How to "Play?" Hogwarts Mystery: a rambling, poorly-written guide. · 1:55pm Apr 17th, 2020
Because apparently -- somehow -- please don't ask how this happened -- my tweets on the topic talked Georg into signing up. Tweets which were, for the most part, me snarking on or complaining about the game. Apparently Georg needs a new source of pain in his life, and has that requirement when he's already following me and regularly reading my stories.
So my audience is mainly comprised of hardcore masochists. Good to know.
...actually, that explains a lot...
...anyway, I stopped talking about Marvel Puzzle Quest because I permanently lost all game progress when I switched tablets and would have needed to start over. Too much work.
(For the new arrivals: yes, I know I can back up through Facebook. The problem is that I'm banned from Facebook. It's nothing I ever posted there, because I never posted anything. They just decided a mobile number which had been used for several years didn't actually exist, and won't unlock the page without a copy of my driver's license. Which means a company that is incapable of pinging an active phone wants to be trusted with my most personal data. Hard pass.)
But with Hogwarts Mystery, I have my Apple ID for backup. So in theory, that gives me some chance of finishing...
I got him into this. Let's try to make this as painless as possible.
Gameplay
There isn't any.
...okay, slight overstatement. But for the most part, you are following a linear story. There's no real branch paths. The decisions you made are remembered and can have some minor influence on future dialogue, but that's about it. In terms of required skills, you need to be capable of tracing on a screen, with occasional timed taps.
MPQ was about surprisingly deep strategy. Hogwarts Mystery is about reading the contents of one page, then waiting several hours before you're allowed to turn to the next one. And there's nothing wrong with that -- if you're enjoying the story.
But this is a timegate game. A "free" mobile experience which wants you to spend money on Hurry Up Already! And to date, I haven't given them a penny.
When you're on the slow path...
For the most part, I'm not going to talk about the story itself. This is about the game's five currencies, earning aspects, and general activities -- because those are the parts which are going to frustrate you. And you might as well learn from my mistakes.
Currencies
Energy
Metered and recharges over time at one point every four minutes. A new character has a limit of 24 Energy: at my current point in the game, I'm up to 38. (Permanent increases come from game-assigned Flying classes.) You spend Energy to complete activities and once it's gone, you either pay to charge it back up, wait, or go hunting.
It is possible to find bonus Energy within the game: the castle possesses multiple not-a-secret spots (because you can Google the full list -- but there's at least one on every floor of the castle) which are good for one Energy point each: just click and you'll earn. It takes less than two minutes to tour the game on an Energy hunt, and you can usually duck out in the middle of an activity to go find some. (This starts to become comedic in later years, when you're regularly stepping out on Potions so you can head into Hogsmeade for the Energy you need to finish Potions. And you wonder why Snape is so annoyed with you...) By my current point in fifth-year, a full Energy hunt can net thirteen extra points.
However, these spots recharge at different rates. The painting in the West Tower is good to go about every three hours. You can only find the Golden Snitch by the Quidditch field every day and a half. So it's rare to get a full boost, especially if you've been busy.
At random times, if you've run out of Energy during an activity, the game will offer you the option to play a thirty-second commercial. (This is the default. You can get ads as short as five seconds. Anything longer than forty-five allows you to click out after that duration.) Finishing it grants you three Energy. This is always worthwhile, as you'd normally have to wait twelve minutes in order to get that back. Protip: if you're on empty and click back and forth between a few potential activities, you may get a commercial out of nowhere.
Bonus Energy recharges your meter. It does not overfill it. If you click on a hunt spot while your meter is maxed out, you've wasted it. You can't spend a few days using hunt spots to overcharge and then tackle an activity with Energy to spare.
However, the game also offers Earned Energy. This comes from in-game activities or events, and it can overcharge you. Earned Energy which would bring you over your normal limit just adds onto the bar. It won't recharge: once you spend down to your normal limit, it's just gone. But it's possible to carry more Energy than your norm, as long as it was Earned. We'll discuss how you get some of that precious currency later on.
(There's another way to get Energy, but you'll almost never use it. We'll cover that in Classes.)
In summary:
Standard Energy: metered, recharges at one point per four minutes.
Bonus: must be found, only available every few hours depending on location, only refills normal meter.
Earned: must be worked for, refills or overcharges meter.
Gems
This is the nightmare currency. Gems are few and far between. They're what you spend to get your Energy recharged in a hurry. (This counts as Earned and can overfill your meter.) They're also used to get some items from the customization store, and they can allow you an attempted whale move in one game event -- but because they're used for emergency Energy and things which grant you Energy throughout the game, this is the currency you'll want to stockpile. And it's hard to get.
