1. Quarter of a century and things are already going to hell.
Typical mornings were the norm for me. Wake up, get coffee, make toast/cereal (depending on time/mood), shower, dress, go to stupid job to pay for stupid bills. My god did I wish I woke up dead. Then again I would have just not woke up at all.
When I thought about it I remembered the little ditty that Sheograth from Oblivion sang:
O'Ryle is dead and O'Really don't know it,
O'Really is dead and O'Ryle don't know it,
O'Ryle is dead and O'Really don't know it,
They're in the same bed but don't know the other one's dead.
"Ba-room, Ba-room" I continued out loud and gave myself a chuckle. Man that DLC was worth it just for that.
My radio went off with my alarm.
"City's breaking down on the camels back,
They just have to go 'cause they don't know whack,
So all you fill the streets, it's appealing to see...
You won't get out-, you're a dead man free,
Y-y-you've got a new horizon it's the federal style,
A melancholy town where we never smil-e-e,
And all I want to hear is the message beep,
Your dreams-crackle- cause we don't get sleep, no...
Ugh, my Gorllaz CD is skipping again. I swear I need to replace it. That or go check at the post office for the damn turntable I won on eBay. That's the real way to listen to music kids. Laying on the bean bag chair, headphones on and a couple of magazines to pass the time.
I wasn't a eighties kid but by god I wish I was. They got all of the cool shit.
I didn't get a lot of sleep lately you see. For on Tuesday it shall be my birthday. And on that day it will be filled with cake! I've got it booked off and everything. My friends have stuff planned for me as well.
I looked at my phone which was on the dresser next to me. I was hoping for conformation that the package I was expecting came in from Fed-Ex. Fuckers always knock once and don't come back after that. Even when it is very clear that I was at home.
*boodle-ding!*
It was my Steam going off with a message.
Steam message: Don't give your password to anyone.
6:30 May
Red teams little sister.j2 : Hey there birthday boy!
Scrapple RAGE.j2: You do realize that its tomorrow right?
Red teams little sister.j2: Meh, Might as well get it in a day advance so i don't forget.
Scrapple RAGE.j2: Yep
Scrapple RAGE.j2: What are you doing up this early?
Red teams little sister.j2: Nothing much : ) just can't wait until tomorrow when we have that awesome party.
Scrapple RAGE.j2: I thought you were in mexico.
Red teams little sister.j2: That got canceled :(
Red teams little sister.j2: Got all of thoses shots for nothing.
Well that sucked. She was talking about that trip for months. She seemed so excited to go.
Scrapple RAGE.j2: That sucks.
Scrapple RAGE.j2: Well I got to get ready for work, see you tomorrow Nat.
Red teams little sister.j2: see ya john.
Guess I needed to get up sometime today right?
Today I was 24 years old. In two days I will be 25 years out of the womb. Spent the last 4 of those trying to become a game designer. All just to be put in a dead end tech job at a little corner computer repair shop trying to pay off student debt. Least I got my rent cheap.
My uncle was the land lord. Gave me a Hundred dollar discount in the rent. That brings it down to about $650 a month. Not a good price but at least it isn't a place in the slums. Let me tell you do not want to live in the slums of Toronto. That shit was scary. Not like Detroit where they have whole abandoned districts mind you but here It could be just as worse.
I got up out of bed and got myself into the shower. After a quick rinse I got myself some cereal. Tony the Tiger was staring at me with his trade mark "It's grrrreat!" pose as I got it out of the cupboards. I poured it out into a bowl and went to the fridge to get the milk. I opened it up to find that the tray holding the plastic bags of white, calcium rich goodness were empty.
"Aww." Genuine disappointment filled my voice. I tried to stay on the positive However. It was my birthday on Saturday. But that is one of those things that make and break your day.
"Eh, I'll just pick some up on the way home." Optimism!
My phone buzzed to life again when one of my friends had Steam messaged me.
FAT FUCKIN COCK: hey man whats up?
Scrapple RAGE.j2: Not much Phill. You?
FAT FUCKIN COCK: not much either. Other than me being in toronto for the week.
Cool! Phill and I go way back. We were friends since middle school. We watched out for each other and what not. We were best of friends. He left for British Columbia to study to become a doctor. Right now he's in his fifth year at U.B.C. I was proud for him when he got in. Right now he's working at one of the medical research labs in the University.
Scrapple RAGE.j2: Nice man! We should hook up sometime, get some beers.
FAT FUCKIN COCK: yeah that would be cool
FAT FUCKIN COCK: so hows the job hunt going?
