Released · 11:42am Oct 14th, 2020
I'll bullet-point this one.
* No follow-through on getting the spinal procedure done early. They showed the previous MRIs to neurosurgery & orthopedics: every member of those two staffs mutually freaked out before running for their lives. The original doctor is apparently the only one who's willing to work on her, and that only after cardiac clearance. So still waiting for the echo on the 21st.
* Her primary wants her off the oxybutynin & halved the donepezil. (Which currently means cutting those pills into halves.) She also -- and this is the one which scares me -- vetoed follow-up antibiotics, because we have the dentist appointment on Friday and my mother has to load up on such pills before that: this may be too many medications in a short time, and that means the days in between are being used as a break. So if the UTI isn't wiped out, it's going to have a couple of days to reassert itself. I told the doctor that I'm willing to follow her instructions -- but if something goes wrong, I will bring those words back to haunt her.
* She was, as just about usual, at her clearest when I came in, then... stopped making the effort, perhaps, because she knew she was being discharged and so there was no need to pretend towards health any more...
* Yes, that's dark, but it does feel like she tries to present the illusion and relaxes it when doctors are no longer in sight.
* How can I tell she's slipping? I told her about the renewed car troubles and she told me that she would call my godfather and see if he knew any other mechanic who would help. My response was to offer a Ouija board, because he died several years ago. But hey, if she can get through, go for it.
* She did eat about a third of a burger last night and had coffee this morning, so at least there's some appetite present. But she still crashed as soon as we reached the apartment: asleep before seven.
* Renewed car troubles? Oh yeah. The Check Gas Cap message came back after less than a hundred miles of driving. (No Check Engine light yet, but it's now a matter of time: there was a delay before the last reappearance too.) This seems to cut down the possibility of a bad install. With the smoke test having failed, the next diagnosis probably requires taking the entire fuel system apart. Let's call that an expense of -- actually, let's not call that anything at all, because I can't afford it this month and I'm not asking for help. The "deep dive" expedition cannot, and perhaps should not, be funded. I don't know what's wrong: I just believe that at this point, it can't be fixed. The next failed attempt to do so has to wait for November. Or later. Maybe around the next inspection in May, when my latent depression is telling me I can just give up and junk the car. Which is silly, of course. I'm not going to make it until May and if I somehow do, the car probably won't.
* I will try to pick up a cheap home code diagnostic reader for the car. But it doesn't do me any good until the unit can clear the code and shut off the message. Every fifty miles, for the rest of my ownership. Model recommendations & direct links welcome.
* Also, my driver's side front wheel well guard fell off at four in the morning. But that's been bolted back on. With actual bolts. It was that or wait for the next road rock to go directly through whatever that now-visible blue fluid tank contains.
* Just for funsies, last night had me find a large crack on my tablet's screenguard. You know: the extra layer of protective glass you can put on top of the real screen, so it theoretically takes the initial impact? It did just that. I had to remove the guard in order to check the true screen for damage, and so it's never going on again because the removal spread the cracks. The actual screen is fine, and I ordered a new guard last night. But I have to be very careful for a few days until it arrives, and then I have to pay someone to put it on because you get one shot to do it with perfect alignment and no air bubbles. Not within my skills.
* I''m not going to give you details on the part with the cops. No ticket, though.
* I try not to tell you about the bad stuff...
For sticking things back on cars so they never come off, there’s always JBweld.
I always order multiples (at least two!) of those screen protectors because I know I'm going to screw up at least once. And living in a house with cats I never expect to get it perfect. I usually call it "good enough" and deal with it when there's only one fragment of fur or dust or whatever trapped in there.
Estee, you really need to get some help with your mother, like a day nurse or just send her to some retirement home where professionals can take care of her.
At this point you’re liable to give yourself a heart attack because of all the stress, and if she’s too far gone to even listen to you anyway, then what’s the point of dedicating all your time to her when she can ignore ANYONE else?
Almost certainly your windshield washer fluid, if that makes you feel any better. Not good to have a problem with, but much less likely to result in immediate disaster than any other fluid tank you could pick.
5377552
For all the bad press that stuff gets, it's awesome for more than just cars. The steel epoxy putty is like moldable duct tape.