Gems are earned by:
Finishing game events, sidequests, and chapters: two to eight Gems per success. This can take several days to manage.
Ending a game-year when you're in first place for House Points: fifty to one hundred Gems. Obviously requires some time.
Playing in-game ads: three Gems per commercial. You're lucky if you get two of these per day. (For Gem, Galleon, and Food commercials: you'll see a small icon of that currency appear in the lower right of the screen. Just click and wait.)
Winning a given number of duels in the Dueling Club: ...maybe. More on that later.
Randomly being offered one for completing a Class minigame: very rare.
Friendship and magical creature level-ups.
Gems are spent on:
Getting extra Earned energy
Some customization options
Skipping timegates: Gems will allow you to start any delayed event immediately -- but this is expensive.
Galleons
Galleons come easily. Just about everything you do as a game activity earns Galleons. As a general rule, if you're going through an activity which requires you to use Energy, you'll get one Galleon for each point spent. Non-class events also award bonus Galleons: completely finishing a sidequest tends to net a few, individual chapters can give you some, commercials award thirty each, and finishing single stages grants Galleons based on the length of the stage and whether you completely finished. However, because you have to spend them on game activities -- and there are times when the game will force you to buy something in order to advance -- you'll generally find yourself struggling to keep up with your needs in the early stages, while those in the later game-years often find themselves bumping against the cap.
Don't worry too much about earning Galleons, especially as Hogwarts doesn't offer part-time jobs. But there will be times when you have to wait until you have enough to do something. That'll start to fade out around fourth-year.
Galleons are spent for:
Customization options. Note that items will be sold for Galleons or Gems: never both.
Friendship Events (More on this later)
Access to the Dueling Club
Access to Quidditch 'Friendlies'
Notebooks
Oh, these @#$%ers...
Notebooks are the currency which you're going to have the most long-term trouble with. They are used for only one thing: magical creatures. You spend Notebooks to adopt creatures, and which ones you can get depends on both your notebook count and how many creatures you've adopted and trained before moving on to the next. You have a Magizoology level on top of everything else, and going to Care Of Magical Creatures class does nothing for it. You can only boost it through adopting creatures and training them.
Training is easy. Every twelve hours, you can visit the Magical Creatures Reserve and bond with a creature: this is free. Every six to ten hours, you can feed them: this takes food out of your inventory. When you've bonded and fed them to the point of maxing out your relationship with them -- hey, just like real life! -- you can move on to the next. (Maxed creatures require no further care, but will give you little rewards if you give them food anyway.) But adoption costs you notebooks, and notebooks are the most frustrating currency to come by.
Worse: there's four different categories of them.
Red Notebooks are the basics. Every creature in the Reserve will cost you at least a few reds. Some cost dozens. Basic creatures will only require red notebooks, and there's at least one available at each Magizoology level.
Brown Notebooks do not apply to the Reserve. You use them for one thing: buying pets. Any pet you adopt will live in your Dormitory room, and you can take one of your choice with you around the school. Pets cost from 50 to 140 brown notebooks each -- for those pets which require them: a few of the pets in the store can be purchased with Gems.
So why pets? Because they are your private Energy farm. Pets fall asleep every so often -- the more they cost, the more this happens -- and when you wake them up with a tap, you receive one Earned Energy point each. Having some fuzzy friends to visit can make this game a lot less frustrating, and more than a little bit faster.
Blue Notebooks are required for access to advanced creatures.
Gold Notebooks mean you're going after the most expensive things possible. Why did you want a yeti, anyway? Don't you have enough things trying to murder you?
You earn Notebooks by:
Ranking in all-players-participating game events. (Can awards Red through Gold. You're not going to see Gold.)
Receiving them as a Reward option for finishing Class minigames. (Very rare. You can be offered one or two Red, one Brown -- or, if lightning strikes, one Blue. I've never seen a Gold drop.)
Adopting and leveling up your relationship with magical creatures in the Reserve. (This is how you normally get Blue and Gold: maxing out a creature is good for one or two each. You also get Galleon rewards along the way, plus Earned Energy -- typically six points at a time.)
Completing a daily task schedule assigned by the game: do X things before the calendar flips. (Random, but awards Red to Gold.)
Finishing selected game stages. (Usually Red or Brown.)
While you can always buy Gems directly with real money, Notebooks are only available in special package deals. There are never enough of them.
Food
This one's the easiest. You feed magical creatures with it. (Your pets do not require feeding. Or walks. Or having their cages cleaned out. Thank a house elf.)
