National Unicorn Day - With Bruener Sneak Peek · 1:48am Apr 10th, 2020
Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (and Admiral Biscuit) would like to remind you to have a safe day, wash your hooves, wear your masks, and be careful. It's dangerous to go alone, so don't forget to take a unicorn with you. Just be aware that having a unicorn as a passenger comes with certain interruptions in your schedule.
(Image from Derpibooru.org and I have absolutely no idea how to find it twice to credit the artist so bear with me)
Image is Quarantine by Valdimir Olegovych on Deviant Art.
(Edit: there, that's better)
And a snippet of Farmer Bruener Has Some Ponies to show just why a unicorn as a passenger can cause certain issues. Particularly when in close proximity to a young batpony of about the same age.
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
Time: 10:30 A.M. Friday June 26, 2015
Location: Highway 135 — Salina, Kansas
- - - - ⧖ - - - -
“They still sleeping?” Lt. Nicholas Comena glanced into his rear-view mirror, but the two ponies in the king cab seats were under his line of sight, and he didn’t want to turn around while driving his truck. Zero-accident discounts were hard to come by, and it still was over an hour of driving until he got back to Randolph with his passengers.
“Folded into pony pretzels, but sleeping anyway,” said Agent Anacostia, who had been pushed up next to him in the front seat by the third member of the conspiracy. Claire Bruener had been everywhere with the two ponies, and had acted the filming instigator while Karla played the responsible adult in their tourism spree. The injured unicorn would have purchased the entire city of Wichita and most of the Cosmosphere if not restrained by a lack of funds and some frequent reminding from Claire and Anacostia that she would be carrying her loot back home.
Nick was fairly certain the upcoming portal was going to see a cart of some sort filled to the top with Widget’s stuff. And to be moved, it would take bungee cords, a tarp, and a certain amount of loot redistribution and reduction. She would certainly be set at home for t-shirts and ball caps until Widget turned a hundred, and enough bumper stickers to paste on every cart in her town, much like the several that now decorated his own truck’s bumper.
Still, he was just glad his Army tank team had made a quick trip down to bring his personal truck to Wichita for them to drive around with this week. His manly nature would not have survived if they had brought Agent Anacostia’s giant pink SUV instead. He would have walked back from Wichita. Or hitch-hiked with the Kansas Highway Patrol vehicle he could see in his rear-view mirror, shadowing their route about a half-mile back.
“I really don’t know how to handle this,” he admitted to the FBI agent pressed up against his side.
“What, that your fellow Army buddies know you as—” Agent Anacostia jerked her head in the direction of the sleeping batpony “—her plus one?”
“Or that you’re all over the internet in videos with her?” asked Claire, holding up her camera phone. “Cheese.”
After giving a quick smile, Nick returned his attention to the road. “No, I mean for the next century, future military cadets will be studying my record, thinking the the appropriate way to meet alien lifeforms is to be soaking wet dressed in nothing but your underwear, and then to run around the countryside with them playing tourist while they try to get into your pants.”
Anacostia stifled a snort and dismissed his protests with a wave. “We are never going to talk about how I met them, on or off camera.”
“Not even for blackmail,” said Claire, which made Nick a little suspicious of the conspiracy. He was the only male in the vehicle, after all, so he should at least protest.
“Just glad I’m not going to be up on stage with the Cee-in-Cee tomorrow,” said Nick instead. “And I heard a rumor that you’re all going to meet Micky next week, so I hope you have fun without me.”
* * *
“So do you think we should send any military officers along with the aliens on their trip to Disney World?” said the Secretary of State rather reluctantly, moving a series of colored papers around on the briefing table. “It is supposed to be a civilian expedition for entertainment and relaxation.”
“At least this one,” said the President, pulling out one sheet marked ‘Lt. Comena’ and putting it to one side. “He certainly represents the Army well, and the ponies seem to like him.”
“A little too much,” muttered the SecState under his breath before turning to the next item on their busy agenda. “Gifts. I think we can all agree that an iPod should not be on the list this time, correct?”
* * *
“So I’m just going to be chilling back at the farm,” continued Nick, “washing the tank, talking with the guys, and writing the world’s largest After Action Report about my week with—” He jerked his head in the direction of their passengers.
“Oh, shit.” Agent Anacostia buried her head in her hands. “I completely forgot. I’ve been so busy, and I’ve got to write my 302’s up and put them into the Sentinel system. They’re supposed to be done by three days after the event, and it’s been…”
“Just about a week,” said Clarie, looking at her watch. “A little over, actually. Feels like a year. I mean how many tourist places have we been to since Widget got out of the hospital? Fifty?”
