Read It Now Reviews #100 – Donald Trump Grabs Princess Celestia’s Pussy · 6:15am Nov 9th, 2016
There are times, my friends, when you feel the zeitgeist – the spirit of the times – and you must write.
For George Orwell, it produced Nineteen Eighty Four, as he viewed the creeping totalitarianism of the world around him.
For me, it produced The Collected Poems of Maud Pie, written in a single night while channeling Maud.
And for Admiral Biscuit… for Admiral Biscuit, it produced… this.
Today’s stories:
Donald Trump Grabs Princess Celestia’s Pussy by Admiral Biscuit
Donald Trump Grabs Princess Celestia’s Pussy
by Admiral Biscuit
Sex, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Dark, Human, Random
1,169 wordsThe Grand Trade Summit in Canterlot is where all the movers and shakers of the Equestrian economy—and anyone else who can wrangle an invitation—meet up to press the flesh and work out deals. Donald Trump somehow gets a ticket, because when you're rich, you can do whatever you want.
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
—Abraham Lincoln
Why I added it: Naked bribery There is no better time to read this story than right now.
Review
This story, on the one hand, may be exactly what you expect.
But on the other, it actually is genuinely funny. It isn’t just a one-note jokefic; in fact, there are jokes in almost every paragraph, and some have several.
If it was just the title, it would be boring.
But it isn’t. It is so much more. There’s references to the real life campaign. There are crossover references to works you’d never really expect.
And of course, there’s what eventually comes to pass, which doesn’t even really need to be stated – along with the glorious, lovingly described response.
This story has a limited shelf life. But if you consume it while it is fresh out of the oven, I think, if you have just the right amount of silliness in you, this will be something incredible for one night only.
Recommendation: Recommended.
I had been wondering what I’d do with Read It Now #100, but I can’t possibly think of a less respectful use of it than this.
I can’t think of any better use. 
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 158
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 552
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 2045
Why... just... why.
4291545
Did you know that Admiral Biscuit has really comfortable t-shirts?
It's not bribery, it's political lobbying!
You are my hero.
4291548
You are my hero +1
You knew this was coming.
You were saving #100 for this, weren't you, you bastard? :V
4291548
I know, eh? Despite it not being black like the, y'know, 95% or so of the rest of my wardrobe, I'm comfortable wearing it around because of the sheer comfort of it. Navy blue is pretty close to black, so it's all cool. Plus I'm pretty sure people think I'm part of some sort of seamen club when I wear it. So yeah, if I overcome the laziness to get my ass off the couch and some of the shyness of meeting new people, I am totally wearing this shirt to a gay bar. I bet it guarantees action.
Also there's that whole activoty with eating biscuits topped with... stuff (spoiler: I can't believe it's not butter). Yeah, totally wearing to a gay bar.
4291554
Psssttt... how much money did you throw at Titty D? $20? $50? Gems? Rings? Golden eggs? Tasty virgins? Foil Magic cards? Actually that last one I'm keeping to myself. So shiny and beutifully blinding when you shine light on them, especially the white and artifact ones.
Also I'm expecting Trump to grab Celestia's pet cat or something and try to throw it out because it probably came from some foreign land. Or barring the lack of cat, snatch up Luna's pet possum Tibbers and throw him out, for possom. Cat. Pussy. Almost the same difference. And marsupials are from Australia, which is totally not America.
4292095
He was probably going to save it for something supahr cereal, but suddenly biscuit money showed up at his doorstep. Damn, that's hard to resist, that biscuit money topped with I can't believe it's not butter
Why can't I upvote this?
4291548
Well, it's not really naked bribery then, is it?
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Why else would it be crossed out?
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I plead the Fifth.
4293256
Huh. So I guess I accepted a bribe without even realizing it. Cool :B
:^D
4291545 Why not?
4293259
I find for the defendant, Titanium Dragon, and summarily dismiss all charges of unlawful collaboration.
By the by, this Admiral Biscuit fellow really does have quite comfortable t-shirts, tally-ho! That is how you humans say it, correct?