You earn Food by:
Watching commercials: only available in the Reserve. You might get two a day, at one Food each.
Searching the Artifact Room: good for up to eight, but you wasted three hours. This is how you'll see most of it in the early game.
Random Class minigame reward offers: two to six Food.
A few Care Of Magical Creatures classes let you sneak a few Food on your way out.
Which would seem to bring us to
Classes
When you start the game, your character has three attributes: Courage, Empathy, and Knowledge. You start with an abysmal score in each, but can quickly go up -- at least, it's quick at the start. You have to earn points in each attribute and when you get enough of them, your score gets bumped. The number needed for subsequent increases will keep going up: at my point in the game, moving from 23 to 24 takes nearly five thousand points.
Dialogue choices can award points. Frequently, you'll see that attribute's symbol next to the line. Some choices will be locked out unless your score is high enough to access them -- and those options aren't always the best ones. Additionally, making purchases with game currency from the cosmetics store almost always comes with a points bonus: you'll be told which attribute and how many before committing to spending. (More on the store later.) But for the most part, you're going to class.
Classes come in three lengths: one hour, three hours, and eight hours. This is not the amount of time it takes to finish. It's the maximum amount of time you have to complete it. In more realistic terms, a one-hour class will almost completely empty your normal Energy meter. A three-hour will require at least 150% of it, which means you'll need to wait for a recharge as the class timer is running. Eight hours is closer to 270% of your meter.
If you have no Bonus or extra Earned Energy available and just keep clicking after the normal recharge comes in, an eight-hour class will actually take about five hours to complete. This is not five hours of play: you can empty out your meter in seconds. It's just the amount of time during which you'll need to keep checking back in.
Classes offer minigames after spending a certain amount of Energy: two to five opportunities depending on the length of the class. These take the form of trivia questions (and some classes will give you the answers -- if you're paying attention), tapping games, sorting, and drawing shapes. If you win, you are offered a choice of three random rewards. Once you choose, you're committed and can't take it back.
Any given Class minigame reward might offer:
Attribute points: 5, 10,15, or 40 in one displayed Attribute.
A single Gem. (Rumors say this number goes up in sixth year.)
Notebooks, Red through Blue.
Extra Galleons. (25 is standard. I've seen drops as high as a thousand.)
Energy. This is Bonus Energy. It is not a permanent boost to your meter limit. One to nine points.
Creature Food, from two to six units.
You should normally prioritize your choices in this order: Notebooks, Gems, Attribute Points, and then whatever you're lowest on. Don't take Energy unless it's a big number and you have a pressing need to finish that class. It's okay to grab a huge Galleon reward if you need to spend something in order to finish an event stage.
Students can attend as many classes as they like: in fact, since attending class is the main means of grinding out Attributes and levels, some people attend all they can. However, some degree of attendance is required for game progression: during any given chapter, the game will tell you which classes you need to be in, and how much cumulative time you'll have to spend there. You won't be allowed to move on to the next chapter until you finish your studies.
In addition to minigame rewards, each Class automatically awards attribute points upon completion: four to fifty, depending on class duration. You will also receive two to ten House Points.
Potions, Transfiguration, and History Of Magic give you Knowledge.
Charms and Herbology boost Empathy.
Flying, Defense Against The Dark Arts, and Care Of Magical Creatures grant Courage, plus interesting scars.
Friendship Events
There are three regular ones, although the last only unlocks in your third year.
Meal in the Great Hall
Play Gobstones in the Courtyard
Drink Butterbeer in Hogsmeade
All of these cost Galleons and take the form of mini-quizzes. (Yes, you are paying for meals in the Great Hall. Hogwarts is now an American school.) There are attribute minimums required for any given meeting: being over that will give you bonus points on your answers, while going under will subtract from results.
You're going to meet a lot of people along the way. Friendship Events help you increase the strength of your bonds with them. The higher your rating, the better the chance that you can take them along with you during game events, get their help for quests, have them on your side during arguments, and not pull a full Harry by snapping at them during bad moments. If you have a successful Friendship Event with someone, your bond rating will increase, gradually moving from one to ten. It's recommended that you max out everyone, and one sidequest requires you to get as close to Bill Weasley as anyone who isn't named Fleur.
This is the main way you'll level up your relationships -- but it's not the only one. Some game events give you the chance to talk with your friends (which still costs Galleons) to bring them around on something. This can be a mega-boost to any bond rating. (It will also give you the impression that your character is a sociopath, but never mind that.) However, you generally don't get to spot such meetings coming in advance, and so Friendship Events will be your primary path.
