Present Perfect vs. Equestria Girls: Choose Your Own Ending · 1:48am Jan 11th, 2018
So like, there was this thing last year? It was a bunch of EQG shorts, posted to Youtube (like, the official Hasbro Youtube channel), then taken down, then put up on an app or something, and you could choose the ending for each short from a selection of three. They ran about 2.5 minutes, maybe 6 total if you counted all the endings. I don't know if they're officially released or still in leak mode, but I watched them (or tried to, in one case) on the "Brony Master" channel, so who knows whether what I saw was complete and/or proper. :/
Anyway, despite the previous blog, I've had kind of a shitty day, which is about 90% my own fault, so I decided to make it even worse by taking a little girls' cartoon too seriously because everything is terrible. D: I'm reviewing those shorts, in other words.
Join me, won't you? :B
Text Support
This is what everyone thinks Equestria Girls is supposed to be like. Including, apparently, the show runners. :/ Maybe I should just abandon all hope now. Twilight texting with… some other character who they strangely never name. :V I mean, ugh, shoot me, this is flat awful. At least Sunset's here to save the day.
Fluttershy's Butterflies
Fluttershy's super-cute and all, but she's already had a stage fright episode, so this was still boring. The fact that you can choose Vinyl Scratch as one of the endings just because she's in the background of the show is kind of hilarious, though. I mean, what happens isn't hilarious, just that she's a choice. Gotta give it props for supportive Rainbow Dash, at least.
Stressed in Show
Good lord, continuity. :O Except for Rainbow Dash being a dick to Twilight with her powers. Solid SciSet ship fuel, though. Fluttershy's ending has at least one not-completely-boring moment, too.
Rarity Investigates: The Case of the Bedazzled Boot
This was almost interesting because it's got the first interaction between Sunset and Snips and Snails since the original movie… but of course, nothing interesting actually comes of it. And it's almost worth it for Pinkie freaking out about frozen yogurt. It's actually worth it for the Trixie ending, which is so amazingly out of left field, I can't believe I just saw it. Like, this was shaping up to be the absolute worst of the worst because it's literally just repeating an episode, but no, Trixie had to go and be fantastic, who knew. :V Even Maud gets a star turn. Maud did something I thought was funny, you guys. Incredible.
Driving Miss Shimmer
Sunset's trying to pass a driving test, that's odd. Also, Fluttershy has a car. But your endings are Rarity missing the point, how to fix a tire, Fluttershy being all "yay safety" (I feel marginally pandered to) and lots and lots of really bad puns. D: Ugh, I hate Sunset now, I'm with Cranky Doodle, this has ruined me.
All the World's Off Stage
Well, after that little diversion, we're back in continuity. Sunset's great as a director, at least, her sideboob game is more on point than Rarity'swe're back in business with the Sunnybun love. :V But, yeah, how much d'you like Snips and Snails? Because you're gonna get a lot of them, and there's still none of the post-demon interaction I want. :| I laughed, but I felt stupid. Gotta love that Bulk Biceps cameo, though.
Constructive Criticism
Hey, we get to see human Nurse Redheart and she's… really nothing to write home about. >.> So, I hope you care about the bullshit pop psychology from Fluttershy Leans In, because you're getting more of it here! Applejack literally says "Green is my power color" what the fuck does that even mean? Ugh, this is the worst one, and go figure it's Applejack's. Like, not even Photo Finish can save it from being tedious, and that's really saying something.
Opening Night
So here I am thinking to myself that this play is gonna be stupid and neither Rarity's terrible overacting nor Bulk Biceps's cameo are going to save it and then who should show up but Rainbow freaking Dash and I lost it. XD This may all be a big waste of your time, but fuck's sake, that's hard not to love. Oh god, this play is really bad though and I get that that's the joke but it's really bad, you guys ;_; Just don't watch any of the endings, they broke me. I hate Sunset again.
Happily Ever After Party
Okay, so the weird thing about this is that it canonizes Applejack's ending to the last one in ways that none of the others ever have. Like, Sunset passes her driver's test in all the endings to that one, it's just the details of how change. But this time, it seems that there's only one "correct" choice for the previous episode and this is really bothering me for some reason GOD DO I HATE THIS D: OKAY BUT WHY ARE THEY THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS NOW THIS LITERALLY DOES MAKE SENSE FOR HUMAN PEOPLE NOW I AM ANGRY DX Okay, but Rarity as courtroom drama lawyer is a good fit and this needs to happen more often. :B Cranky Doodle turns out to be the math teacher. Along with, y'know, the driving teacher. >.> The rest is tedious and dumb, though.
Best Trends Forever
So, I did end up looking things up on the wiki, and it turns out this is the first one of these? And also, it's in a completely nonsensical order on the Youtube channel I was using, but I can't really figure out what's going on. I may have watched it backwards, it's in so many pieces, help D: Whatever, it's dumb anyway and gave me Newbie Dash-induced PTSD ;_; Hope you don't hold up The Twilight Zone as a classic piece of televised science-fiction storytelling, because this shits all over it, lemme tell you. :V
So what have we learned? Equestria Girls really is the festering asshole of G4 MLP. :B If the movies had any merit as entertainment, it has been completely and thoroughly squandered by this point. Enjoy your vapid young girls' entertainment, guys, it's all we deserve! D:
If you had to place your favorite EQG content into a ranking of the show seasons, what would it be and where would it place?
