I'm done for a while · 2:53pm May 5th, 2021
Yesterday I made a blog and, to put it lightly, it took less than six hours for it to turn into an absolute shitshow. That blog was specifically to air the fact that I was feeling a personal crisis of conscience and was largely mocked for it where the blog's comment section didn't just dissolve into a batshit fucking loco mess of luchadores on ketamine baiting trolls and then getting run over by them only to stand up like--
and do it all over again.
All-in-all it just highlighted how ugly this fandom has gotten. I'm not excusing anything anyone did or said, by the way, and I'm not deleting the blog. It's an excellent reminder of why I first left this fandom. I really need to take some time to decide if this fandom is even worth my creative energy anymore. Anyone who knows me or has just watched me fill up my library of works knows I can crank out a lot of writing, but it's not free. Writing takes energy, a lot of energy, and it's generally energy I'm happy to spend.
I'm not sure that's true for this site anymore.
We'll see. So, I'm not sure this is good-bye for good, but it's certainly good-bye for now, but in either case, and as always,
Cheers,
I-A-M
Totally understandable. I hope you can find your passion again elsewhere.
Yeah wow I just checked and that got horrendously bad really fast after I left. You would think some people would know better than to respond to obvious bait...
See you later, then. Sorry they all proved you darkly right.
I'm sad to see you go, love your stories, but your mental health and principles are much more important than that. I wish you good journeys, be back or not someday.
5513105
My passion was never tied to this place. I write extensively on AO3, I have people who've gifted me art from my League of Legends stories. People who have kitbashed figures of my characters from my Warhammer 40k stories to field in their mini armies. I'll never stop writing. I stayed in fimfiction out of love for the source material, and out of the good memories I have cutting my teeth on creative writing here, the hope that we could be better and do better.
That's why everything I write aims for a happy end. To show, if not prove, that we can be a little bit better.
But that's not how things end in real life all the time, sadly. So here we are.
5513130
Ah, I'll have to check out your portfolio over there then.
I really don't want to see you go, but I know by experience what staying in a place you're no longer comfortable with can do to a person. I'm happy you have other places to express your work and creativity because they're worth sharing.
I hope to see you back, but regardless of your choice, thank you for everything you've written and done here. It has helped me in more ways that you can think.
Good luck in your future proyects.
i hope you stay and are you leaving the stories up? i understand your place and are you stories on here on ao3?
It's funny how things like these, when people have a chance to show to others that things can be better, or at least throw support in a significant way by sheer, simple, easy empathy, they turn to baiting and fighting.
I hope that while you take a break things here get better and it's worth your while to return. You write incredible, deep and relatable stories here that have inspired me and many others. So I hope to see you back, and if not, well, we're in some common places.
Reply to the previous blog post, because I didn't get to that one until this one was also out (I've been somewhat busy and look to be for the next few days as well, though hopefully it won't take me too long to get to the new Legion chapter...) and, well, usually I'd still reply in the comments to that one as well as this one, but, uh. Yeah, I looked at some of that comments section. Anyway:
"What I'm talking about isn't that. I'm talking about the stuff that would be literally illegal anywhere else, and the sheer amount of it really just... makes it harder and harder to come back to this site. To even touch it beyond making sure my updates go out on time. It really does feel like every time I do so, it leaves a patina of something unpleasant on the tips of my fingers. I barely read ponyfic anymore because there's just not that much good stuff anymore, and what of it there is gets drowned out by all of the foalcon, bestiality, and incest."
[tilts head]
While I'm not saying that hasn't been your genuine experience of it, and I'm sorry that it does appear to have been, I'm also kind of feeling like we're looking at different websites. I don't know, maybe I'm just better than I thought at ignoring the material that I'd otherwise find bothersome (though I get the impression that I might also just be less bothered by some of the stuff that seems to very much bother you, that doesn't seem like enough by itself to explain such a different perception), so what sticks in my memory has a much higher proportion of good stuff?
Good luck indeed figuring out the best course for you here, and I'm sorry it's a problem you're faced with. Thank you also for your good will and love in return. :)
5512586
Oh, under what name, if you don't mind me asking? I did a quick bit of searching for "I-A-M" but was not successful.
...I mean, mind, I'm not sure when/if I'd get around to really checking out your stories there, given all the other things in my queue at the moment, but I'm certainly curious to at least take a look and have the option later (for which I'll hopefully still remember it, of course, should it come up...)!
Added after reading comments on the second blog post: Maybe a link to your Ao3 works on your user page here would be good, since multiple people seem interested? If you want to, of course.
And on this blog post:
"a batshit fucking loco mess of luchadores on ketamine"
...I apparently did not read that far into the comments. I mean, I assume that to at least some extent that's metaphorical, but still, sorry.
And I'd like to reiterate more strongly what I said above, given that comments section: I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, and I very much hope that you can find something good that works for you and soon, whatever that may end up being. Personally, I'd rather you stayed and kept writing here, but I don't value your pony works so much that I want you to be miserable for them; if you can't be writing here and happy both, I'd rather the latter. Good luck, and thank you for, at the least, the good work you've already done here.
5513187
"It's funny how things like these, when people have a chance to show to others that things can be better, or at least throw support in a significant way by sheer, simple, easy empathy, they turn to baiting and fighting."
