I was right it gets better.

So awesome to see this story also added here.
You should add this to the Human in Equestria group. Could get the story, and you, more attention.

Good luck with all of your endeavors.

Well, I like what Im seeing so far :)

Please don't tell me Chris going to be transformed into black alicorn with red mane, lol

This story sounds VERY much like one that I've been thinking about. I'm not saying that you stole my idea or anything, I was just surprised as I read the description. I like this story and I really want to read it. I'll just have to make some changes to my idea.

The only thing that is bothering me is that this story says Celestia's eyes are blue... There not blue.

So why does an orphanage still have an 18 year old, yet alone a 23 year old?

Other then that, a pretty decent read.

I want moar

A few things.
1) I'd recommend changing the text font or style in some way when you have a letter, or give it a clear distinction that it's different. Just makes it easier to read.
2) I'd recommend adding breaks when you jump locations rather suddenly. Just helps cue the reader that you're either changing locations, time, or POV.
3)

Now Dan had been a thorn in his side ever since he had arrived at their doorstep.

You don't need the "now" and it just makes the sentence a little wordy.
4) Not sure you really need the "ten minuets earlier." Just having a distinct break should be enough to tip the reader that there's a slight change.
5) I might have missed something but didn't Dan get caught along as well? Or at least something came out of the portal. You note two things came out of the portal... though I noted the main character after he'd gotten stabbed.

All in all they're relatively small things, so they should be easy fixes. Otherwise I enjoyed the piece.

I better be seeing more of this later.
I love Celestia stories.

I've only read the first chapter but I am thoroughly enjoying this story so far.

I have barely just started reading this and I am already in love with it

Finally! A Human X Princess Celestia that's got my attention--and the best part is: it's not in second-person! Awesome job so far!

Chris had had

Chris has had*

2587805 actually this idea in general IE memory loss reuniting with a love you dont remember is a pretty common thought up plot :D this is the first time im actually reading this classic love story with MLP instead and so far im LOVING this! to be truthful its easy to think up this plot but much harder to pull it off right :D you sir already earned a fave and upvote!

He was sitting down against a tree, staring out into the brilliant sunset. He wasn't alone however. She was there with him, her head on his lap, her breathing content as he ran his fingers through her mane.

They were together, they were young.

[And] they were in love.

the original way you worded this sounded a little robotic (like naming off a list) it definitly flows better when you put 'and' on that last sentence it feels much more heartfelt that way. But its comepletly up to you.

You've cliche'd all over the placed. All Twilight's friends were immediately at her front door which was a tad hilarious. I'm starting to get the idea they know when she's about to screw another spell up, and hide outside, waiting to offer some obligated assistance.

THEY HAVE NO PURPOSE HERE

I stay for romance

At first i was curious, an interesting idea. Seems to be received positively. But then i read it. OOOooh boy.

So many cliches and plot holes. So many things that just don't make sense.
The guy is considered "magic freak", in the human world, as opposed to someone clever/desperate depositing him at the orphanage as a baby? Were the investigators on crack? (there is such a thing as a unsolved mystery.. you don't tag that as magic) Why did everyone hang on to that thing and never let it go for 18 years?! Being an orphan isnt enough?

Bully is entirely pointless. (also, legal adult cared for in an orphanage? It doesn't work like that. Also gratuitous murder attempt is random)

Hurt human outrunning ponies? Well OF COURSE! Stomach wounds are nothing for a teenaged boy that probably never got hurt that bad in his lifetime and doesnt have the willpower to do much beside screaming in pain and bleeding while his stomach acid burn/digest his insides MAN. Jeez i wonder if Twi/Tia/Luna can teleport nearby and cut him off.. Or all the flyers catch up to him in seconds. Or just use their much faster non-wounded (and familiar with the layout of the town, since they are in the middle of it) legs and get there.

They don't. No one does anything. They all fail spectacularly to catch him in the large distance he got to cover between the town and the forest. So what if you cant hold him with magic? You don't need to, do it the ol' fashioned way and just gang-pile him with the M6, guards, a pair of gods and whatever random bystanders who happens to help.

But Celly just give up on the chase in what appears to be seconds and go back home. Right. "To unlock their bond, all it need is a touch".. next logical step: fly and touch hi-- GO TO THE PALACE AND CHILL. Because she clearly loves him that much and care for his safety.

I could go on. But really, why bother. CH.2 is just as bad.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with Twad. Even though the criticism was a bit harsh, everyone needs a good, hard shove every now and then. The concept seems interesting, but the execution is a bit poor. Though the cliches aren't as bad as some other fics I've read, the plot holes are what ruins it for me. I'm gonna keep reading though for the sake of plot progression.

The only real problem so far is the portal Twilight created to bring back the human. You know, I would have honestly maybe expected Princes Celestia to do this, since her aim to do such a thing would potentially make more sense, but having Twilight bring him with her magic (by complete accident no less) is as plausible as having Pinkie Pie open a zip lock to his world and pulling him back to Equestria.
Another bit of a problem was the, holy shit, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP ATTRIBUTING A SHITTY LIFE WITH EVERY SINGLE HUMAN PROTAGONIST OF HIE STORIES. Seriously, knock it off... But I'm not saying that his story on Earth was completely ruined, his relationship with some of the characters was ok, like that bus driver giving the poor kid some slack as well as his caretaker treating him like his son. But really, those 2 parts of his backstory are the thing that made me go forward with reading this guy's backstory, because those weren't a tiresome cliché that has pretty much become a staple in MLP fan fics and they did sound like they had some kind of legitimacy to how people are in real life. Lastly, I'm not sure why was the bully even placed in this story at all. What is his purpose here? to further emphasize how shitty this guy's life was, or are we supposed to take it that he will be the villain in this story? (he did get teleported with this Chris guy, so, wound stab + hate + teleportation in Equestria = foreshadowing? god I hope the second one isn't true, because that would just make things in this story unbelievably awkward) I mean, shifting from assassins to some random bully from an orphanage? yeah, that sounds a little more than just awkward.. but hopefully, I could be wrong.

