4287927 Yeah, I'm still waiting on Sorcerer H Discordia, apparently he's trying to bribe me. I'd like to see how that goes... sorry if I've fuged up anything.

4287912

(britishness intensifies)

*takes a sip of sterotype enforcing metaphorical tea* Indeed.

4287914 You derped. Have you been drinking?

Where's mine?

4287938
If only I were drunk
Maybe I'm high...?

4287933 Oh, it's fine: if you want, I can handle the actual 'sending stories into the Pending Review folder' myself. I have no problem looking like an evil, ruthless (albeit charming) villain if people can't come up with half-decent reasons.

That said, Sorcerer's usually pretty good at saying what he's good at. He might just have forgot.

Just keep reviewing self submissions and I can handle the rest, if you want.

4287938 Stereotype enforcing tea with digestives. And a jaffa cake or two.

Obligatory fish 'n chips! Jolly good show! Pip pip!

4287956 As a Canadian, I'm still waiting for you to pay for all the fish and potatoes you're ancestors stole from my people eh?

4287975
And as an american I just want a damn burger....

Reviewing: Generosity Travels

4287945 ...ain't gonna pretend like I ain't done that before.

4287956 Well I say old bean, you can’t beat obligatory fish 'n chips.

*cracks a rare smile, monocle falls from eye*

4287982 As a Canadian, I can support that. But only if it has mushrooms, and Swiss cheese or back bacon and cheddar on top.

4288049 A rare smile? I'm afraid my upper lip is far too stiff for that, chap!

4288051
Man, your're making me hungry...

4288067 I'm making wings, come on over. Insomnia is the best!

4288051 I'm actually half an hours walk away from Switzerland. You can practically smell the obsessive organization cheese from here.

4288096 Now I'm jealous. I've never had proper fresh swiss cheese.

LOL. Too much food talk! Now where was I? Oh yes...

Reading: Solitary Locust

Halfway through Head in the Clouds.

Sorry this is taking so long, I have to stop every once in a while to drink just enough so that Soarin looks like Applejack/Spitfire, but not so much that I can't actually read the story. It's a delicate balance, but thankfully I've had a lot of practice.

So far, it's not actually doing too badly. It's in sore need of an editor though, and the dialogue is very wooden and unnatural. I guess I could comment on Soarin and all the reasons I dislike him, but considering that'd just come off as biased at this point, I'll wait until I can properly construct my arguments. Needless to say, I have problems with his character, although not as many as I expected: Calm Wind has a decent enough understanding of what the pairing needs to function, although I wouldn't say he goes above and beyond so far.

The ending has yet to happen, though, so obviously I can't comment on that just yet. However, I will need to finish the story in it's entirety before coming to a decision: the story is neither so good I can accept it without finishing nor so bad I can reject it based on flaws it's already accumulated.

Just giving everyone a status report. 'Cause I'm lonely.

Hold me.

EDIT: actually, just progressed a little further and the story has managed to evolve from me not appreciating it on a personal level to being downright annoyed by it. If anyone wants to know why, it's in chapter three. Still, I'm finishing the story.

Double EDIT: Shadowbolts? Welp, I must have missed that foreshadowing.

4288336

Hold me.

Hi there.

4288342

Reviewing: Solitary Locust

Read: Three chapters

Status: Approved

This is truly an Adventure story with a fair amount of world building to boot. Twilight, in the aftermath of the changeling invasion during A Canterlot Wedding, is asked by the Mayor to perform a spell over the entire town to find changelings. The spell quickly gets out of control, and in the end Twilight finds herself changed into one. The townsponies and her friends do not realize it's Twilight; they only see a changeling where their friend was a moment ago. What follows is by turns sad, tragic and compelling.

I'm only three chapters in but there are times when I found my heart racing, as the author builds scenes and fills the senses with imagery, as well as playing upon the emotions, especially concerning Twilight and her struggles to find help. Indeed, I found myself having sympathetic phantom aches along with her as I read further.

This tale is grammatically sound as well, always a plus where I'm concerned. This one's going on my Favorites list.