“And I’m going to have to remember them all,” moaned Anacostia, still holding her head in her hands.
“Hey, it’s not that bad. I’ve got pictures and video from all of them. The only place you haven’t gone yet is Salina’s little dinky mall up there,” said Claire, waving her hand. “The only thing special about it is the giant aquarium.”
“Mall?” said a sleepy Widget, coming out of the back seat of the truck and sticking her nose almost in Claire’s ear.
“Aquarium?” asked Goose, adding her nose to the population of the truck’s front seat.
“We don’t want to stop,” protested Claire as both ponies breathed in. “It’s been ten years since I’ve been there, and they’ve probably closed the big aquarium with all the bass and catfish in it. I don’t even know if the Radio Shack is still—”
♫ The mall up here, the mall up here
We want to stop at the mall up here
Fishies and gadgets and stores so near
We want to stop at the mall up here ♫
Nick turned on his blinker to take the exit.
https://www.deviantart.com/vladimir-olegovych/art/quarantine-835937537
There’s the link to his deviantart page
Edit:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2020/3/16/2298623.png
The best laid plans of mice and men. Particularly men.
A story with music and singing ponies! It's just too wonderful!
Is it begging when they're singing!? Loved this snippet.
What if you are a unicorn? Can you just take yourself with you?
--Sweetie Belle
Somepone is going to end up holding a concert with the singing mice from the barn?
Magic 302s?
"Ladies and Gentlemen, and uh .."
"Mares and Gentlecolts" someone hissed behind him.
"Mares and Gentlecolts" continued the tour lead, "this here is the Salina Aquarium's Rare Fish exhibit. It's the first stop on our tour, and is the pride and joy of the Aquarium. Built up over two decades, this exhibit is result of lots of hard work on behalf of the owners... ". Andrew paused. He could've sworn he'd heard the word 'fishy' whispered, and there had been a loud rustling sound. His sense of wrongness honed over three years of leading elementary school excursions caused him to turn and survey the group.
Something was wrong, and it took him a second to work it out - there were horses, uh, waitaminute, ponies missing. He counted two of the smaller pastel-pointy-head-ponies, two of the normal-pastel-ponies, a much bigger pastel-pointy-head-pony who was hoof-slapping it's head, and two Kansas State Troops looking around, as if they'd lost something or someone. It suddently struck Andrew - the two small pastel-winged-ponies had disappeared somewhere.
Suddenly, there were two large splashes behind him, and then a dull thud against the glass. Andrew turned to see the winged-ponies deep in the water in the aquarium, one up against the glass with a prize Feminine Wrasse in it's mouth, and the other with a large Candy Bass. Andrew could only stare in horror as the two winged ponies jumped out of the water and started eating, years of work going down gullets of what he now knew were winged demons. The one closest to him turned, smiled happily, and waved. It looked down into the water, turned backed to Andrew and held up a hoof, as if asking if it could have seconds.
Behind him, he heard the large pointy-head-pony speak.
"Yup, I told everyone that would listen that bringing pegasii along would be a bad idea, but noone listened. I'm going to go check out the cafe, see if they have any of that coffee drink that I keep hearing about".
It is no coincidence that Lionesses tend to work in cooperative packs.
They are only slightly less dangerous than their human and equine counterparts.
5239765 Particularly when they hit the chorus.
5239745 A Biscuit story, most certainly.
Any clue when this story will be finished? I usually wait until a story is complete before I read it, since life can get in an author's way through no fault of their own, and chapters may be months apart. This way, if delays happen, I don't have to re-read entire stories to get caught back up.
And this is why Ear Protection is a necessary part of any military career outside of Intel and Logi. God help ya if you're trapped without at least a pair of range plugs.
5239775 Eh, this is going to be a continuing thing. I'm blocking things out by arcs and keeping the drama loose. If I had the discipline to do a chapter a day.... I'd go nuts.
most masks only really help when your already sick, you can still suck in air around the gas, but breathing out much of the particles you exhale are caught in the mask.
5239803
No worries, dude! I started Letters because I couldn't wait, so I'm sure I can do the same here!
Nothing like an involuntary heartsong to get you to quickly make a decision.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/3/4/842185/medium.png
And yeah, you really shouldn't tempt fate when around magical creatures. The universe's sense of humor starts acting up around them, especially ponies.
I can hear Luna's thoughts: Dost these masks come in no color other than white?
That wouldn't be a reference to this, would it?
Ponies and iPods huh? I'm intrigued.