I am tired, frustrated, angry, stressed, have multiple problems which I have no hope of dealing with (much less fixing), and really, really need to take it all out on someone.
Fortunately, I just happen to have an available means of expressing myself.
*pulls out Early Voter Certificate & Ballot*
Let's do this.
Please, please let me get a Public Question...
Having read this 'saga' from start to here, it's easy to see how people in days of yor, or other parts of the world just.... abandon their parents, or similarly suffering family, to the wilds. It's no where remotely humane, or civil, but when you have no resources, can't get any real help, and holding onto them only drags you down like an anchor? The reasoning is easy to grasp.
That said, I"m not condoning that path or similar, but that's probably the only option Estee has that would avoid long term suffering for themself with how... inevitable, their mother's condition seems to be going...
...oh boy.
Well, I asked for a Public Question, and I got a big one.
Legalization of marijuana.
...
...I seriously paused in voting at this point to think it over. (I would have been frozen in the booth for five minutes.)
Okay: cons. It may not necessarily be physically addictive, but there is a psych component. There's enough drunk drivers on the road without adding an assortment of stoned ones. I don't trust sane adults to make their own decisions as much as I used to, because the last few years have made me seriously question the availability of sane adults. Long-term effects are still being determined. I've been for medical usage from the start, but this would launch the unsupervised Anyone Can Try This At Home phase and that's one of the best ways to learn where the flaws really are. Minors would find ways to get ahold of the stuff in bulk, not that they don't already... Secondhand smoke could become a huge problem with apartment building ventilation systems.
Pros: A number of imprisoned relative innocents could potentially be freed because what they did isn't necessarily a crime any more: lives are restored. Quality of product goes through the roof: professional growers can step forward, and suspicious blends should just about vanish. It's putting another over-the-counter analgesic on the market. The state can expect a minor economic boost. Giving people freedom to experiment with something might mean they stop there: as gateway drugs go, marijuana generally isn't. Objectively, it's less harmful than alcohol and tobacco while actually having some positive benefits.
*slow breath*
Really not happy about this. There are going to be deaths: not overdoses, but 'I swear I can drive.' Then again, that's the same result from any public question about raising the speed limit. And no matter what happens, people are going to speed anyway. It's just that no matter what they may tell themselves, some of them will never be capable of handling their cars.
*long, long thoughts*
Voting yes to legalize. Prepared to regret it.
5377609
Eh, from what I can tell it hasn't blown up in the face of any state that has legalized it, so I wouldn't stress over it too much. Seriously. You do not need more stress. Matter of fact, if it weren't still illegal, and far more importantly, you weren't the primary caretaker of and elderly woman with dementia and a slew of other medical issues, I'd recommend trying some. I can't imagine how stressed out you've been for, like, years now probably, but especially the past 3-4 months.
5377609
https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/guides/zqp7pbk/revision/4
Do any of these NOT apply to most currently illegal drugs?
OBD2 reader : a cheap one like this should be fine. They aren't as reliable as the professional ones of course, but it's >95% likely to work with your car and if it doesn't you can just send it back for a refund.
A bit of Dad advice, that you are free to skip, but that may help just because I've had many of the same issues you are going through, just with a spouse not a mother
I don't know if it helps, but it might save you an expense. Most major auto part stores (Autozone, NTB, places like that) will do a quick code read for you for free if they aren't super busy. I've done things like that when I was in a position like yours with errors on the dash and no money to fix them. They at least gave me an idea of what else could happen at no charge.
Speaking as an ex phone repair tech, any third party repair place you go to get the tablet screen on, call first and make sure they will use your part to replace it. There are some places that won't use customer parts so you'd end up wasting a trip, or god forbid they tell you they'll take the repair and then use their part anyway and charge you extra.
Things are hard right now, I know. Take a deep breath, keep hydrated, and make sure you are getting some self care. It was stressed to me (and I'm sure you heard it too) that I was no good as a caregiver if I wasn't caring for myself. Thankfully my wife made a full recovery and I pray that your mother does as well, but remember that YOU have value as well, not just as an extension of her healthcare. Consider calling or going online to some free mental health care/counseling for yourself if you don't already see anyone.
