Dec
11th
2020
Short Hand: The Letter · 12:35am Dec 11th, 2020
Celestia: "Oh my! I finally have a letter from Shepherd! Let's see..."
Letter: "Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that while friendship can be complicated it is actually more resilient than I thought even between species and with patience we can reach out and realize that this letter is actually a distraction while I steal your cake sorry it was for a bet I lost this should be a long enough of a distraction for me to get away later!"
Celestia: "Wait wha-"
Shepherd: Has the cake, stares at Celestia.
Celestia: Stares back.
Shepherd: "WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED!" He jumps through the nearest window "RAINBOW DASH CATCH ME YOU CRAZY BITTTTCH-!"
Dash: "GOTCHA!"
Celestia: sighs... Chuckles "I'm too amused to be mad."
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That's funny
Alternate ending
Shepard: *grabs cake and starts running towards window* HAHAHAHAHA! You'll never catch me bi- *trips over own feet and crashes onto the floor, getting a cake facial*
Celestia: *stomps angrily towards Shepard with horn blazing*
Shepard: *leans of and wipes cake from his eyes* Well crap! That didn't wor- * sees the angry avatar of the sun stamping towards him* Well I'm fucked.
Twilight Sparkle: *reading a book to the foals in her class 1000 years later* ...and that my little ponies is why you never try to steal Princess Celestia's cake.
Sherpard: *stares down from the human in the moon* Aw c'mon! It was just a cake! It's not like it was the last cake ever!
5413252
I would think Celestia would do something very different with a cake-covered Anon.
5413282
Involving licking, at the very least.
Celestia: Steal a cake, and you have dessert for a day...
*horn flashes, Carrot Cake and Cup Cake appear*
Celestia: Steal a baker, and you have dessert forever!
Lol. That's the attitude I had about beer runs when I was convince store wage slave. Don't just grab and run. Pretend to pay at least. Entertain me.
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The Desserts Shall Last... Forever!
There are a few opportunities no writer should ever pass up:
The use of an interrobang.
To paraphrase Clarke's 3rd law and/or Asimov's laws.
To split shamelessly an infinitive, and mock H.W. Fowler.
To evoke Ulysses, and pretend to have actually finished it (fooling no one).
Most importantly, you should never pass up the chance to use "autodefenestrate" in a sentence.
I don't think he realizes just how coo-coo for cake some Celestias can be. The slaves in the kitchen will have to work overtime to compensate.
She might force him to try and steal a larger cake only for her to be hiding inside it. Big ass cake though.