Carry Me Home: What's all this about? · 8:15pm Oct 9th, 2017
After reading a really brilliant blog by the inimitable Mr. Numbers, I wanted to talk about Carry Me Home.
Obviously, spoilers for Carry Me Home below the image.
I'm sure a fair number of my more regular readers and followers were surprised to see a "sad" tag on a story. I'm not really a writer that writes sad stuff. I've written sad things, certainly, and but most of my stories are, in a word, romantic. They're cute and fun and happy, and bad stuff happens and things get difficult, but the characters typically work things out and things get back to being... romantic. It's my forte, and my skill lies in that kind of character interaction and dialogue. I'm not typically one for the "high concept" story idea (stealing yet more talking points from Mr. Numbers). I like writing characters and character interaction and drama. So my stories revolve around that idea, and focus themselves there. Carry Me Home isn't high concept either. It's in a place that most of us, as we get older, are familiar with. It's a story about changing, and aging.
I'm swiftly approaching thirty, which places me in the middle of the road as far as my peer group of authors here go, and I've lived a very lucky life in most respects. I'll acknowledge that up-front, so we don't have any illusions between us. I have experienced very, very little loss in my life, for which I count my blessings. That being said, I'm presently dealing with a lot of the themes in Carry Me Home in my own life. The situations as presented are basically stolen moments from my own life, to a greater or lesser extent, with ponies standing in for real people. I've been wrestling with the specter of impending loss, I suppose, and I have had all of these thoughts and ideas in my head for a while.
B_25 came to me with an idea for a commission with a very simple premise, one that I grasped onto immediately. "An older Spike carries each of the Mane 6 home in his arms". It's a cute idea, one that I immediately knew I could have fun with. B knows my skill set.
So I sat down to write Carry Me Home, and the first challenge that presented itself was "why". "Why does Spike need to carry the cute ponies home?" I asked. What's going on that's made these typically self-reliant and strong characters require Spike's help in getting home? "Well, Spike is older... so they're older, too. And Spike needs to be old enough and big enough to be able to pick them up... so they're probably much older." Ten years? Twenty? What's the age range? What changed? What's been happening to the Mane 6 while Spike, who is a dragon that will likely outlive them all, has been growing up?
My brain pretty quickly jumped on the idea that the Mane 6 are getting older, and maybe things that they typically do themselves need a little extra help. As this idea formed, my own recent experiences with my parents (who are now late 50's/early 60's) and my grandparents (who are late 80's/early 90's) came to mind... and suddenly the story being about ponies became less important than the story being about something genuine to my life and experiences, something that I could relate to and give some serious soul.
So, the Rarity chapter. The one that I know hit all of you, judging by the comments. For a few people, it was a more personal experience, and if you're curious you can read the comments, but I'm not going to draw attention. I wanted to honor those people that shared their experiences and related their connection to the story. I know that a few people felt very close to the subject matter, and I do, too. Let me give you the background on where I was coming from, so you can understand it a little better.
My Grandfather has had a rough run of health over the last few years. A few strokes and TIA episodes have left him... not the person he was, to put it simply. A week ago, he suffered another stroke that has, in many ways, stolen him from us... but for brief glimmers of lucid thought and smiles. I went to help my grandparents with some chores around their home this past weekend, and my grandfather was sleeping for most of my visit, only briefly waking up to not recognize me, waking once more to mis-identify me as my uncle, and finally to see me as... me. I gave him a hug as I was getting ready to leave, and he smiled up at me and said "Jason! Are you teaching, yet?"
It was a good moment, and something that I knew was precious. I wanted that happy moment to be present, and I wanted to give you that, even when the rest of that chapter didn't end on a happy note. The reality needed to be there, because pulling the punch at the end would have been disingenuous to the experience I am having, that I am perhaps dreading.
I wanted to write these experiences... and, I'll admit, I added my typical "romantic" flare. For all the sad things that happen, for all the little rough moments that build towards harder and harder things, I wanted to keep the string of hope alive, there. Bad stuff happens, but nopony is broken by them. Even in Rarity's chapter. That chapter is the realest and most raw for me, and it shows in the writing, yet I hope Rarity's last really coherent words stuck with you through that. My Grandmother said those to me when she had a frank discussion with me about her and my Grandfather's mortality, recently. She's a canny woman, and she sees through me as only those who have lived all their lives with you can. She knows the life I've lived, and she has done her best to prepare me for the future.