In addition to giving you more game options, leveling up your friendships can grant Gems, Earned Energy, and the chance to learn spells.
Twilight would be so annoyed.
The Dueling Club
You can find this in the Dungeons. Entering a duel costs Galleons and the more you win, the higher the cost gets. Completing a set of wins (6 to 11) grants a truly random reward: Gems, Notebooks, Galleons... In the early game, this is a quick and cheap way to go for bonuses: during the later stages, the entry cost becomes prohibitive.
Winning any single duel will always grant one Earned Energy. You can normally only have three duels per day, but spending Gems resets the time window. Why you would spend Gems on that is a mystery to all.
How do you duel? Well... it's Rock-Paper-Scissors. (Sorry about that.) You have three choices of general action: Sneaky beats Defensive, which tops Aggressive, which takes down Sneaky. Your opponent is AI-controlled and probably has a pattern, but the duels seldom last long enough to figure out what it is. Some spells take out your opponent's stamina, others can potentially stun, and some have burn/bleed/where-did-the-floor-go? effects. But it's Rock-Paper-Scissors. Good luck.
Quidditch
Unlocks in fourth year as a series of sidequests. It's your option as to whether you want to boost your Mary Sue credentials by joining the team.
Once Quidditch unlocks, you can play a Friendly about three times per day. If you win, you get one Earned Energy -- and earn three House Points.
Full-Game Events
There's one pretty much every week, and all players can participate to whatever extent they see fit. Typically, you'll see:
House Pride. You'll work as part of a team of twenty, all in your own House. You are earning House Points for the team, and for yourself. Your personal total will determine individual rewards: the most recent one granted seven Red notebooks, four Brown, and three Blue for reaching 130. Team totals are for the group's reward: last place gets some Galleons, third and second see some Earned Energy, and first place receives a cosmetic item -- as does the individual who got the most points on their team, regardless of where the team finished.
House Points are earned through classes, any Quidditch event or sidequest, and game choices. However, your character is a rulebreaker on a level which makes James Potter look like Percy Weasley, so you're also going to lose a few. House Pride is a great time to grind classes and keep your mouth shut.
Dueling Tournament. You can fight three duels every five hours. There's no entry fee and in fact, you receive one hundred Galleons per win. (This is one of the best ways to boost your money supply.) Total number of wins determines personal rewards, and you can usually pick up Red through Blue notebooks this way. Just check in at the required times and try your luck.
Full Marks. @#$% this event.
You will be given a bingo card, as will twenty-three other people whom you're competing against. Doing certain things checks off squares. Some of them are basic: win one duel. Another will ask you to finish Potions class. Eight times. Complete lines and be awarded points, along with a new bingo card. Anyone who spends Gems gets more points than you do: their line values will be boosted. Rewards are based on final point totals earned, which means you cannot win Full Marks and its Gold notebooks without emptying out your Gem supply. It is the event for whales, and they will stomp you.
During Full Marks, check to see what the last-place prize is, then catch up on game events and sidequests. Might as well. Because Full Marks svcks.
Hagrid
"Hey, would y'mind raising this thestral for me? It's the only way t' boost your friendship rating with me! Aw, that's awfully nice of ye. Now how about this Welsh Green dragon? Oh, and Professor Kettleburn and I accidentally let a chimera loose on the grounds. That's your problem now. Rock cake?"
Dumbledore
He wants to see you in his office.
He will make you stand in his office for eight hours before he actually speaks to you.
Bring a book.
(I wish I was joking.)
Sidequests
These come in two varieties. Timed ones only have so many days to finish, and they're typically offered once: use them or lose them. This may mean sacrificing participation in full-game events to complete them, so if you're lucky, they'll happen during Full Marks. You generally want to complete them because they offer bonus rewards, and reaching the end can give you something special for the Dormitory -- something which might, say, grant a single point of Earned Energy once per day. A Timed sidequest will always announce when it's starting and tell you exactly how long you have to complete it.
Casual sidequests can be completed over several game-years. There will be no timer posted when they come up, and you're better off without one because they'll be things like Hagrid Wants You To Adopt A Cat and you're going to need a few months to put those notebooks together. Maybe a few centuries. Finish them for the rewards, but take your time.
General advice
* There are times when the game will force you to purchase from the customization store in order to advance: this usually means picking out a new outfit after your last was ruined. However, you will never be forced to spend money. There are always outfits available for Galleons. Just grind for a while.
* You're going to be making friends from all of the Houses. This, compared to the near-exclusivity 'stick with your own kind' environment of Harry's age, is going to feel very weird -- especially if you go Slytherin, because no one will have any problems being friends with you. It's okay to name your pack as the Rainbow Coalition.