Still, now that this is all done and said, I'll see what the relationship between the princess and this human was. Nobles wanting to assassinate him doesn't sound too far fetched and while it does sound extreme, I'd expect such a thing from a mature and gore rated fic, especially since that was supposedly backstory, meaning that Celestia was younger and this may have taken place at a much earlier point in time, explaining the rash and brutal customs of the nobles.
So, that could have been a problem, but it was covered a little better (even if at times a little vague) than the other elements. I wish I could say the same things about other parts of the story, but they really have nothing going for them, like the shitty life the protagonist is living, fuck, that almost made me close the book on that page.

This works too well with the first chaper

I like it, but you might wanna change some things grammatically.

Oh God.... This is the best love story in all of Pony History! I love you man.

Well, you have ANOTHER STORY?!?!

First chapter was pretty sad, I mean he was destined not to remember but still was sad. I love it!

Taking his eyes off of his reflection the young man entered his classroom and sat down at the back, waiting for everyone else to come and putting his ear buds in his ears, turning on his mp3 player and selecting a slow, sad piano tune called "A River Flows In You.".

Awww hell yeah. My favorite thing to play on the piano.

It was a pure white horse…or maybe a really tall and slender pony

So, a version of slenderman is here?

I thought Celestia's eyes were purple...? Other than that, not bad.

2780427

A rough Translation of Twilight’s Spell to Old English then to runes:
(It’s not perfect; I used a translator.)

Thence, hither, I call thee
A creature from the Pastures that was to be free.
But now: [thou] art naught that remaineth from thee.
Lo! And so I call thee now!
Come here to me!

Þanonweard, þidercynne, Ic ábene þé.
Sum ælwiht fram þa feohland þat wære béon ælfermedon.
Ac nú : biſt náht áwunaþ fram þé.
Hwæt- & forþam Ic ábene þé nú!
Came hér to me!

᛬ᚦᚪᚾᚩᚾᚹᛠᚱᛞ᛫ᚦᛁᛞᛖᚱᚳᚣᚾᛖ᛫ᛁᚳ᛫ᚪᛒᛖᚾᛖ᛫ᚦᛖ᛬
ᛋᚢᛗ᛫ᚫᛚᚹᛁᚻᛏ᛫ᚠᚱᚪᛗ᛫ᚦᚪ᛫ᚠᛇᚻᛚᚪᚾᛞ᛫ᚦᚪᛏ᛫ᚹᚫᚱᛖ᛫ᛒᛇᚾ᛫ᚫᛚᚠᛖᚱᛗᛖᛞᚩᚾ᛬
ᚪᚳ᛫ᚾᚢ᛫ᛒᛁᛋᛏ᛫ᚾᚪᚻᛏ᛫ᚪᚹᚢᚾᚪᚦ᛫ᚠᚱᚪᛗ᛫ᚦᛖ᛬
ᚻᚹᚫᛏ᛬ᚪᚾᛞ᛫ᚠᚩᚱᚦᚪᛗ᛫ᛁᚳ᛫ᚪᛒᛖᚾᛖ᛫ᚦᛖ᛫ᚾᚢ᛬
ᚳᚪᛗᛖ᛫ᚻᛖᚱ᛫ᛏᚩ᛫ᛗᛖ᛬

4758494 awesome

D-doctor... I... Need a... Doctor... My feels hurt.

Interesting so far. I'm not used to Celestia being so sensitive though...

"What's going on! Help somepony!"

Lol, why did the human yell that?
Also, didn't it say two figures fell out of the portal?

6169361 The 'second figure' was Dan, the jerk who was assaulting him when the portal opened up. Chris managed to knock him back through the portal and it closed immediately afterward.

Nice start.

Man I read this story when it first came out.

You really had us hanging there, Zammy. Oh the days of waiting in excitement for the next chap was delightful... but I'm guessing life got in the way, right?

You ought to know that we all love this story irregardless of what others say.

But, hey, everyone writes one great story...

... or many, XD

Orphan with a dead foster parent. Monumental cliche and substituting hardship for character development is a cheap tactic to get readers emotionally invested. You had an orphan MC with a tragic backstory in your Chrysalis Human in Equestria fic too. 😕

Skeptically continuing.

"Huh? What was that you emo bitch?"

I like this guy.

With only a second of hesitation, she thrust her horn into his skull, performing the magic that would one day bind them together again.

A tiny bit morbid, if you ask me...

... but it reads a bit like the opener to something like Indiana Jones, Jumanji, or Stargate... ;]

It was two in the afternoon and in the city of Manchester an eighteen year old teenager was gazing at his computer monitor, trying to figure out what in the world was causing it to blue screen him every five minutes.

I just came back from trying to migrate to Windows 10, then repairing the borked BCD on my Windows 7 backup clone... and dealing with ornery DDR3. This hits way too close to home.

giving his computer a sharp kick

I did something like that once. Once. Ended up replacing all of the disks. Kept telling myself it was worth it, until I found out my PSU was borked and that was what was causing me grief...

I don't know if this has been said to you before, but Celestia has magenta eyes like Rainbow Dash, not blue eyes like Rarity. When did Celestia ever have blue eyes?

10205613
I am colourblind, and didn't know such when I originally wrote this. So Celestia in this universe does not have her normal eye colour.

This story is really interesting so far. I like it a lot. You had me hooked somewhere around a third of the way through.