100th REVIEW

… Wow… 100… I have done 100 of these things… And you know … It’s been pretty awesome. Okay, yeah, I have read some stories that make me want to consider blinding myself, but overall, I’ve enjoyed this experience and I hope to continue to do so, even long after the show My Little Pony has ended. And it will eventually. Because things change.

But you all aren’t here to hear about me, you’re here because you are interested in hearing what kind of story I have planed for today.

Well, ever since I did the first Mykan-uary, it was brought to my attention that I hadn’t done a fic that many call Mykan’s worst. Even worse than My Little Space Unicorn of Starfleet. Sadly, I did not find the fic in question the first year I did this. I had heard about it and was familiar with how infamous it was, but had never actually looked at it.

I had tried to find it on various sites, but searches came up empty. However, that did not stop me from searching for it for an entire year, in preparation for the second year I would do this. And after months and months of searching, I finally found it. I finally found the fic, that was so hated that it became one of the most despised Teen Titan fanfics of all time.

Things Change and The End … The Musical

A lot of you are probably familiar with the Teen Titans off the famous T.V show. For those who aren’t, I will keep this brief since I talked about it already last year. Beast Boy and Terra, two of the superheroes in the show, had a romance between them when Terra was tempted by the darkseid and she was lost to the Titans. She eventually returned, but in the show Terra had moved on and despite Beast Boy begging for her to come back to him, she refused saying that she didn’t want that life anymore.

Mykan was pissed and wrote his own version of how the story ended. This story. It’s actually a direct sequel to the story I read a year ago. In that story, a character named Mykan appeared and told the Titans that he could drink from his magical spring to make them stronger. And… that’s it…

Yeah, it was a pretty sad, boring fic.

You’ll pretty much see that Mykan, like other fans of the show, was upset with the ending of the Teen Titans show. Most of those fans have moved on by now. Mykan has not. Stating that he is still tortured by nightmares about how Terra and Beast Boy still aren’t together, writing these stories as a way to sleep at night.

I’m not sure whether this is true or not, but I’m not here to judge that. I’m here to judge the story on it’s own merits.

So, let’s get started because we have got a lot of story to go through.

Our story begins with the Teen Titans chasing after their archenemy, Slade. Sort of like they did in the first fic. Well, at least we can see the writing and plot pointing hasn’t evolved at all.

Slade only sniggered, “You really think you have out-bested me child…?”

Just then, Raven, Copy-Cat, Cyborg, and Beast boy dropped down, surrounding him. “Maybe not alone, but we all can.” Copy-Cat sneered. They were soon joined by Robin and Starfire, and all seven Titans attacked all at once…

Cyborg blasted him hard with his Sonic-Cannon. “BLARGH…!” followed by Beast-Boy ramming into him like a bull. “OOH…!”

“Azarath… Metrione… ZINTHOS!” Raven cast a dark wave of energy to ensnare Slade, rendering him defenseless allowing Robin with his staff, and Copy-Cat with his X-men claws, to beat Slade to a pulp.

In the end, Slade was brought to justice after all these years and the city held a great big banquet and congratulations ceremony to honor the heroes…

Well, that’s it for the 100th review. Nice and short ,wasn’t it? See you all in a year.

Alright, alright… just because I like you guys…

So, yeah… It actually turns out that this entire fight scene with Slade was a hologram created by our good friend, who is now adding Wolverine to his repertoire. How long do you think it is before he steals the TARDIS from Doctor Who?

All seven of the Titans hadn't really beaten Slade at all, and nothing that just happened actually happened. They were all strapped into strange chairs, with lots of wires and gear attached to them, and they all worse helmets and goggles.

No, dude, trust me, the worst is yet to come.

The Titans were really at the tower-lab of Beast-Boy's friend, the old scientist, Nobel Von-Richter, who invented the BIGRAT which changed Beast-Boy into his alter-ego; Garfield Logan, super genius, and where his magic singing-voice came from.

Yeah, if you’re a tad confused here because you’re joining us. Richter, or as I call him, Rick-ter, because that’s how Mykan wants it pronounced, in case you make the mistake of calling Celestia, Chill-estia, is a scientist who was introduced and where events took place in a story, that I have not reviewed yet. Something I will get back to someday.

And I know this not because everyone expected me to do this fic instead of that one and you only find out the week before and you planned two weeks to prepare for this one and you start to panic because you only have a week to throw this one together and you hope to Celestia that it doesn’t suck because it’s your 100th one and you can’t fuck it up whatsoever!

… Have I mentioned how much I love you guys?

The Titans are amazed with Doctor Rick-ter’s machine and what it can do, asking what it is.

Von-Richter chuckled, “I already `ave told you dear. Zis is zee “Vat-If-Machine.”

In his accent, he meant to say, “What-If-Machine.”

