Plot Bunny Theater: Shit Wars · 7:36pm Jan 26th, 2020
There's an eternal question throughout the fandom, with many different answers: "What do Ponies do with their poop?" But has anyone tried to make a plot out of it? Well... If they have, I don't know about it. But here's my take on this:
As it turns out, Pegasi do take care of their poop properly: They collect it and put it on cloud supported platforms, and elevate it to high altitudes. The waste is desiccated and sterilized by the low air pressure and exposure to solar radiation: This renders it usable as fertilizer. And thanks to the magical nature of pegasi, it improves crop growth by almost three times. The sewage and waste management in pegasi cities is run by the Night Soil family, headed up by Night Soil Jr. His father revolutionized waste management in the cloud cities. And now he himself wants to expand his operation to the Earth Ponies.
Of course, the Earth Ponies already have a sewage and waste management magnate: The High Fiber family. Earth Pony fertilizer and waste management. They've been in charge and had a virtual monopoly for generations. And they're not going to just let some wet behind his ears newbie take over.
So the great Shit Wars have begun! Soon escalating into something akin to an actual war! And it's a friendship problem for our girls to solve!
What about the unicorns? Do they have their own thing, or do they let the earth ponies deal with their shit?
5192500
If you believe the unicorns, they don't shit.
This came up in one of AdmiralBiscuit's stories, where the human in Equestria winds up working with the Ponyville nightsoil collector/composter. It's gross, but it's work no one else wants to do and they need a job. The pony even has a cutie mark in it, presumably it's a family business. It's part of Admiral's running theme of working class ponies.
5192513
If you believe drunk Pegasi, they don’t pee.
5192529
And if you believe either, the Flim Flams have a bridge to sell you.
5192500
Unicorns don't poop. They fart rainbows.
5192516
Yeah, the story is Gardening With Rose. Also I believe there was a short chapter in a similar vein in one of his compilation stories. And probably a blogpost describing his research...
5192500
Let's just say that early Unicornian golemcrafters were willing to use every material available to them. When pegasus raiders said the screwheads had shitty defenses, they weren't being figurative. This tradition continues in sewer maintenance. It's not like anypony wants to do that job.
I remember RealityCheck making a joke about this in his story The Audience.
Not EXACTLY like this, mind you, but he did mention that Pegasi desiccate their waste (but by striking it a few times with lightening; and yes, selling it as fertilizer), earth ponies use indoor plumbing and barring that a hole dug in the ground, sea ponies have waste similar to fish (solid heavy pellets that they bury in the sea floor), and unicorns also use indoor plumbing (though got teased for potentially creative uses for ‘portals’) lol.
5192500
Obviously they use the Starswirl method: dump it in another dimension.
5192579
“When life gives you crap, make crap golems right?” It’s all very Erfworld.
5192603
And in another dimension, sapient life has adjusted to random daily showers of magical crap.
Reminds me of this
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/466041/funny-favorite-fanfic-scenes
Search for "The Equestrian Board of Livestock Analysis"
I thought that handling the poop was why ponies were finally allowing non-equine races to move into their cities at show's end?
EDIT: And of course there's the solution taken by Treehugger and her hippy pony friends. They smoke that shit.
5192516
5192576
Yeah, this one!
It was a good bit of world-building.
5192500
Oh, silly creature.
Unicorns don't defecate! How utterly and completely vulgar!
Through sheer snootiness and good breeding, Unicorns surpassed the need to do so centuries ago.
Just the same as they do no flatulate; instead, they merely have the misfortune of being around random noises and smells.