The final chapter, I hope, was a palette cleanser that really gave the deserved "sad" tag of the story a more upbeat and sweet ending, without removing too much of the gravitas of the theme or devolving into something like "and they all lived happily ever after". Even though that's how a lot of my stories end, I wanted this one to keep that theme strong and maintain the somber note, but give you a little taste of Spike's future - a happy one with Twilight and the legacy of her friends surrounding them both... because that's how I view life, too. Even with endings, nothing really quite ends. Even with loss, there are things beyond those lows. The sad things in life make the sweet ones all the sweeter, so I've been told, and I feel like my grandmother probably knows that better than I do. I can only hold those words in my heart.
So, there it is. Carry Me Home.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for the director commentary. i wish more authors did this with each of their works.
I suppose I'm lucky then. I never knew my grandparents and many of the older people I know who still have their own parents usually get depressed, talking about their aging mothers and fathers.
It just always rubs me the wrong way when I see a "last goodbye" it might just be my jealousy since I've never had one, but stories such as these, stories about the passage of time, of characters breaking, and melancholy acceptance. To have something as sweet as a last goodbye is so... jarring.
I know my opinion is unwanted but reading this got me thinking about the big picture again. Thanks for writing another romantic little story. I dispute my misgivings I enjoyed it immensely. Can't wait for your next one.
Makes me wish life was indeed that sweet.
Thank you for sharing such a personal take on what drove you to write "Carry Me Home". Knowing how personal some of the content was certainly takes it beyond making just another story in your growing list of tales. It is a piece that can be looked back on as one that truly put you, your emotions, and your talents to the test. You went beyond your standard style to challenge so much that is often extremely difficult to bring up. Mortality is not easy and neither is knowing how, as you get older, it seems life takes more than it gives.
My descent into total blindness made me really relate with Pinkie Pie's story. I'm only 37 and losing all my physical vision has, despite so many efforts, taken a lot away from me. People don't view you the same way nor is much available to you as once was with even the faintest glimmer of usable vision. We live in a very visual world and accessible technology can only do so much to help me bridge the gap. The gap only seems to grow wider-and-wider as technology grows more visual and 'touch' over 'feel'. However I, like Pinkie, will push myself until the last in order to not miss out on what makes me happy.
Some may know me as the leader of an effort started at BronyCon known as "Coping With Limitations Through Pony". I helped present and follow-up with it for over four years. Each year my primary efforts with my team were to help show how life doesn't end, nor is it defined, by life situations that are far from favorable. The stories others shared with me were quite inspiring along with enlightening on how truly hard it is for all of us to cope with the sadder parts of life. However I also had hoped that, in some way, I could help spare some people the misery I've felt in not feeling welcome or accepted. It's so awful to want to be such a part of the world to have stigmas and stereotypes add to an already large pain given by a disability / life trauma you never asked for. All you want is to feel alive when everything else makes you feel dead.
Your story is one I would recommend to anyone who would come to me for advice on coping. It is sad but not in a way that further buries you mentally as a result of traumas in your life. Instead it gives a more positive way to look at what has happened / will happen. We all have only so much to give before we can give no more. We can only hope we are not left forgotten as a result of what life itself makes unavoidable. Spike showed how, through all his years, he was a constant to keep every pony happy even in the proverbial twilight of their lives. He kept helping them be relevant, like with Dash and Flutters. It's something I wish would happen more in real life as it truly is an awful feeling to have so much left but your body rob it away. Feeling like people do genuinely care, value you, and want to validate your purpose despite your limitations is very important. And, again, this story got this message through loud and clear.
4692721
Thanks again for all the commentary on the chapters, I'm really glad you enjoyed reading! It was awesome to have your perspective throughout the story and get a feeling through you of how others might be feeling about the story (beyond "oh god, I'm crying now") and the bigger themes throughout.
I will admit the Rarity chapter was the heaviest, I already made my comment on that and hold to it days later.
Each chapter had a meaning I think people would need to take note of, not just because it may be relevant to them but because of how the characters themselves handled it. Starlights and Pinkies chapter in particular I think are the best indications of this.
At the end of the day everyone will experience some form of loss and how both parties approach it are important (as far as I think anyway).
4770884
Thanks for reading and commenting here, too. I figured with how you connected to the story, you might appreciate the extra context of the "why".
4771105
Thank You.
5102653
Thank you for reading.