Operation: Fecundity · 4:19pm Nov 14th, 2017
So let's talk a bit about Fecundity.
As some of you have pointed out, the story has started to get convoluted. I've slowed down drastically while trying to juggle all the subplots, many of which aren't important and were born of a tangent when my attention meandered. I went back to re-read chapter 19 earlier today, and about halfway through it I started to get fatigue. There were whole chunks of discussion that were completely unimportant to the story that could be pared down. Seriously, on that chapter alone I can probably slash like 2k words.
One thing I'm very prone to is fleshing out needless fluff. I don't know why my muse is like this, but suddenly I'll be writing and something about the conversation or scene GRABS me, and I just have to explore it. You don't have to look very hard to see what I mean--not only is it rampant in Fecundity, but my latest story, Cup Cake and the Pregnancy Suit, had 2k words slashed from it before it got to its current state. I could probably cut another 2k or so if I really wanted, too.
I'm good at worldbuilding, and I know it. But there's a time and place for worldbuilding, and if you do too much of it, the reader doesn't know what details to pay attention to. I want my stories to be more focused and streamlined, but even with story outlines (which I always have) it seems I never know what to cut until after the fact.
Anyway, what it boils down to is this:
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-I'm not happy with Fecundity in its current state. It's gotten bloated and meandering with lack of focus. I need to clean it up.
-The edits are going to cut subplots that I feel aren't as important to the story. I'm not entirely sure which ones yet, but I'll be keeping you notified of my decision. I'm open to feedback on this.
-I'm also going to be tweaking my sentence structure as I go back. I've noticed that the tempo of my narrative is repetitive due to basically writing all my sentences in the same format. It's mostly in my comma usage.
-My goal is to cut a minimum of 10k words from the story. Honestly, there's probably a good deal more that could be trimmed, maybe as much as 15 or even 20k. It's hard to say right now.
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So that's the plan. Right now, I'm currently working on a one-shot I've been meaning to write for a year now: a sequel to Unideal's (aka Charyb) Bragging Rights. I anticipate it to take another week or two to finish, which'll put us in December. Once there, I'm going to go through Fecundity with a fine-tooth comb and make my edits. This may take me only a week or two, or it may take me the whole month. I'm not going to rush this. I'll be posting a blog when I start that'll have a breakdown of what chapters I've done so far and what things I've cut.
Last but not least, I have a small announcement to make. I suppose you could even call it a New Year's Resolution, but unlike most, I actually intend on fulfilling this. You may or may not have already guessed where I was going with all of this, but...
In 2018, I'm going to finish Fecundity.
It's going to be the year of Gleaming, friends. I've been splitting my attention between this story and others for a long time now, but not anymore. I have a decently-sized library, a respectable follower count, and the ability to make this happen. You may see me publishing one-hour snippets here and there as a break, but after Bragging Rights 2, there'll be no more one-shots until Fecundity is said and done.
Strap yourselves in, people. We're gonna have us some fun.
If you like the world building parts you're stripping out (something I like about Fecundity actually) I'd recommend sticking them in a bonus chapter and labeling it as bonus content in author's notes. Or perhaps just putting a link to a blog in the author's note that has the world building content.
If you're removing the world building, I definitely agree that sticking them in bonus chapters would be good.
Do what you feel is right, the story as it is is rather 'thick' but that isn't necessarily bad. Just requires a me to set aside more time for it.
I personally don't feel like the story is bloated, but I can see reasonable cause for taking sub and side plot to its own place.
I don't think the extra world building is a bad thing at all. Sure, the story has lots of stuff that's not particularly needed, but that's not a bad thing. Especially if it expands on the world these ponies live in. However, if you do cut out content, I would love to see it transferred into bonus chapters, so those of us who love that kind of thing cal still read it to our heart's content, while those who don't can skip over it without penalty.
>Bragging rights 2
BLESS
As mentioned previously I like the story as it is and I don't think that it really needs anything changed or removed. It's your story so you can do what you like with it but if you remove anything please have it as bonus chapters
I'm personally fine with the world building. Now something you want to watch for is having more subplots than you feel confident about juggling, especially if they slow the progress of the plot down. It depends on what you're aiming for, and the way you want to shape the story. Personally I haven't had much of a trouble following everything, but I don't know what exactly you have envisioned here.
I like subplots, personally. They make a story feel fuller, more expansive. If you really want to cut them out, please at least put what you've already written somewhere we can still see it.