Scrapple RAGE.j2: Not so good right now. It's hard to find a company looking for fresh people in the industry.
FAT FUCKIN COCK: well keep trying man. You'll get in one day.
Scrapple RAGE.j2: Thanks. See ya man.
FAT FUCKIN COCK: np peace.
I then decided I would just make a cheese bagel. I put the bagel slices in the toaster and then got my self a glass of OJ. Spread the butter and put the cheese on the bagel. Let the cheese melt in the middle and BOOM! You've got yourself a cheese bagel. I know I know, hold your applause.
Taking my medication (A cocktail of ADD medication, vitamins and OMEGA-3) I brushed my teeth and got myself dressed. I didn't dress as fancy as you would think to a tech job. I wore a short sleeved dress shirt with some jeans and Converses if the weather was permitting. But today I wore a long sleeved variant of the dress shirt. It was a bit chilly out. We keep the doors open during the day so the cool air always got in.
I grabbed my black wind-breaker jacket and put it on. It had a little Canadian flag on the left shoulder. I zipped it up and put on my Gorillaz edition Converses. Those cost me a pretty penny to find. Mostly due to the fact that they went out of circulation 6 years ago. I got them on eBay from a guy who bought them a size to small. Size 11 mens if you were wondering.
It was windy as I stepped out of my apartment block. I looked up to see clear sky with little puffs of smog streaking the sky. I walked to the local Tim Hortons (that's like the Canadian version of Starbucks but cheaper and better) I grabbed myself a iced cappuccino. Even though I was on a kinda-sorta diet I decided I would treat myself.
I got to the Shop and opened it up. Jenning & Associates was the name of the place. I was usually the first to clock in. It's not like I was married to my job or anything it was just that I felt like getting there first. It's not like I had anything to do at home in the first place.
I sat at my place at the "bench" and booted my laptop. It was one of those giant ASUS gaming laptops. It was nice and powerful but it was huge at the same time. It took up a quarter of my work area.
I looked at my background. Derpy Hooves was flying in the sky with a mail bag on her back. The contents of which are spilling out. I guess I should mention that I'm a brony. Yep about a year ago the show was cancelled due to drop in toy sales that Hasbro had reported. Surprising as the fandom had been dying down since season four started. Only lasted for five. Shame.
I was one of those die-hard-on-the-inside bronies. I kept backlogs of fan art, animations, music and fanfiction in a special password-protected flash drive in my desk at home. I had some T-shirts but I outgrew them and We Love Fine stopped selling those in favour of Bravest Warriors merch. Nice show by the guy who made Adventure time.
It had a good run but It all came crashing down on them when the season ended. Poor reviews across the board. This was one of the times that the writers were literally running out of ideas and made Discord the villain again. That sparked an outcry like when Bioware released Mass Effect 3. Except in this case there more was no DLC to give more insight on the endings.
I brought up the work orders for this week. Three blue screens and RAM needed to be replaced.
I got to work and got most of the work done by lunch. Some of the other guys came in an hour late. I was chatting with them about the new episode of Defiance that aired last night. We played the game and watched the show. We were fans of the whole "What happens in one thing affects the other" kind of thing going on with it.
"Yeah those Hellions are a bitch" My co-worker Theo said.
"I saw a guy who was ramming it with his truck. I think it was doing damage as well!" We laughed at that. Dude got killed instantly but it was doing damage. Damn funny to watch.
"So what are your plans for tomorrow?" Theo asked me.
"I dunno, my friends got something planned for me though. Not sure what." I said while inserting a RAM chip into the motherboard.
My computer went into screen saver mode and was playing on a loop the scene in which Rainbow Dash does a Sonic Rainboom over Cloudsdale. I hit the side of the bench to get it off of the screen saver, My co-worker noticed the thing before it went back to uTorrent to see me downloading Adobe Bridge.
Theo looked at me with an eyebrow cocked "My Little Pony? Really?"
"So?" I took up a defensive posture.
"Dude that's gay."
"Least it's better then your Otaku crap. Bleach, Naruto and what's this?" I said while going through his desktop folders to find a PDF file of some comic only marked with a single asterisk. I double clicked it.
"Wait, DON'T!"
I saw only tentacles. Lots and lots of tenticles.
"OH, GOD!" I yelped and quickly alt+f4'd the hell out of it. "See? Way the hell better."
"Yeah but you probably clop , don't you?"
Ugh, I hated this part of the coming out of the metaphorical brony closet.
