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Monsoon

Equestria is on the brink of disaster and there are only two ponies who can sort it out, but is that truly the only thing on the horizon?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Foglia

Foglia #1 · May 13th, 2013 · · ·

I'll try to update this as well as I can, we'll see how it goes. I don't expect that it'll go for too long. It's been a while since I honestly wrote though, so who knows.

The idea here is that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are out in the field while Twilight acts as their contact back in Ponyville. That's the reason for my character tags, though most of the action will be focused on the pegasi.
In case it didn't come through, RD and Twilight are supposed to already be in a relationship here. I think they're the cutest couple around, so why not?

FakeScienceMonthly

FakeScienceMonthly #2 · May 14th, 2013 · · ·

I know this fandom prides itself on its pun making ability, but perhaps "maresoon" is one pun too far.

Feedback on story: You really raced through all of this setup stuff. I kind of like it that way, because it would just be boring if it went on too long, but it does make it feel a bit unnatural. The writing for the characters is mostly good. Fluttershy is a bit over the top. Her self esteem has improved since season one and I wouldn't expect her to be quite so cowardly. Also, you just casually have Rainbow Dash mention that she cuts ponies to pieces with blades, and then her friends just accept it. That's kind of like if I told you my favourite book is mein kampft and you just went along with it. I don't understand why they need combat gear to fight a storm either.

Story probably shouldn't be accumulating downvotes. I would guess it is because of the description. Don't write that it is your first story in the description. It's not really a good story, but its not awful.

lillytheomegawolf