Thank you, Mykan. Why don’t you just translate all of his dialogue for us, in case we’re too stupid to figure it out?

Basically it’s a machine that can show any number of infinite possibilities and any number of alternate timelines. I am almost hoping for Crisis on Infinite Earths to happen and the whole universe can reboot into something far less stupid.

And in typical Mykan fashion, Rick-ter decides to sing about his machine.

I’m going to skip the songs because I could basically post the song as a youtube video and it would change nothing, but instead, I’m going to sing my own songs in the same fashion as Mykan does. That being with very little musical accompaniment as well as the only thing to back it up being a youtube video of the original song and lyrics.

Dumb, you say? Well, yeah! That’s why it’s funny! I’ll spare you from every song Mykan does, I do one. Believe me, if I did that, you would honestly make a drinking game out of it.

Beast Boy, however, is really afraid of the big, bad machine and doesn’t want to see any possible futures. And Robin says the dumbest thing this opening chapter has to offer.

The other four could tell what Beast-Boy was thinking of too. “Beast-Boy, you don't have to ask it, if you don't want to.” Robin said, “But remember… if your afraid of something, sometimes you have to stand and face it.”

You don’t have to face it, but we’ll all make fun of you if you don’t. Why are you the leader again?

Von-Richter started the system, and just before he threw the switch he asked the machine through a mic… “Vat if Garfield und Terra never got back togezer…?”

In other words, “What if Beats-Boy and Terra never got back together after Things Change?” The power level rose to high, and Von-Richter threw the switch causing a flash of bright light to flare, and the Titans went completely silent and remained perfectly still… as the alternate version began to simulate.

I don’t know who this Beats-Boy is, but he sounds a lot more interesting than any character in this story. I would totally follow a superhero who is totally dope.

And yes, this story, every event in this entire story… is all a hologram. A hologram that will never happen in this reality. Why? Because it’s basing itself off a premise that doesn’t and will not happen in this universe! Therefore, there is nothing at stake because the main characters aren’t in any danger! It’s not real! We know it’s not real! So the threat isn’t real! Thus, the story has no purpose! It has no reason to exist! And yet, here it is! All 23 fucking chapters of it! I could honestly end the review right here! But I already tried that and it didn’t go so well, so let’s just try to get through this and see if I can give a shit by the end!

I sincerely doubt it though!

Our story truly begins with Beast Boy and Terra’s last moments together. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I was actually satisfied with the ending of Things Change. I know a lot of fans were upset at it. I understand that. They claim that Terra was kind of cruel to break Beast Boy’s heart as she did. I won’t deny that there was a bit of cruelty, but not because she was out to get him. She didn’t want that life because she was afraid of her powers and rightfully so. Her powers caused destruction and death whenever she tried to make a difference with them.

So, for me, this seemed to fit her character better, wanting to forget and have just a normal life. Almost willing away her powers, if she even has them at all. This to me, made sense, considering what she had been through and the choices she made.

Many people don’t see it that way, and you are certainly entitled to that opinion. You are even allowed to make fanfictions about them. Just be prepared if they are not good for the shit storm. And I’ve had plenty of burritos leading up to this moment.

The final scene is repeated in a pretty faithful fashion. Well, save for the melodramatic part.

“Things Change, Beast-Boy! The girl you want me to be is just a memory.”

They stood at opposite-sides of the bright window, gazing deeply at one another, like cowboys ready to draw. Beast-Boy had a very comical look on his face as if his heart had stopped beating. After Robin had called and told him to come and help the team fight-off the White Monster, he tried one last time to persuade the only girl he ever loved, and ever could love…

“Come with me…”

She shook her head, “You go. You're the Teen Titan. That's who you are. That's not me. I'm not a hero… I'm not out to save the world. I'm just a girl with a geometry test next period and I haven't studied.”

The bell rang, and she disappeared in the crowd of students, officially shattering his heart into pieces too small to fit back together again. “Beast-Boy to Robin… I'll be right there! Over.” He said in a very despondent voice, and he dashed out of the building leaving only a trail of angry and miserable tears in the wind as he ran.

Yeah, it gets pretty melodramatic here as Beast Boy cries like a baby because ‘Tewwa doesn’t wove me! Why doesn’t she wike me?! Wah, wah wah!”

With Beast-Boy there to sniff out where the White-Monster was hiding, even if he merged with other elements, the Titans had won and the monster was captured and taken off to prison. The other four Titans…

Excluding Copy-Cat, whom they had not yet met…

Thank you for that insight, Mykan. Anything else you want to tell us? Like when you combined letters together they make words?! Or is that too much for us?!

After Terra tells him to shove off, in a very nice way, thank you, Beast Boy starts crying endlessly about how ‘Life is pain’ and everything you’d expect him to in a Mykan story. Because as we all know, Mykan characters are just people who want to cut themselves each and everyday. And in these stories, we wish they would!

