Stab in the stomach? I'll pass on that, it's one of the most painful ways to die. How he can "shrug" it off and really still live is crazy. Not even touching on running with a deep cut and a adrenaline rush.
Why did Dan just attack Chris in Equestria? I understand the dude is a bully but the second fight is forced and unnecessary. Even going full retard Dan should have guessed he wasn't in Kansas anymore and went "oh, shit" or along those lines. But it seems he train of thought goes something like this:
1.) Sucked in the ground and end up in pony land, "well they can fuck right off" 2.) Fuck ponies, acquire alcohol 3.) Some how see Chris's bloody ass being dragged into a house 4.) Burn that bitch to the ground
Honestly Dan just not getting pulled into Equestria. The fire is started by an accident, seems like a more plausible story line then what is written.
That's really my only gripe so far with the story, I did like the whole "full circle" thing with the knife wound.
The story is interesting but the Dan character really needs to go. I can kind of let the first part slide even though it was extremely forced and unnecessary and seemed to be added as some kind of half ass attempt for conflict. It sticks out like a red thumb and the first thing I thought when he pulled out the knife for no reason was 'oh god this is going to be stupid'. Really just cut out all parts with Dan in it or rewrite it so that he makes sense if you feel he's important. Seriously he gets sucked into a new world and then kicked into the portal but somehow returns. Not only that but despite being surrounded by aliens and what not he cares more about tracking down Chris and firebombing that house when all the town searching can't find him yet Dan somehow magically knows exactly which room. He makes no sense, his appearance and actions are spontaneous and unnaturally forced. This entire character is bad and I can tell you that he will never add anything to the story like this he will only be a glaringly obvious error that highlights some of the faults in your story until you fix this. Also why does Chris say Comfort was the only 1 to treat him like a son? Despite the fact they've known each other for a few minutes unless you have some kind of personality disorder you aren't going to develop a deep connection like that with someone in the span of a sham-wow commercial. What about the guy who gave him his last name and treated him like a son and died of a heart attack? Did he just forget about him? You need to work on empathy and fleshing out the relationships between different characters and putting much more thought into how people act in situations because right now it's just confusing.
huh i coulda sworn dan was kicked back into a portal? hopfully that gets corrected soon but as for chris i like his character he doesnt act much like a mary sue at all and i love how excepting labour and comfort were of him but that conflict with the malotov was kinda unnessassary :D as a few have already said :)
2589419 that is more or less what I thought of both these cases, especially the last one.
That caretaker was pretty much the only character that made his backstory more original and fleshed out. He wasn't a perfect character, but he was a good choice to have in Chris Higgot's backstory, which helps explain his character and development on Earth.
Lastly, I agree with the bully having very little to offer to the story. Conflicts can be good, but to have that you should further develop a thematic conflict after you set it up.
Geez this stories good and all bad what on Earth is that Dan guys motivation anyway his actions make no sense (unless of course he's got some sort of psychosis).
Damn capitalism, my friend was shopping when his stomach suddenly hurt, he got appendicitis, passers-by called an ambulance for him - it cost him two months 'salary!
You got me with Celestia x human so yeah plus it can only get better.
This is here! Aww sweet, does that mean the rest of them are on the way? Either way faved and following
How long must I wait for this story this to progress to even more awesomeness.
Wooo Spetsnaz pinkie pie out.
more please
Aww dang it, that last line was way too cheesy and yet it works :D
Yes please continue your story, I want to see what happen next
shoda killed the fucker
I'm kinda confused here, I thought Dan got Sparta-kicked back through the portal last chapter or so.
Stab in the stomach? I'll pass on that, it's one of the most painful ways to die. How he can "shrug" it off and really still live is crazy. Not even touching on running with a deep cut and a adrenaline rush.