Reading: Get Him!

4288431 it's always a joy when a story manages to make itself stand out from the pack quickly, so you don't need to dig around and hunt for the differences.

I understand that there's a lot I want to say about Head in the Clouds, but that's because it's one of the biggest mixed bags I have ever seen, sporting elements that work well alongside clumsy writing and dialogue, not to mention one scene that I particularly despise.

Rejecting

Since this is a romance story, I feel I had best start with that element first. I'll also have to explain why I have misgivings about SoarinDash in particular, so I can better explain how this story overcomes certain parts of these misgivings, and is consumed by others.

The problem lies with Soarin himself. Whilst I don't dislike the guy (in fact I like the idea of a goofy Wonderbolt) there isn't much depth to him, or reasons one would take him seriously, especially taking into account that this story is written prior to Rainbow Falls, where he actually gets a line of serious dialogue. This isn't really a weakness in a fandom filled with ponies we know little about, but what separates Soarin from, say, Octavia is that in most fan-works Octavia has some form of gimmick. She likes classical music. Lyra is eccentric, Bon-Bon is often grumpy, etc. Whilst these aspects of them are not necessarily played up to eleven, it's a recognizable trait we can associate with them. When you get right down to the gimmicks we've crafted for Soarin, the best we've come up with is 'he likes pies', which let's face it, isn't a particularly romantic prospect, outside of some fanart I can't link to and shouldn't share in polite company.

This makes Soarin, compared to highly eccentric characters like Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and even post-Wonderbolts Academy Spitfire incredibly dull by comparison. I quipped earlier that there was no reason to ship Dash x Generic Male: whilst Soarin isn't entirely generic in that he's a Wonderbolt, it really is the only serious element to his character, and I confess at a glance I find is dull and uninteresting. It's why out of many, many other ships I don't personally partake in, SoarinDash grates on my nerves. It's dull, and oftentimes the only reason I see people ship it is because, contrary to the majority of ships, it's straight, not because Soarin is actually interesting.

And it's the fact that Soarin is dull that the story does it's best to tackle, and in my opinion, it half succeeds.

Here, Soarin is a Wonderbolt, and he takes his job very seriously. Not overtly, but as the story progresses you can see him use it as an excuse, and that it's the only thing he really knows. It's quite a down to earth take on him which I kind of appreciate, with a few things added on. The story really has him look interesting by having him react to other ponies, particularly Rapidfire, who I'm convinced is just there to give Soarin somepony to shout at. And he also wants to be taken seriously as an ordinary pony, not just a Wonderbolt.

I don't think this really puts him on par with Rainbow Dash, or even any of the other characters: without a doubt, in this story, Soarin was the most forgettable (aside from Fleetfoot, who we don't see enough of for her to look more interesting). In terms of generic 'I want to be seen for more than my uniform' types, Soarin ticked all the boxes, but I can't say he did them in a bad way. It kind of worked, just failed to keep my interest, and that's not necessarily bad. I guess if you happened to ship SoarinDash there wouldn't be a problem, and I didn't find it particularly grating, so I had no real issue there... although I certainly want more than that to accept the story.

Then there's how the pair worked together. Again, the story is doing it's very best to get Soarin noticed, but this time it's often at Dash's expense. Soarin's talents are the focus of their relationship, and how brilliant he is. There are a lot of times when this overshadowed Rainbow and even his other teammates: he's painted as a better pony than Rapidfire, at least. This kind of un-balance didn't sit well with me, as you need a kind of equality in a pairing for each pony to feel at home. It shouldn't be one pony admiring one pony for how brilliant they are, and the other just going about their day, business as usual... or at least, not outside of the initial premise. Come the end of the story, Rainbow is in love with Soarin for his talent, bravery, etc., whilst when Soarin is confronted by Spitfire to explain why he felt bad about ditching Rainbow halfway through the story, his excuse is that she treated him like a normal guy, and that she was normal too.

