• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
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Prak


Writer. Editor. Reader. Reviewer. Gamer. Armchair mafia kingpin. Trans-dimensional yodeler. Cthulhu's unplanned 667th son. Grand High Muckymuck of the Mystic Order of the Defanged Gerbil.

More Blog Posts95

  • 64 weeks
    5th Annual PC Gaming Giveaway

    He’s making a list and checking it twice, but he doesn’t care whether you’re naughty or nice. When Santa Prak comes to town on his birthday, all he wants to see is a PC in your house. And what’s he going to stuff your stocking with?

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    81 comments · 711 views
  • 116 weeks
    The Fourth Annual PC Gaming Giveaway! (CLOSED)

    Remember that time, back in 2015, when I decided to give other people gifts on my birthday? Good times, right? Right. Many games were given away, and I’m sure many hours of enjoyment were had by all who received them. If I’m wrong, don’t spoil my delusion. Just nod dumbly and keep reading.

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    89 comments · 956 views
  • 139 weeks
    A Completely Humorless Rant (with a bit of profanity) About Something I Hate

    Donald Trump arrived in my area a couple hours ago. People have gathered to listen to him speak. Other people have gathered to protest.

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    12 comments · 721 views
  • 168 weeks
    The Third Annual PC Gaming Giveaway

    Hello, you fine folks. I've come out of hiding to let you know the most magical day of the year has arrived once again. On this date, twenty-five years and a few dozen months ago, I first graced the world with my presence. Now, we all know most people are selfish bastards who only think about themselves on such occasions—and who can honestly blame them for being excited about a day when people

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    66 comments · 1,035 views
  • 218 weeks
    Badfic Slaughterhouse #27

    To the surprise of all, the doors of the Badfic Slaughterhouse have opened once again. Five stories await judgment. Which ones are worth reading, and which ones will be thrown into a grinder for your twisted amusement? Click the button below to find out.

    In this edition:
    —Rarity subverts expectations by not subverting expectations.
    —Twilight adopts Sweetie Belle.

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    11 comments · 957 views
Jun
8th
2016

Badfic Slaughterhouse #27 · 7:05pm Jun 8th, 2016

To the surprise of all, the doors of the Badfic Slaughterhouse have opened once again. Five stories await judgment. Which ones are worth reading, and which ones will be thrown into a grinder for your twisted amusement? Click the button below to find out.

In this edition:
—Rarity subverts expectations by not subverting expectations.
—Twilight adopts Sweetie Belle.
—A pegasus bursts into flames.
—A rabbit just bursts.
—I make up a new question for Cards Against Humanity.




Three Hundred and Fifty, by Void Chicken

Rating: Everyone

Tags: Slice of Life

Length: 48,448 words (Status: – 13/13 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: When Twilight takes Sweetie Belle into the future to seek treatment for a medical condition that can’t be cured in their time, they get stuck there.

Review: Two and a half years. That’s (approximately) how long this story languished in my Read Later list/bookshelf. Considering that I’m usually a sucker for time travel stories, that’s pretty damn odd. Better late than never, I guess. Or is it?

There are essentially two stories playing out over the course of this fic. In the first, Twilight is trying to find a way to return to her own time. In the other, Sweetie Belle is trying to adjust to life in the future. They come together in the middle through the creation of a mother/daughter dynamic between the leads, and that’s an area where the story falters.

The problem with the dynamic between Twilight and Sweetie is that it isn’t earned. It’s forged far too quickly on Sweetie’s side—she seems to forget about her real parents almost immediately—and the only conflict in the relationship comes from Twilight’s failings. And when there are problems, they’re resolved so quickly that they can hardly be said to matter.

Sweetie’s personal story is a journey of self-discovery, in which she makes new friends, learns about herself, finds her place in a strange world, and comes to terms with what she’s lost. It’s the emotional center of the story, and with rare exception, it works well.

Twilight’s story, in contrast, is centered on her goal of regaining what she lost. As such, her new role as Equestria’s High Magician is mostly ignored—we actually learn about it from Sweetie’s Belle’s perspective instead of Twilight’s—and her relationship with Celestia isn’t covered very thoroughly. At the end, that lack of exploration comes into sharp focus when Celestia’s role in the story’s conclusion makes itself apparent. Everything adds up, but I had no feeling of “Aha! So that’s what it was all about!”