Dad advice over. Take care of yourself.
5377622
I don't have to worry about the third-party glass installation unless the place I used the first time has changed their policies: I brought the extra layer in last time too. My biggest concern there is time, because they took about twenty minutes to put it on and right now, I'm going to stress every time I leave the apartment. (She's doing some light housework today and, after some thought, made herself an egg for breakfast. So at least for the moment, it's a step up.)
I do recall the installation as being slightly more costly than the shield, but it was done perfectly: screen cleaned before application, lineup ideal, no air bubbles. That's not something I can manage on my own.
A home code reader would -- in the event that the Check Gas Cap message is now a computer fritzing out -- allow me to clear that one specific warning on the road, at need. I'm just sick of having to go to the shop -- and again, that's time spent away from home. The last smoke test confirmed no further evaporation leaks, and yet the message is still coming back. If it's just the computer, then dealing with that myself potentially allows me to pass inspection. It also allows me to find out what's going on if another problem comes up while the Check Engine light is still lit.
And... I really can't afford to have someone take the entire fuel system apart. Not now, not after the black hole that October has become. I'm also, as stated above, not asking for help on this one beyond the 'Can you recommend a good home reader?' question.
If the time comes to dismantle most of the car, then it comes. I just want to try holding off for a while.
Stepping out to go mail my vote. Which I am turning in at the post office, by hand, directly to the mail clerk.
...yeah. I'm not taking that chance either.
5377626 You have to consider your goals.
What is your goal with the car: To keep it running and have it pass inspection so its legal to drive.
Will resetting the code allow it to pass inspection, and then you can just ignore it for years until the next inspection? ____
I'm in Kansas. We don't have inspections for cars (but we do for commercial trucks). I don't think I've owned a US manufactured vehicle that didn't have the check engine light on for the entire time I owned it. Of course I never bought a car with less than 100k miles on it either, and drove them until they died around 200k. So is it possible that you're angsting out over something that can just be duct-taped over, i.e. reset the code, run the inspection, ignore the red light afterward? (Now *blinking* red check engine lights are stop-the-car-turn-it-off-something-blew, that I know by experience)
5377635
The current goal is to periodically get rid of the code from the Check Gas Cap indicator so that the Check Engine light can once again tell me when something is actually wrong, and then I can look up what that is.
I am choosing to believe the mechanic's initial diagnosis: leaking evaporation canister. This has been replaced. But I got the message again, the shop took that section apart and reinstalled because their theory was 'loose connection', and now I have the same message. The Check Engine light won't be far behind. The smoke test can't find any more leaks and as said, the next step is taking everything apart.
I can't afford that. I'm not asking anyone for help when I don't know what's wrong, if it can even be fixed -- or if something real is wrong at all.
So with a code reader of my own, I'll know if the light is just tossing off another bad evaporation code. Again, the smoke test located no actual leaks, so the car should be able to pass inspection in its current condition. But a Check Engine light might stall out the whole process while adding a huge (and potentially unnecessary) expense: being able to clear it myself would potentially eliminate that. Also, having that light on all the time and potentially hiding a real issue behind the possibly-false is also a constant stressor: I really don't need another one of those.
Eventually, I probably will need to have the entire fuel system dismantled, especially if not doing so would mean failing inspection. But... not today. Not tomorrow, either. I just want to know that the supposed evaporation leak is the only thing that's wrong, and be capable of verifying that on the road. The cost of a basic code reader is paying for a little peace of mind.
Whatever can be found of it, anyway.
Ballot has been turned in. By hand, with the clerk stamping the postmark, after I copied down the ballot's individual tracking number with intent to follow it online.
I don't believe there's going to be widespread fraud with the mail-in system -- at least, not with my state. But I once had a package of Blu-ray burner data discs take most of a week to travel three miles. The postmark is my way of not taking any chances.
All right. Now that I've voted, I'm going to do some general cleaning and straightening. Tomorrow, with more luck than I care to think about, could be a writing day. But today, I want to monitor her closely, and that means I can't get wrapped up with trying to be creative. Post-hospital release, with the monthly deadline still a little ways off, has to be for health checks and whatever degree of decompression can be found.