"A: I do not clop, B: If I did I wouldn't be telling you this and C: It's a fucking kids show dude, I like my porn not to be animated and full of tenticles unlike someone here." I poked his shoulder. "'Sides, I don't condemn them for it. Frig, other people have their things and I have mine. But sometimes I don't like seeing the things that they have but I don't hate them for it."
"So you want live footage of ponies fucking, is that what you want?"
"Dude that's zoophiles territory. I don't go near it and neither should anyone."
I then booted up the PC I was fixing to see if it didn't automatically shut off due to the RAM not put in correctly. The constant beeping made me do a hard shutdown and root around in the case again. I cursed under my breath and started again
"Okay then, what's your stance on furries?"
"They're okay as long as they keep the weird shit away from me."
"So no yiffing?"
"Like I said; They keep the 'Not-Safe-For-Work' stuff away from me then they can go sweat to death in a fur-suit all they like. I don't judge people."
"Fair."
The boss came in again to see if we were slacking off again. He usually catches us but this time he was pleasantly surprised to see us on task. He was an old man but knew his salt with computers.
"Theo, is the server for Varcon up yet?" The Bossman asked.
"Not yet, the server is still shutting down."
"Okay, I need it done by tomorrow. Oh and happy early birthday John, in case I forget." He then walked back to his office in the back.
"Well that's a first. He remembered someone's birthday." Theo muttered
"That's normal?" Theo was here longer than me. He knew more about the place than I did.
"He's buried in work lately. This place hasn't seen a lot of business in the past months. Trying to rake in more customers. Not to mention he's kind of losing his mental faculties."
He was right, My work order list hasn't been this empty then around Christmas. I found myself dicking around on Derpiborru on my phone looking at fan art most of the time. There used to be a sea of art coming in all the time but now there was only a puddle left. Shame. I was looking at a comic series on there but it ended abruptly.
I went out to Subway to get myself a foot long BLT. Again I was treating myself but I didn't want to go to Mc Donalds or anything, that place is nasty. KFC was a no go when I heard reports of human hair being baked into the bread crumb coating. After that fiasco the majority of the locations were shut down. I would go to Wendy's but they closed down and the only thing good was a Baconator. Even that was fucking greasy as hell as most of the things there..
I got back to work. I got to check up on the servers in the storage room. I hated doing it mostly because of the dust and spiders in there. Not to mention the dim light. It feels like If I get locked in I was going to be locked in there forever.
Pinkies line came to mind then. Then Giggle at the Ghostly got stuck in my head. I liked the song but God damn it I hated when a song gets stuck in my head. I like all kinds of music but I hated to hear the same song over and over playing in my brain to the point where I want to slap a bitch. We had a radio hooked up to the phone system so that when you get put on hold that's what you listen to. It's always on those stations that claim to have a no-repeat-workday but lie terribly when they play the same song right after it.
If Applejack were here They would have been castrated with a rusty paint chipper right then and there.
I was about done when It came to quitting time. I walked back to my desk, packed my things and went home stopping at Timies for a doughnut and a 7-Up. Boston Cream wasn't my favourite flavour but they were out of all of the sour-cream glazed ones.
I got home and made myself some ramen for dinner. I wasn't a picky eater when it came too but at least I wasn't lazy enough to forget to eat. I'm a low maintenance guy. Ladies...
I got on my desktop and booted Team Fortress 2. I was surprised that Valve didn't move on to some other game, but when a community is making tonnes of money for you, you don't want to give it up. Map-makers, weapon and hat modellers actually make more than Valve combined.
I went to the Joe 2 server ([In]Famous for the Machinima series 'The Locals") I was a regular on it. I didn't usually go on it that often lately. Work was getting in the way and such.
I went as sniper. My overly flamboyant sniper could be seen from a mile away with all of the conflicting colours on my hats and miscellaneous items. But that made it more challenging for me and I liked it like that. Especially with my Flaming Pillaring Tower of Hats. Took me about 20 keys to get one. I freaked out when I did get it
I turns out I was more rusty than I thought. I got stabbed multiple times by a freaking spy that I was shit at noticing. On the third or fifth time the dude sprayed "Go back to Cawadoody, Noob!" on the wall next to me.
Nice...
I did then notice the time. It was about twelve thirty in the morning. Now was defiantly the time to turn in. I shut it down after checking Steam for any deals on the classics. Sadly Bastion was still full price and unattainable by my broke ass.
I sighed in delight though. I brushed my teeth and what not. I climbed into bed and went to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Vinyl...? Wake up..."
Why did that voice sound familiar? Why do I feel my bed vibrating? Why did the voice call me Vinyl?