Beast-Boy had gone to the underground caverns and sat by Terra's pedestal, he Statue still missing, and the plaque that read, “Terra! A Teen Titan. A True Friend.” IT was pretty much one of the only things he had left of her, apart from her bedroom at the tower.

His tears just wouldn't stop falling, but he couldn't sob as it hurt way too much. IT wasn't just the loss of Terra that was eating him up… it was his entire life.

How he got sick when he was less than five years old, and being mutated. Then losing his parents in a boating accident, and his many foster families after that, leaving him alone and unloved for no reason.

Nobody showed him care, and respect, and he spent a great deal in the streets and nearly killed by ruthless people if weren't for the Doom Patrol, but even that didn't last as Mento's slime-ball attitude forced him to be expelled. Then came the Titans, and how he used bad jokes and mischief for really hiding the inner pain in his life…

Wow… That’s pretty rough, Beast Boy. Almost as rough as watching your parent’s murdered in front of you, raised by a psychotic to fight his war, never being good enough for him, having a falling out with the only father figure you have, essentially losing both of your fathers.

Or how about being the daughter of a demon that has caused untold destruction upon countless worlds? With the only purpose for your existence is being that you are the vessel in which he will come into your home world and destroy everything you hold dear?

… Yeah, the other Titans have it pretty bad too. Now, I’m not saying that Beast Boy’s pain shouldn’t be given attention, but this almost sounds like his pain is the only one that matters. Well, to Mykan it does, but we’ll get back to that.

No one in the city appreciated him… particularly Terra's two new friends.

Jackie: “She's not interested”

And Jillian: “Yeah… get lost, Brat-Boy!”

Meet the demon twins who work for Princess Cadance. They were hired by her to reform the Takari alliance so they could rain down destruction and pain on Mykan by ringing his doorbell and then running away before he gets there. Making him look really silly. Much sillier than when he tortures a cartoon horse for getting married.

He wouldn't come out to play. Not even when the Titans came and invited him out. Occasionally they would knock on the door and ask if he was okay, and he would simply reply with, “Yeah…” or, “I'm okay.” When in actuality, he wasn't and the others knew it too.

He… wouldn’t come out to play?! … Mykan… You know these aren’t the characters from Teen Titans Go, right? They can act like teenagers. Why do the teenagers act like children?! And the children act like teenagers?! Can you not read numbers?! Does 15 look like a five standing next to an ‘I’?

The Titans don’t seem to be doing much better as they try to figure out how to get to Beast Boy. And rather than just trying to talk to him like anyone would normally do, they do the stupidest thing.

Robin began to wonder if maybe Beast-Boy was starting to lose him mind over Terra, and that's when he asked Raven if maybe she could tap into his subconscious and look at the problem…

“I can't…” Raven was sorry to say. “I tried, but his emotions are too strong for me to penetrate through. I can't focus hard enough.”

Because invading someone’s personal space makes much more sense! No wonder he doesn’t fucking talk to you! You are terrible friends! Go watch Friendship is Magic or something!

Beast Boy goes out and does what anyone with a problem with a girl would do. Stalk her of course. Something that the spawns of Satan do not find attractive.

She really wished he wouldn't do that, but at least he wasn't trying to convince her to come back to the Titans. “What's the matter, Terra?” asked Jackie.

Terra: Oh, there’s just this guy stalking me.

Jackie: You ought to get a restraining order. Or call the police.

Terra: Look, it’s not like he’s watching me in the shower or watching me in my sleep.

Jackie: Oh, well that makes it okay then.

“Wait don't tell me…” Jillian said, “You're thinking about that green Brat-Boy again, aren't ya?”

“His name is Beast-Boy!” Terra scolded.

“Whatever…” replied Jillian. “That little brat needs to learn a lesson.”

Jackie agreed, “If he ever comes stalking you again, we'll show him.”

Now, remember everyone, these are the characters we’re supposed to hate. Yeah, I find that hard to believe too.

It was just no good. He couldn't let go. The more he tried not to think of Terra, and his life, the more it tormented him. He was starting to feel more angry than sad now. IT just wasn't fair… everyone… even the other Titans got to enjoy the sweet pleasure of life while he always got indigestion.

Every time he though he was finally gaining happiness, it slipped away and left him with nothing. He only wished-- No, to him wishing was wrong. He prayed that there was someway he could get Terra to come to her senses and come back to the team, and come back to him…

Yeah… get used to the whine fest people, there is 22 chapters of it coming our way and it never fucking stops! If Mykan could generate energy from whining, he could power all of America for about 60 years, maybe 100 if you show him images of Princess Cadance and Terra making out in front of Beast Boy.