It's a problem I've encountered once or twice in AppleDash stories too: Applejack in particular gets enamoured with Rainbow's flair, beauty, and strength, but now and then these feelings aren't reciprocated, because 'Applejack is a silly earth pony' or whatever. It makes the romance feel hollow, like one side doesn't fully appreciate the other.

This ends up with Rainbow having the more dynamic personality compared to Soarin, but Soarin being made the focus of attention. It's awfully lopsided and not at all my favourite, but admittedly, that's something that comes with the pairing, and though I loathe to say it, I guess I can get over it.

And then there's the scene I hate. And I mean, really, all out despise. Just as chapter three starts, Dash confronts Soarin about not wanting to go out with her, egged on by the other Wonderbolts. Soarin then proceeds to hurl abuse at her, telling her that she's irresponsible, lazy, and 'useless'. The whole scene is very cringe-y, and it crosses the line between a confused and conflicted character in drama, to a spiteful mess I couldn't like if I tried. When someone calls you worthless, that means they don't see anything of worth in you. This means that there really is no romantic feeling there and the character is just being spiteful. You could claim he was lying because he was put on the spot, but the story neither addresses that outside of having Rainbow (get this) not care and even tries justifying Soarin's behavior.

Actually she was the one who barged in and instigated it.

Just to put this in perspective, there's another character who would use terms like 'useless' and 'have no chance', and I think the general consensus is that we don't like her:

The romantic conclusion is shoehorned in near the end with some magical 'Rainbow has to heal Soarin' and a big fight with some Shadowbolts. It was cliched, only halfway effective, and it failed to address the issue I mentioned above.

Up till that scene, the story had been holding itself aloft relatively well: granted, it didn't inspire me, but given the circumstances it was never going to. It's sad to see an otherwise competent love story collapse inwards by making me hate one of the protagonists, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but Soarin deserved a better treatment than being made to look like a scumbag. I may sound like I'm overreacting, but I don't feel I am. Again, I've found this problem in AppleDash stories before, and I've hated it there, too. Rainbow in particular is prone to being spiteful and rude to Applejack, and it strikes me as poor treatment of the character. But what really angers me is the way it's forgiven: it shouldn't be. I'm no relationship counsellor (single life bebbeh) but that kind of verbal attack is just... vile.

Which is a shame: the romance took it's time and was paced appropriately enough. I'm on the fence about how they decided they wanted to be together, which didn't really catch my interest, but it was at least okay. But it kind of tries too hard near the end, and I wasn't impressed.

Speaking of the ending, WTF?

When I started reading this story I did not expect it to end with a climactic Shadowbolts vs Wonderbolts battle. I was rendered speechless. It comes out of absolutely nowhere: we've just finished our spiteful scene with Soarin and all of a sudden, a tornado happens and it just so happens to be controlled by Shadowbolts. And what the heck is it doing in a romance story?

If it had been given a few scenes in the first two chapters to build up, I think I'd have been okay with it. Here, it feels tackled on, confusing, out of place. Frankly, though, if the story had decided to be an all-out actionfic, I think it'd have the chops to do it. Once I got over the surprise, I got a kick out of some of the fight scenes. Dash was fun, the Shadowbolts were surprisingly good (especially the creepy one) and even I even enjoyed Soarin (mostly because he was getting the shit kicked out of him. Karma, anyone?). I have no idea why the story felt it had to end like this, or even include an action scene or villains or what-have you, but it was enjoyable, if a bit difficult to follow.

The final scenes with Celestia are equally odd. I can't help but think that there was enough tension without having to pull 'only one close to Soarin can save him'. It felt predictable, boring, and I would have much preferred us just not knowing if the doctors could save him or not. It's the simpler things that are more effective, typically.

The writing itself could use a lot of work, particularly considering some telling elements that really suck the joy out of some of the romance (more than Soarin already does):

She felt so awkward due to her lack of confidence in personal matters.

She knew it was right, but it wasn’t what she wanted. She couldn’t force herself to accept it no matter how hard she tried.