"Ehn... wha? I opened my eyes. We were in a small room that seemed to be rattling. Now when I say "We" I mean there were a group of other... Were those even people? The hell?
My dream was fuzzy. All I saw was coloured blurs. Even that was being vague to the point of no return.
"We're almost to the Empire..." the vaguely familiar voice said
"Ehn... Five more minutes... I think Cadence can wait a bit..."
My eyes slowly fluttered back closed and the whole of my blurry world faded to black.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I awoke to my alarm going off. I must have forgot to turn it off. I brushed the sleep out of my eyes.
Welp. Today is the big Two-Five. 25 years after being born in a hospital supply closet since all the other rooms were full at the time. Yeah you read that right. They were also out of beds as well.
Anyway, I was getting up as I felt a tiny pain in the back of my eyeballs. It wasn't too, too bad but it was noticeable. I rubbed them again trying to offset the pain but I then just decided to deal with it the rest of the day.
I got up and went to the bathroom. As I was relieving myself I couldn't help but wonder what the frig was going on in my dream. I was trying to think of where I heard that voice before.
Then I thought about the one name that was spoken in the dream. Cadence? That could be a billion different people. I was still thinking about it while I was in the shower, drying myself off. I tend to do these thinking sessions while in the shower where I zone out and lose track of time. I snapped out of my stupor when I heard my phone ringing.
We can dance if we want to;
We can leave your friends behind.
'Cause your friends don't dance,
And if they don't dance--
I got out of the shower with a towel around my waist and answered the phone.
"Hey John! It's Phill. We're coming to pick you up with a couple of others as well."
"How many?" I asked
"Just two others. Not a lot were able to make it."
"Who was able to make it?"
"Gav and Natalie. The others had other crap going on."
Now I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. I got to hang out with some of my friends. Now don't get me wrong I like hanging out with friends. It's just that I don't like dealing with all of them in a small time frame.
"Okay, when you guys gonna pick me up?"
"In like ten minutes."
I looked at the clock on my phone. Jesus was I in the shower for 3 hours? My hands felt prune-y as fuck.
"Oh shi- Yeah I'll see you then."
I hung up and got myself dried off and dressed as quickly as possible. I didn't have enough time to brush my teeth properly. All I ended up doing was gargling mouth wash and getting my ass out the door.
Now you may be asking yourself 'Does it take you so long to get ready in a ten minute time span?' Well here's the thing: Phill likes to see me scramble. He's already here. I see the nice blue Audi outside, the one painted with a Decepticon logo on the hood.
I threw on a t-shirt and some jeans. I grabbed my Phone, jacket and laptop bag and ran out the door and into the front passenger seat Dukes style.
"Jeez dude! You could have just used the door. Like a normal human being, for god's sake." Gav said from the back.
"Aw, I missed you too, ya little rascal you" I smirked as I pinched his cheek. I looked at Phill, "You know you could have just said: 'Oh I'm here but you can take as much time as you need.' Not like I just got out of the shower or anything."
"Well you do look soaked." Nat rubbed the top of my head. The little droplet's of water were getting on the surrounding patrons of the motor vehicle. We all had a chuckle.
"So where are we headed?" I asked the person at the helm.
"Montana's then to Medieval times!"
Medieval times was the bomb here in Toronto. You get a huge meal and entertainment of actors beating each other with replica swords. They also used to have a little dungeon maze thing that was pretty cool.
Gav groaned from the back.
"Oh what is it this time?" Nat asked the whiner.
"You know the last time we went to Montana's I got food poisoning, right?"
Ah yes, I remember the week after that with good detail. I remember that Gav had a nice little chat with the manager. And when I say "Nice little chat" I mean he got pissed to the point where he was threatening to sue. The owner got fired by corporate management and replaced soon after. Gav gave the free coupon for a meal to me. I held onto it so that I could mock him. Didn't get to do that often enough.
"Well I guess I finally use this then, won't I?" I held up the coupon in his face.
I synced up my phone with the car system. I put on some Gorillaz. All present company minus one was singing along. That one was Gav. He was a bit of a party pooper in that he always complained about the music we listened to. We grew up together. We were in the same class in a snooty private school two hours north of the city. Even though I hated it there we were friends. Even though he was sticking to his families status he was cool once you get to know him. I also introduced him to the whole craze of ponies in the first place. Facebook was a wonderful thing.
We were opposite ends of the spectrum anyway. I was in school for game design while he was in for classical music. He played the cello. Classical was the only genre that he *quote* "Can listen to without blowing out [his] brains."