Still, the ending delivers where it counts the most, and the clever construction of the story’s events keeps readers guessing about how it will turn out. At the start of the final (non-epilogue) chapter, no possibilities have been definitively ruled out, and none seem more likely than the others.

Princess Celestia poured herself a cup of tea, hovering it nearby as she paced in her throne room. The tea always had helped soothe her nerves. Today, she looked over the stained glass windows.

The glass workers had promised beautiful, moving pictures in the stained glass, installed in the latest iteration of the room. Unfortunately, all of the motion served as little more than a distraction during affairs of state.

They also had a tendency to malfunction and detonate. Thankfully, nopony had ever been seriously injured. Over the course of twenty-four months, all but one of the moving windows had blown out and been replaced with old-fashioned, stationary versions.

The remaining enchanted glass was the most powerful of the set. When its counterpart across the room had blown, most of the window ended up embedded in the front door, which happened to be opened at the time. Four ponies owed their lives to that door. The last intact window had a curtain placed over it, lined with armor of course, as a precaution for when it eventually failed. Forty years later, she was still waiting.

Various rumors and urban legends had sprung up surrounding the mysterious hidden window, about what terrible things it undoubtedly depicted that the Princess had to censor. She did not have the heart to disillusion them.

What was on that mirror? Beats me. The story never says.

A purple unicorn ran into Celestia's field of view, before vanishing under an armored dogpile. A flash of purple light later, she stood on top of the guards.

"Princess Celestia! I've been trying to get to you but—"

A guard tackled her to the ground.

Princess Celestia gasped. "Twilight?" She cleared her throat. "Guards! Stand down!"

Immediately, the castle guards stood up and saluted. "Yes, Your Highness."

Twilight Sparkle walked to the Princess's side. "Thank you! I've been trying to tell them, but some ponies"—She narrowed her eyes at the guards—"wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise."

As shown in the first quotation, the writing can be fairly descriptive at times. Unfortunately, as shown in the second one, descriptiveness isn’t a priority when characters are speaking. When the story is focused on dialogue, actions become basic and brief, doing little to flesh the scenes out. If description breathes life into a story, Three Hundred and Fifty could use an inhaler.

Verdict: In spite of its flaws, this is an interesting take on time travel. Rather than being trapped in some dystopian nightmare or having a desperate need to get back home, Twilight and Sweetie Belle find the future doesn’t suck at all, and getting home isn’t a matter of life and death. That lets them focus on the day-to-day experience of living in a new time. I wish it had taken a little time to show Twilight finding her place and focused more on establishing a believable bond between the main characters, but it’s still a decent way to pass some time, and I’d recommend it for anyone with a keen interest in its concept.



Fate: A Twilight and Trixie one off, by Justice 3442

Rating: Teen

Tags: Comedy, Random

Length: 3,748 words (Status: Complete – 1/1 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Trixie wants Twilight to be her assistant in a magic show.

Review: Now let’s pay a visit to the request list. This one was requested by its author after I reviewed another of his/her stories. The poor sap…

They say comedy is hard, and while that’s true, I’d rather mention that I just added a custom question card to my Cards Against Humanity set. It says:

“People who say comedy is hard have never seen __________.”

And just for giggles, I drew five cards at random to answer it. They were:

Ethnic cleansing
My dad’s dumb fucking face
Women’s suffrage
Moral ambiguity
Another goddamn vampire movie

Which one is best? You decide. Leave a comment with your favorite and explain why you think it should win.

Anyway, writing decent comedy is a unique challenge, and most people just aren’t any good at it. Here’s an example of this story’s brand of comedy, from a scene where Twilight is in the hospital:

“Can we go, now?” Trixie asked, looking up for a second only to extend a hoof and examine her filing. She stood on all fours and trotted over to Twilight. “I need to get you fitted for a magician’s assistant’s outfit.”