Beast Boy goes to a milkshake place where he drinks enough to make himself sick and ‘drunk’ I guess. When Terra walks in. And I can only imagine the dialogue here, with Terra being written by someone else because Mykan can’t think the way that Terra wants him to think. That or he just took lines from other people trying to convince him that things change. Either way, it’s more plausible than him coming up with them himself.

Beast-Boy crushed his half full shake in his hand, but he didn't say a word. “Beast-Boy… we all have to accept change, and I know you can too… but you have to stop torturing yourself like this and move on.”

“Move on…?” Beast-Boy snapped, “Move on…! Move on to what? I've got nothing to move on too.”

Terra winced at his sharp tone, but she felt her own anger starting to spike again. “Well I'm sorry your feeling this way… but you'll just have to accept it.”

Beast-Boy ruffled his hair angrily, “You just don't get it, do you? I thought we were meant to be, my one chance to find a ray of sunshine, but how could it be wrong?”

“I don't know…” Terra said, “It just is, and if I can accept it, so can you.”

Why is it that the girl we’re supposed to hate is making far more sense than the character we’re supposed to like?!

But Beast Boy is able to win her over with a song about how much his life sucks and how I want to suck the life right out of him so that his life won’t suck anymore because there won’t be anything left to suck!

I’d like to get the pointless song counter out, just to give you guys an idea of how much I get to skip of this story.

Song Counter: 2

Unbeknownst to Beast Boy and Terra, the Olsen Twins are plotting in the corner.

What she and Beast-Boy didn't notice, was Jackie and Jillian had seen them in the café together, and decided, “Tomorrow…”

“That kid's goin' down.”

Cadance: Go, my servants. Summon the football team and order them to beat up that green Brat-Boy!

The next day… Beast-Boy had not come out of his room, as usual.

The Titans had invited him out to the gone to the theme-park on the docks, but he didn't even answer them indicating he wasn't in the mood.

Or that he had hung himself. At this point, I would be okay with that.

Beast Boy comes out of his room after everyone is gone and wonders if sneaking into Raven’s bedroom and looking through her underwear drawer- I mean, spellbooks would get his mind off Terra.

Oh, good, so running through people’s private property is subject to all of the Titans. Good to know for later.

As he probes through Raven’s stuff, he finds a book with the Punisher symbol on it.

Yes, that one. And decides that, the book with the scary skull on it is probably safe to use without permission. Right! And the Necronomicon is just such a trustworthy name!

Raven and the gang return home from the theme park early. Which begs the question, why would Raven go when she hates that kind of thing, but whatever, that’s the least of this story’s problems. When she finds out that Beast Boy had been going through her stuff. Something that she doesn’t take kindly about.

The next thing Beast-Boy knew, the Titans were scolding him badly for invading Raven's privacy, as well as mixing up her books. “You could've unleashed something…!” Raven growled, “and worse… you touched the Dark Prognosticus!”

Yes, the Dark Prognosticus he’s referring to is the same one from Super Paper Mario. Now, I am willing to let it slide if this is something different and new with this idea. A story about prophecies. Now, admittedly, I’ve never played the Paper Mario this story is copying from, so I can’t tell you what it is directly copying and what it isn’t.

Still, I have read up on the wiki, which I still understand is not the same as playing the game, so I do know a bit about it. With that said, let’s continue. Raven says that the book was created by Trigon when he was in power. However, with Trigon’s defeat, the book is now in Raven’s possession since it can’t be destroyed.

If it’s supposed to be dangerous, why is it not kept in a better safe than an unlocked suitcase under Raven’s bed? I guess this is the alternate universe where everyone’s brain is on holiday. Though having read the other story, I’m not convinced that they were coming back anytime soon.

The Titans try to figure out why Beast Boy is upset, but they are blocked by the usual ‘I’m not being a dick enough yet. Must be at least this much of a dick before can accept friendship.’

Beast-Boy winced, and tried to speak up for himself, but the other Titans were clearly on Raven's side. “Just don't do this again Beast-Boy.” Robin said. But I wish you'd tell us what's wrong with you.”

Beast-Boy gasped hard at that statement, as if he had just been insulted deep down inside. “Yo' man, we want to help you… but your not makin' it any easier.”

“Friend… will you not confide in us?” added Starfire, but Beast-boy just left in a huff. “You guys can't help me! No one can!” he scoffed.

A long silence followed, the Titans never saw him this angry before. If only they knew what was wrong with him…

He’s the main character in a Mykan story. It be enough to drive anyone nuts.

Beast Boy continues to stalk Terra, even though she explicitly told him not to, but I guess Mykan thinks that women find this hot or something. And like I said with Princess Cadance, the football team comes and beats the shit out of him.

Beast-Boy felt someone grab him from behind. Two other students from the school were gazing at him right in the eye “Hiya doin' pal…?” POW! Right in his chest, Beast-Boy skidding across the concrete ground. “Dude…! What's your problem?”