We finally got to the restaurant after a bit of traffic. Montana's was a cool restaurant in that it had that "outback" style to it. You could get your drinks in mason jars like the rednecks use.
As we ate we talked about what was going on in our lives.
"Weirdest thing came in to the lab before I left. A blood sample was given to us saying that it came from a guy in... Boston or Seattle... Some place south of the border. Anyway the day of the flight I got a text from my professor saying it wasn't human. It was equine." Phill said.
"You think that someone played a prank or something?" Nat asked
"If they did they would have gotten fired like that," he snapped his fingers for effect. "That and they wouldn't get a job in the medical field for a very long time."
"Then how did you get horse blood?" I asked
"No clue. But then again we do get the mail from the forensic and veterinarian labs from time to time. I wouldn't know. I'm the bottom bitch there."
"Jesus Phill, by now you should be running that place." I said to him while punching him in the shoulder.
"Eh, it's not like I want to run the place. I just want to better the life of the common man."
"That or create enough anthrax to wipe out a small nation and then establish yourself as defact-o ruler." Nat said.
"Jeez, for a social worker you have some dark ideas there." I said while taking a bite of my chicken jalapeño wrap.
Natalie was one of the last people you would think to be a social worker. She was one of the people who would be needing one rather then helping other people. I guess it takes a crazy person to know another crazy.
I met Nat in college. She was nice and friendly, but a bit of a show off as well. I remember when she was paying off her loans she took a second job as a birthday party magician. She was apart of those packages that came with a bounce castle. Most of the stuff she did was cool but nothing like Chris Angel level of showmanship.
"So anyone for cake?" Nat said while snapping her fingers twice
When she did five members of the staff came with a chocolate cake with candles that were shaped like the number twenty five.
They did the little song and dance (literally, they did a little jig). All but one of them buggered off. She gave me the knife to cut it with.
I began to cut the cake when about half way through it I felt it impact on something. I tried to force it a bit more but Gav stopped me.
"Split the thing apart." He said. I did and I found a silver metal box.
The three looked at me. 'Open it!' was clearly written on their faces.
I did. In there was about $150 and another case. I opened the other case and I found the thing that would make my heart jump right out of my goddamn chest and dethrone God himself.
DJ Pon-3 Glasses.
Now this isn't ones you would find in like a toy store mind you. This was one of the five hundred made by Oakley when they were in close relation with Hasbro. That was three years ago but shit these were rare. You could find these on sale on Ebay for about $500. And that was when people were getting rid of all of their pony stuff because of "The Final Betrayal" that was season 5.
"Oh. My GOD!" I fumbled the case in my hands, snapping them shut when I reached over to give Nat a hug that could crush bones and rupture organs. I did the same to Phill and Gav. I even got out of the booth to give our waitress a hug. I knew she wasn't apart of the group but I felt as if she needed one.
"Oh thank you, THANK YOU!" I almost squealed with delight.
My friends were looking at me weird. I realized that I was hugging the waitress for a good five minutes. I let go and gave her a ten note.
"For having to deal with me." She then scuttled off to deal with more of the other customers that were waiting by the door.
I tried them on. My giddiness reached a new level as they were a perfect fit. The lenses were large, reaching past my eyebrows and reaching my hairline. These would most likely would be more at home on a female but at this point I didn't care.
I always felt like I should get all of the limited items. I always got collectors edition on everything; games, action figures, you name it. Except for cars. I hated rich people, just another reason I don't like my parents.
We finished eating and got ourselves back to our car. Phill got a ticket for over staying his welcome at the parking meter.
"Damn it." I heard him mutter as we got in.
"It's not like I get those a lot." I said to him.
"Why? Are you some sort of parking guru that you can get out of all parking violations with a snap of the finger?"
"No, I just don't have a car."
Everyone was looking at me with a confused look on their face.
"What?"
"You don't have a car?" Gav asked.
"Nor do I have a license. I was always busy and never got around to getting it."
We were driving towards the north end of the city. The Medieval Times was located near the downtown core. They opened up a casino near there even though a bunch of people were unhappy with it. It did open up a lot more business from people who wanted to waste money but couldn't afford to go to Vegas.
But alas since that happened the roads were packed to the point of bullshittery due to all of the tourists.
"Come on! We got places to be!" I heard a guy yelling out of his window while honking.
After it let up we got to the venue that was Medieval Times. I loved this place. I was always a huge fantasy buff. I always went here when I got the chance. My parents took me here every other month when I was younger.
They started doing extended shows that go past midnight. Those ones were the hardest to book as there were also the cheapest.