Rarity’s eyes lit up, “Oh! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” Rarity grabbed Twilight, and with an alarmed “Wha!” the two were on their way to Rarities boutique.

“Finally!” Trixie exclaimed, heading for the exit.

“Oh my.” Fluttershy said, finally speaking up. “Doctor, doesn’t she need to be checked out, or something?”

“Normally yes, but since you never checked her in and just threw the pony with multiple bone fractures that WAS in the bed out this window…”--Doctor Stable motioned to an open window where a low moaning sound was coming from.”…I think it would be better if you all leave.”

It’s obviously way out of character, but the story does have a random tag. Taking it as a parodical work, I found that bit kinda funny.

The ponies starting filing out the room.

“You know…” Rainbow Dash, said trudging out, “…You could have brought him back in…”

“And where would we put him?!” Doctor Stable retorted harshly, “His bed was occupied!” Doctor Stabled tapped his hoof against his head in a “Think! Think!” expression.

“Seriously? So you just left him outside?”

“Which one of us is the doctor here?”

Rainbow Dash starting hovering in the air, crossed her arms, and said “You said that when you made me shoot that stitched together mess of pony parts with lightning!”

“GET OUT OF MY HOSPITAL!”

And I’m no longer laughing. Talk about trying to carry a joke too far. I mean, there’s a reason jokes end with a punch line. No one wants to hear what happened after the bartender asked the horse, “Why the long face?” What this part did was break the comedy’s legs and tap dance on its sensitive bits, then shove an inflated whoopee cushion down its throat and stomp on its stomach to make it do a belch that sounds like a fart, which it records on its phone and uploads to YouTube, earning a million views before getting copyright flagged by both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump because it sounds just like their speeches and this totally got out of hand so I’ll stop now before I figure out a way to work a John Cena meme in.

Thankfully, the story stays focused and avoids bogging down, which makes it easier to overlook some of its failings. Trixie’s character is represented pretty faithfully, and although Twilight is more of a parodical caricature, at least she’s consistent.

The spelling, punctuation, and grammar all kinda suck, but it’s readable. Dialogue isn’t tagged very well, so there’s occasionally some confusion about who’s speaking. It pretty much has all the errors you’d expect a new writer to make.

Verdict: Despite the amateurish writing and attempts at comedy that occasionally punch themselves in the nuts, there are a few good jokes to be found, and Trixie fans are particularly likely to get some enjoyment from it.



Apple Shampoo, by Titanium Dragon

Rating: Teen

Tags: Sex, Comedy, Romance

Length: 1,883 words (Status: Complete – 1/1 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Rarity smells like apples, and her friends think it’s because of a new shampoo.

Review: I don’t get it. Why is this supposed to be funny? Why do people laugh at it?

I mean it. Seriously. I honestly don’t understand what people see in this story. Nothing in it was funny to me.

The formula is pretty simple. Rarity smells like apples, and her friends question her about her new shampoo. The narrative is loaded with innuendo, setting it up perfectly for a major subversion at the end. But there’s a problem: It never happens. Without that subversion, the ending just felt flat and boring to me.

“What we’re trying to say is, we all know what is going on,” Twilight cut in, stepping in front of Rainbow Dash.

Rarity paled. “You do? I-I mean, I thought we were being subtle…”

“Oh Rarity, it’s alright, we all understand.” Twilight said, smiling gently as she set her hoof on Rarity’s shoulder.

“I don’t!” Rainbow Dash’s hooves cut through the air. “How could you keep it a secret? Don’t you trust us?”

Rarity winced. “Well, darling, you see, it is a sensitive matter… my career—”

Fluttershy lifted her head, smiling. “Oh, Rarity, do you really think that they would hold something like this against you?”

“Well, I—”

“I’d think they’d appreciate it,” Twilight said, smiling.

Rarity blinked. “What?”

“Yeah! Who else would buy super-expensive designer shampoo?” Pinkie Pie shouted.

Rarity stumbled backwards against her vanity, landing on her rump. “Shampoo?”

Just like other works of TD’s that I’ve read, this one suffers from a lack of description whenever characters are speaking. At times, it reads more like a script for a radio show than a short story.

