• Published 12th Jan 2021
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That One Time: Celestia and Luna Married the Mane Six - TheCrimsonDM

Have you ever gotten so drunk you forgot you offered the princesses' hoof in marriage to whoever brought your sister back? And how many 'es' there are in 'Princess'?

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Chapter Four: When Letters are Written

Chapter Four: When Letters are Written

Written by TheCrimsonDM

Spike was making his way leisurely through town. Honestly he thought Twilight was blowing this whole thing out of proportions. They were just having some kinky dreams, nothing wrong with that. There were a lot dreams Spike had, most of which were unmentionable. Still the way she had phrased it made him chuckle.

It was with some luck that on his way to Sweet Apple Acres he actually saw all five of their friends standing around as if waiting for something. Not exactly uncommon, sometimes he felt like they just sat around waiting for Twilight to summon them to deal with some kind of problem. It was almost like their lives revolved around random craziness happening and dealing with it. The curse of being a hero he figured.

At least this time there seemed to be more reason to it as he heard Rarity say, “So we’re in agreement, Twilight has been locked up in her home for far too long and we need to get her out of that library and into motion.”

Everypony nodded.

Rarity smiled. “Then let’s do it. Let’s- Spike! Darling!”

He rolled his eyes as he made his way to her. “Sup, Rarity?”

“Oh we’re just talking about how to get Twilight to come out more. I’m so glad you’re here. You could-“

He raised a claw. “Actually, Rarity, that’s kind of why I’m here. Twilight had two missions for me today. One: to grab all of you and tell you that you need to go her place for an emergency meeting. Two: to get some educational material for her from Big Mac.”

Applejack cut in. “What kind of educational material could mah brother have?”

Spike laughed. “Nothing important.”

Rarity chimed in. “So, what does Twilight need for us? What is this emergency meeting about?”

Spike laughed harder. “In her words she wants to talk about ‘rubbing magical taint all over your dreams’.” A howl of laughter escaped him as everypony stared at him with wide eyes. Fluttershy even squeaked. “I don’t think she has any idea what that means though. So-“ Looking at Rainbow Dash and Applejack. “-have fun.”

He walked off and listened in just long enough to hear Rainbow Dash snicker. Yep, Twilight was going to have to deal with this and before he came back he was going to get some popcorn to watch the show. Poor Twilight, she really had no idea what was in store for her.


For some time Celestia sat at her desk, an open scroll and quill floating in her golden aura. The pink wax was already prepared by her side so she could make sure it gave the correct impression when received. Still, there was one singular problem. “I have no idea how to write this letter.”

Cadance chuckled slightly to herself from behind Celestia’s left. “It’s alright Auntie, that’s what we’re here to help with.”

From behind Celestia’s right Shining Armor added, “And with me here I can make sure it will be a letter that Twilight will not completely freak out about.”

Celestia bit her lower lip. “As you had mentioned earlier, it would be one thing if it was just I who was marrying Twilight Sparkle. When it is both me and my sister, and we are marrying all of Twilight’s friends… This will prove the most difficult task.”

Cadance replied. “Are you sure it won’t be trying to figure out the order in which you bed all six of them?”

Celestia shot a glare back at Cadance, one that could almost melt metal… instead it only singed the edges of Cadance’s mane. “Cadance, if you must be here for this letter, please offer me actual assistance, or leave.” She glanced at Shining Armor. “You on the other hoof, I may need you to proof read this one… never before have I needed somepony to help edit a letter of mine but this one carries more weight than any letter I’ve ever sent to Twilight.”

Cadance made a soft neigh. “Awww, you do care. And here I was thinking you had no intention on marrying Twi-“ she paused as Celestia’s ear twitched. “I think it would be best to start off by telling her how much you love her and will make sure she belongs to you and you alone.”

“Great idea,” Celestia said. Her quill touched the paper and she could already feel her mind shattering as the words she didn’t want to ever think of, were now being clawed out of her mind. This was going to be painful.


Twilight sat upstairs with her friends in a circle. She could already feel her breathing rapidly approaching nervous levels as she felt her body tense up. Everypony was staring at her, waiting for her to explain why they were here. She swallowed up her doubts and attempted to put on a courageous face. “I’m here to talk about a plot.”

Rainbow Dash attempted to hide a laugh, poorly. “Oh yeah, whose?”

“I don’t know yet, but I am going to find out who’s plot it is and get right up in it.” Twilight said determined. Somehow this made Rainbow Dash laugh harder. “You see our dreams are being tainted, somepony is using magical taint to make us have the same kind of dreams.”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “S-so the plot is, to rub magical taint on our dreams?”

Twilight nodded gravely. “Yes, I fear so. Though… the more I think about it I’m not sure that is the most apt description but it does fit. However, there is a problem. A plot hole if you will, I can’t seem to understand why they would do this?”

Applejack snickered. “So yer saying, there is a plot hole now, and what should we do with it?”

Twilight beamed. “Fill it of course. We shall fill the plot hole to discover the truth of who is tainting our dreams.”

For some reason both Applejack and Rainbow Dash burst out into a fit of laughter. Fluttershy was hiding behind her mane with a completely flush face, Pinkie Pie was giggling too. Rarity was the only one who seemed unamused. Only her ire seemed a little more placed on Twilight then the others.

Rarity said, “Twilight, dear… do you have any idea what you are saying? Please tell me that you just discovered how to make mature jokes and are having fun with it.”

Twilight blinked. “Adult jokes? Like… jokes about taxes and bosses?”

Rarity put a hoof over her face. “Oh, Twilight… everything you just said, it could be-“

Rainbow Dash covered Rarity’s mouth with a hoof. “Now come on, don’t ruin the fun just yet. Let her continue. Please, Twilight we’re listening.”