They had us sit in the green section. That means that we were cheering for the Green Knight. They gave us green paper crowns and plastic flags. The food was awesome as well. "Dragons blood" (tomato) soup, Dragon (pork) Ribs and mead (Pepsi).
Before the jousting began the guy who played the king stood up.
"Well these festivities are going quite pleasant!" He jubilantly announced.
"Indeed father, and I do believe there are a few amongst the lords and ladies in the audience who are celebrating other occasions as well!" the princess then pulled out a scroll.
"Ah yes," He said as he pulled out a scroll of the same description. He started to list of some of the people that were here celebrating other birthdays, anniversaries, and other things.
"And to a miss... Vinyl Scratch, celebrating her twenty fifth birthday in about six minutes from now!"
"Why'd you call me Vinyl?" I yelled over the noise of the music to Phill.
"Ever since you tried to get me into that crap you gushed about her all the time. I'd thought I might humour you for a night."
"Tis a lot of people who are turning quarter of a century old this year, father!"
"Indeed there are my child. But I do believe that-"
A thunder bolt went off in the center of the arena.
They liked to change up the story once in a while here. In this one the wizard proclaims that one of the knights is a traitor to the throne and will be revealed through combat. It's the Captain of the Guard guy. It always is.
I looked at my phone. It was 11:59 and there would be only thirty seconds before my days as a twenty four year old are done.
"Five score divided by four..." the wizard began.
As soon as he said that my head started to hurt. A lot. Like I just slammed back a bottle of tequila and this was the hangover the morning after. I did that before and I nearly had and regrets were had the next morning.
I turned over to see Gav watching me rub my head. The world seemed to slow down for a bit. I stared at him. Why did those eyes look so familiar. They were sort of purple or grey with a purple tinge.
"'Tavi?" I muttered for a second. I then got nudged in the shoulder by Phill.
"Dude birthday shots!" Next thing I knew I was in a bar with a large amount of chocolate coloured shots in front of me.
"Ugh, wait what? How did we get here?" I asked in bewilderment.
"You zoned out for an hour? Jeeze that's a new record even for you." Gav reminded me. Last time I zoned out like that was when I went to see The Lorax. I usually can't sit through an entire movie but when I do it's cause I don't pay attention to all of it.
I recognized the place we were at. It was A little Irish pub on the west end. Ironically the people who owned the place weren't even Irish. They were Italian. Our server was speaking in a thick Irish accent though. She could be from New Foundland though but I wasn't complaining.
"What's on your mind?" Nat asked while taking a shot.
I was thinking about the little fiasco in my brain thinking Gav was Octavia. I mean come on. That shit wasn't real.
"Well-" she put a shot glass up to my mouth
"No. Bad Vinyl. You shouldn't have a care on your birthday."
"But-"
"NO."
I just took the shot. I didn't want to think of the weird moment between me and Gav there. And besides, Nat was right. I needed to let loose and enjoy today. I took another. And another. And another. And another until I blacked out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I woke up to my alarm going off. It sounded louder than before. I balled my hand into a fist and gave it a good smack. I am not getting up at all. I scratched my thigh a bit.
There was a smooth spot. I didn't shave there at all. Why was it smooth?
I grimaced at the sunlight reflecting off of the corporate building across the street. The light burning my eyes like they were going to burst into flames at the bat of an eyelash. My head was pounding and my stomach was churning to no end. I looked at my side.
Why the frig do I have Eighth note tattoos?
...
My friends are assholes.
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And Vinyl Scratch enters the scene.
I really should write my Chrysalis entry sometime...
are you really canadian? if so then hi from a fellow canadian
2535582 Yeah, cause I'm dying to read it. Seriously, you need to start it.
oh come on ! another chapter !
Drop dat bass, eh?
I do love the original story, hopefully your effort is a worthy successor. We shall see...
---
Post-read edit: nope.avi
Sorry, dude, but this has some problems, especially when you compare it to the original. Nothing that can't be worked on, of course, but it's still quite rough.
2536543 Would you care to elaborate on such problems? I mean I'm not perfect but I'm always open for constructive criticism.
Just a "before i read" mis type error finding i guess...
Bah i was just reading the damn intro and found a bit of a mistype there is no technical term for it -_-
apart means separate like "break apart" a part is the right words :P though im guessing you just forgot a space :P
WHEN IS THE NEXT CHAPTER COMING OUT TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
2536781 Whups. I'll get to fixing it.
2536864 XD
2536791 Valve time.
2536884 wat?
