Short Hand: Maud's Stand Up Comedy · 8:22pm May 16th, 2021
Shepherd went out with Pinkie Pie to hear one of Maud Pie's stand up routines. Pinkie was as excited as she ever was, practically bouncing up and down in her chair. Shepherd sat in the other chair, a bit cramped given it was built for a pony, but he tried to be as comfortable as possible.
Shepherd: "So, Maud's a stand up comic?"
Pinkie: "Oh yeah! She's hilarious! You'll love her!"
Shepherd: "Well, I'll give it a shot."
Announcer: "Now, for our next performer, put your hooves together for... MAUD PIE!"
Maud trots out to the microphone. She looks out at the audience.
Maud: "What do you call an alicorn with no horn and no wings? ... An Earth pony."
At the rimshot, Pinkie began laughing her plot off. Shepherd blinked, and tried to wrap his head around the joke.
Shepherd: "Eh...?"
Maud: "But seriously. Being an Earth pony isn't so bad. We have magic powers too. Like walking around, and picking things up with our teeth."
Audience: murmurs
Maud: "That was sarcasm, by the way."
Shepherd: snerks "Heh... Hahahaha...!"
Pinkie: "IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Maud: "... My favorite music is clastic rock. It is the sound of a conglomeration of ancient rocks shifting slightly due to erosion. It sounds something like this." She grinds her teeth. "... And that's my time."
Pinkie Pie hops up onto stage and hugs Maud.
Pinkie: "Hahaha! Isn't my sister the best comedian ever?!"
Now the audience of ponies laughs hard. Pinkie leads Maud to their table with a happy grin. Shepherd claps for her.
Pinkie: "Didn't I tell ya? Didn't I?!"
Shepherd: "Okay, okay! You were right. That second joke really made me laugh hard, Maud."
Maud: "I messed up the third part of the routine. Sorry."
Shepherd: "Eh, it happens. Humor is really tricky. But you have excellent presentation and a unique way of expressing yourself."
Maud: "... Thank you. That means a lot to me."
Shepherd: "Not a problem."
Maud: Produces a key and drops it into Shepherd's hand "Here."
Shepherd: blinks "... Um...?"
Maud: "My house is in Brick a Brack Cave near Everfree Forest. I'll be waiting. Unless you want to do me in the club bathroom."
Shepherd: "... Hwah?"
Maud: "You're right. House is better. See you soon."
She trots off
Shepherd: "... What-?"
Pinkie: "Oooh... Keys to her house! She's crazy about you!"
Shepherd: "... All I did was laugh at her jokes-"
Pinkie: "Well, mares do appreciate a good sense of humor!"
Shepherd: slams his forehead onto the table with a groan
.... To be honest, Maud's the best one for him to get with. She knows how to regulate her strength, and she isn't really likely to go ballistic over other mares trying to get in his pants.
That was awesome and the ending killed me
5520053
I concur. Plus it's very likely that all the Pie sisters are very fertile, so if he decides to have kids, they can have a lot.
5520053
You sure about that?
Honestly shepherd you should be used to this by now. Now let's just hope she doesn't turn him into stone with a cockatrice like mudbriar
5520053
Ballistic? No. Volcanic? Quite possibly literal.
5520210
Like 5520303 said, more like volcanic than ballistic.
5520283
.... What.
5520336
Oh.
5520283
That was accidental, and I think they convinced her to let them turn him back (unfortunately).