Not quite sure of what was going on she did just that, continued. “So I have heard that each of us have been having um… odd dreams about Princess Luna and Celestia. More, intimate dreams shall we say. Originally I thought it was just me and asked for Rarity to come over so she could help educate me on some of the things going on in these dreams and help me stop having them.”

Rarity shoved Rainbow’s hoof down and exclaimed. “What were you expecting me to do?”

“I’m… not sure.” Twilight’s ears folded back. “I’ve not really thought about this kind of stuff before and you seemed like the only one here who might understand.”

Rarity blinked several times. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

Twilight was quick to reply. “It’s not an insult. I trust in your knowledge of such things very much. I’m sure you know more than me, you’ve had a coltfriend before or something right?”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Darling, I think we’ve all had at least one colt or marefriend.”

Twilight bit her lower lip. “Y-y-yes… um… anyway. Spike told me all of you were dreaming the same things. Even Fluttershy! So I knew something was ahoof. Some kind of nasty plot was being pushed against us. Magical taint being rubbed against our dreams as it would seem. Though I just don’t know why. What kind of pleasure could somepony get from a plot like this?”

That seemed to set Rainbow dash and Applejack off again. Ignoring them Rarity added, “I do agree it is odd that we all have been having these dreams, but I do not think there is any harm to them. Originally I thought maybe it was Luna herself causing them and she was just a little lonely, but why would she have her sister join in as well? Celestia does not strike me as the kind of Princess who would be so frivolous with her love making. Even in dream form. Though I must say, I enjoy the dreams myself.”

Applejack sat up straight. “Hold up a moment, you enjoy them? Rares, what the hay?”

Rarity smiled at her. “They are but mere dreams, AJ.”

Applejack brushed a hoof off on her chest. “Well not all of us are into mares like that.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind the next time you come to my home, lonely, sad, and in need of some more mature cuddles.”

Applejack shot a dirty look at her but said nothing.

Twilight was losing track of the conversation again. “Well… pleasant or not for you, I agree with Applejack not all of us like them. I don’t even understand what most of what’s going is or why they keep licking me. Why would they do that? I’m not some kind of ice cream.”

Rarity blinked. “Oh my… you do need some education.”

Twilight stared at her. “See, this is why I originally asked you to-“

Spike came up the stairs with a paper bag in one hand and a bucket of popcorn in the other. He walked up to Twilight set the bag down and said, “Here’s the book you wanted. Well it’s not really a book… and I think you should probably look at it in private.”

He walked over took a seat on the stairs and popped a hand full of popcorn into his mouth. Twilight lifted up the bag opened it up just enough to see what was inside. Some kind of magazine with a mare on the cover striking an invocative pose. She closed the bag and shifted it to be under her wing.”Oh… um… okay… where were we?”

Rarity replied. “We were talking about who or what was causing these strange dreams.”

Twilight nodded. “Of course. You see, even I have to admit that there might be some general interest in the princesses in this way as they are rather… attractive. But what really tipped me off was Fluttershy. There is no way Fluttershy would have dreams like that about somepony, especially not a big scary princess.”

Spike added. “Why don’t you tell them the kind of dreams you thought she’d have.”

“Oh, right,” Twilight added. “She normally has dreams about herself and various animals.”

Every pony gasped for a mere second, before Rainbow Dash hit the floor on her back rolling over with laughter. Fluttershy stood up and stared wide eyed at Twilight. “EXCUSE ME!”

Twilight flinched. “But, but, but Luna said so. You dream about animals touching you in weird ways. Usually making you the um… pet…”

Fluttershy’s ear twitched and her eyes became pinpricks. “Luna, Luna, is lying. I have never, despite what anypony might have made rude references too, dreamt about animals in that way.”

Twilight knew she’d crossed a line, not exactly sure what line, as dreams were as Rarity said, just dreams, but she certainly crossed one. Spike was busy laughing it up on his step and eating popcorn and so she was left on her own. “Of course, I believe you.”

“No you don’t!”

Oh no… she’d never seen Fluttershy actually angry with her. This was scary. She saw what Fluttershy did to that bear, she snapped its back in half. She didn’t want that to happen to her. Something had to help, anything had to help. She looked over just in time to see Spike burp up a magical letter. Everypony looked at him.

“Distraction!” Twilight cried as she grabbed the letter and dragged it over to herself. It had a pink wax seal on it. This was one she’d never seen Celestia use before. She could think about the odd color choice later.

Twilight opened it up and began reading aloud hoping that whatever the contents were the others would forget about Fluttershy’s anger. “My faithful Loving Twilight Sparkle.”

It seemed that caught everypony’s attention even Fluttershy seemed stunned. They weren’t’ the only ones, Twilight wasn’t familiar with this kind of attention either. She continued.

“It has come to my attention that there were several laws written shortly after Luna’s banishment that I had, for no fault of my own, forgotten existed. Once found Luna and me began work towards making these laws come to pass in the most pleasant and peaceful of way.

So it is with regret that I admit I am unable to wait any further until you are ready to marry me. Our marriage will happen in the week and I do so look forward to it. I promise you that, you will belong to me specifically and I will do everything in my power to make you the most happy and comfortable bride in all of Equestria.

Cadance and Shining Armor are helping out of course.

So what were these laws and why are we getting married so soon? Well the main law in question is that whoever should free my sister from her corruption and return her to my side will then take my hoof and my sister’s in royal marriage. Of course you were there to rescue her so you are part of that, in addition to the other elements of harmony. I will keep you up to date as things proceed but please find a way to explain this scenario to your friends as I fear they might have some adverse reactions at first.

With Love, Celestia.”

Well… at least Twilight didn’t have to worry about finding a way to break the news to her friends now.

The entire library fell silent save for the sound of Spike howling with laughter.

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