* Don't spend Gems on Energy unless you're desperate. If a timed, one-shot sidequest is running out and you need Energy to finish it before the clock expires, that's the time to unload your hoard. Otherwise, just put the game down for a while and wait it out. They want you paying to open the timegates, and it's almost never going to be necessary. As long as you check back in with the game when your meter has recharged, there is always enough time to complete an event while sleeping normally.
* Prioritize early Gem spending for those few pets which can be purchased using them. You're going to need the Energy, and Gems spent this way is a little extra Earned Energy every day for the rest of the game. Similarly, always grab Notebooks when they're offered as rewards, in this order: Blue -- Brown -- Red. (Not that I've ever seen two colors offered after one minigame, but...) You'll need the brown ones to get more pets in your Dormitory room. Two sidequests (to date) require you to have certain pets, so try to save up for a while.
* The customization store is mostly useless. If you happen to like getting extra outfits, hairstyles, makeup (unlocks in fourth year), jewelry, gestures... fine: shop all you like. Decorate your bed. Go full Animal Crossing: see if I care. But if you're desperate for some extra Attribute points, you can effectively trade Galleons for them in an emergency.
* There is nothing you can do about Merula. And if you think she's going full tsundere for you, that's your problem.
* Everyone Is Not Bi. Everyone you'll be offered the option to date is bisexual. Once your romance options open up, your character's gender will not be a problem: ship to your heart's content. However, this game is rated Everyone, and that also means you are never going to snog a single student. Deal with it.
* Yes, you can date Merula. Some people consider it a challenge. Or a very temporary truce.
* You are going to be moving among the dead. The game takes place between 1984 and 1990. Do you know what this means? You're in the same class year as Tonks. And she's your friend. You take Herbology and History Of Magic with her. You visit Zonko's together. There's games of Gobstones in the courtyard. You hang out with Tonks regularly. She has no idea what's going to happen to her. Neither does your character. But you...
* It's okay to consult Google for answers to the questions asked during History Of Magic, because in the great Hogwarts tradition, your character spends every class trying not to fall asleep.
* Certain events are scripted. Those House Points you just lost? You couldn't avoid it, nor is there any way to immediately get your prefect off your case. Sometimes, all you can do is make the best from a group of bad choices.
* Speaking of prefects, you should not be one. But there's that sidequest anyway! (And you'll need access to the bathroom.)
* Always check the game currency store for your free daily reward: one commercial viewing grants 75 Galleons, six Energy, or six Gems. Similarly, see if you can complete the daily schedule under Sidequests -- and if the prize for doing so is a Notebook, that is your priority for the day.
* It's nothing you did. Ismelda threatens to kill everyone. Her determination to murder doesn't discriminate. In fact, I was recently told that she'd kill me if I didn't let her pet a dog...
* The game does offer random rewards to all players on occasion. Recently, we've seen Energy Happy Hours, where you get most of an afternoon with your meter recharging at a rate of one point every two and a half minutes. There's also been some surprise Notebooks. In general, always log in once a day to see if something special is happening.
* It doesn't matter if you go Slytherin. Snape will never, ever like you.
But if you try your best, there's a chance to achieve snarling tolerance.
Hmmm... yeah, this has effectively killed pretty much all interest I had in getting Hogwarts Mystery. No matter cool the story is, that sounds more like an obligation than a game to me.
Okay but what's the any% speedrun like
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That's every daily-play mobile game. MPQ could be described as a treadmill to nowhere: keep up the pace, or everyone's going to get the new character except you! The design is always intended to keep you coming back, along with trying to make free play into the painful option.
With HM, the main question becomes 'Is the story worth the trouble?' So far... yes. But that's for me. And I pretty much just gave you everything at once. For the game, it's a slower build: you don't get out to the Reserve for a while, you meet friends gradually, and new classes open up each year. I didn't have a DADA class for the first four years or rather, I was told the teachers were so terrible, there was no point in showing any of them.
At this moment in the game (Year 5, Chapter 13 of 34), I have 2,266 Gems. I've spent for emergency Energy twice: in both cases, I was exhausted and didn't want to fall asleep while waiting for recharge. I've also picked up the few pets which were available through Gems, and... that's it. So I have a pretty good hoard for when I reach the endgame and decide I'm not going to wait any longer. And none of that came through cash purchases, nor have I done more than check in at the necessary times. Even grinding just means 'I will play for five minutes once every four hours.'