Another issue I had with it was the unbalanced narrative and lack of build. The first half of the story takes place at Rarity’s boutique, but it’s rushed and doesn’t do as much to play with the concept as it could. You would expect that scene to build up to the payoff, but that’s not what happens. Instead, it cuts to another scene that takes about a thousand words to explain the previous one. It’s like that scene is the story the author wanted to write, and the prior one existed solely to set it up.

Verdict: I didn’t find this funny and didn’t think the romance amounted to anything, so I can’t recommend this to anyone. Not because I think people will dislike it, but because I just don’t know who it appeals to. Of course, I suppose that can easily be taken as a recommendation to check it out and decide for yourselves. So… whatever, I guess.



Pop Goes the Bunny, by PegasusMesa

Rating: Teen

Tags: Comedy, Random

Length: 1,383 words (Status: Complete – 1/1 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: Angel Bunny explodes. Fluttershy takes it startlingly well.

Review: You know what? I’m tired of talking about what makes good comedy, so I’m just going to let this one speak for itself.

“Fluttershy, I’m really sorry for your—”

“Do you know how hard it is to clean this carpet?” Fluttershy went on. “I may just have to buy a new one.”

Twilight blinked once, then twice. “Fluttershy,” she said, standing at last. She set her cup on the table; it clattered against the polished wood. “Your pet just exploded.”

“He certainly did.” Fluttershy sipped at her tea. “Hm… maybe it needs more sugar.”

“Fluttershy. Your pet. Just exploded.” Twilight felt her nerves stretching to their limits. “Right in front of me. For no apparent reason.”

“Oh, I’m sure there was a reason,” Fluttershy said as she dunked a pair of sugar-cubes into her cup.

“Of course there’s a reason!” Twilight racked her brain for some sort of scientific explanation as to why a cute, fuzzy little bunny rabbit’s innard would blast out his rear seemingly at random, almost like a popcorn kernel being cooked in slow motion. Her stomach lurched at the comparison.

As this story progresses, the descriptions of Angel’s destruction keep getting more ridiculous, and I laughed at all of them. It all builds to a strong payoff that had me chuckling long after I closed the page.

Verdict: If you enjoy my sense of humor, or even if you just despise Angel Bunny, this should be right up your alley.



The Rise of the New Elements, by FirestarPhoenixwing

Rating: Everyone

Tags: Adventure

Length: 16,774 words (Status: Complete – 1/7 chapter(s) read)

Synopsis: A classic Mary Sue does classic Mary Sue things.

Review: I’m sure you can tell from the title that this one will be fun. Since this is a badfic with no redeeming merit, I’m going to use the commentary format.

I guess I never realized how normal my life was with my parents. I didn’t have fire powers at that time; much less know about them. I never wanted to live in a rich community. I think that I would've felt much more comfortable in a country like community. They always spoiled me, my parents, and were always concerned about my safety. Not that every parent shouldn’t care for their children’s safety, but my parents were over the top. I was not allowed to fly because I could fall and might hurt myself, I couldn’t even go anywhere without supervision from my parents and to make matters worse my parents made the teacher supervise me at every recess and P.E. class. I didn’t learn to fly until about a few years ago when the other fillies and colts were bullying me, not only for not being able to fly but I was the only filly in class who was a Pegasi who couldn’t fly, I got really mad at them after several days went by and I shot up like an arrow. But I lost my anger when I saw myself in the air flying like I had done it everyday. That night at dinner the family conversation wasn’t that fun. My parents made sure I didn’t fly anymore by strapping my wings to my body with a belt. I’m not saying I don’t love them, I did, but I was unhappy and I guess a little depressed in that life. Sorry, I should probably introduce myself…

So we’re starting out with a long, rambling description of the main character’s life, culminating with the child abuse she suffered at the hands hooves of parents who clearly hated her. In fairness, we’re all going to hate her soon enough, so I’m on the parents’ side.

Hi, i’m Firestar Phoenixwing, I was an only child until a little incident happened. I'm a pegasus filly with a special talent. You see, I can control fire, and even though my fire is magic it still has a hard time burning in wet places and in the cold. Princess Celestia told me to write down any event that happens to me. So this is my story…

Hello, Firestar. I’m Prak. I was a happy-go-lucky person without a care in the world until I discovered bad fanfiction. Now I use my power of mockery to put abominations like you into the trash heap, where you belong.

