Rainbow Dash sat there staring at Pinkie. The smile from her earlier kiss with the sexy goddess of light still on her lips. She wasn’t going to tell anypony but with her focus on her career, and her focus on not letting ponies touch her, and her focus on sleeping all the time, she had hardly kissed anypony. Yet, none came even close to how Celestia felt. It was like kissing a light bulb, only without burning her lips.

“So,” Pinkie began. “Celestia’s a total milf right?”

Rainbow Dash blinked a few times and snapped out of her previous thought. “I don’t think she has any kids Pinkie.”

“Twilight.”

“Yeah but… they’re kinda getting married.”

Pinkie grinned. “I know right, its best kind of incest. The kind that your sister doesn’t yell at you for three hours, twenty two minutes and six seconds when you try to suggest it as a PSSSD present.”

“Pinkie, I don’t even know what that is, and after that description, I really don’t want to know.”

Pinkie Pie laughed. “Oh come on, you’ve had to have thought about incest with your sister before.”

“I don’t have any siblings.”

“Well duh, Fluttershy is your sibling.”

“No, Pinkie, she is not. And also I’m getting married to her too so… no.”

Pinkie Pie put a hoof to her chin. “Weird, I guess your dad really didn’t get Fluttershy’s mom pregnant after all. Even weirder, who did since you know, Fluttershy’s dad is sterile.”

There were two kinds of crazy Pinkie could have on a regular basis. There was the kind that was a little silly, kind of heartwarming and endearing. Then there was the kind that made some ponies consider possibilities and facts they had never thought about, and never wanted too. The kind of crazy that was terror incarnate. This time, this was one of those times.

Rainbow Dash stood up, turned around and walked away. She didn’t need to say anything as Pinkie Pie began mentally charting out the possibilities for whose Fluttershy’s dad was. All of them ending in, “Fluttershy’s mom only cheated on her husband once though.”

If Fluttershy had heard this clearly fictional piece of work she would have lost it. If Zephyr Breeze had heard it… he probably would have still hit on Rainbow Dash. The thought made her skin crawl. Ew, romancy stuff… well maybe not so much ew if it was Celestia.

Leaving the confines of the hall she was in with Pinkie, Rainbow Dash saw Applejack standing at a doorway staring at something inside. The way she looked at it reminded her of how she looked whenever she saw some fresh apple cider. Not being able to pull herself away from such a delicacy she walked up to Applejack. “Sup?”

Applejack smiled. “Nothing, just watching a marshmallow having a meltdown.”

“Melted marshmallows? Sounds tasty.” Rainbow Dash stuck her head in and saw a servant sitting perfectly still with a bored expression on her face. The servant was staring right at Rarity’s hindquarters as the mare shook her booty. Applejack was watching with a satisfied smile.

Rainbow Dash turned her head sharply, even she couldn’t resist the temptation of staring at that alabaster butt too long. Rarity hissed. “Don’t you dare look away, Rainbow Dash! Get your gay flank back in here and stare at my butt! It’s attractive!”

Rainbow Dash stared at Applejack. “A meltdown you say?”

“Apparently Celestia turned down looking at Rarity’s behind. In fact Spike pretty much just dumped her.”

Rarity cried. “HE DID NOT! I AM PRETTY AND HE LOVES ME!”

Rainbow Dash took a few careful steps backward. “Uh-huh… good for him I guess.”

A light blue aura wrapped around Rainbow Dash’s neck and she felt herself being dragged forward. Rarity cried out once more. “YOU WILL WATCH MY BUTT! You will even touch it should I demand.”

The servant let out a sigh. “I’m still straight you know.”

Rarity cried. “HUSH YOU! You just watch, Rainbow gets a mouthful of soon to be princess pie!”

Applejack chuckled and picked up an apple from under her hat. “Knew this would come in handy some day. When you get the signal, run fer it.”

Rainbow Dash nodded.

Applejack pulled her hoof back. Rarity shouted. “If you throw that, I am going to make you come in here and clean my entire body with your tongue!”

Applejack grinned. “Shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep.” She threw the apple and hit her target dead on. The apple slammed home into the unicorn’s horn and then got stuck. The aura vanished from Rainbow Dash’s neck and she was free. The second she was free she was already flying as fast as she could to get away from Rarity. What was the day coming too? First she kissed Celestia, which was nice, then Pinkie suggested… nevermind what she suggested. Finally Rarity was trying to get her taint all over Rainbow Dash because apparently Spike dumped her. She didn’t even know they were dating. Did Spike know that? She was pretty sure he didn’t even know that.

She made a mental note to congratulate the little guy later. Rarity always did seem a bit manipulative with him. Poor guy never deserved that. Still it seemed Rarity’s turn to go completely bonkers. She wondered where Twilight could be at that moment, if she was sane enough maybe she would be able to help out?

