was Colgate,” I said as I rolled out of my chair. “I’m going after her.”

“Why are you going after her?” Ditzy asked. “She’s just scared.”

“Exactly, and now she thinks she’s got nothing to lose.” On my way to the door I stopped by my coat rack to put my Fedora on my head. “And if she escapes, then she’ll be branded a criminal.” I looked back toward two of my best friends, I shook my head slightly. “Right now I’m the only one who can save her.”

I charged out the door. Looking around I caught a glimpse of her as she bolted around a corner and down the road toward her home. She was already ahead, so I galloped after as fast as I could.

When you get down to it, unicorns aren’t really built for endurance. A mare like Colgate might be a decent sprinter over a short distance, but an earth pony would catch up eventually, and I’ve had a lifetime of experience running. Turning the corner at full clip I nearly lost my footing, but I came around fast enough to see Colgate disappear into the market.

Weaving through the crowd I finally spotted Colgate in the distance, she was leaning against a post trying to catch her breath.

“Colgate, wait!” I called forward. Colgate turned to see me, shock on her face, and then started looking around.

I wove around a crowd gathered around Bon-Bon’s stall and made for Colgate. But before I could reach her, I took a full broadside of tomatoes from a nearby stall. A few hit my eyes and unbalanced me enough for something to trip me. From the dust in the ground I heard somepony bolt. “Back up.”

On the second try, I dove over a market stall countertop – making some cherry jam in the process – and ducked down. The tomato barrage hit the stallion tending the stall and the wall behind him instead.

Colgate bolted off again, but this time I followed her from the other side of the market counters. Making my way around the occupants of the stalls cost me time, but I kept the tired unicorn in sight. Colgate kept looking back, throwing more food at me and forcing me to duck it. Before we reached the end of the market she’d plastered more than a few stalls with the contents of their cross market neighbour.

Once we left the market Colgate ran out of ammo, and so I chased her directly again. “Colgate! Stop running!”

“Just leave me alone!” She called back over her shoulder. Getting closer, I came alongside Colgate. Before I could grab her, she looked back, saw me, and made for the nearest building. Caught by the abrupt change in her course, I had to slide to a halt before I could chase her inside.

The building turned out to be Quills and Sofas. Colgate was stuck at the back, unable to open the other door. Seeing me, Colgate circled the showroom away from me. I hurdled a davenport and Colgate threw a pillow in my face. Bouncing off another sofa, I saw Colgate buck the back door off its hinges and throw a jarful of quills into the air.

I followed her out through the feather cloud in time to see her duck into another building. Following her inside this one brought me through the back of Art and Antiques. Looking out the front door I couldn’t see her. She was still in here.

Turning to the proprietor, I asked, “Have you seen a blue unicorn?” She regarded me rather strangely and pointed behind me.

Turning back around, I saw Colgate behind a big grandfather clock. She pushed it over. My world became that of a falling clock. It was a nice clock too: gold filigree, marble faceplate, the pendulum was a ball of crystal. I couldn’t let it break.

“Argh.” I caught the clock with both hooves and slowly pushed it back while Colgate bolted. A good push got the clock upright again, as the balance tipped it fell back with a crash against the wall. I winced. Running out of the store after Colgate, I yelled back, “I’ll fix that!”

Colgate was fast losing steam and I quickly caught up to her as we crossed the town’s centre square. Gasping, she stumbled into Parties and Pranks. As I burst in after her, she looked back and with a flickering horn she tipped a rack full of marbles over.

Rather than dumbly running through the marble minefield I took a box of sneezing powder off the shelf, ripped the cord to open it and lobbed it at her. As I did that, she did the same to the rest of the boxes and stumbled toward me and the door. I moved forward to grab her as she tried to pass, and she dragged us through the large pink sneezing cloud.

Outside again, Colgate fell to the ground and lay there. By this point she’d had to have worn out her legs and given herself a splitting migraine from using all that magic.

I fought off a sneezing fit. Much like Colgate, the powder had stolen my breath and left me puffing to clear my nose. Making my way over to the mare, I stood over her and booped her on the nose. “I… got... you.”