The other bully placed his foot on his chest, “It's nothing personal kid. We were hired to do this, we're gonna beat the crap out of ya.” and he kicked him hard.

I’m Beats-Boy, mother fucker! And I’m here ta break out da jams, ya dig? I start with ‘Beat it’.

My new favorite superhero.

Terra sees Beast Boy getting the ever loving snot beat out of him, again, by the football team, she goes and tries to stop it herself rather than going to the police. After which, one of the bullies actually fucking attacks her. Not just shove her off him, I mean, straight up fucking punches her in the face.

“Keep out of this, Blondie!” and he punched her hard in the face sending her skidding right into a pile of garbage cans.

So, in this world full of assholes, who are we supposed to root for? … Give me a second.

Okay. I’m good now.

Why is your mane wet?

Shower…

Why do you smell like urine?

Research.

Never mind. Keep me out of it.

His anger had spiked, and he felt his head aching in sheer pain as his eyes began to glow. “OHH… AAH… NO…!”

“Aw, Baby-Boy gonna cry…!” Jackie mocked,

Um… Shining Twins… Did you not just notice your fucking friend being hit by one of the guys you ‘hired’ to kick Beast Boy’s ass?! Oh, wait, I forgot, they are just there to brainwash her from getting together with Beast Boy. It makes about as much sense as anything else you're about to see.

but suddenly both she, and Jillian felt Beast-Boy's body was growing. Terra looked up and saw Beast-Boy as his clothes shredded and he transformed into this huge werewolf creature…

Yep… Not content with Wolverine, he’s almost turning into the Hulk. Don’t believe me, he literally says it.

Garfield Logan…

Beast-Boy, of the Teen Titans.

Search for a way to prove his worth to his teammates in a battle with the villain, Adonis. Then an accidental exposure of gamma radiation alters his body chemistry.

And now when Beast-Boy grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs beyond his control.

THE INCREDIBLE BEAST

Did you ever wonder what a story would look like if someone kept interrupting every five fucking sentences to tell you something that you already knew or something useless. Well, that’s what this story feels like. It’s just telling us things that have no relevance to what is going on or stuff that we already know.

Also, forget this Hulking-out moment because it never comes back again. It’s only here for this one scene and never comes up again! For that matter, why did this need to be a Hulk moment? Was Beast Boy lashing out in frustration and anger in his normal animal morphing body too realistic? Was it too difficult to have Beast Boy do this horrible thing and still make him likable? Was the Hulk seeing how much you were paying Spider-Man and the X-Men to use their likeness and he wanted in on that action?

Anyway, he attacks the bullies and nearly offs them when the Titans show up and stop him. Ooo, is this going to be a story where Beast Boy finally realizes that when one of those kids are dead, that he can’t abuse his powers like that and has to live with this kid’s death for the rest of his

Look, it’s been a long month, I’m almost out of booze, and I’m still on chapter fucking three of this piece of shit!

And of course, rather than now do something sane like get the poor kid some fucking professional help, they decide to threaten him instead.

“Beast-Boy… this is your last chance.” Robin sneered, “If you cause anyone anymore trouble, I'll put you in jail myself!” he thundered.

Beast-Boy tried to vogue for his actions, but the moment he mentioned Terra's name. “What's got in to you, man?” Cyborg sneered.

“You are behaving like a royal Zarbnorf, again!” growled Starfire.

You know… With friends like these… Who needs Slade?

Raven had nothing to say and turned her head away. Beast-Boy realized that the Titans officially did not care about him or his feelings anymore. “Fine! Who needs who you guys?” and he stormed off to his room and didn't come out for the rest of the night.

“We have… upset him?” Starfire asked.

“Let it go…” Raven said, “If he wants to act like a spoiled brat, then let him.”

Cyborg agreed, “The kid's gotta' learn to grow-up, and learn to move on.”

You know what, considering the douchebag that Beast Boy is acting, that’s probably a good move. Kind of a metaphor really.

And as if a song couldn’t make him more unlikable, how about a letter about how nasty the Titans are and how they just don’t understand and how life was so much better when Terra waved her rocks at me.

Fuck you, that was an actual joke.

Song Count: 3

Dear Titans…

“Wait… that's too formal.” The thought, and so he tried again…

Dear team…

“Ugh… too friendly.” He tried one more time.

Dear Lynch-mob…

“Yeah! That's it.”

I have been mistreated and shot down for crimes I didn't commit. Shot down and abused by the people I THOUGHT were my friends, whom I could trust.

You say I'm crazy… but the way you guys have been treating me ever since I saw Terra, as well as badly scolding me unjustly… I wonder who's really crazy.