A unicorn pony escaped from the Canterlot prison. As she is casting a spell to get away she is startled by me, Firestar Phoenixwing; “What are you doing,” I asked?

And what were you doing at the prison, Firestar? Locked up for arson, no doubt.

The spell, being interrupted explodes dissolving the criminal in glowing dust. The blast pushes me back knocking me out, the last thing I saw was my room on fire. When I awoke the house was burnt down.

Wait… I thought you said she was escaping from prison. But if you’re in your room, which is in your house, does that mean your house is inside the prison? What kind of crime did it commit to end up in there?

It was just me alone in the ashes, but unhurt.

Of course you were. Was there ever any doubt?

At first I didn’t know where I was; I felt as if I were missing something, like it was there on the tip of my tongue, I could only remember my name, Firestar Phoenixwing, and were I was born… Ponyville. Something told me ‘Yes go there, go to Ponyville.

But how I thought, “Hmm… there's a library in every city right, and every city has maps, so… there's a probably a library here that has a map but where.” I flew above the buildings and saw a castle, “Every castle has a library.” I said to myself

Wait a second. I’m confused. Did you just change locations? Let’s skip forward a little to see.

“Where’s Ponyville,” I asked?

“Right... here. Why,” asks twilight?

You did. I guess scene changes happen between sentences now. Such a revolutionary change in the way stories are presented could only be pioneered by someone as special as you, Firestar.

“Well, It's the only place I remember. Besides my name, I can’t seem to remember anything and something tells me I need to go there, tonight, if I can and maybe I might remember some things,” I said.

“Oh, if you're going tonight you’ll want a cloak to keep you warm, here take this one, it’s mine but I can just always get a new one. It's supposed to rain pretty hard out tonight so be careful, and good luck with getting your memory back,” says Twilight.

Wonderful job there, Twilight. That’s exactly the sort of behavior I’d expect from an Equestrian princess, letting an amnesiac filly spent the night outside in the rain. Maybe there’s something about little Mary Sue that just makes other ponies want to abuse her on sight. Again, I am completely in favor of this behavior.

“Thanks”, I said, “For helping me. Oh, and don’t tell anypony I was here ok?”

“I promise, not a soul,” promised Twilight.

The victim actually wants you to keep the abuse secret? Hell yeah! It’s your lucky day, Twilight!

Later that night, I started getting tired. I saw a tree that would provide shelter from the rain so I flew to a high branch. In the morning I continued my journey in the warm sun,

Because nothing provides shelter from rain like going to the spot in the tree with the least shelter, right? Firestar, you are a Darwin award waiting to happen, and I hope I get to present it.

I hide to the side of the road once or twice to avoid anypony that might know I am missing from the fire. 3 days later I was starving.

Why are you trying to stay hidden? How did you take three days to travel from Twilight’s castle to Sweet Apple Acres? Should I start calling you Ryoga?

All of a sudden I could smell the fresh scent of picked apples.

‘Apples’ I thought. In a minute I’d eaten five of them and was about to eat a six one when I heard a voice, “What in tarnation? Why are you eating our apples? You didn’t even pay for them! Big Mac, I found a thief,” said a young looking earth pony, possible a little older than me. She had three apples for her cutie mark.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know this was a farm! L-Look I can’t pay for the apples I ate but I can work for them, then I’ll move on,” I said.

I’ve always said that one of the recurring themes of MLP:FiM is that ponies are idiots, but you, Firestar, take the cake. If apples have been picked (and how those smell different from apples on a tree, I don’t know) how could you possibly think taking them wasn’t stealing? Did you see a sign that says “FREE APPLES”? No? Dumbass.

“This pony here, she says she’ll work for them apples she ate,” says the pony called AJ, “You think it's a good idea?”

Except you never heard anyone call her that.

“How ‘bout five apples for five days,” says AJ, “Deal?”

“Deal,” I said.

