• Published 12th Jan 2021
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That One Time: Celestia and Luna Married the Mane Six - TheCrimsonDM



Have you ever gotten so drunk you forgot you offered the princesses' hoof in marriage to whoever brought your sister back? And how many 'es' there are in 'Princess'?

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Chapter One: When Drunks Write Laws

That One Time Celestia and Luna Married the Mane Six

Chapter One: When Drunks Write Laws

Written by TheCrimsonDM

Being the Princess of the Sun, ruler of all of Equestria, and arguably the best princess was all well and good. The problem was that despite anything else she was a servant to the people as much as any leader was. In some, few, rare, and exceptional cases this meant she was given a task, a requirement that she had little to no interest in doing. For her part she had been very good at burying any and all of the nonsense requests, whether through bribery, blackmail or even darker means on rare occasions. Not every one of these ancient traditions were able to be washed away.

For her part she did have a team of trusted ponies whose job it was to find such things and remove them before anypony could ever discover them. Yet in all of her infinite wisdom there was one that had slipped through the cracks, one that she had made so, so long ago she had completely forgotten its existence. One that she feared should it be discovered by the pony it would affect, this might cause an uproar in Equestria the likes of which hadn’t been seen since the Eclipse War.

So there she was, spending an entire day not talking to her ponies that wished an audience. Avoiding budgeting meetings. Not mingling with the nobles she needed to keep a closer eye on. Not even going to her school…. Worst of all she missed her afternoon cake.

No she was busy digging around as hard as she could in these archives. Praying, hoping and digging for what she needed. In her pursuit she had found several laws forgotten, including that before anypony was allowed to bring her bad news they must first bring her cake… she was going to bring this one up more often later. Who knows, could be useful.

Honestly she had only written this law shortly after Luna’s banishment and after about three barrels of ale. It should not have actually come into existence. Should Luna find it… should she even hear of it… or imagine it… oh this would be bad.

Still digging through the old texts and laws, ancient pages and scrolls that if not for the magic binding them to this world would have actually turned into dust, she began to realize something that had her scared. These pages had smudges on them. As if dust had been wiped clean from them, and recently at that. Had somepony actually found it? If they had…

***

It was a late night evening and Twilight stood on her balcony watching as the sun faded over the horizon, the last bit of pink slowly vanishing from sight reminded her of Celestia and somehow that made her feel sad. Knowing that the Princess she loved was so far away yet so close at the same time. It was possible she needed more than just a few days of spending time with her.

After all it had been four years ago when Twilight saved Celestia from the most devastating and dangerous of all her enemies. The dreaded cucumber. After that Celestia promised to wed Twilight, only when Twilight was ready. She hadn’t brought it up again, not even once, and Twilight was grateful for that, not because she didn’t want to marry her princess, but because the older she got the more she began to realize all the things that came with marriage.

Being Celestia’s loving house wife, cleaning their quarters, cooking food, and waiting eagerly for her to come home from a busy day of princess duty were all fine and good. It was only after talking with Cadance about it that she began to realize the more… private things that might need doing. It wasn’t that she was unwilling to do marital things with Celestia, it was that she was embarrassed to be so ignorant of them. It wasn’t until two years ago even that she realized when ponies said they slept together they did not mean it in a literal sense.

To say she had been a bit upset and far more embarrassed about it was an understatement. There were many more things she didn’t know either. Currently she didn’t feel like going to bed because for some reason her mind kept forcing her to dream of Celestia in those kinds of ways, but not just Celestia, Luna was there too…

Just outside Twilight saw two ponies she was very familiar with. Rarity and Applejack were walking side by side on this late evening. A few giggles escaping from the mares. They looked happy as could be, so happy in fact even their tails were entwined with one another’s. Twilight listened into their conversation a little.

Rarity was speaking. “Darling, thank you for this late night walk home.”

Applejack lowered her hat. “Of course, Ah ain’t about to let you go alone, Sugarcube.”