Rainbow Dash may not know where she was, but she knew where Twilight would be. She flew down the halls. One of the doors was open and she saw Cadance, Fluttershy, and Luna inside a pink room. They might know. Rainbow Dash doubled back and opened the door.

Before she could even speak she saw them. They were all wearing the sexiest, kinkiest things she’d ever seen since the one time she went into Rarity’s basement. In fact the white and pink thing with the saddle Fluttershy wore looked just like one that was in Rarity’s basement… Luna wore something black and slinky and filled with far too many holes to ever be considered public wear. Cadance had joined in the fun as well, wearing something deep red and see through.

The trio looked at Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy’s face turned bright red but she didn’t hide herself, instead her little tail lifted up a little and began swishing back and forth. Luna smiled evilly. Cadance rolled her eyes.

Nope. Rainbow Dash closed the door and flew away. Thinking about Fluttershy ‘her not-sister’ in those clothes only made parts of her far warmer than they had any right to be thinking about Fluttershy. She flew around the corner and was back in the hallway with all of their rooms. She took the nearest dive into a room hoping to hide herself as the word incest crawled into her brain.

Once inside she closed and locked the door and slid to the floor turning around only once at the bottom. This was a very stuffy desk and it smelled… it smelled really weird. A bookshelf, a writing desk. A purple bed with a lavender unicorn on it who’s hoof was firmly between her legs as her eyes were staring at a magazine revealing various mares in the middle of mating. A painting of Celestia on the wall.

Rainbow Dash felt her jaw drop.

Twilight looked over and sighed. “Seriously? I don’t even… what do you want, Rainbow Dash?”

“To die.”

“Well, I’m not going to be the one to kill you.” Twilight’s smile made Rainbow Dash flinch. Her eyes met Rainbow’s and promises of dark passion were made with just a look. “I might need a study partner.”

Rainbow Dash went to the door and tried to unlock it only to find a magical aura surrounding it. Taking a few steps back Rainbow Dash prepared for a head first charge. Her tail moved on its own and Twilight whistled. “So that’s what it looks like when you’re actually paying attention.”

Instinct kicked in, as well as one of Rainbow’s rear hooves. Her rear leg lashed out and she felt it connect with something and heard a shriek as Twilight flew back and hit the bed. The magical aura dropped and Twilight stood up covering her eye with a hoof and staring in shock at Rainbow Dash.

Twilight groaned. “Why did you lock the door if you didn’t want- ow.”

She wasn’t going to get another chance and Twilight wasn’t dead yet. Rainbow Dash took off through the door and flew away as quickly as possible. She zigzagged through hallways, rooms, and eventually out a window. She circled the castle feeling way too out in the open here and saw a large balcony. She flew toward it and through an open glass door.

Once more she found herself in Celestia’s quarters, this time the alicorn herself was in here, at writing at a desk. She looked back to see Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow Dash, you might be my bride but there is a rule about knocking first.”

Rainbow Dash took a seat. Closed her eyes and laid herself down flat.

Celestia’s voice came out as warm as any hearth on a freezing cold night. “Rainbow Dash, um… honey? Are you okay?”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “I think the entire castle is filled with mares who want to sleep with me, except for Luna.”

“I wouldn’t rule that one out just yet.”

Rainbow Dash curled into a ball and groaned again.

“Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not. I was cool with this at first. Luna’s a sweetheart and she really gets me but this is insanity. Who thought an eight-way marriage was a good idea?”

A warm laugh escaped Celestia’s lips sounding more like sunshine the longer it went on. “You’re telling me.”

Rainbow Dash opened an eye and saw Celestia still at her desk but turned to face her. “You… don’t want to marry us all?”

Celestia bit her lower lip. “I… I didn’t say that. I just think the way things are being handled is quite chaotic. You’d think Discord was behind all of this.”

Rainbow Dash let out a sigh. “How would you have handled it?”

“By at least choosing to spend a year courting each of you before deciding whom I wanted to spend an eternity with. Due to ancient laws and my sister’s excitement that is not what happened.”

Rainbow Dash groaned again. “I thought I would be cool with this.”

Celestia’s horn lit up and a golden aura ran through Rainbow Dash’s mane drawing pleasing lines of heat across her scalp. “Nonsense, nopony is ‘cool’ with this. Honestly, Rarity was sitting in a room early demanding that I, princess of the sun, look at her rump. Now as funny as that was, it concerns me a great deal.”

“Yeah you’re not the only one.”

“I see. So she is still… doing whatever it is she is doing.”

“Losing her marbles, yes. Pinkie seems to think incest is fun, Fluttershy is wearing sexy clothes and not even shy about it, and Twilight was touching herself and asking me to help or something.”

Celestia blinked. “Oh… that is um… quite the development. It’s only been twenty four hours too.”

“Feels a lot longer than that.”

Celestia hummed in thought for a moment before pulling out a quill, inkpot and a spare scroll. “You know what always helps me when I’m stressed out and the world is confusing me?”