A day of work for each apple? Good job, Applejack. Extort that little twit for all you can!

“I’m Firestar Phoenixwing and I’m guessing your AJ and your Big Mac”, I pointed to each pony as I said there name.

“Thats right, but you can call me Applejack,” says Applejack

No, AJ, that’s not how you respond to that statement. You respond with: “How the hell do you know my name, you creepy brat?”

Let’s skip ahead a little ways, to where Firestar arrives in town.

After a few minutes of flying I saw the tops of the buildings and houses. In a minute I could see and hear the town life. In another 10 minutes I was in Ponyville when all of a sudden I heard my name.

With the town in sight and close enough to clearly hear the activity, you take ten minutes to get there? Did you fly around in a circle, picking your nose?

“... Firestar Phoenixwing, if you see her tell me straight away. One of my guards will pass out fliers of her. She is a filly without parents or a home, without food and water,” I heard the announcer say. I saw that it was Princess Celestia talking so I walked up to her.

Clearly, what’s going on here is Twilight told Celestia how much fun abusing this little turd is, and Sunbutt just had to come get a piece of the action. And of course, little Mary Sue decides to stop caring about hiding, and walks right up to her. Darwin Award in 3… 2…

“Firestar Phoenixwing I’m glad that you are safe, but what are you doing here,” asks Princess Celestia as the crowd started to disperse?

The crowd was clearly there in the hope of being the first to find/abuse her. But since she picked her own abuser, there’s nothing left there for them.

“Firestar I’m sorry but your family is dead, they died in a freak fire that burnt your house down. Somehow you survived miraculously.”

Uh. Duh? She was there, you know. It’s not like she didn’t already know they died horribly, and she hasn’t seemed to care much.

“N-nooo, they can’t be dead, noooo, I know they're still alive. I-I can’t be an orphan,” I whimpered with tears in my eyes; but deep down I knew it was true my whole family was dead. I had nopony left. I started crying with big tears and quiet sobs.

I stand corrected. Never again will I underestimate the stupidity of Firestar Phoenixwing.

“I can heal your memories, but only if you allow me to, and in the process, I can activate your magic ability,” said Princess Celestia.
“ Really you can restore my memory, yes, I allow you to restore my memory,” I declared a little less depressed.

The Princess touched her horn to my forehead and a flashing pulse travels from her horn into me restoring my memory; then the Princess looks for the source of my magic-to-be. She found it and activated it.

So the whole amnesia thing was a waste of time. It lasted, like, a thousand words and contributed nothing. Also, nice of you to cut out all those boring details other storytellers might include. I mean, who really wants to know anything about what this stuff is like and how it makes you feel?

“Its is done, I’ll be staying here the rest of the week so I can help you develop your magic. I’ve read one of your papers from school. You said you did not like living in Canterlot. Does this still stand,” asks Princess Celestia?

Yeah, cause a week is totally enough time to train a filly in the use of special powers, and it’s not like Celestia has anything better to do that would require her to be in Canterlot. For her to be that busy, you’d have to think she was a princess or something.

“First you must know how to cast and control your magic”, said Princess Celestia. I struggled a day trying to start a flame. Eventually I made one.

On the second day I learned to control the fire. On the third I could cast fire. On the fourth and fifth day I learned I could burst into flames and eventually mastered this move as well. I trained in aerial acrobatics and trained in jumping building to building just in case something happens to my wings.

You must be joking. In a scene so short there’s not even enough time for a musical montage, Mary Sue learns to control her powers. And then this happens:

On the sixth day a dark mass loomed over Ponyville ,when, all of a sudden a cylinder of shadows was cast from the sky.

“Princess what’s going on? Is this a test of my ability,” I asked.

“No, it can’t be. Firestar this is not a test, this is an evil giant pony from the shadow. That prisoner that killed your parents must have unleash him. He extinguishes all light and absorbs all magic. Nothing escapes this creature without consequences, he only leaves death and destruction behind. Beware Firestar for Clytius has come. I can not face him down single handedly and there is not enough time to get other alicorns help and I can’t control the Elements of Harmony. You and I are the world's only hope. Only we can defeat him”, warns the Princess.