It's the Notebooks which kill you. I just adopted the Welsh Green (because Hagrid. @#$%ing Hagrid), which took thirty Blue and wiped out my stock. I've since recovered to six, two of which came from dragon training -- but Notebooks are the game's truest, hardest grind. When I see one drop as a class minigame reward offer, that's the choice. It has to be.
(The real pain is sitting at 26 on Brown. I am a long way off from any other pets.)
But if this talked you out of playing -- you're probably better off.
Because @#$%ing Hagrid.
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You go to the game's currency store.
You pay for the largest Gem package available: 3,125 for $99.99. Plus tax.
You buy about, let's say... fifty of those.
You start clicking. Every time you run out of Energy, you trade Gems for more of it. Whenever you reach a timegate, you spend Gems to open it. The only thing you can't speed up this way is creature training: they're only hungry every so often. But you're speedrunning, so you're probably not doing that part.
Did I say fifty Gem packages? Make it seventy-five. Just in case. Oh, and get some energy drinks, because you're not sleeping for a while.
So now that you're about $7500 in the hole and you've broken six styluses, I'd say you should be able to complete the game, as a speedrunner and speedreader, in about...
...two years.
Because no matter how quickly you can play, this fact remains: the game itself isn't complete. People who started on the day it was released are about halfway through Year Six. The rest is still being written, and the game will update in time.
So play slowly. You might live longer. And you'll also have $7500 to spend on something else.
The best and worst part of shoddy worldbuilding is that the fans will pick up the slack for the author. Best because it results in stuff like this site, worst because the fans will shriek when you point out that this is only possible due to bad writing.
As you noted later, this is happening before that. Remember that thing you said later about Mary Sue credentials?
To be fair, isn't he canonically incorrigible? Or was the "nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak" thing just Early Installment Weirdness?
Onscreen. If the ending leaves both the player character and the relevant romantic option alive (or if the cash cow dies before they get around to providing an ending), then you can probably assume that they got married and lived happily ever after regardless of whether that was explicit. And if it is explicit, there's probably at least one child involved because even MLP knows that that's obligatory with that particular type of timeskip.
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With Bill, the sidequest just requires that you get your friendship rating with him to 10. In romantic terms, he's two years ahead of you and never regards you as anything more than an extra sibling. But he does have a few witches chasing him and at one point, you may need to get one off his back.
(The real bonus is with Percy. Percy shows up in your Year Five, which is also Bill's last year. Percy is the world's biggest git in a very small package, and a friendship rating of 10 with Bill gives you the option to reroute Percy. Because Percy will report you to the heads of House for anything. He takes 'no magic outside the classroom' with deathly seriousness. He was about to turn me in for using Lumos. Lumos. The fact that I was in his common room as a Ravenclaw was somehow secondary.)
Just about anything to do with Dumbledore is an eight-hour task. The game's player base almost universally hates going into his office, and the programmers eventually acknowledged it with the following exchange.
So far, there have two major opportunities for dating: the Celestial Ball and a Valentine's Day event. (You can ask out a different student for each.) They mostly fall under the romantic category known as I Am So Embarrassed Right Now, I Think My Face May Actually Be On Fire.
Also, the latter event involves Gilderoy Lockhart.
And when I say 'involves', I meant you have eight-hour tasks where he's the only thing you can click on, the sole person talking, and the lone lines which can be read.
For eight hours.
This is also known as 'Hell.'
5244183 Seriously, can you imagine a task with Gilderoy that did *not* involve paying exclusive attention to him?
Enjoying it fairly well so far, got the werewolf friend, just made it to Third Year. Viewing it as research for Sweetie Belle - Hogwarts Exchange Student even though a lot of the stuff is off-canon. (whoops, real world calling, brb)
You missed the "best" feature of the game (at least as it was in 2018)
(Expletives warning, starting with the video title, but should have a rating equivalent to PG-14ish).
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Welcome to the bad side of mobile gaming, where the motto is "If we hurt you enough you'll HAVE to give us money...right?"
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Yes. By Hour Five, I was imagining beating the living crap out of him. Given the sheer amount present in his skull, I figured that would be an eight-hour task.
I'm not aware of any word on how canon this is: the studio has the license, but I'm not sure if The Eyes Of Rowling Are Upon Them. However, just being pre-Harry provides some flexibility -- along with a degree of lockdown for a few character fates. Professor Sprout isn't exactly in any immediate danger, and Bill will survive to graduate. It's your herd of OCs who may be in trouble.
The weirdest aspect (once you reach him) may be seeing Professor Kettleburn.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/harrypotter/images/b/b6/Silvanus_Kettleburn_HM.png/revision/latest?cb=20180622160654
"...with his remaining limbs."
