My Dickish Pony: Ponies are Dicks, Season 9! · 4:45pm Nov 7th, 2020
S1-4 || S5 || S6 || S7 || S8 || S9
It's the end of the show as we know it, and ponies are still dicks. :B
Maybe I shoulda spaced this out a bit, but I don't control me.
The Beginning of the End: Some old dick rounds up a bunch of big dicks because he wants to fuck everything up. One of the dicks goes off to fuck things up his own way. He succeeds, but the mane 6 defeat him with bullshit in spite of Discord's dickery.
Uprooted: The new OCs have to clean up the mess left behind by the big dick from last episode, but end up being dicks to each other instead.
Sparkle's Seven: Twilight's brother invites her to fuck up his plans for the Equestrian military-industrial complex in case they suck. No one's a dick here except Fluttershy's stupid dick of a brother, who can't help being a dick even when he's being funny.
The Point of No Return: Twilight's busy being a dick to Spike because character development is a myth.
Common Ground: That dick from season 6 returns, tries to get laid, and almost fails hard because Rainbow Dash is stupid. His future adoptive daughter is a huge dick in the funniest, most adorable way possible. When you think about it, this is basically just the VA's own self-insert RPF.
She's All Yak: Rarity is a dick to a new OC and by extension all yak-kind because cultural assimilation. But who cares, yaks are dicks anyway.
Frenemies: A bunch of the dicks from episode 1 go on a team-building exercise to try and stop being dicks to one another. They decide to be a dick to the old dick instead.
Sweet and Smoky: Turns out one of the new OCs is the sister of a huge dick. Except he's not actually a dick because poetry? He's still a dick.
Going to Seed: Applejack is a dick to her family because she decides to be a huge baby and try to catch Apple Claus instead of doing her damn chores.
Student Counsel: The Starlight Gang has to save one of the new OCs from almost dying, but they almost die instead because cockatrices are dicks. I mean, it's right there in the name, I don't make this shit up.
The Last Crusade: It turns out Scootaloo isn't an orphan after all, but she might as well be because her parents are huge dicks. Her lesbian aunts are the best, though.
Between Dark and Dawn: Fancy Pants is an uncharacteristic dick to the mane 6 because it turns out you can both be rulers of a country and also giant idiots. Why are the writers such dicks to Best Sisters? Why? :(
The Last Laugh: Weird Al Horse is depressed because his right-hand man has as much personality as a sack of potatoes. But Pinkie fixes him somehow. This leads to boning later.
2, 4, 6, Greaaat: Rainbow Dash is a huge dick to a bunch of new OCs because she's a giant, stupid baby, and this is literally how every one of her episodes has gone since season 4. She is worst horse. But Twilight's no better, she's a dick for setting Rainbow up to fail.
A Trivial Pursuit: Twilight is a dick to Pinkie Pie over something that never has mattered and will never matter again.
The Summer Sun Setback: The dick squad are back to fuck things up again and basically succeed because fomenting racial discord is easy? Topical!
She Talks to Angel: Fluttershy and her rabbit swap bodies and we get to find out why he's such a dick. Also, he's a dick to a bunch of other animals while in her body and almost kills more than one of them. No one seems to bring this up afterward.
Dragon Dropped: Spike's trying to get laid, but Rarity's a dick to him because she's stupid and also a pedophile I guess.
A Horse Shoe-In: Starlight gets to take over the dumb school and has to pick a new vice principal. Her girlfriend is a huge dick to her because her most endearing trait is how she's a huge dick to everyone. Wink!
Daring Doubt: It turns out Daring Do was a dick all along because her arch-nemesis is a misunderstood wooby. Fucking shoot me.
Growing Up Is Hard to Do: The CMCs fuck themselves up and then fuck up the county fair because they're actually babies.
The Big Mac Question: Big Mac's finally going to get laid. If you guessed Discord being a dick is again relevant, you win no prizes because the writers are just out of ideas.
The Ending of the End: Discord is revealed to be the biggest dick in the history of dicks. Racial strife turns everyone in Equestria into dicks. Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that punishing children eternally is A-OK! Time to end the show.
The Last Problem: Twilight's like "I rule this shit now" and teaches her student OC how not to be a dick. So basically, we're just starting over from the top. THE END
Rainbow Roadtrip: The mane 6 travel to a land of not-sunshine and definitely-not-rainbows where no one is a dick because Minnesota Nice. Except that old guy, he was kind of a dick. But he was being a dick to rich people, so it balances out.
And since I haven't thrown any in with S6, here's all the major EQG specials!
Friendship Forgotten: Wallflower Blush is a dick to everyone but no one remembers it because she's depressed. Trixie stops being a dick long enough for Sunset Shimmer to unfuck everyth--haha no, she gets fucked over too and guilt wins out in the end. At least all my fanfics are canon now.
Rollercoaster of Friendship: Vignette Valencia is a huge, annoying dick to everyone because she's the living embodiment of "kids these days, amirite?" Rarijack is canon now. Sci-Twi is unable to hack her way into a better special.
Spring Breakdown: The Shadowbolts stopped being dicks, so everyone gets to go on a cruise! Naturally, everything proceeds to get fucked up, mostly by Rainbow Dash because she's a stupid baby and worst human. Rarity falls for some random wanker because we can't have the gays, amirite? None of this is actually bad though because all our things are horse things.
Sunset's Backstage Pass: Sunnybuns just wants to watch a concert because COVID-19 hasn't been invented yet, but it turns out her favorite band are a couple of dicks who make her life a living hell and also Hard Reset is canon. Sunset and Pinkie are dicks to a security guard. The Dazzlings make an appearance solely to be dicks to Sunset. Seriously, that's all they do. Applejack falls for some random hick because we can't have the gays, amirite? Taco dress.
Holidays Unwrapped: Production decides to be a dick to the fandom and give us this as our final EQG special.
Okay, reading that out-of-context sounds absolutely hilarious.
The Last Problem: Twilight's like "I rule this shit now" and teaches her student OC how not to be a dick. So basically, we're just starting over from the top. THE END
This song comes to mind.
Man, you're really good at sniffing out these dicks!
Because he's a dick even to other dicks. Double dick!
Those birds are dicks. And Luna a tiny bit. And Rarity for throwing Dash under
the busaforementioned brother.And, as everypony knows, babies are dicks.
I think that would be funnier if Luster turned out to be a dick in the end and her reaction to that song were "WTF? Are you kidding me?"
Because... rich people are dicks?
I like how in spring breakdown dash is a dick. But she’s also right.
Also. I guess she’s more a horsecock in this one, right?
Because this is what happens when stupid people try to write smart people.
Well, they put a kid in a cage, so... topical?
Hilarious post. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Would laugh again.