Speaking of telling, there's this one piece of exposition that comes out of nowhere and felt incredibly awkward:

It all went back to when she was a filly in Cloudsdale. The first Wonderbolt show she had ever seen. She was far back in the nosebleed seats, but during the show a weather team working nearby lost control of their wind system. The winds blew over the stadium so strong that a lot of Pegasi were forced out of their seats. The stadium’s funnel structure caused the wind to swirl around. A small tornado started to form, but the Wonderbolts broke formation in their show and began subduing the weather shift. In the confusion, Dash had been separated from her parents. A pegasi trying to find shelter bumped into her, and the wind caught her little wings, throwing her upwards and towards the tornado. She flailed about, trying to save herself, but the wind was much too strong.

Why did the story even need this kind of backstory? It never comes up again and it's just used to explain Dash's obsession with the Wonderbolts, which we've kind of already covered in the show by having them being described as the best flyers. Why wouldn't Dash like them?

Not to mention some clumsy phrasing:

I’m feel like a flight,

then all the apples have fallen hard from the tree

Above all else he was just confused towards what made Dash so much different than any other mare.

With the two of them not quite depressed, the days continued in the same matter they had.

It wasn’t bad, in fact she loved it.

“Oh it wasn’t THAT dramatic!” Soarin laughed. “Sorry I interrupted what were you saying?”

Dash shuttered and winced

There was sudden joy and glee of immeasurable quantities

The dialogue was also very wooden and had a tendency to leave out commas for pacing the dialogue when it should. All in all, it was often awkward to read.

So, to sum up, the romance started okay then ended poorly, the story started being SoL-ish then went all out adventure, the writing needs work and an editor despite being globally legible.

I'm having a really hard time deciding what to do with this one. I guess I can appreciate that it takes it's time, especially in chapters one and two: the parts with Scootaloo are actually very nice, possibly the best bits to do with the romance in the entire story. It's just Dash and Soarin gaining an appreciation of each other (lost on Soarin) whilst they're trying to help a filly they mutually care about. It was strong romance, and I think the story just got a bit full of itself later on and decided it needed to be a drama, then DBZ for some reason.

The story lacks focus, and in the end I think that's what makes my decision for me. I'm Rejecting this, the second of the Wonderverse stories. If at least it knew what it wanted to be, I'd be happier, but the story doesn't really know whether it's supposed to be an actionstory, a romance, a slice of life, etc., and even if it was trying to be all three at once, it needed to work harder to make them flow more naturally between each other, and it doesn't.

Personal shipping bias aside, I don't think I could call this a good story: there are too many things that annoy me and the stuff that's good felt out of place and awkward (minus the Scootaloo scenes: they were pure gold). If this story was to come out today, instead of in 2012, it would have probably have never been given a chance. Maybe not torn to shreds, but it wouldn't have it's own group dedicated to it either.

However, I do understand that my opinions may not be reliable this time around. If one of the other approvers wants to overturn my decision, I won't stand in their way.

4290003 I can see were you are coming from when you started talking about the ending of the story. I understand how tone changes need to be at least foreshadowed as taking a Romance and turning it into cupcakes without a Dark or Tragedy tag is just evil. I think you explained all of your issues, very well and I don't think anyone should be displeased with that.

4290120 I should hope I explained my issues well. Took me bluddy long enough to write 'em up.

4290126 HA! It's a good thing my story has implied AppleDash, even if it is kept very background and subtle currently.

4290127 We'll see soon enough. It's my intent that as soon as I get back to my usual thread, I'll be working from oldest submissions to newest for a change, so you should be bumped up my list considerably. At least, that's my half-baked plan.

4290131 I don't like half-baked flan. It's just not right. Oh! Plan!!! Yeah, you got that part right, most plans are half baked until reality sets in and you say fuck it! and throw it in the microwave for another 5 minutes... wait, were still talking about flan right?

Finished reviewing Daring Done

Accepting

I really hate fanfiction sometimes. This started out as a magnificent little thing which had me smiling throughout. I even spilled my beer. And then forgave the story. In any case, it worked really well: the situation gets continually blown out of proportion, get's continually more convoluted, and is hilarious. In terms of comedy, it's not only original (for fanficion, of course) but it's also highly efficient. It was a great read.