Wow, venomous much?
We've known this since the "series" turned out to be a bunch of three-minute shorts with an occasional music video.
(Literally could not finish any of these.)
4771146
Hm... for me I'd guess it'd be Legend of Everfree, and actually fairly high. An unpredictable-yet-coherent plot and solid villain is better than most episodes get, albeit aided by the running time to develop said plot.
I liked the idea behind the choose your own adventure shorts, but it made watching them really annoying, even on the Discovery Family app.
Like I thought the previous shorts were fine, but something about the presentation of these and having to watch the same thing multiple times over really got on my nerves.
Yes, they did, repeatedly - Timber Spruce.
Highlight of the blog.
I think that's a bit harsh, but, yeaaah, this shorts are kinda lame and only good for quick laughs. I'm almost happy we aren't getting a full spin-off series now if the Digital Series is the height of what they have to offer us.
Which is why I gave up on EQG fics years ago.
You get no argument from me, pal. In fact, I think you're being fairly generous at times.
I think Hasbro is aware they will never make EQG popular enough to have a true show which is why they stick to these boring, crappy shorts and occasional specials.
I keep saying it: EQG is ponies for people who don't want to admit they're into ponies. It is the same show, except worse, and in high school, and no hooves. How it stays popular with bronies I cannot say, unless we want to turn off the mature filter. I for one think it is telling everyone pretty much only writes about Sunset... And even then, as a pony pretty regularly.
Admittedly, I thought the first two movies (especially the second one) were decent and fun experiments… and then the whole thing just kept going. Somebody left the lab door unlocked and the monster escaped.
EQG effectively castrates the social-barrier-busting nature of MLP's world and characters (and, I'd argue, undoes Faust's reason for creating both) by adopting the same cookie-cutter setting that a great many 'girl shows' are obsessed with: high school. Right out of the gate the characters lose a ton of agency, autonomy, and maturity. Nothing new is added to the theme.
4771228
Fetishizing barely-legal (at best) girls carries less shame, I guess
Personally, I have fun with the setting. It's an opportunity to expand pony into urban fantasy, a genre that doesn't play well with Equestria's tech level and general aesthetic. The shorts themselves are harmless fun. Plus, questions like how the crap do human cutie marks work lead into story concepts that can answer them.
And my OTP lives there shut up.
Ill admit that i would much rather have 20min long episodes of eqg instead of these shorts but I really dont understand what your poblem is man.
4771146
Hoo. c.c I mean, really the only thing I'd call my favorite is Rainbow Rocks, and that would be... somewhere around season 7, I guess? Maybe before it, maybe after, not sure. Of course, I'm still working on my big S7 post, so that probably doesn't mean anything right now. :B
4771424
Please see 4771246, who explains it so beautifully, I want to have it enshrined. I don't want to not like these, because liking animation meant for little girls is the whole reason I'm here. But the longer EQG drags on as a Thing, the worse it gets.
ALSO FIMFIC SOMEHOW ATE THE LAST TWO REPLIES I MADE D:
4771176
No, it's weird. Like, maybe the copy I was watching was messed up, but it seemed like no one had any inclination of naming this mysterious character Twilight was so excited to be texting with. Maybe I missed things by watching these out of order or something. :V
C'mon, you have to admit the CMC dancing with mining picks across the stage is adorable.
4771721
I have to admit I have a certain appreciation for that goofy across-the-stage dance you see like five times during the whole thing.
The rest of the play just makes me cringe D:
4771738
You have a really low cringe line, don’t you?
4771757
I must! Then again, I loved Spike singing the Cloudsdale Anthem, and I love Parental Glideance. So maybe it's more of a spectrum thing. :B
4771776
Yeah, it might be that you’re not receptive to certain kinds of cringe, which is interesting, because the stuff in the CYOA shorts didn’t even register for me cringe-wise.
And to piggyback off of what you and DrakeyC were taking about, the unauthorized YouTube uploads for these recent shorts have been really shitty to the point where they literally forced my hand into downloading the Discovery Family Go app to properly get my EqG fix.
4771777
Maybe it's just the awfulness that builds up over the course of an evening spent watching soulless EQG shorts. D:
4771827
Like I said earlier, I don’t think the choose your own ending format really worked in their favor. It diluted the chance for any really solidly weird shit like the plant short (oh my god that plant short) so we’re left with a few inspired moments of absurdity in between mostly forgettable scenarios that are mostly forgettable precisely because they don’t have any lasting impact in the long run, so it somewhat encourages you to discard them mentally.
I think if they had just decided to stick with the weirdest outcome for each CYOE they’d have come off as far better.
4771838
Sounds like a solid concept to me!
Yeah, that fucking plant one though @_@
4771444
Ok i will admit that these CYOA shorts are kinda meh and similar to small treats that dont really satisfy your needs, but i still love this spin-off series regardless.
Just give us proper episodes, thats all im asking.
4772074
It sounds like we'll be getting a one-hour special soon!
4772193
Really now, finaly some good news
And yet we still got this glorious set of Dance Moves from Rarity. Plus Tabitha's various vocal stylings.