Rarity giggled some more. “Aw, thank you. Maybe you’d like to come in for some refreshments before going home?”

Applejack’s eyes were hidden by her hat but her smile was genuine. “Ah reckon Ah could stay a few minutes, or hours.”

“Good, because Sweetie is gone for the evening and the place will be all ours.”

Twilight watched them walking away together. Sounded like they were planning a sleepover all by themselves. She was so happy for them. The first sleepover they had at her place had gone terribly wrong. She didn’t’ even get the chance to play truth or dare properly… meaning she didn’t get to have her first practice kiss. With nopony but Pinkie wanting to do a sleepover after that, she never really got that chance… oh Celestia, Twilight didn’t even know how to kiss. How could she ever accept marrying Celestia now?

***

The door opened and Celestia ignored it. Luna’s voice playfully came in along with the hooves of a trotting princess. “My dearest Sister, what are thou looking for in these old dusty books?”

Celestia made a sour face and continued the search. Even with Luna here she could just burn it and be done with it. “Nothing.”

“Oh ho, but thou hast been here for many an hour now, even missing afternoon cake.”

Celestia froze… wait, Luna was in here… “What time is it?”

“I believe it is past our mutual brinner, or dreackfest.”

“We missed our meal… I’m so sorry, dear sister, I didn’t mean-“

Luna put a hoof up to silence her. “It is quite alright. I know that if there is something bothering you so greatly that you’d spend all night in here there would be a real reason to worry. Hmm…” Luna eyed the shelf Celestia was working on. “These seem to be ancient laws, most of which are quite forgotten if I were to guess. What could be so important about these?”

Celestia resolved to finish this another time. If it was really this late, sleep was going to be needed to continue her search in the morrow. Woe be to anypony who dares attempt to tell her she has other duties to tend to in the meantime.

Celestia shoved what she had pulled down back into their respective boxes and then back onto the shelf. “I fear I may just be imagining things but there are laws here even I cannot remember. See this.” She lifted up the one about receiving cake before bad news. “I believe this applies to both of us.”

Luna smiled. “Oh, I do love this law. I shall see it be put into full effect immediately.”

Celestia smiled. “I thought you would.”

“Too bad that you did not find what you were seeking, my dearest sister.”

Celestia eyed her warily. “Whatever do you mean? I am merely searching for memories of a thousand years ago when things were more simple.”

“Yes, things were simple. You were loved, I was feared. We slay our enemies with great haste and destroy entire kingdoms before they could become more wealthy than us and to the one kingdom that attempted to steal our cake, the Kingdom of Green Lush Plants and Snow… I believe it has become the badlands to the far south now.”

Celestia nodded. “Darker times yes, but simpler.”

“Oh but too bad the one thing you were seeking is still not here. I wonder, wherever could it have gotten to?”

Celestia stared at her. “I found what I wanted…”

“Oh did you? SO you were not seeking to find a comprising law and destroy it before it was found?”

“Of course not.” Celestia smiled. “Would I ever do such a thing?”

Luna matched her tone. “Of course not.”

Celestia nodded and began walking to the door. “Then I shall see you in the morning.” The door closed just as she was about to leave. She looked back and saw Luna with an old scroll levitating by a dark blue aura.

Luna giggled. “Oh, so you really were not trying to abolish or destroy any law before I found it? None whatsoever?”

Celestia swallowed. She couldn’t see what the scroll was but she didn’t have to try too hard to guess. “Of- Of course not.”

“You keep saying that, dear sister…” Luna laughed. “So I suppose that we should get ready then.”

Celestia felt herself backing up, her rear bumped into the door. “R-ready for what?”

“For our mutual weddings.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “Luna!”