I can't really see any subplots that can be cut out properly, anyway. Their father's epic magic is tied into Gleaming's ascension and keeps him from being a boring character, while their parents moving there is important for their interactions with Gleaming. The batponies are used to jump-start the hospital expansion that ties into Gleaming's future role, and they give her an immediate wider purpose when she fully ascends. Maud's visit ties into finding a potential cure for the curse that started this whole story. The TwiDash is important to keep Twilight from seeming like a third-wheel; but Twilight is important to Gleaming's development, so she needs to be there. I suppose the only thing that sticks out is Thorax, but even that is used as an opportunity to explore Gleaming's developing powers.
Have you considered that maybe the story you want to tell is somewhat convoluted, and you should just let it be that way?
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At the rate Gleaming is going, she will probably be able to just undo the curse with her own power.
I can’t wait to see what you do with the story, and I’ll happily re-read the whole story when you’re finished with your editing. I’ll admit, I didn’t think too much about the various subplots, but now that I stop to think about it, it does seem like the story needs to become more streamlined. For example, someone here mentioned Maud being in the story, and it took me a minute to remember her being there, let alone why she was in the story.
Nothing wrong with going back and doing some editing on a story; unlike a show, you can quietly retcon or simply clarify things without causing a fuss, or at least make adjustments when your writing improves. I know I’ve been busy editing my own series, and just the other day did further edits of Episode 1 and 3 because I saw how they could be improved.
If you feel that the story can be improved by cutting content, then go for it. Don’t stop until you feel good about your work!
I've mentioned before but I would love another put of control breeding scene that adds more foals to gleaming, if more were alicorns she would probably become powerful enough to undo the curse, the drawback could be that if gleaming does so, she has to stay a mare
You're editing the story?
Then i'd better read it again before then!
As long as we get to keep seeing Gleaming enjoy being bloated with babies, I'm cool with whatever changes you make.
Though I do request you not take out that little bit with Octavia and Vinyl.
First off let me start by saying that I started fallowing you specifically for this story . I love the world building and the subplots make it so much more interesting in my opinion . I am an avid reader and I've read 20k plus word stories in minutes so I have no problem reading Fecundity with how large it is , and to be honest I normally don't have any Interest in pregnancy kinks at all . But your story here ties it in so we'll with all the extra tidbits and tangents I get really absorbed in the story. I personally don't feel Fecundity needs any trimming but I respect you very much as a writer and if you feel you don't like where it's going I say go for it . It's your words , I'll have fun rereading anyway.
As always Blessed Be
~TRK
Heh. Bloated.
But seriously, while I myself adore your world-building and don't mind any meandering it has caused, I totally understand wanting to see your story's content VORK AT ZE UTMOZT EFFICIENCY
A few of my thoughts on what world-building/fluff/side-stuff is absolutely essential to what I individually feel contribute most to the story and personality of Fecundity:
The high fantasy world. The Vancian feel, not to mention the occasional straight up D&D reference, speak to me a lot as a fantasy lover. And not only is your take on Equestrian magic interesting, but I feel that even if it's not 100% essential to the plot, the amount of spells that they've started to take for granted for Gleaming has made the magic system an irreplaceable part of the story. Add to that the story arc of Gleaming becoming the Alicorn of Life, and the self-discovery that comes with it, are just way too good and are once again linked back to that magic.
ALSO I TOTALLY CALLED GLEAMING'S DOMAIN AND I WILL BE SUPER DUPES MAD AT YOU IF YOU RETCON THAT STUFF
Like I said, I really enjoy the story as is, but these are the real core beyond the central premise to me. I'm probably not even including everything that I personally think should absolutely stay but I've already run pretty long.
At the end of the day, it's totally up to you dude, but these are my thoughts as a long time fan of Fecundity.
The subplots are fine really to me, and they give more to the world itself, showing this as a moment as time progresses. The only thing I hope to ask is if you did want to do this, streamline how it goes, rather than cut it out if you feel it rambles? I liked the aspects into other parts of the world you added.
I will be the one to say that I dropped Fecundity because it wasn't focused enough, but I like the concept enough to revisit it when you are done paring it down a bit.
I hope that the potential for bedroom fun with Luna and Big Mac are not part of the cuts to be made. I liked that part.
After finally getting caught up on “Fecundity” I have to agree with there being too many subplots, it is getting rather absurd. That being said, the subplots could be made into their own stories set within the “Fecundity” universe. The problem is that you are adding in monster stats to your Magic Item Compendium which you happen to have included in your Core Book along with Deities and Demigods...okay I went a little heavy with the D&D references there but my point stands: all those things are great for world building but are better suited to standalone books rather than sub notes in one giant book where they are lost in a mass of information.