(The joke I keep making is that in terms of teacher competence, going to Hagrid was a lateral.)
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I'm aware: I even saw the video when it came out. (I've been watching Jim for a while.) The game has gotten somewhat better about how it sets up the first 'do you want to buy?' moment (by getting it away from that one), but I'm the wrong person to say if its reputation has overcome that original moment of horror.
But I do want to say this: they earned their roasting. Let's just hope they learned something from it.
Nobody should ever try to go full Animal Crossing in a "free"-to-play mobile game (not even in the Animal Crossing mobile game): that way lies frustration, madness and bankruptcy, not necessarily in that order.
I tend to avoid free-to-play games in general, as I have no time at all for games that want to frustrate, annoy and badger me into spending ever more money. I'd rather pay my money up front and just get a game with none of that bullshit.
Sadly, playing up front (even, indeed, especially, for full price £50 games) is hardly a guarantee that a game won't try to frustrate, annoy and badger you into spending ever more money these days! AAA games almost always have full free-to-play economies, which they usually incentivise by being grindy as a NES era RPG unless you constantly feed them money. To make matters worse, some publishers have taken to adding all this in a few weeks after launch, in order to sucker the ratings boards and people who go out of their way to avoid this bullshit.
I've got to be quite careful about what games I go for these days, which isn't helped by the tendency of reviewers to talk around that particular elephant in the room (which they have to, because publisher ad money; it's a bit like having guard dogs who are fed entirely by burglars). It's really quite a sad situation.
This honestly feels true to the Hogwarts experience, students sharing all the secret little helpful spots around the castle in an ongoing oral tradition that conveniently missed the Room of Requirement until it became plot relevant.
That feels a lot less true to the series, at least by Harry's standards.
Took me a moment to remember this wasn't an unexpected crossover.
He finally remembered what a Supreme Mugwump is/does a few moments after he asked to see you and has to clear out his backlog.
There's a mental image: A tanuki buys out the goblins.
And yeah, my interest in mobile gaming withered and died a long time ago, but it's still interesting to see a new example of game design. Or, in this case, seeing how the developers got people to run a treadmill in the hopes of sweating money out of them.
Everyone starts school as a cowardly moron with a personality disorder? So true to life, this game
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I will never deny that this game studio plays every trick it can get away with. The two most recent game events saw the release of a new cosmetic for the Dormitory: constellation patterns. Do well enough and you could trick out your bed, wardrobe, throw blanket... and it was an earned cosmetic. I actually liked the look of it -- they work especially well in the Ravenclaw dorm -- and managed to do well enough for refitting everything but the bookcase. Redecorate to the extent I'd played for and move on.
The very next day...
i.redd.it/sfaecyfss1t41.jpg
Nope.
I now need a new story from you about Rainbow being sent to Hogwarts as a Pegasus filly (de-aged for the shenanigans) and being sorted in Ravenclaw (to her eternal chagrin) due to her love of books. And then going full Twiggles on inter house friendship
Graduation alicorn assencion optional.
Three years down the line she's dating a Slytherin prefect girl and wondering how the heck did it happen, because Rainbow
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And you will never see that story.
E-ver.
The group you gather is, put mildly, weird. It's directly said that some of the Slytherins have parents who were Death Eaters, and there's a few who have family in Azkaban. And this is never held against the kids. One of your Slytherin friends will tell you directly that his family received personal visits from Voldemort. It just has no bearing on how he sees the world.
If anything, you're going to wind up with some serious questions about the Sorting Hat. (Why is Penny a Hufflepuff? How did Jae of all people wind up in Gryffindor? Skye, allergic to studying, as a Ravenclaw?) Someone's been playing around with Confundus again...
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Remember, Hermione introduced time travel to canon for the sole purpose of attending literally every class on offer. Including Muggle Studies, which she's several orders of magnitude more qualified to teach than everyone who had ever been involved with its curriculum combined (and this is a school that predates the colonization of the Americas).
I read it as "advanced tortures". It's probably not far from the truth.
I love how this game sounds simultaneously amazingly deep and shallow.
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Are you shooting down our hopes and dreams or trying to convince yourself to not start another awesome story?
That game does seem weird as heck though. Not in my plans to play either way, but it's funny to read you talk about it
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you might like a story i found called "if wishes were ponies", where Harry Potter literally stumbles across a portal to Equestria before receiving his letter from Hogwarts. it's a bit nasty at first, but the later parts are amusing, as the ponies easily handle everything.
i'd like to talk about the LOUSIEST game i've seen. it's a "free" online game i've seen on Kongregate and Newgrounds.