Luna looked back with mischievous eyes. “Oh, so you thought I didn’t know? How many years have I been sitting on this one? You wouldn’t know. At first it sounded a little bit scary, but the more I met them, the more I got to like them and even call them friends, the more I realized that this one law you hid, the one you forgot, was beautiful and perhaps, my saving grace from loneliness. It certainly solves the issue with you dissolving our harem. Let me tell you dear sister, a thousand years on the moon tends to leave one very frustrated, and six loving brides is enough… just barely, to fix that.”

Failing to not imagine her sister bedding the six mares in question aside, it was time for Celestia to be serious. “Luna, that law was written when I was drunk. There is no reason we should consider it viable. It should be banished immediately.”

“You would banish my happiness from the world once again?”

A rock caught in Celestia’s throat as she stared at her sister. There was a mixture of pain and sorrow in those eyes. Underneath it all maybe even a hint of anger. “Of course n-“

“DO NOT, say those three words again.” Luna met those eyes. “I say, this would have been something I could agree to destroying when I first arrived. Now I realize how lonely I am, how lonely we both are, and how much I feel toward these mares. This law, this one law, strives to fix all of that. Of course I wouldn’t want to force them to do anything unkind but we are Princesses after all, who is to say they would ever deny us our request. Or… in this case mandate.”

Celestia swallowed. “Luna, please…”

Luna closed her eyes and shook her head. “Tis fine… I… I do not have to be happy. I can go back to being alone. You can enjoy your sun, your love, and the warmth of ponies around you. I have never once had a problem with being heartbroken.”

Celestia swallowed. “Luna… I… I want to hear what you have to say.”

“Oh? Really now?”

“Yes.”

Luna smiled and jumped in the air with a grin on her face. “Oh my dearest sister I so wished you would have said so earlier. This wedding will be extravagant. Beautiful and full of mirth. Nopony shall ever feel sad, or lonely, or cry themselves to sleep early in the morning because they do not have somepony to hold them again. Instead we shall now have six whole ponies to hold us, to cuddle us, to love us, to-“ Luna’s eyes took on a shine they had no right too as her smile dipped into the more provocative territory, “-make love to us.”

Celestia wished so badly, so so badly she had not recalled this law had ever been made, or failing that to have never made it in the first place. Perhaps Discord could help with- no, knowing him he was laughing himself in two. Of course she was stuck with this now.

Luna met Celestia’s eyes. “So you would not deny us this pleasure… would you?”

“Of… course not.”

Luna squeed as she bounced for joy. Her horn lit up. “Great news, my dear sister. I have already made most of the preparations as well, even hired one mare in question to make all of our dresses, they have been in preparation for months now.”

“MONTHS!”

“YES! I knew you’d be excited. Clearly you were looking for this law to make sure it was accurate and that you could give me the most wonderful present of all time. There are so many ponies waiting in secret for this. Thank you!” Luna’s horn took on a brighter glow and she vanished from sight leaving the scroll to fall gently to the ground.

Celestia looked at it and realized not only was this just a copy of the scroll it was one of a hundred so copies… Luna was not going to let this one go and Celestia did not want to start another war with her because Luna had her heart broken and her hope for love taken away. She wished dearly that they could all forgive her for this. After all Celestia had written this law well before they were born, or their parents were born, or their grandparents or their grand-grand-grandparents.

She was starting to feel really old.

Celestia looked at the scroll and read it to herself.

Henceforth from this day. Anypony or group of ponies that are able to rescue my baby sister Luna from her evil ways and bring her to my side once more shall have not only my hoof in marriage but my sisters as well. In fact, it won’t even be a request, they shall have to marry us both. In the royal marriage kind of way.

Signed, The most tragically sad and downtrodden of all princesses, Princess Celestia.”

Oh… she was really drunk when she wrote this.

The poor elements of harmony were about to awaken to a whole new world and there was really nothing she could do to stop it less she create a whole new war in the process… Could it be so bad for her to ask her sister to be sane and mature for once in her life instead of finding some new way to cause strife?

“Of course not…”

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