Colgate sighed something unintelligible and let her head fall back against the ground. Something about the entire situation seemed funny to me, and I laughed. Then for some reason Colgate giggled breathlessly as well. Out of breath, our coats covered in a pink powder, and possibly having performed the single greatest bit of mayhem Ponyville had seen this month, a bit of laughter seemed the right response.

“Halt!” barked a harsh voice. Looking around I found we’d been surrounded by a squad of royal guards.

Apparently this didn’t seem funny to them.

Comments

[Web of Hope]

I still say Colgate won the Time War

[The Lone Shadow]

Ah Turner, never change. A lovable bastard with a good heart, that's the guy we love.

Hopefully the 'Time War' will be over now and again hopefully Turner'll be able to get the two of them off scot-free.

Worryingly though, what was Colgate doing in Turner's workshop before the shit hit the fan?

[sum_person]

I'm just imagining Time Turner holding up his investigation badge so he can totally and hilariously justify all of the destruction he just caused.

[Crim]

Ooooh Colgate, you in troubllllleeeee, don't worry though. Turner will save you

[Ponibius]

Well the conflict is really ramping up now. I look forward to seeing what happens with Colgate now that she seems to be in real hot water given this could go any number of ways.

[BlueNinja]

“Same thing we do every meeting, Spike,” I said.

Try to take over the world!

There was no way I could pass that up.

Turner, if you keep walking in at moments like that, everyone's going to try and hook up you with Colgate.

a simple door lock was rather trivial to open.

*wince* I think getting you arrested for B&E will leave her in permanent lead position.

I started locking my doors and windows.

You don't normally keep them locked?

“Do I look like a diamond dog to you?”

"Well now that you mention it ..."

Well, from the looks of it, the only way Turner is going to get out of this is by turning Colgate in for her crimes. Of course, it'll get interesting then as she blabs about his unauthorized and frequent use of time magic.

[Grif_Bladefeather]

honestly this proves how nice time turner is, at this point i don't think colgate really deserves to be saved. we know from 'symphony of a winning lyrist' that she realized eventualy it was as much her fault. everything she's done afterwards is pushing thing too far. at the very least time turner should turn ehr in too pokey.

[themouthofmush]

Luna, it was creepy being around that pony, he looks so much like me it gives me the shivers. If it weren’t for his wings and lighter voice you’d almost think we were twins.

this, right here, made me laugh so hard. good job.

[Kagitaar]

3705485

An earth pony, using time magic? Preposterous! Who would level such ridiculous allegations?

[BlueNinja]

3727886 Anyone else who can detect time magic, given that it's tattooed on his butt?

[Bazing]

Awww shit, fucking Colgate.

[621Chopsuey]

That moment when you're not sure if you should feel sympathy or contempt for Minuette,

[Kagitaar]

3729371

Sarcasm!

[djthomp]

Looking around for Thunderlane, I noticed one of the windows had been opened. Outside a blue unicorn mare waved at me happily. She waited until she was sure I’d seen her, and then disappeared off into the night.

Nearly died laughing when I got to that part.

Ewwww, blood feathers, just as nasty as when Blossemforth had the same issue in the main fic.

Violation of the conditions of her pardon will escalate her threat level to Beta (High) and will require immediate apprehension and reformation, or… petrification.”

[DiscordDraconequus]

Fezzes are cool. Spike is wearing a fez. Therefore Spike is cool.

Wait, Crest? Another toothpaste brand time pony!

[Lorthalis of Crows]

I'm trying to resist, I'm tr- oh who am I kidding. Time turner x Colgate is my OTP.

[Ormus Von Orbulon]

This is absolutely brilliant
You inspire me to search for everything related to Time Turner and Colgate, but I feel whatever I'd find wouldn't quite match up to what you've got going here.
Please update! Very much looking forward to more
~OvO

[ShadowLDrago]

“Same thing we do every meeting, Spike,” I said.

Try and take over the world! had to be said.

"Do I look like a diamond dog to you?"

Well...

So Time Turner met his pegasus counterpart, interestingm when he's portrayed as the Doctor's they're usually one and the same, he just regenerates into a pegasus or it's an alternate timeline or future/past him.

[SelfLoathingChimera]

‘Make fire, then apply food until tasty.’

Sounds about right.