Unfortunately, the story dragged it's heels and kept on going well after it should have called it quits and left with it's dignity intact. The ending of chapter one got really repetitive, and instead of being carefully constructed letters, it sort of degrated itself into short messages about how chaotic things were going (right up until the end, which salvaged itself a bit with Cadence being dragged into the story as a punchline). As soon as the novelty wore off, it became a lot less funny, and the novelty wore off around two thirds through the first chapter, sadly enough.

The second chapter, had it stood on it's own, wouldn't have gotten past me. It was just the guards sending frantic messages to Night Light. It got really boring very quickly, and didn't have the same intellect the first chapter had.

All in all, this story is a great read, but if I could, I wouldn't recommend the second and third chapters: they're just dull and stupid. I don't know why the story felt it had to make itself longer and drag itself out, but if it did, it should have continued to act as before and become more complex, instead of reducing itself to a simple exchange of letters between two correspondents.

But anyway: despite me being incredibly frustrated with how it turned out near the end, I think it deserves to get in based on the first chapter alone. It really does do farce particularly well and does take up the majority of the story. It's tragic, though, because how it collapsed on itself really did infuriate me, and saved the story from an upvote and quite possibly a favourite.

EDIT: this already got in? Well, deleted from the submissions folder, then.

Dear 4290347 ,
Just read that one. It was a vast improvement over the one I reviewed. (Focus! Some Funny Moments! Hallelujah!). I agree with your decision on this one. I'll go award it a ribbon.
Cheers
Charles Spratt

4290520 Awesomesauce. I forgot the ribbon.

4289828
That's true. I like it when a story stands out quickly, but that applies to good ones and ones I consider bad. Those are harder to get through, because I try to read a couple chapters to give the story a chance, but sometimes...it's BRUTAL.

4290645 That's when you steal 4290541 's hipflask. Best solution!

4290650 No, because then you have to deal with a sober HapHazred.

The only reason I'm not taking over the world right now is because I dial down my intelligence just enough for it to be safe for other people.

4290645 That's doubly why I prefer one-shots, typically (with exceptions, of course). At least, if they're bad, it's over quickly. And frankly, I think they're more prone to have care taken in delivering all the information I want, whereas longer chapter stories can sort of wishy-wash around the place.

Then again, there are, of course, a massive amount of good chapter stories. I guess another reason I tend to distrust them is I can't write 'em for the life of me.

Reviewing: Get Him!

Read: Seven chapters

Status: Approved

As I mentioned before, there are times (far too many) when I start reading a story and it is simply brutal to keep going. Bad spelling, OOC, comma splices, run on sentences. For such a grammar Nazi such as myself, it's normally torture to read. This story has all of that, and more.

But there's one reason I accepted it. This. Story. Is. FUNNY! I can't remember the last time I had such a blast reading a slap stick comedy. AND it's a Human in Equestria tale, my worse nemesis!

Most HiEs have an elaborate explanation as to how the Human got to Equestria, but this one doesn't bother with that. And it works! At first, I was going to pass on it because the first characters you encounter in the story, Twilight and Spike, were so OOC:

“WHAT WAS THAT?!? A COCKATRICE??” She covered her eyes. “DON'T LET IT GET ME!!!” Twilight shrieked, rearing backwards and tossing Spike off her back. She screamed and ran around blindly. “I DON'T WANT TO BE STONE AGAIN!”

As soon as Spike got back on his feet, Twilight jumped suddenly into his arms and he found himself holding a frightened (and heavy) Twilight, eyes closed and trembling with fear.

...it was almost enough to make me stop. Boy, am I glad I didn't! I kept reading, and soon realized this tale had all the frenetic activity of a Loony Tunes cartoon. The rest was easy once I had that in mind, and while meaning to read only three chapters I had to stop myself for this review after flying through seven.

It's stories like this one that restore my faith in writers, especially writers with whom I'm unfamiliar. Good job!