I'll consider the day a success if she has three meals, no accidents, and I manage to get a few backpiled digital movie codes redeemed. She's already eaten breakfast and lunch. Partway there.
ETA: Also watching useless things go by on Prime Day Part #2. I just passed on a Rocko's Modern Life series set, and did so for a single major reason: it's censored.
Original episode formats or nothing. This time, I went with 'nothing'.
And the mail just came in.
I got a school board election flier.
Too late, too late...
Good luck, Estee! I'm glad at least some things seem to have gone something resembling well.
Working on the basis of your previous posts, I'm going to present an alternative theory; that, to her, the doctors and nurses aren't medical professionals. Rather, they are strangers, and so she's immediately cautious and defensive with them - she doesn't trust them, so she refuses (so far as she can) to let them see that she is vulnerable. You? You are family. She can trust you, so she lets her guard down a bit and relaxes.
5377677
...you're seeing all of the above as things going well?
Step outside. Get some fresh air. You've been reading these blogs for too long.
5377626
If it passed the smoke test then yeah definitely get a reader like the one That was recently linked as it will show if a sensor is just going haywire which would be easy to fix also once you have the code/s you should write them all down and give us them and your year of previa and trim level. We might even be able to give you a forum post nailing it immediately so you can forward it to the mechanic, I've done this before and it helps you and the mechanic greatly. If you don't smell fuel getting in and out of the car it's probably safe to drive. EDIT: the blue stuff is windshield washer fluid and it should not do anything but get the car wet. The tanks are cheap if you need a new one later but CEL is more important.
5377680
It's the 2005 Cobalt. The Previa was donated to Kars For Kids, because the only other option was breaking it down for parts and I couldn't even begin to guess at what was still good. At least that way, it managed to help someone.
I'm waiting on a little more help with choosing a reader model, but I should be able to order something by tonight. The annual Prime Day fizzle has left me with enough survey balance to cover the lower end of units. Once I have a code, I can post them here, and then it's Have At Them. Thankee.
(I may need a translation on 'trim level'.)
There's been no fuel smell around the car itself. I briefly picked some up on the road last week (prior to the repair), but did so twice while passing the exact same spot in two directions: my guess is that I passed a spill.
5377679
I mean, I didn't say it was a particularly good resemblance. Just, you know, things like: only your tablet's screenguard got broken! Whatever else happened with the police, you didn't get a ticket too! The part that fell off your car at 0400, you were able to bolt back on!
...Yeah, not debating that the key part is the very low bar, though, indeed set by the things documented in these blogs. Sorry.
5377681
Trim lets us know what engine ect the car should have https://www.cars.com/research/chevrolet-cobalt-2005/trims/ Also it should still work with a standard reader it looks like.
If all else fails, you can try going to a Walmart that sells phones (not all do) and asking one of the Premium wireless sales associates (no joke, that is actually the company name, just "Premium") to put on the screen protector. They apparently get commission for phone accessory sales as well as for the phone sale, itself, so they have an incentive to practice applying screen protectors.
Also, you could try Liquipel. It's in a white and blue rectangular package just like that of a screen protector, but it's an apply-buff-dry hardening resin. I haven't personally tested how good the stuff is, because that would involve dropping and/or striking my tablet screen, but it may provide some extra scratch resistance, if nothing else.
5377618
I prefer the bluetooth dongle variety. Install the free torque lite app on your phone, sync the two, and you can read and clear codes at will.
5377700
No smartphone. My phone runs one app. It's called 'voice mail'. It doesn't always work.
I know it sounds cold but it would be easier if you just lie to her to speed things along since she can't remember or understand the truth anyhow.
5377739
Ooooh, that is generally not what one wants to do to someone who's starting to fall into dementia, I wouldn't think. What Estee's Mother needs is someone she can trust to tell her how things are, especially since her memory is being questionable on that front; also, if there's one person who can tell when you're lying, it's your parent.