That’s it. I give up. I’m out. It gets too insufferable from here. If you want to see it for yourselves, go ahead, but I won’t paste a bunch of paragraphs full of Clyt (*snrk*) talking in caps.


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Rules:

—You can request a story of any length.
—It can be yours or someone else’s, and I don’t care whether it’s good or a train wreck, but I make no guarantees that I’ll read or review it. These are requests, not orders.
—One request per person per review post, and only on the most recent one.
—If I don’t like your story, don’t be butthurt over it. It's just one (really picky) guy's opinion, and I'll *probably* recommend it for someone, even if I hate it.

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Comments ( 11 )

Thanks for the review! Sorry you didn't like Apple Shampoo.

As for why people liked it... I suspect there are two reasons.

The first is the subversion of the initial conversation, as they all come immediately to the wrong conclusion as a group, and Rarity flails to satisfy them while they rant about the shampoos that they're using. I have to admit that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie's initial rants about their own shampoos, and their back-and-forthing, amuses me more than it really should.

Also, I suspect that some people are suckers for RariJack, and the ending scratches that itch with a terrible joke. A lot of people loved the final line of the story.

And, well, there were at least a few people who said that they didn't see the ending coming, so clearly I still managed to surprise some people somehow.

But I think the real thrust of the comedy there wasn't in the hopes of subverting what was going on with Rarity and Applejack, but rather in Rarity's desperate attempt to hide what is going on while everyone else thinks it is something else entirely. The audience is supposed to pick up on what is really going on, and I think a lot of the story's attraction comes from schadenfreude at Rarity's blatant lies.

As MA Larson once said, it is fun to throw rocks at Rarity an watch her suffer, because she's amusing (and tough enough that we don't actually feel bad for her, like we would a character like Fluttershy).

You aren't the only person who didn't like Apple Shampoo (IIRC Bad Horse didn't either), but there's a reason a lot of people did.


I'll bump up Three Hundred and Fifty and Pop Goes the Bunny on my reading lists.

4009044 Yeah. I get that people mostly like the story, and I said as much, but I'm just not in tune with it. I guess you and I just have wildly different senses of humor, since we never seem to like each other's work. :rainbowlaugh:

Oh god, why did you read that

Like

People are going to know me as the author who giggles at making a bunny rabbit go squish

I am mortified

Seriously, thanks for the review. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and in case you remember it, I went back and fixed that dumb misconjugation.

4009065
It's true. :fluttercry:

Though admittedly I haven't actually read a lot of your stuff; I still have Roll for Initiative on my read later list.

I do recall you enjoying The Legend of Falling Rocks, Buffalo Brave, so that's at least one thing of mine that you've liked. Not that that means anything, considering that story has almost nothing in common with anything else I've ever written. :trixieshiftright:

4009085 Heh. I kinda hope you don't read RfI anytime soon. It's nearly managed to claw its way back into the top 50 after being bumped down into the hundreds by someone who downvoted all my stuff for some unknown reason. I'm not eager to see that climb restart!

Oh, and jftr, I didn't downvote Apple Shampoo. I have to really hate something for it to get my red thumb.

On the fourth and fifth day I learned I could burst into flames and eventually mastered this move as well.

Wow, that whole day where she was able to go up in uncontrollable flames must've been loads of fun!

Yeah, all that sounds about right.

does it mean your house is inside the prison? What kind of crime did it commit to end up there?

Oh, it's not such a big deal.
It's just under house arrest.

Also, the best one is "My dad's dumb fucking face," but specifically in the context of being grouped with "Ethnic cleansing" and "Women's suffrage"

4320225

It's just under house arrest.

You win. I'm not sure what you win, but you've won it handily. Congratulations!

Entertaining reviews from an author whose works I've enjoyed? Yup, definitely following.
Cards Against Humanity thing? Definitely Another Goddamn Vampire Movie. I just think it's funny.

If you're still doing this series, I think it would be entertaining to see what you think of one of my more simplistic fics: I Love Friday Nights. Normally I'd say "Or any of my stories, really." but the one-request thing nullifies that. :rainbowlaugh:

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