Yeah, just... way to self-demonstrate the wrong thing, people!
I'm sorry that that had happened to you, I wish you the best of luck with your writing. I have always loved your writing so I do hope that this experience doesn't quell that. Take your break, its for the best, and we will be here waiting. So best wishes to you
Hope to see you return. Otherwise so long and thanks for the words.
I speak for all your fans when I say I hope you enjoy your time off an come back better than ever. Just like Sunset.
Even if you make the choice to never come back, don’t leave Dead by Midnight hanging. There are literally hundreds of fantastic stories that never get finished on this site and it’s always a huge downer to see them left like that.
It's a shame this place has become what it has. I wish you the best of luck on which ever path you take.
A shame, not gonna lie, heh. But if you think that's the best for you then you should do it. Gonna miss, though.
5513418
Si.
Dude I’ve been gone for a week dealing with family problems the f did I miss?
Ok yeah glanced though that and yeah that turned into a shit show really fast and while aweful I don’t think that describes most people here. There are a lot of people who are here for the love of mlp and the great stories writers can come up with in the settings in that world. While yeah that trash also exhists am not sure it’s a Majority. But yeah there are se really bad areas and that can bother people but there’s also a lot of really good things on here as well. Cause you’ve made some amazing works that’s really touched a lot of people. I hope you find your answer while your gone and if this is good by then thanks for everything.
So long, and thanks for all the cool lesbians.
Best wishes to your health and happiness.
As a certain purple-skinned dude once said "really is often disappointing"
I'm gonna visit your AO3 page and see if there's something non pony related that catches my attention.
damn shame to see you go but hope its not perminate. i love reading your work and would happily follow you into other sites.
Just seeing this whole mess, and I feel where you're comin from. Its stupidly rare for the featured box to be free of any porn and usually if it makes it to the featured box its some kinda weird fetish. That being said, I'm one of those aces who vies sex more as a joke than anything else so I tend to just laugh it off and move on to the actual stories, but I can understand being against it being there at all. I'm here to read cute stories about cartoon horses, nothing more. I really do wish they'd have some kinda rule about fetish porn not being featured though, purely because I feel its niche enough that most people who allow mature content don't want to see it and the people who are here for it can find it on their own.
That all being said I am sorry about how horrible the last blog post got. People can be horrible, especially when someone gives a contrary opinion. unfortunately this fandom feels like its well past its glory days, hopefully gen 5 will fix that but no guarantee.
Good luck in the future, whether you choose to come back here or not.
I understand. I'll still look forward to more of your stories.
Damn I missed a ton huh. Well, I'll just say that I've always loved your character work, especially tied to sunset, aria and dash and I'd be sad to see you and them go, but I can totally understand not wanting to associate with the fandom anymore. All fandoms turn to trash the the longer and deeper you stare at them, and the feature box doesn't help to curate a different image. I can say for certainty that other fanfiction sites aren't devoid of the same shit, as I'm a hopeless degenerate and frequently seek out less than savory tags (but even I have limits). That said, it's muuuuch easier to ignore all that shit elsewhere because you kinda HAVE to look for it. Here, not so much usually.
At the end of the day, do what makes you happy and cut off any unnecessary stress. I've loved damn near everything you've given to us and will always appreciate your efforts and contributions. I'm sure it all looks different from a content creators' perspective than just an appreciative fan and consumer, but there is still good to be had and I hope you can find it, either elsewhere or here somewhere. Love ya and hope to see ya around.
I hope you are okay. Will keep checking back periodically.
5513130
Hey how are you doing?
Not sure if you’re still around, but I found DbD thanks to your stories. You are directly responsible for literally hundreds of hours of fun that I’ve had. Hope you’re doing well, and thank you.
Damn, I must say your king and shy story is one of my favorites, It has enormous potential, its the story in this site with most likes that you have, seriously though, dont pay atention to feauturings or "whats hot". I have never seen a good long and intense story pop out from there, what you want to look at are the amount of likes in a story, Its all I ever pay atention to, I also never read a story that doesnt have more that 60k words in it. Good storries are like this King and Shy that you made, Article ll, Shatered Skies, What a strange little colt, foal necromancer/necromancy for foals, Changeling of the guard, Changing Expectations, your human and you, dexter in equestria, Diaries of a madman(not for the faint of heart/moral), the stories of Nigel M Chalmers(few stories this Nigel chatacter has), Griffin the griffin, Stardust, My twilight Facade, etc. Thats half of my fav list I think
I eagerly await your return
I'm more disappointed that I'll never get to see how your ShimmerBloom fic resolves than Dead by Midnight, but I get it.
While ive only recently discovered your work, and im incredibly sad to see that you do not plan on continuing it, i hope that you are able to move on to bigger and better things.
thanks for all the amazing stories youve left here, and good luck
Hello again! Just checking in. Hope all is well with you. I really hope you do return someday. I enjoy your work. I understand if you don’t. Personally I just read and rarely interact. Peace be with you!
5513130
Apologies for replying to the old post, but what is your pen name over on Ao3?
5678899
Same as here on fimfic "I-a-m"
5718516
I did a search for "I-A-M" and "I-a-m" over there and nothing shows up.
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I can’t find it ether
5735762
Try “Calchexxis”