Reviewed The Paper Heart of Hearts

Accepting

When reading this story, I did have a few misgivings about it: namely the beginning is very exposition-y, and it was a bit dry to read. However, given how the story works, it felt more like a stylistic choice, and it still gives a fair amount of character, so I'm okay with it. Maybe not my first choice, but it certainly gets it's point across.

The story itself is very simple: Button asks Diamond Tiara out for hearts and hooves day, and gets rejected. Dinky then puts his letter (which DT tore up) back together, and the two make out sloppily enjoy a videogame together. It's an easy story to sum up, but it works well because the story makes it clear what each character wants, makes me want them to get what they want, and doesn't do anything to mess it up. It's just a simple story that does what it came to do and leaves with it's head held high, flaunting it's success.

Admittedly, the worst bit about this story is DT (and not because she's the devil). Out of all the characters in there (and by all the characters, I mean Button and Dinky and DT) she's the most boring, and serves only as the object of Button's desire and then to break his heart. I have to admit, I'd have liked to see her be written a bit more, and for us to see more of what's going through her head that 'a blank flank, ew'.

But since she's not the focus of the story, I'll give it a pass. Grammar and phrasing satisfied me, and nothing jumped out whilst reading.

This is a story I'm happy to award the ribbon to (and I'll actually remember this time, thank you very much).

Heh. Only 69 stories left in normal submissions.

To celebrate, I shall be reading the most likely gratuitous porn and soon to be rejected Unprofessional (which I'm not allowed to link to and remembered I wasn't allowed to link to this time).

Quantity read: first two chapters

Rejecting

Hmm, yes. Well, you know you're in for a cloppy story when it takes less than a scene for Spitfire to start behaving seductively. And by seductively, I mean ambushing-Soarin-in-the-showers kind of seductive.

If I were to believe fanfiction, this sort of thing happens all the time! I'm being lied to!

I'm afraid that despite the quality of writing (which is entirely satisfactory) the first two chapters are pretty much 95% porn. Decent porn, I might add, but porn nonetheless. I'm pretty sure I didn't miss anything in what I read: I was very thorough.

I think I can safely assume that if you're not in it for the sex, there's not much this story will do for you.

4291221 Thank you!

4293033 You're welcome. It was a nice read.

Been reading: Project Sunflower

Awesome story so far!

4291221
Diamond Tiara is love, Diamond Tiara is life.

4293962 Yez, but in that picture the real Diamond Tiara seems to have been trapped in the picture behind her.

4293976 Diamond Tiara turns around, spots picture, selfcest happens.

4293983 10/10 would read.

Reviewed Twilight's Library

Accepting

Personally, I don't really like this one, but I can recognize an interesting story when I see one. This is a story about Twilight Sparkle travelling through an endless library. Perhaps there's some context I'm missing (I am unfamiliar with the Library of Babel, whatever that is) but I felt the story could be enjoyed well enough without this context.

Just not by me.

It's very pleasant to read. I don't know enough about the technicalities of how words work to properly explain why the words in the story are pretty to read, but they are: there are long words, short words, complicated words and simple words, and the way they are placed cannot be an accident. I'm a bit sad I can't comment further, but I suppose I could sum it up with my traditional 'grammar and phrasing are fine'.

The problem is really that the story was just trying to be too smart for me. Discussing the theories of a cyclical library is just lost on someone who's great priority in life is finding the next fluffy AppleDash to read, and I know for certain that anyone wanting a simple story, with simple characters who's trials can be understood and identified with will be sorely disappointed.

What redeemed it most for me though, was the way you discovered more and more about Twilight as you read on. Small clues and hints that didn't feel forced nor too subtle. It was very pleasant to discover.

In short, I'm unhappy I didn't enjoy this one, but I'm certain other people asides from me can, given the right mindset. It's a curious thing I think people will have fun puzzling out. I just wish it were more down to my level.

4293992

Diamond Tiara bursts into flames; ponies roast Rarity marshmallows over her corpse.

