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PresentPerfect


I review horsewords and stuff. :B Tip jar cuz I'm broke. :C

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Aug
2nd
2020

Fic reviews, August 2nd! · 7:46pm August 2nd

Ugh, why is it August already? D: Why do I feel like shit? Why did Flash Fiction Online have a bunch of stories this month that didn't make sense?

Back when I did my last Sunset Shipping review, I had said that the frank's Oh Ma'am, Just One More Thing… needed "a lot of help". Well, the author reached out to me for just that, and I provided it! (After some time…) So now I can upgrade its rating to Recommended!

SPark's got one last giant plushie for sale!

And that's it. :B The next blog is actually gonna be something different from what I said previously. Something has come up! You'll see then. For now, I've got a bunch of new readers to check out, plus I've done away with pretending like I listen to everything in the order I have it in my audiobook list. <.<

H: 0 R: 5 C: 3 V: 2 N: 1

Sweetie Doll by Silent Savy
Reading by Saturn Swirl
This was a good reading, and she does some good voice acting. The video was neat, too; I have to imagine it was the author speedpainting the background image, because that's what goes on on her channel. Unfortunately, Saturn Swirl mixed the music too loud, and I couldn't hear most of her narration. So do check her out, she just isn't going to be for my needs.
Genre: Grimdark
So Rarity accidentally kills Sweetie Belle, and let me just stop right there and say, if she had actually murdered her sister because said sister was being annoying? Definitely would have panned this. With that said, this is still pretty much grimdark for grimdark's sake, made worse by being predicated on at least one large coincidence, and there just being not a whole lot here. I mean, seriously, it's Sweetie is dead, find out why, Rarity decides to do something about it, it gets found out, the end.
Vaguely Recommended

V3RT1G0 by Lightning_rider
Reading by Torrid Dawn
Can't link to the video because mature. Also, this is his first, last and only reading! For a first time, it was quite good. Maybe a little fast, maybe a little mumbled in places, but hey, he used sound effects! Solid effort. :)
Mature: Gore
Genre: Grimdark Horror
Rainbow Dash ends up in the hospital next to a pony who should be dead.
I definitely knew what I was getting into here. A young author, interested by dark fics, inspired by the content Scribbler and Lost Narrator read, tries to write a story worthy of their attention. The end result? Basically how a kid would tell a horror story. Rushed, low on details except those surrounding the main 'monster'. And that's okay! That's an important step along the path of learning how to write! Adult readers are unlikely to be interested in this, however.
Not Recommended

The Foal in Daybreaker's Room by Foals Errand
Reading by VisualPony
Genre: AU/Story's in the Cover Art
After failing her entrance exam, Twilight Sparkle finds herself somewhere different.
This was clearly written to capitalize on the excellent image that is the cover art, but I can't blame the author for wanting to have some fun with something so cute and outlandish. I will say the one thing that surprised me is that Twilight doesn't teleport, not to give it away. That said, there were some issues with POV and pronouns; Daybreaker can't decide on 'them' or 'it' in reference to the suddenly appearing foal, and I wish that had been made more consistent. In all though, this was cute and unique.
Recommended If You Like Cute Stuff

The Act of Killing by Flutterpriest
Reading by Sir Brony
I don't have any complaints! His music was mixed well, he's got a strong voice, the echo effect for thoughts was used well. This is only his third reading, so I think I'll just add the other two to my list and take off from there! :)
Genre: Horror
Nurse Redheart says goodbye to a patient.
Sometimes, I can't come up with a better by-line than the one that exists. This was surprising! The first scene is a very realistic "saying goodbye" scene as Lyra lies, braindead, in a hospital bed, with Bon-Bon crying over her. Then the title happens, and the horror kicks in. I can see why this placed in its contest.
Recommended

Spiraling by FabulousDivaRarity
Reading by Scribbler
Genre: Mental Illness
I first became obsessed with organizing when I was four.
A deep look at Twilight Sparkle having OCD is not exactly a new concept, for all that this story is quite well put together. The thing that really caught my attention was the intimation that her first bout of compulsive behavior was triggered by sudden dyslexia. Now, I don't think this story intended to portray Twilight as dyslexic, but I welcome anyone who can put together such a tale; it would make her life seem considerably less charmed. Regardless, this did an excellent job of articulating just how and why OCD works; I was particularly struck by the parallels of Twilight's obsessive organizing and drug addiction. Quite heavy for a little fic! Be sure to check this out.
Recommended

The Roasting of Starlight Glimmer by SpyroForLife
Reading by the Author
She's got a very natural reading style, but unfortunately that comes with zero volume. Speakers turned all the way up, I could not hear her over any outside noise. This is her first and currently only reading, so she can definitely improve, but listen with headphones.
Genre: Comedy
Starlight's going-away party has a comedic twist.
I know roasting is a time-honored tradition or something, but I've never really understood it; I watched a couple on TV back when they were popular and always came away after a bit with a feeling of "this is stupid". Then again, I'm not into public humiliation. Starlight at least took it well, and when the jokes didn't seem particularly funny, the audience reaction let me know that it was just me. That said, there's a ton of swearing in this fic? And it pops up halfway through, when Tempest gets a turn. It was jarring. Plus, the first half or so is basically "here's everyone in the show coming to say goodbye", and it takes rather a while to get to the funny stuff. Still, there is funny to be had in here (I particularly liked Fluttershy's section), and I don't think I've ever read a fanfic roast before.
Recommended for Laughs