Why did Dan just attack Chris in Equestria? I understand the dude is a bully but the second fight is forced and unnecessary. Even going full retard Dan should have guessed he wasn't in Kansas anymore and went "oh, shit" or along those lines. But it seems he train of thought goes something like this:
1.) Sucked in the ground and end up in pony land, "well they can fuck right off"
2.) Fuck ponies, acquire alcohol
3.) Some how see Chris's bloody ass being dragged into a house
4.) Burn that bitch to the ground
Honestly Dan just not getting pulled into Equestria. The fire is started by an accident, seems like a more plausible story line then what is written.
That's really my only gripe so far with the story, I did like the whole "full circle" thing with the knife wound.
Post all the things!
2588273 I did to, but magic amirite?
Aren't celestia's eyes purple? Not blue
FOR THE HORDE! Don't worry though, RAAM will kill the prick who tried to kill Celestias lover. Go get him big guy! 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4z86nt4DC1rwagiko1_500.gif
The story is interesting but the Dan character really needs to go. I can kind of let the first part slide even though it was extremely forced and unnecessary and seemed to be added as some kind of half ass attempt for conflict. It sticks out like a red thumb and the first thing I thought when he pulled out the knife for no reason was 'oh god this is going to be stupid'. Really just cut out all parts with Dan in it or rewrite it so that he makes sense if you feel he's important. Seriously he gets sucked into a new world and then kicked into the portal but somehow returns. Not only that but despite being surrounded by aliens and what not he cares more about tracking down Chris and firebombing that house when all the town searching can't find him yet Dan somehow magically knows exactly which room. He makes no sense, his appearance and actions are spontaneous and unnaturally forced. This entire character is bad and I can tell you that he will never add anything to the story like this he will only be a glaringly obvious error that highlights some of the faults in your story until you fix this.
Also why does Chris say Comfort was the only 1 to treat him like a son? Despite the fact they've known each other for a few minutes unless you have some kind of personality disorder you aren't going to develop a deep connection like that with someone in the span of a sham-wow commercial. What about the guy who gave him his last name and treated him like a son and died of a heart attack? Did he just forget about him? You need to work on empathy and fleshing out the relationships between different characters and putting much more thought into how people act in situations because right now it's just confusing.
huh i coulda sworn dan was kicked back into a portal? hopfully that gets corrected soon but as for chris i like his character he doesnt act much like a mary sue at all and i love how excepting labour and comfort were of him but that conflict with the malotov was kinda unnessassary :D as a few have already said :)
Lieutenant Firefly, you say: th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2013/031/c/d/firefly_by_equestria_prevails-d5td8oz.png
Moar
2589419 that is more or less what I thought of both these cases, especially the last one.
That caretaker was pretty much the only character that made his backstory more original and fleshed out. He wasn't a perfect character, but he was a good choice to have in Chris Higgot's backstory, which helps explain his character and development on Earth.
Lastly, I agree with the bully having very little to offer to the story. Conflicts can be good, but to have that you should further develop a thematic conflict after you set it up.
I'm beginning to thoroughly enjoy this story.
You are my favorite romance writer as of this chapter. All my yes to you. I am speechless. This is so deep. I'm babbling.
Sad nobody made a joke or any reference at all in the comments about 'Come Fly With Me' but it is not needed...
Geez this stories good and all bad what on Earth is that Dan guys motivation anyway his actions make no sense (unless of course he's got some sort of psychosis).
3008587 Or he's just an overall dick and bad guy?
This was great! One thing to point out though.
You do realise Tia has magenta eyes right?
3008587 most likely he was loved a little too much which made him have a need of control
Not to nitpick, but doesn't celestia have magenta eyes?
Everything about this feels like it is going way too fast.
Being a Princess had rather impressive intimidation perks.
I think she meant. have the magic needed to raise and lower the sun and the moon for 1000 years had rather impressive intimidation perks
2586979
Your profile picture if gold my dude
10954219
My guy, he said it out loud, therefore it’s a figure of speech, he wasn’t saying his brain was actually numb.
Damn capitalism, my friend was shopping when his stomach suddenly hurt, he got appendicitis, passers-by called an ambulance for him - it cost him two months 'salary!