Reviewed: Generosity Travels

Accepting

Slice of Life. These are debatably the most popular genre on this site for writers, considering how I see about a dozen of them every time I open the main page. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, of course, but oftentimes pure slice of life stories suffer from an inability to remain memorable. They aren’t terrible, they’re just heavily run of the mill, lacking anything to make them stick. This story, on the other hand, not only avoids that trap, but manages to make itself stand out as one of the most satisfying fanfics I’ve read thus far.

In this story, Rarity has achieved complete burnout. Due to several events from season 4, Rarity’s popularity as a designer has sky-rocketed. That seems good on paper, but in actuality it put Rarity through a complete panic in order to make everything perfect for everyone, especially in a world as chaotic as the world of fashion, where trends go from trashy to treasure and back again in zero seconds flat. After a while, it burnt her out, not only causing her passion for her work to vanish, but also making her into a hermit who won’t respond to even her best friends. As a result, ‘a worried friend’ brings Coco Pommel into Ponyville, hoping that she would be able to get Rarity out of her slump.

I'm going to be blunt here; I LOVE this premise, which is mostly due to how relatable it is. This story details a situation that I and many other creative individuals have gone through: burning out. We’ve all gone through it at one point or another, where what we used to do as just a fun little pastime suddenly stops being fun and becomes a bit of a grind after a while, usually after gaining an audience. While it’s technically still something you enjoy doing, it suddenly starts to feel less like it was done because it’s something enjoyable, and more like it was done in order to appease someone else, and oftentimes it only gets worse the more popular it becomes, as you’re only doing it because you don’t want to let your audience down. It’s incredibly relatable, which helped this story get on my good side early on.

Also helping this story out is that it’s technically really well done. Aside from the occasional grammatical hiccup, the writing succeeds at every technical aspect: the characters are in character (and some of them are absolutely incredible, namely Spike), the pacing was sublime, the conflict was both believable and relatable, and nothing felt forced or unnatural; it all fits, and fits perfectly well.

So, in conclusion, this story is an example of a Slice of Life done perfectly: it’s very well-written, it left me feeling completely satisfied, everything felt like it was there for a reason, and it perfectly conveyed a situation that I think we can all relate to. It’s a fantastic story, and it’s more than good enough to let in.

4297499 this is extra amusing / relatable to me as I'm about to take a weekend away from my story and just relax, something that I rarely do because of my midnight work schedule and drive to try and keep the damn ball rolling before I crash and burn.

Keep up the good work, and pony mosh pit icon! Never noticed that before haha.

Edit: okay okay it's really more of a cuddle pile then a mosh pit. Whatever. Still cute.

4290003

I appreciate the honest review.

My reasoning behind writing it is... awkward because at the time i wasn't sure what i wanted it to be. I wanted to write a Soarindash story and i wanted it to have an action scene involved, but i wasn't sure... how to do it. This was the result, and it wasn't until after a contest rolled around and i decided to write a sequel, that i really thought about an explanation for everything that happened in the first of my three soarindash fics. So now it sort of sits back in 2012 as "the start" of the trilogy and all i can give is the promise that i have two fics that come after it where all the "what?" is explained.

I feel i've come a long way as a writer since then with the help of feedback and an editor. I do have to go back and fix up Head in the Clouds at some point, its actually something i've put off in favor of keeping my current story (the third in this series) updated frequently. Heck, i feel like the second is in dire need of some revamping as well.

Third time is the charm, they say and whenever i look back on my older work i feel like the first and second fics in my trilogy are two of my worst, but you can't learn to ride a bike without falling a few times.

Again, i appreciate the honesty, thanks for the review

4298486 Of course, I understand completely. My own first story is hardly anything to write home about, and I have progressed a lot since then.

But I wouldn't let my first stories into this group either. I'm more than familiar with sudden tone shifts, since I have myself partaken in more than a few.

If ever you feel the issues I've brought up here are addressed, do feel free to send me a PM and I'll take another look at it, but until then, my decision will stand. If you wish to dispute my decisions in any way, you know where to find me. And good luck in any future endeavors, of course.