Missing Bon Bon by 2Merr
Reading by Midnight29
Genre: Comedy
Bon Bon is missing. There can be only one explanation.
Oh boy, this was fun. :D My favorite kind of LyraBon, coupled with Lyra going to Detective Pinkie Pie for help. Their solo ineptitude spirals into a dumb and dumber routine with an ending you can just quite see coming. I really liked this.
Recommended

Broken Promise by Secret Stream
Reading by VisualPony
Genre: Shipping
Discord has to leave for Equestria, but he's got a plan to keep Chrysalis safe.
Discord/Chrysalis shipping? I can't say I've seen that before. I also can't say it's a bad idea, since it's used here to explain things like where that magic-eating throne came from at the end of season six, and why Chrysalis would go through with such a terrible plan as invading Equestria. I mean, this stuff really makes sense in this context! That said, this story is also very keen on informing us of exactly how everything would play out. On top of being telly, with very explainy dialogue, it also skips a thousand years in less than a thousand words, leading to a variation on the season six finale. That by itself isn't that big an issue, but really, the setup speaks for itself; we didn't need the explanation.
Vaguely Recommended

When Your Food Plays With You by LDSocrates
Reading by Scribbler
Genre: Slice of Life
Gilda meets a pony who isn't satisfied with just calling her a monster and leaving her alone.
This is, at its heart, a meatfic: a story about how ponies don't eat meat, and things like griffons do, and whoo, it's so scandalous! Those stories are a dime a dozen, usually. What this does, to its own benefit, is use the meat thing as the crux of why Rainbow Dash and Gilda became friends. More importantly, there's more to this, from the reason why Gilda is in Cloudsdale in the first place, to their first tentative plans to hang out. (Oh my god, do I want a story about Gilda's host family! Why did you leave, LDSocrates?) My only real complaint is the overuse of "plot". I mean, even Gilda says it! That can stay in season one with the rest of the meatfics. But I'm glad I had a chance to read this, it does well what so many others have tried to do poorly.
Recommended

Quick sidenote to say VisualPony did a reading of a story called "Hey there pretty stranger", but neither that story nor its author seem to exist anymore? And it was really bad, so this is all the more comment it gets. Just being completist.

I Can't Marry You by Rated Ponystar
Reading by Scribbler, et. al.
Genre: Shipping Drama
Applejack wants to get married. Rainbow Dash can't.
Weird story! Lots of flaws, yet they never really marred my enjoyment of it. For instance, there's that hentai joke that just… is there, doing nothing. The writing's hardly awful, but it's also not amazing, yet the plot is excellent? And this is one of those stories where Rainbow Dash is at her Rainbow Dashiest, completely incapable of communication, and we have to wonder what's driving her. The reason why she 'can't' marry Applejack is ultimately not too surprising, and yet I get it. This ends up being a very strong condemnation of traditional marriage requirements, on top of a surprisingly sensual Appledash. So yeah, I liked this.
Recommended If You Enjoy Drama in Your Shipping

A Walk in the Park by StLeibowitz
Reading by Scribbler, et. al.
Genre: Historical AU
The life of Chrysalis, Bearer of the Element of Generosity, changes forever when she saves a changeling from a lynch mob.
Hot damn is this cool! I'm glad the story it's a prequel to is complete, because I definitely want to read it sooner than later. There's just so much AU-building, so many references to intriguing things, I really need more of this setting right now. (Also, definitely check out the reading, Scribbler outdid herself!)
Recommended

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Comments ( 6 )

Oh wow! I didn't even realize my story was narrated. That's awesome. Thanks for the review, dude <3

needed "a lot of help". Well, the author reached out to me for just that, and I provided it!

Didn’t know you offered proof reading services

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

5327703
I generally don't have time for it these days.

'Swhy he had to wait six months. :B

5327793
Ah -/-
Which, actually, I wasn’t going to press, but then I saw that cozy glow contest, and I actually have a cozy glow story I’ve been working on that, if it did well, wouldn't just benefit me, but my friend I hired with some birthday money to help motive her when she started taking voice commissions based on a head-cannon video she did.
I already got a rough rough draft done, and if you give me a day or day I could have a regular rough or even second draft done. It shouldn’t be too long story (with in mind it was first designed to be a paid project for my friend) likely around 2-3k words max, that got a little back burner, but now I’d be fully committed to make it the best it can be/work with your schulded to have your help on it

Yeah, my bad about the volume in The Roasting of Starlight Glimmer, I had never done a reading before and all I really have to record with are iPhone earbuds. Luckily, thanks to voice acting work I did for a reading of my fanfic The Parasite, I've gotten much better when it comes to my volume so if I ever do a second reading it'll be much more audible.

I do agree too that the roasts weren't really that funny, tbh the fic was mostly just written for amusement and I actually had a hard time coming up with the roasts. I find that if presented with the perfect situation in person, I CAN make some really savage comments. But trying to think up insults ahead of time? That, I'm not very good at. Probably for the best, there's no reason to go around insulting people anyway. :') Still, thank you for the review, I appreciate you taking the time to write it and I always love hearing others' insight into my fics.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

5327877
If and when you do that second reading, drop me a line! :D

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