2536668 As it just so happens, my friends and I excel at such feedback.
I'll try to keep this review short and sweet. Anything that needs clarification can be confined to PMs for the sake of your wall.
First problem that jumps out at me right away is that you have psudo-musical interludes in your story. These are almost always a terrible idea. They don't add anything significant to your story, serve mainly as a way for you to flaunt music and bands that you personally like, and confuse and annoy readers who aren't familiar with the same music you are (like me, for instance).
This is actually a really good way to add that sort of depth to your character. We don't need the specific song, and we certainly don't need to read the lyrics. If we're that interested, we're already on the internet and can find it pretty dang easily. The bottom line is that every word you write should be adding something to the story, and not just filler or fluff. The aside about a video game DLC is utterly useless.
This is known as the Law of Conservation of Detail. As readers, we're trained to notice everything you write, because you can't hide things in the background like you can in a visual medium. If you call something out, we're conditioned to assume that it's gonna be important later on in the story, and the more detailed you make it, the more importance we subconsciously give it. If you tell us there's gum on the fireplace mantle, it'd better end up on someone's shoe by the end of the story. If you keep frontloading us with useless details we're gonna get overwhelmed trying to keep up with it all, and when there's no payoff the reader gets confused at best, and annoyed or angry at worst.
I'll leave off that for now and move on to sentence construction. I'll highlight a section that really stands out as an offender and make it more obvious.
I dunno if you see the problem as plainly as I do here, but your sentences are repetitively constructed and too dull. Your story is getting bogged down in pointless minutiae without even the courtesy of being creatively presented. Almost every sentence is short and completely factual, and it ends up reading like a police report. "I did [x]" works once, but gets dull RAPIDLY. Mix things up a bit. Start with a verb for a change. And better yet, skip over these parts entirely. Other than reenforcing the idea that our protagonist's life is utterly normal and dull, these segments of specificity don't do anything, and they're not terribly interesting to read. In general, keep things on the surface level. We don't need to know what cereal he ate and where he scrubbed himself. Just say "I took a hot shower and grabbed some much-needed breakfast."
In a similar vein, there are large swaths of this chapter that could be boxed, labeled as Author Filibuster, and put into storage without harming the story in the least. To be brutally honest, the reader doesn't give a rip about your attitudes towards cloppers. They don't care about your preferences in fast food. And if you claim that those are just your character's ideologies, no one will buy it.
Oh, and while I'm here, the section of profanity really just slaps the reader across the face. Edit it out. It really doesn't belong, especially not where you have it. Remember, swear words are like your katana: keep them sheathed until you intend to draw blood.
Final Verdict: 3.5/5 Pinkies
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1637_small.jpg
Closing Thoughts:
Your story isn't poorly written, but it's in dire need of a diet. Your central premise is surrounded by entire sections of diversion, things that draw the reader's attention AWAY from the plot without reenforcing it. I think you can see how that would be a bad thing. Remember, it's your job to keep progressing the plot. As it stands, I really don't think there's much to engage the reader, and not much of a reason to keep reading (unless one has already read Five Score and only here for the premise). There's more of a hook in the synopsis than the first chapter, so I'd just recommend you think about what you want your story to actually SAY, and just say that.
Your sins against grammar are extremely minor at worst, so you're just now starting to really get into the storycraft side of writing, which is quite hard for most writers. ESPECIALLY for ones who haven't had the benefit of a few college-level literature classes. Study good stories, and see why they work, and if you still need some more help, come see me and my friends at WRITE, and we'll see if we can't get you squared away.
- OtterMatt, WRITE Co-Founder and Composer Laureate
djotter.blossers.net/StorageBank/WRITE01.png
2536954 Okay then, Thanks for that. I do admit that I add shite tons of useless information. I'll cut down on that.
And the music? Yeah, in retrospect that was a dumb idea. Won't do that in the future.
But yeah, I'll take that into account for the next chapter. Thanks man.
Wow, I actually think I went to one of those jousting restaurants one time, though I think it was in California in the US.
Seriously, it was almost exactly like you described it.
Anyway, how am I seeing more stories like this?
Are you and several other people doing a large colab or something?
Just curious.
2537171 This
2537190
Thanks.
...
Is there a list on the side characters that have been taken yet?
2537195 Yes, although, some ponies are getting used by more people.
2537268
Like, more then one person per a pony?
Where would I find the list?
Also, I think it would be weird if there were two of the same ponies in one universe...
*Edit: NVM, just looked at the link.
2537295
I guess they just don't interact. I'm not the right one to ask about that.
2537375
Yeah...
Anyway, the entire concept is intriguing.
