• Member Since 27th Jul, 2011
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Andrew Joshua Talon


A fellow traveler...

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Apr
9th
2021

Plot Bunny Theater: Morning Tea · 4:37pm Apr 9th, 2021

Twilight is having tea with Princess Celestia and Luna. And notices that sometimes their attentions are elsewhere.

Luna: "Fifty for me!"

Celestia: "Fifty-five."

Twilight: "What are you doing?"

Celestia: "Alien invasion. Sixty."

Twilight: "An alien invasion?!"

Luna: "We are dealing with it. Seventy!"

Twilight: "Dealing with it?!"

Celestia: "Yes! I control my sun, and Luna controls her moon. Seventy-five!"

Luna: "As well as the nearby asteroid belts. It's like a shot gun. Eighty!"

Celestia: "Solar death ray is still better. Ninety!"

Twilight: "I... Do we know they are hostile?"

Luna: "Dear Twilight, these are the same alien robots who have been trying to bombard Equestria into rubble with relativistic projectiles for the last thousand years. One hundred and ten!"

Celestia: "Oh yes, Twilight. Of course Luna and I have tried to communicate with them on multiple occasions. But it seems they are actually just robots that believe all organic life in the universe must be exterminated. And naturally we are quite against that. Oh, and... Two hundred!"

Luna: "Damn your eyes! Oh, a moment... One of my projectile swarms has managed to strike one of their mother ships! HAHA! That's four hundred for me!"

Celestia: "Quite impressive, my little sister..." smirk "You are nearly caught up after I had to handle the defense on my own for the last thousand years!"

Luna: "FIE! THAT DOES NOT COUNT!"

Twilight: "... How often does this happen-?"

Celestia: "At least once a century. Sometimes twice, depending on how long the robots take to rebuilt and accelerate back up to a high percentage of the speed of light."

Luna: "Yes. Tis really more annoying than anything else."

Celestia can make her sun emit gigantic laser blasts. Luna can fire off projectiles from her moon at close to the speed of light and control the asteroids nearby. Luna doesn't have to do anything too fancy. Just manipulate the gravity around her moon, yank up some projectiles, accelerate them using her same gravity bending, and then fire them off. Celestia can use the electromagnetic field of her sun to laze the gases in her sun and emit blasts of laser energy as large across as a planet. So between them, Equestria's world is quite well defended.

Twilight though wants to try and make contact with these aliens and maybe find a way to end things peacefully. Will she do it? Time will only tell...

Comments ( 21 )

Every time Celestia jobs, it's because she's dealing with things like this instead of the fight the rest of us can see.

Me liek. Bring moar!

Very last-stage Days of Wasp & Spider. I like it. And I do love the idea of the sisters performing literally cosmic feats. There's a reason I call them celestial mechanics, in the overalls and grease stains sense.

The Doctor: "Is this what becoming irrelevant feels like?"

Now what is another group of aliens show up that are friendly.

Have they tried telling the robots they aren't biological? If they question it, have them scan Pinkie Pie.

Good thing these robots seem to be the uninventive type, or they might have figured out how to invent ftl, teleportation or wormhole tech that would have let them just skip all the space defenses...

Sounds like Cybermen. Friendship is a lost cause.

I juzt get the mental image of Harbringer sitting inside one of those alcohol nebulas getting drunk and complaining about OP ponies.

I can see it now...

A Borg Cube appears.

WE ARE THE BORG. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FU-

And a random (yet suspiciously-accurate) solar flare wipes them out.

Celestia: Assimilate that.

Luna: (sputters angrily) That's cheating!

Celestia: (smugly sips her tea) Sister mine, it's hardly my fault if the feature of our little corner of the galaxy that just so happens to fall under my jurisdiction is more powerful than your little...(waves a good in mock contemplation) ...rock?

Luna: (flatly) MOON.

Celestia: Yes, yes, that, your tiny hunk of orbital debris.

Luna: Well, 'tis better than your fat, flabby, flatulent ball of gas.

Celestia: ...excuse me?

Luna: (looks pointedly at her own Cutie Mark...and then even more pointedly at Celestia 's) Fat. Flabby. Flatulent.

Celestia: (narrows her eyes)

Luna: Indeed, with the amount of yon cake thou doth consume on a nigh-hourly basis, one cannot help but wonder if there should not be craters on your flank instead of mine-

(Luna receives a feather pillow in the face, courtesy of Celestia's magic)

5494762
It's akin to the argument on several science fiction forums called Green vs. Purple: That is, which is superior for space combat? Beam weapons or kinetic weapons?

With sibling rivalry thrown in for fun.

5494775
Hehheh, or the debate between the weight of a weapon versus its efficiency.

Which is better, a small, fit moon or a big, soft sun?

...why can I see the scientists of Equestria actually treating this seriously?

Strangely enough, the Lunar side seems to have gained quite a few more members since Luna's return...

I think youre mistaking plasma for a laser

5496972
No, she uses the electromagnetic field of her sun to laze the gases into a gigantic laser beam.

5496985
I learmed something new! Thank you

This whole entry reminds me of some of the wilder weapons used in the Lensmen (Lensmares?) series by 'Doc' Smith.

Lord alone knows what they'll be capable of if they learn how to tap the supermassive black hole at the center of their galaxy for power.

As impressive as solar death rays are, I'm more impressed with gravity manipulation.

Anyone for Stellaris?

5497250 Ah yes, the Sunbeam. Turns an entire solar system into a vacuum tube with the sun as the cathode. Four million tons of matter being fused every minute and all that energy focussed into a beam not much wider than a planet.

Makes the Death Star look like a flashlight.

5614406
Celestia: "Suck it, Papa Palpatine."

5614419
With that much power behind it, I'd say it's more "Suck it, Darkseid."

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