Short Hand: The Dark Emperor Shepherd 4 · 1:42pm Aug 1st, 2020
Meanwhile, in the Canterlot Palace...
Fancypants: "News, my more dread lord! The Griffin Legions have sworn fealty to you and pledge their undying loyalty!"
Shepherd: "Is that good news though?"
Fancypants: "Well, once they learned that a human wrote their holy book, it really was inevitable."
Shepherd: "Dare I ask what their holy book is?"
Blueblood; "It's actually a series of holy books, all by the human prophetess Ayn Rand, who espoused-"
Shepherd: "Forget it, I've read her. That explains so much."
Guard: "Er, your most evil majesty? Ponyville has sent a group of envoys to announce their surrender."
Shepherd: "Wait, we were at war with Ponyville?"
Guard: "Er... Oh yes! The next letter they sent says they are declaring independence and war upon you, your Evilness. Which... May have been the first letter, now that I think on it."
Shepherd: *sighs* "Oh Ditzy, whatever are we going to do with you? All right, send them in."
Several mares in cloaks and hoods trot in... Before they dramatically throw them off, revealing the Elements of Harmony!
Twilight: "AHA! Fooled you!"
Shepherd: "Oh hey Twilight! Rarity! Applejack! Dash! Pinkie! And Fluttershy! You're early for our meeting!"
Fancypant: "Ahem, your Evil Lordship, ahem?"
Shepherd: sighs "I mean... Bwahahaha. You've fallen right into my trap, as I knew you would. Bwahahaha."
Dash: "You didn't think we'd just let you take over without a fight, did you?"
Rarity: "It's all right Shepherd! Just let us hit you with the Elements of Harmony and you'll be free of whatever evil has turned you... Er, evil!"
Fluttershy: "If-If that's all right with you?"
Shepherd: "You know, you could blast me with the Friendship Deathray. Or, we could sit and chat and work this out non-violently."
Applejack: "He don't sound very evil t' me, ya know."
Twilight: "Of course he's evil! He took over Equestria!"
Applejack: "Ah know, ah know! Ah'm jest sayin', most villains don't want to sit down and have tea!"
Shepherd: *As servants roll out some carts of snacks and drinks* "Also cider."
Applejack: "What kind?"
Shepherd: "Honeycrisp, of course."
Applejack: "Huh! That really doesn't sound evil."
Twilight: "Come on girls! He's clearly a cunning, clever, diabolical adversary!"
Shepherd: "Aw, you say the nicest things Twilight! Actually, it turns out running a country is really hard. I could use a Prime Minister to help me! Someone in charge of making decisions, making plans, reorganizing the educational system..."
Twilight: "I... Really?"
Shepherd: "Yes! I did have you in mind."
Twilight: "Well-"
Dash: "Don't you dare!"
Pinkie: "Um, are you hiring for a Minister of Parties?"
Shepherd: "I could be. If you blast me with the Friendship Deathbeam you'll never know."
Twilight: "PINKIE PIE!"
Pinkie: "What?! I was just asking! Also these donuts are great!"
Blueblood: "Oh yes, Donut Joe sends them up fresh every morning."
Twilight: "GIRLS! FOCUS!"
Fancypants: "His Majesty is also interested in a Dark Empress. Somepony to sooth his mad rage and temper his evil plots to bring out the good in him."
Raven Quill: *Wryly* "And also to bare his heirs."
Shepherd: blushing "Guys! I was gonna say that part!"
Fancypants: "You really do dilly dally on such things far too much, Your Most Evil Majesty."
Fluttershy: "S-So... Um... If one of us became your Dark Empress, you wouldn't be so evil? And you'd... You'd...?" blushing madly
Shepherd: "Yes Fluttershy. I would take you in a manly way, every night."
Fluttershy: "I-I mean, um, somepony has to take on this job-"
Dash: "Hey wait a minute! What makes you think you can be Dark Empress? I'd be way better at the tempering stuff!"
Applejack: "Ya don't even know what that means."
Dash: "And you do, cornpone?"
Pinkie: "Ooh! I could be both Dark Empress and Minister of Parties?!"
Rarity: "Well, I do suppose Dark Empress is more impressive a title than Princess-"
Twilight: "GIRLS! FOCUS!"
Rarity: "Right, sorry Twilight."
Twilight: "He's clearly turning us against one another! ... Besides, I'd be the best Dark Empress. I'm a Princess already, after all."
Dash: "OH YEAH?!"
Fluttershy: "I SAW HIM FIRST!"
Much bickering ensues
Blueblood: "And I thought this was going to be boring!"
Shepherd: sighs "... Hey wait a minute. Where's Spike?"
Twilight: "Oh. He was supposed to be leading our distraction... Where is he?"
Elsewhere...
Spike: Riding Chewie's back "No no no! This isn't the way to the castle! You're going the wrong way!"
Chewie: "Roar!"
Spike: "I do know where I'm going! It's you who doesn't know where he's going!"
Chewie: "ROAR!"
Spike: "No, that's not how you navigate! It's not just 'north' because it feels colder!"
Applebloom: "Ah'm hungry! Can we stop fer food?"
Sweetie Belle: "Scootloo, stop shoving!"
Scootaloo: "You stop shoving!"
Spike: "Will you three stop that?!"
That really does explain a lot about the griffons...
(These are hilarious, please don't stop.)
Ah love hexagons. That's how you REALLY break up a heroic group.
Emperor even Extend princesses holiday...
Buahaahaha..
*Ehem*
Anyway, next to part 5
Oh no! He has corrupted the Element Bearers!
Spike is supposed to threaten to turn the manticore around if they don't settle down.
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That only works if you give any semblance of being in control of the Manticore, though