How does a story get so long? · 6:04pm Jan 1st, 2017
The late fall day was glorious, but a bit cool. After being cooped up in school for half of the day, Sumac was glad to be out and rather happy about going to the wedding, but he had a lot on his mind. Curious events had taken place as of late, and Sumac was left reflecting upon them and their impact upon him.
Time travel, for one.
He was aware that Starlight had tried to tamper with Equestria’s timeline, but she had ultimately failed. Twilight had gone back in time to try and warn herself—he had a vague awareness of that—but what neither of them had was a sorcerer, a means for more power to make the impossible possible.
It was enough to drive the five year old colt to distraction.
Beside him, Pebble walked with a smooth, steady gait, balancing a package of delicious treats on her back, her contribution to the potluck meal at the wedding. She had made them herself and Sumac guessed that she had to be quite proud of them, even if she didn’t show it. The autumn sun shone down through the bare, almost leafless trees and left Pebble dappled in a dazzling array of golden motes of light which stood out in sharp contrast against her dark, muted turquoise dress.
It too, was enough to leave the colt distracted.
This moment of normalcy was almost perfect, this moment of calm between the chaotic events that kept happening. Sumac was a little nervous, worried about crowds and being around strangers, something that was always stressful, but he was managing. He did however, wish that Octavia was here so that he would have somepony to retreat with if things became a bit too overwhelming.
“Pretty!”
Hearing this made Sumac stop, and he angled his eyes to look up at Boomer. “What’s pretty, Boomer?”
“That!” Extending one tiny clawed finger, Boomer pointed at a poncho hanging in a store window.
It was an equine poncho, with a hole in one end of the blanket, rather in the middle, as it was for bipeds, with the length of it designed in such a way that it was draped over a pony’s back. Sumac studied it, trying to see why Boomer thought it was pretty, and after a few moments, Sumac too, thought it was pretty. The poncho was a pale brown and covered with a colourful, stylised sun pattern that would sit in the middle of a pony’s back when worn. The sun radiated rainbow coloured rays that radiated out like spokes in a wagon wheel.
The colours and design were quite similar to Sumac’s cutie mark, a zap apple with nine lightning bolts extending out in all directions. The design was unusual, odd even for a place like Ponyville, but would have been right at home in Equestria’s south and southwest.
Squinting one eye, Twinkleshine pulled up alongside Sumac and came to a halt. She too, began to study the poncho with the critical eye of a Canterlot pony. Boomer, quite taken, lept from Sumac’s horn to Twinkleshine’s, then began tugging on the mare’s ears.
“It’s a bit big for you, Boomer,” Twinkleshine said after a few ear tugs, “but I do think it will fit Sumac. What do you say, Sumac? Want a poncho? Winter is coming and it might be nice to have something warm to wrap up in.”
Sumac did not reply, but stared at the poncho, thinking about things like money, and his utter lack of it. Boomer didn’t ask for much, she didn’t respond to much other than comic books, which, thanks to Spike, she now had a habit of reading. It was unusual to see Boomer become so animated about anything.
Perhaps reading Sumac’s mind, or just knowing his thoughts, Twinkleshine said to the colt, “It’s not a matter of money and that poncho is a steal at fifty silver bits. Whatcha say?”
“Owning stuff is hard,” Sumac replied, his voice low and difficult to hear. “It hurts to lose it when something bad happens, and bad things happen. They’ve happened to me.” The colt punctuated his weary words with a sigh.
Twinkleshine nodded. “I understand. You’re still recovering from everything that happened and I bet everything still stings a bit. Look, Sumac, in life, some bad things are going to happen and we shouldn’t deprive ourselves of nice things because of a fear that we might lose them.”
“Want!” Boomer chirped, making her feelings known. “Want blanket!”
“I suppose it will make Boomer happy…” Sumac wasn’t sure if he was accepting or just trying to convince himself to accept it as a gift. “Maybe give her a nice place to sit.”
Pebble, who had been pacing around, waiting, continued to pace and wait.
Twinkleshine made an impatient huff, gestured with her hoof, and tossed her head at the door to the shop. “Come on, Sumac, let’s see how you look in it…”
This started off as a three hundred or so word into to the chapter. It felt too showy, not telly, and the dialogue felt a bit wooden. Too terse, to chopped. So, the dialogue was rewritten entirely for flow, the telly stuff was changed to make it a bit showy, and some of the descriptions were smoothed out to make them more appealing. (I hope!)
End result?
Eight hundred plus words and I've been at this since about seven this morning, rewriting the same thing over and over, trying to make it better. It is now noon.
Call me crazy, but I think my writing has slowed down a bit (a lot) as I've tried to make some serious improvements.
Your work is amazing as always. The little I've written has always taken hours and it is no where near your level. *hugs* guess that's why I'm a patron.
I don't know. You write a lot, and make me look bad in the process. I've been called overly fleshed out, and overall just bad. Your writing was used as an example of doing things right.
So you saying that you are slow? Or that you are lacking in any way? Bull. I'm the one stumbling.
You are fine.
(Goes to the corner and grumbles in jealousy and resentment.)
4364685
I used to crank out 3, 4, or sometimes 5 chapters in a day.
Things have slowed down a bit as I've refined my processes. I pay a lot more attention to the details now.
4364705 Yeah, but people tell me that I spoke of so many details that I made them forget about the characters and they forgot what the story was a about.
Like I said you are fine. I get no patrons, and no glory anyway.
The Catch is my favorite of your stories.
I love a long bit of relaxing prose like this. When done right it draws me in, and it feels like I've entered a meditative trance.
My only big gripe with the above is that you used "radiated" twice in the same sentence. You could replace the first instance with beamed or gleamed or pearlesced, if that's a word. The grammar textbooks I grew up with considered that to be poor form. I try to avoid repetition of words, especially descriptors, in the same paragraph, much less in the same sentence.
Edit: I don't mean to come off harsh. It is quite well written. That's just something that specifically irks me personally.
4364822
Eh, this hasn't been edited yet. It's still pretty rough.
4364830 Well your rough is pretty good, but I saw a chance to point out my pet peeve to someone and took it.
I'm glad that's something you take into consideration, yes? 
4364858
There is a link to the WIP up in the official group forums.
Oh yeah, you don't write nearly as many chapters as you once did. Though, these newer stories have a certain layer of quality that is a bit lacking on The Chase. The Chase is great, but the weed verse has been quite something.
still waiting for Can'terlot
Quality over quantity.
Still give updates faster than most the stories I follow-Murky Number 7 just closed out it's story after over 4 years, waiting forever between updates of MLM: Mary is a Mare, Reformation of the Hives gets an update like once a month, been two or three months since the last update to Sunset Reset, lots of smaller stories I am following that are months between updates----think your update speed is still very good.
4365616
I've been waiting five years for the next chapter of The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle https://www.fimfiction.net/story/67/the-ballad-of-twilight-sparkle