The items levitated over to Rainbow Dash before being set down. “Uhhh what?”

“I write letters. I never send them, and usually end up burning the ones I write. It still helps.”

Rainbow Dash rolled over and stared at the tools before her. “Well… I did always feel good about writing letters to you, even if I kind of suck at them.”

Celestia laughed. “Yours are some of my favorites. I still have every single one you ever sent me. I have all the ones you all sent me.”

Rainbow Dash looked up and met Celestia’s kind loving eyes. There was certainly a maternal energy to her. The kind of energy she could just lose herself in and spend the day with, not thinking about the screwed up stuff going on or how stressful it was or even how she was really uncomfortable with this whole situation all of a sudden.

Rainbow Dash picked up the quill and began to write. She was really bad at imagining the words in her head so she returned to the age old practices. “Dear Princess Celestia… hmm…”

Celestia watched her silently in the corner. Not saying a word and only smiling gently.

Rainbow Dash almost dropped the quill. “You’re really a milf you know that?”

“I… I’m not sure what that means but I take that’s a compliment.”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “It is… oh I got it.” She returned to writing. “Dear Princess Celestia, thank you so much for wanting to marry me. I know I’m pretty cool and all but it’s still really nice to think you care that much. My friends are all becoming weirdo perverts though. I mean, I make some lewd jokes and stuff sometimes but I’m not actually serious about it most of the time. I don’t even know if I want my first time to be with Luna you know, she’s sweet and all but it’s kind of a big deal and…” rainbow Dash crossed out a sentence. “I mean, I don’t want my…. Um… is there a cool way to say I’m a virgin?”

That sunshine laugh filled the room again. “Oh you are now?”

Rainbow Dash put the quill down. “I was busy okay. Sleeping, my career path as a wonderbolt, weird ponies trying to touch me in weird places. I’ve made out a few times but not much else…” She thought about it and then let out a sigh. “I really wish Twilight didn’t have dibs on you. You’re like, the safest pony I know… not that I’m looking for safety my first time. I’m Rainbow Danger Dash you know. I just… would rather it be you than somepony wearing sexy clothes and giving me looks like they have weird ideas for me.”

Celestia was quiet for a long moment. “Are you sure you’d want to give up something so important to me?”

“It’s either you, or one of the sex crazed mares in the castle. You’re the only one to not look at me like a, I don’t know, a piece of something.”

Celestia smiled. It was soft, sincere and warm. “I know that the marriage is only a few days away now, but there’s some time left to get acquainted with that sort of thing if there was anypony else you’d rather it be.”

“Well until five minutes ago I always thought I’d eventually talk Fluttershy into it. Now I don’t think I want to.”

Celestia nodded. “Well… as horrifying as it sounds, me and Luna have not discussed the order of our… wedding night operations. I know there are several expectations. Twilight as you say, has these so-called dibs on me. After her though I really don’t know what I’ll do.” Her smile faltered for a moment but quickly regained composer. “I could make you my second visit. Before Luna gets to you.”

Rainbow Dash groaned again. “Now it sounds like it’s not even meaningful it’s just like… a factory machine or something. I hated working at the rainbow factory.”

Celestia let out a quiet sigh. “With so many young brides, there is no way to avoid it sounding so mechanical. I assure you though, any mare I choose to bed receives my full and utmost attention. Although I do not seek such activity when it does happen I make sure to give my all to the pony I am with.”

“How come you’re the only one who says stuff like that but doesn’t look at me weirdly.”

Celestia smiled. “Because the wedding night is only the activity that leads to the deeper, much more meaningful relationship that I enjoy. I care more for the small moments like this, just a quiet conversation and a warm atmosphere than I do for somepony with me on my bed.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the letter and sighed. “Does Luna feel that way too or is she just after our butts.”

“I hear she does like the rump quite a lot. Of course I believe she really does love you all. She is still young mentally. To her sex is still fun and engaging. The other parts are a goal for her as well but her lust has not been fielded enough to sow those wild oats.”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “Well at least she loves us… okay, fine. I want you to be the pony to deflower me. Luna gets the sloppy leftovers… please don’t make me sloppy leftovers.”

Celestia laughed. “Of course I won’t. You might fall asleep afterwards though, ponies I bed tend to become exhausted… also you might need sunscreen.”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Sunscreen?”

“I tend to get a bit, hot.”

“Oh… wow, yeah… you uh… you already are.”

“Thank you,” Celestia said. “Now take your time writing. You may stay as long as you wish, I’ll just finish up with my task here.”

“Cool… um, could you help me edit this when I’m done. Twilight usually does but she’s kind of creeping me out right now.”

Celestia nodded as she turned back to her desk. “Of course I will. Who do you think taught her to write and edit in the first place?”

Unfortunately Pinkie’s implication of incest came crawling back at that moment. Yeah, this had to be awkward for everypony involved. No wonder everypony was losing their marbles all over the place. How long before Rainbow lost hers as well?