“Dude… that's sweet…”

I have come to realize that you care nothing about me or my feelings. Even after all the great things I have done for you before. “And Tell Raven not to say I haven't”

I regret to say that after the events that have been happening, I'm afraid that we are no longer a team. I'll never find happiness in life, and things won't get better if I stay here in the city with you guys, and a girl who no longer wishes to be with me or us…

By the time you read this sentence… I will be long gone. Who knows where, and who cares, you guys don't. Now you won't have to worry about me anymore. I'll try and make it through life somehow… but I never wish to see any of you ever again.

Goodbye…

Good luck…

And Good Riddance…!

“Beast-Boy.”

Have fun starving to death, you little prick. I hope the supervillain mob send us the corpse, so we can whizz on it.

The Titans get the letter and realize that Beast Boy is upset.

And rather than showing the search for Beast Boy, why don’t we sing a song about it to cover up the fact that I have no idea what to put here?

Song Count: 4

Still they searched all over…

“Beast-Boy…?”

“Friend… it is I Starfire… Where are you about?”

“Yo! Where are ya, man?”

“Beast-Boy…!”

(Cyborg's voice)

You can't take no for an answer!

You can't take no for an answer!

You can't take no for an answer!

No, no, no.

Whenever there's a dream worth a-dreaming (dreaming!)

And you wanna see that dream come true (dream come true!)

There'll be plenty people talking

"Forget all about it"

Say "it isn't worth the trouble--

All the trouble that you're going through!" (it ain't worth it-NO!)

Well, what can you do?

You can't take no for an answer!

You can't take no for an answer!

You can't take no for an answer!

No, no, no.

You can't take no for an answer! (you can't take no)

You can't take no for an answer! (no,no,no ,no)

You can't take no for an answer!

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Whatcha gonna do when the dimes get tough

and the world's treating you unkind?

You gotta hang on to your optimistic outlook

And keep possession of your positive state-of-mind

(state of mind, state of mind, state of mind, state, state, mind!)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no!

…

Starfire flew past the Murakami School, “Beast-Boy…?” she called. “Beast-Boy where are you at…?”

I am not kidding you! That is the entire scene of them looking for Beast Boy! I shit you not! Just a long ass song where ‘no’ is said 81 times! I fucking counted! Can I just pretend this scene has relevance and go back to someone less pretentious? … I know it’s a Mykan story, but I need to hold onto some kind of hope.

As it said, Starfire ends up flying past the school where Terra is and Terra, apparently having superhuman hearing, overhears Beast Boy is missing during class, while she’s in the building!

By the time school was out, Terra was really in over her head. The news had reported that it was true, Beast-Boy really had left the city. “Well what do you know…?” cracked Jackie. “The greenie ran away.”

You know… Wouldn’t letting people know that a superhero has disappeared be that last thing on the Titan's mind? I mean, I get wanting people to help search for him, but what about the supervillain and criminal population? I don’t think Metropolis announces when Superman is going on vacation.

She never expected anyone would so upset over change before… but then again this was Beast-Boy she was thinking of; whenever things changed, something happened to him, and it was always disastrous.

… I have no joke there. I just think that’s funny.

Beast Boy continues to journey by himself looking for a way to cure the monster within him while a piano plays a really sad song in the background. A car or two passes by him as he holds out his thumb for a lift, but they simply drive on. Again, he continues to walk down the lonely road. For a lonely man. I think I’ve heard this in a T.V show once… I just wish I remembered which one.

Beast-Boy had sure traveled far for just a few hours. Flying through the skies, taking time to give him arms a break and walk along the road, where he would begin to hitchhike.

(Lonely man Piano song)

Unfortunately, no one would stop for him, not even if they were heading in the same direction he was and if they had room to spare. Beast-Boy could read the lips and expressions of the drivers, they were either laughing “The green boy” or just no interested. “Let him get his own ride.”

Impressive that he can read their expression when they are traveling at about 60 miles per hour or so.

Beast-Boy also had no money left, he spent a lot when he drank all those milkshakes. Luckily he didn't have to worry about food. He found some fields with lushing green grass he could eat like a cow, literally… or snack on some leaves like a caterpillar, literally.

We get it, he can transform into animals. Thank you very much.

It was already dark by the time the titans got back to the tower, their bodies ached fro all their search. They must had covered every square inch of Jump-City and had no luck to where Beast-Boy was.

Oh, boy. Searching for our friend was so very tiring… Man, almost as tiring as retaking the world from the devil.

The Titans finally discover that Terra is in fact alive and that Beast Boy was telling the truth. Naturally, rather than letting her live her own life, they decide that the best thing to do would be to pester her until she reveals the location of Beast Boy, which she wouldn’t know, but hey, none of the characters have used intelligent thinking yet, so why start now?

Beast Boy turns in for the night and thinks about all the good things he’s done today.

He even helped the police in a few place apprehend criminals, and even though his efforts were of good intentions and he did help the police, even they were cross with him. “We don't need any green animal freak helping us.”