This looks interesting. Like'd
I must say, this was positively brilliant! I love what you did with the wizard.
Great start bro, can't wait for more.
No I'm serious I CAN'T WAIT
GIVE ME NAOW!!!!
I guess I really need to read Five Score, no? I saw it before but was busy reading a ton of other stories so I put it off. (In fact I still have three stories I need to get caught up on, but like every week I start reading a new one...such as this... *Slaps myself* Bad brain, bad, finish the stories you have already damn you!)
Anywho looks interesting, will continue to follow it, and give my like next chapter if it's to my liking.
2536668
In regards to the story, you've got a 'Read it Later' from me. It definitely needs a bit of fine tuning here and there, though, with random capitalization and misplaced vowels or consonants along with missing punctuation marks being the most common mistakes (not counting the multiple Steam Chats). Otherwise, you're off to a great start, though your pacing might need a bit of work.
2536940
Assuming a Valve Week in Valve Time, give him two 'normal' weeks at best.
OMG!!! YOU WATCH BRAVEST WARRIORS!?!? THAT SHOW IS AESOME!!! :3 lol Catbug
PS. awesome story
2537295
Technically there should only be one of each pony in the universe, but that's very hard to enforce. I'm not going to STOP someone from writing a fic about a pony in this universe just because there already is one of that pony. If anything I want to encourage people to write side fics, not prevent them from doing so.
The way I see it, the reader can just look at the "three fics about Luna" or whatever, and then just pick the one they like best to be considered "canon" in this universe. The reader can decide which fic tells of the real pony and which ones are just alternates.
2539531 I agree with you there. Lots of unneeded drama would occur if that happened.
While you're here I want to ask something. Of you're changing and you had facial hair would you absorb it or would it just fall off?
2539620
That's a good question. If you had short facial hair I assume it would just change color and actually get thicker as it became part of your fur. Probably have it change color at the end of the first day (when they have tails) and then slowly get thicker as the next day went on, until it connected with the fur growing across their chest.
However, if they had long facial hair, like a huge beard or giant mustache, then I don't know. I would probably have them shrink and get reabsorbed slowly as the day went on until they shortened down to "fur-length". But having the hair just fall out would work too I suppose.
Pls sir Jane and Finch isn't all that bad.
You really need to cut back on the useless information that is being thrown around in this chapter. I also noticed your tendency to start a large amount of your sentences with "I" and it really starts to make the story monotonous and bland after a while. Varying it a bit would make it quite a bit better in my opinion.
TL;DR: I say something similar to OtterMatt just not as well or as completely.
hi there Captain!
i just want to ask a question :)
are you working on this story? as in writing it.
this sounds like a very good story!!!!
2541236 Yes I am.
2541334 yay!
i love the story so much!
THERE ARE OTHER CANADIANS ON FIMFICTION?!
I'm all for a good human in Equestria story, but it seems like this is going to be where the human somehow becomes a part of Vinyl's mind or becomes vinyl herself, frankly I'm not too sure if that would be a good idea.
I'll wait and see how the rest of your story turns out before I pass full judgment though.
Good luck with it.
2541761 It's a spin off of Five Score, Divided by Four. You might want to read it before you get into this.
2541546 If people from the province of Quebec count, then definitively
.
Other then that, I like the story. The writting style is a bit frenetic, but somehow I guess that the same could be said of the character. Though isn't Valve time a little bit too cruel?
2542254 Not if you keep rushing me. Think of it like this: Would you want something that comes out quicker but is utter shite? Or would you want something that take a bit to make but is enjoyable in the long run?
Well Duke Nukem was in development for 10 years but we don't talk about that. *cough*
2542314Sorry, I didn't mean to rush you. Just don't go Episode 3 on us
2542314 i agree it would be crap if you rushed it, just take your time i wont stop following you because youre taking your time and neither will the others
2536791 ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
2542314 If thoust hath not released the sequential portion of this epic
tale within a period of time dictated by the masses, I shall personally retrieve the Hammer of Thor and claim it as my own for the sole purpose of raining it's merciless wrath upon you! 
As in: Write swift, write witty, and KEEP THIS GOING as long as possible.
2535602 That was concentrated awesomeness in a 99999999999999999999999 litre dose!
2542726 teehee
Keep on keepin on, my talented friend! And have a happy Mane Six
2535602
My good sir, you just got 20% cooler in 2:29.
2535602 That video alone almost makes me want to move to Canada.
To the author: Keep going! this is among the good stories in the 5s/4 universe. I am pleased...
I am now fascinated by this story please continue sir