"dawn of the dragons".
-click attack to use 5 energy to attack the first enemy. ONCE.
-wait 5 minutes for your energy to recharge at one per minute.
-click attack to attack the first enemy for a second ROUND of combat.
-wait five minutes.
-click attack to FINALLY finish off the FIRST enemy.
-the second enemy takes 6 energy per attack. and takes at least 4 attacks to defeat.
that is LITERALLY all you do for the ENTIRE GAME.
ZERO animation.
ZERO sound.
ZERO music.
VERY WORDY "story".
i just can't believe anyone would pay for it, but apparently they do.
5244241 Star Trek Fleet Command has a version of that.
In short, in free to play, you can get main resources by mining, by sitting and watching generators on your station generate them, or by going out and attacking other stations. If you don't want other people attacking your station (which has all the defenses of a well-worn soda can), you can use 'shields' to make them go away for 1/4/8/24/ hours. If you play, you get 1x 4hr shield and 1x 8 hr shield free per day. Anything else, you need to buy.
So here come the whales, who have spent $50 on the Starship Enterprise, and can go through your base without even scuffing their hull, carry away every scrap of your resources (except for a tiny fraction that is 'safe'), and come back every few days when the harvest is ripe again. The only real way to be safe against them is to shield up, and... that costs money.
...Yeeeeeah, I think I'll just stick with Harry Potter fanfiction. Thanks for going there so we don't have to.
(Also, the mention of Animal Crossing combined with, well, most of the rest of the post got me thinking of this again.)
And here was me thinking games were supposed to be fun.
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Best description of gaming journalism I've ever read.
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Read it back when it was coming out. And the others too.
I have no idea why there was a crop of HP Pony crossovers back then, but I'm not complaining.
... Hans, holt den Flammenwerfer. Unt den Luger... Und den Tiger! Scheiße, bring einfach die ganze Waffenkammer!
The only Free to Play game I play is Crush Crush. (The other PC* games I play are just flat-out free.) There is the option of spending real-world money, but I've never spent a dime. Why should I, when I have the patience to wait it out, and don't feel like I want anything bad enough that I'll drop in-game money on it? Diamonds? Nope, I get enough for free by leveling up my relationships and participating in Limited Time Events (LTEs). Bundles? Nah, I'll just stick with girls I can get in other ways. The Uncensored Mode DLC? Nooope, I see enough in regular mode. What can I say? Yeah, there are times I'll need to wait, but I have plenty of things outside the game that I can do.
(If you (general) get curious enough to look into it, it's on Steam. Pay attention to content warnings. Also, there's a version called Blush Blush for people who are attracted to guys, but for that reason, I won't be downloading it.)
(Also, when you first start the game, after the intro, I recommend that you immediately go into Stats and click/tap Reset, then confirm. You'll get an Achievement -- "Futile" -- which is important because every four achievements earns you a Time Block, which will increase how much you can do at once.
Also, I recommend not spending diamonds on costumes for the girls at first. Apply them to Jobs to make more money come in every pay period, and hobbies to decrease the amount of time it takes to level up.
Also, one of the characters is based somewhat on Rainbow Dash, and another has a voice a lot like Fluttershy's, but is not voiced by Andrea Libman.)
*It's also playable on mobile, and in fact, the language seems more geared to touchscreen devices, e.g. "tap" rather than "click".
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You sonova...
Today's story is A Dream Of Bill And Fleur.
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That is why my mobile game of choice is a GBA emulator.
5246368 Everybody sing together... I dream of Weasley with the light red hair...
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Mine is a hacked 3DS with emulators.
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It's okay, Her TERFness rewrites her own canon one ill-advised off the cuff tweet at a time anyway.
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The text was in fact ambiguous about this; it never said whether he still had all his limbs before the incident that killed him. This is the sort of thing that fanfiction loves fleshing out... poor choice of words, I suppose.
Hagrid may be a terrible teacher, but it's because he's such a natural at the subject matter that he doesn't realize how much worse the rest of the wizarding world is at it, and ends up nearly killing his students because he wouldn't have been in any danger.
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As I recall the scene, Dumbledore said Kettleburn had retired. (I'm still amazed he made it that far.)
Hagrid also occasionally misplaces the fact that the students aren't 8'6" and can't take a dragon charge to the ribs.
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Well, even moreso, then. Point is, literally all we ever knew about him is that he lost a limb at some point, so it's completely reasonable that he wasn't all there in multiple senses.
Yeah, the only thing more impossible than teaching things you only know instinctively is teaching things that only work due to quirks of your own biology/ancestry.