Oh, good, the part of the story where no matter how many good things the main character does, everybody still hates him. There is literally no reason for the police to hate him, there is no reason why the police don’t want him helping them out, outside vigilante laws. But again, this is the DC Universe; vigilantes are born every other week.

There’s no mention of property damage, death, accidently letting crooks escape. So, this scene literally has no context whatsoever. Could you give us something? Anything?! Or again, would that not make Beast Boy look like a messiah?!

He has some nightmares about how much his life sucks that I’m just going to skip over because it’s just some five years old’s version of ‘People don’t love me. Why don’t people love me?! They can all die in a hole!’

Believe me, I’m sure you’ll get your fill of pretentious whinny teenage angst.

Anyway, the dream makes Beast Boy angry so much that he is able to magically summon the Dark Prognosticus. The Dark Prognosticus tells him that all his dreams will come true if he just turns himself over to the dark side of the force. Because that always works so well.

All he has to do is… Wait… Really?

He grabbed the book, and then what he did was… he found a gorge in the valley he was sleeping in. a very deep one. So deep down, the river below look like puddle for ants. Beast-Boy took a step to the ledge, and gulped hard.

Is this it?

The wind blew past his face and through his hair. “Tallyho…!” he cried, and JUMPED! He tried his best not to scream, and to resist the urge to change into a bird and fly out at the last minute. The ground was racing toward him from below fast…

He’s going to do it!

The only thing that kept him going was the fact that he was doing this to make things better. Much better! “DUDE…!!”

… Dude is not the word I would use when jumping off a cliff, but I’m not going to complain because this idiot is…

CRASH!!

His body slammed the muddy ground so hard he actually caused a muddy wave. Then nothing. He lay perfectly still, not moving or breathing, and he was bleeding badly, and his legs were dislocated as well as his arms.

He was finished…!

Yes! Yes! He’s gone! It’s over! This stupid fic is over! Well, that was certainly bad, but not as bad as I’ve heard. No, I heard it was much worse than that. … There’s still 20 more chapters? … No, there isn’t… No, there isn’t… Nooo, there isn’t…

Whole in town, all the Titans, in bed, each shot up with a strange sickening feeling that something terrible just happened. They weren't only ones…

Wherever Terra was living now, she shot straight from her sleep. “Beast-Boy…?” she cried. “Oh my gosh!” she had a really bad feeling.

… Wait… seriously? The whole town? The entire fucking town? The entire fucking town woke up when Beast Boy hit the ground? … You know… there are people who think that Mykan is not at all pretentious. … If you meet one of these people, just show them this. End of argument. This is the most self-important bullshit I have ever seen in a fic. This isn’t the ‘Evil of the Book thing’. No, they immediately think Beast Boy. Is there a word for this level of pompousness? This overblown ego that is so ostentatious that the world has to react to it? Mykanious? Yeah, I’m calling it that. This is Mykanious.

Someone who is so self-important that if the world doesn’t react to what they are doing, no matter how insignificant it is, the world is wrong.

So, the Titans resume the search for Beast Boy. Searching all over town. They then decide to try and find Terra who might know where he is. However, they have no idea how to find her.

Suddenly, they get an alarm that says they are needed, but we aren’t told what.

Meanwhile, Terra, who was pretty firm on her stance to not be the same person she once was, is pretty okay with being emotionally manipulated into falling in love with Beast Boy. Oh, good, because that will make for a strong relationship.

“What's the matter with me…?” she asked herself as she wandered into the woods alone. “I shouldn't be thinking about him. I want to move on… don't I?”

Suddenly she realized maybe she wasn't fighting with her head anymore. She was fighting with her heart. While she didn't want to be a Titan or a hero ever again, did she really want to shun Beast-Boy from it too…?

After all, he made her laugh… he was willing to forgive her when the other Titans weren't, and even when he turned her down himself he STILL believed in her.

“Ohh… this is terrible.” she sighed as she sat on a bench near the pavement

Cue romantic song that makes the girl a hypocrite.

Song Count: 5

Suddenly, a group of mechanical monsters attack the park that Terra is in.

Terra dashed to the park just in team to see nearly half the people fleeing, “What's going on…” she cried. Then suddenly, the ground began to rumble beneath her feet. She jumped out of the way as the ground erupted with such force as something HUGE burst up…

A giant armored creature, with horns and tools, and very sharp teeth, and a deathly growling. Terra was so frightened she couldn't even scream. She ran for it only to have more of these creatures burst up and began to terrorize the park.

It’s Tim, the Toolman, Taylor!

... Oh, like the jokes in this are that much better?!

Three people then appear and one of them has a very odd quirk about her.

“This is such a wonderful place.

A pity for soon there won't be a trace.”

Rhyming alert! Rhyming alert! Man your battlestations! We have a showy artist on route! Raise the shield! Fire photon torpedos!

The second figure is a knight and the third… well, I think it best to let Mykan describe it.