So, yeah, I'd heartily recommend against that strategy. Especially since Estee will have to tell her things that she doesn't want to hear (such as that she needs to go for her spinal operation now, please) and that will be unutterably harder if she thinks she has strong reason not to trust what Estee is saying. (And if she catches a lie once, then Murphy's Law says she will not forget that one fact).
I don't think the law actually works this way; at most, trials in progress will hit an abrupt end. The prison system is immoral in enough other ways that they can hide behind legal changes not being retroactive.
5377614
The second has points that are more or less unique to alcohol: the base ingredients are an irreplaceable part of our diet, where most other drugs come from specific plants that have no other use to us.
5377609
Eh, I have two big issues with legal weed, one personal and the other fairly not-personal.
The personal? Smell. I legitimately cannot stand that smell. Working in drive-thru windows as long as I did, seeing an order for 8 chicken sandwiches, 6 double cheeseburgets (extra pickles), and 7 apple pies, getting that sinking feeling that it's all going to somebody with the munchies, them coming up to my window, rolling down their window, and proceeding to marvel at how they were able to hotbox their entire car within the space of the six seconds it took to get from the order mike to the pay window, and being punched (not hit, not slapped. PUNCHED) in the face by that "fresh roadkill skunk" smell...God, I'm gagging even thinking about it.
It took me days to convince my mother that I wasn't lighting up a spliff on the way home, that the smell was from six hours before when a huge cloud wafted through my window and left a nice stank of dank clinging to my clothes.
The second reason is the same reason that my still-a-hippie aunt gave me when I asked her why she went through the trouble of growing her own stash instead of just buying it.
"Because, O nephew o' mine," as she habitually calls me, "the grass they're growin' and smokin' today isn't the same stuff we were lighting up back in the Sixties."
She went on to explain that modern marijuana has been crossed with so much other stuff that there's no telling what else you're inhaling into your system along with the THC (note that in the end, I have no clue as to the accuracy of this statement, not being someone who has ever smoked weed and is frankly uninterested in starting).
"I'm not saying that it's necessarily bad, but good old Cannabis doesn't hurt you. And I've been hearing crap going around that the newer stuff is having all sorts of side effects that make life a bit less than pleasant."
I don't really have an issue with the legalization of sweet Mary J, myself, as I don't partake, and as for what's in it, well, that's on those who do. Alcohol is just as bad, in the long run, and that isn't going anywhere.
But the smell...God in Heaven, that SMELL...ugh...if I never, ever had to worry about that smell again, it would still be too soon.
5377775
Uhm......opiates, marijuana, & cocaine (altitude sickness) all have legitimate medical uses.
5377775
True.
I remember that it used to be that Catholics couldn't eat meat on Friday & now they can. But, as George Carlin put it "There's guys still doing time in Hell on a meat rap." Come to that, last I heard the church STILL hasn't pardoned Galileo.
Still, the drug offenders could be pardoned
5377815
Yeah, I suppose it was a slight exaggeration; it's not on the same scale as the breadth of what you can make alcohol out of, but it still exists.
5377818
They could be, but I don't like the odds.
5377739
No. Don't do that. As someone with actual brain damage and memory issues, this WILL backfire. Any lucid moments will be filled with mistrust and doubt, most of it directed at the self. And trust me, there's enough of that going on already.
I don't know how much you would care about a stranger's words, but I think you can outlast your car. (Unless, of course, you get into a serious sleep-deprived accident one of these days. Then the times of final operation might be about the same.)
In the meanwhile, hope you enjoy this new season of Dexter.
For my phone I picked up a protector from a brand known as SuperShieldz. The installation process consists of (a) placing the protector over the front of the display before you remove the film that exposes the adhesive, (b) apply strips of tape to the protector that stick to the back of the phone, (c) lift the protector up and remove the film exposing the adhesive, and (d) lower it back down on the phone. One of the best application processes I have seen for tempered glass protectors and it doesn't hurt that you get two to three per pack.
My first attempt was a little misaligned which would have been fine for most people but annoyed me enough to want to fix it. All you have to do to remove it is to lift one of the corners slightly. Once you've done that you just hold it and wait for the adhesive to slowly unstick (it's a permanent liquid) and once that occurs you can reapply it without having to buy a new one.