The third looked like a pompous blonde-bimbo. She seemed to speak in normal sweet teenage voice. “Oohoo… I don't think hurting these people is good thing.” Then she suddenly transformed, kind of like Jekyll and Hyde. Now she looked wicked, and spoke louder, modulated voice, “I think it's a great thing. Heh-ha!”

… Do you think Mykan really cared about this character or… Do you think he just shat out a character hoping that she would be more unlikable than Beast Boy? Rhetorical.

The Titans battle the bimbos, but are badly beaten. This is kind of another trope in Mykan’s stories. The Titans, without Beast Boy, can’t fight their way out of a paper bag. And all the stories I’ve read about the Titans, they’ve never been without Beast Boy. It’s as if he’s the only competent one in the entire series.

And need I remind you, that this is all a virtual simulation created by a machine that just shows you what could have happened, not what actually happened! So, again, this big moment where the Titans are trying to save civilians has no purpose because the civilians are not actually in any danger.

“But Critique,” I hear you say. “If this world isn’t real, wouldn’t that make all your criticisms invalid?”

I respond. “No, because the first and most important thing about a story is investment. If I don’t care what happens because there are no stakes, why the fuck would I read it? And second, that doesn’t change that the characters don’t act intelligently in this alternate version that could really happen and that the characters shouldn’t let it happen. But they act so unrealistically that there is no way they or the audience can relate to it.”

Anyway, Terra and the others students run from the giants that are chasing them, the Titans being apparently too busy with the villains to be of much help. Not that they’d be much help anyway in this story. When suddenly, Beast Boy… oops, spoilers… appears and saves them. Only he doesn’t look like Beast Boy, instead he looks like the gentleman character from the Pokemon games.

Apparently, the gentleman wanting to battle sends the three stooges running off with their tail between their legs. Noting the gentleman, the Titans decide to investigate. However, before they can confront him, Beast Boy disappears.

Meanwhile, in the secret evil lair of the villain, who is totally not Beast Boy, but is in fact…

He spoke in an odd, yet familiar voice that some would recognize. “I… Count Logan am gratefully displeased in you… Medeva… Sir. Vile… and Jacquelyn Hyde.”

Count… Logan? … Bare in mind, for those of you who don’t know, that Beast Boy’s real name… is Garfield Logan. Something that I think is mentioned in the Teen Titans series.

Anyway, Count Logan explains how he is gratefully displeased with his minions. … I’m sorry, what?

Do… Do we not know what certain words mean? You are grateful? Yet, you’re displeased? … Is… Count Logan bipolar?!

Anyway, he’s says he’s pissed that Terra was put in danger… Even though he has no reason to keep her alive because she’s the one who is causing him so much misery. I wish I knew what to say here, but I’m still trying to come up with ways that Mykan thought I could take this plot seriously.

Count Logan summons another henchmen who is half-machine like Cyborg and tells him that the energy needed to activate the machine is nearly completed and that his reign of terror will begin soon.

Meanwhile, back at Titans Tower, a newsreport says that Beast Boy is dead after leaping off a cliff. The Titans are naturally horrified by this and discover that after the body had been identified it turned up missing. It turns out that Mykan stole it as a way to fuck the body every time he wanted to. Oh, come on, you know that’s not the worst thing he’s ever done.

“The body of Beast-Boy was transferred to the morgue of the hospital, only to be discovered to be missing some hours later, with no indication or record that anyone had removed it.”

Now the Titans were confused. If Beast-Boy was dead, and nobody moved his body, how did it go missing…

Maybe somebody stole it!

The Doom Patrol, a team of superheroes who Beast Boy used to be a part of, contacts the Titans asking if they had heard the sad news.

Well, sad depending on where you’re standing. Is it sad because in reality, Beast Boy isn’t dead? Fuck no. In fact, why does this story even exist to being with?! I know I asked that question already, but I still am not satisfied with the answer.

Terra also heard about Beast-Boy… except the part where his body had gone missing. When she heard he was dead, and that he had jumped off a gorge… Let's just say see deserved the award for “Most devastated person.”

I’m sorry… Was that a joke? Because if it was, IT WASN’T VERY FUNNY!

He died because of what she had done. So in a sense it was really she who killed him. She only wanted Beast-Boy move on with his life… not actually MOVE ON. She closed her eyes letting her tears fall, “My fault…!” she sobbed ever so softly. “It's my fault.”

Why is it your fault?! He’s the one who fucking jumped! It’s not like you pushed him!

At the lost of Beast Boy, Terra admits that she was in love with him, but has to sing a song about it first. Which she already did, but whatever.

Song Count: 6

Meanwhile, in the castle of evil, Count Logan goes on a rant about how much he wants to destroy all known universe. Why? Oh, we’ll get there. But it’s not like everyone already knows. Still, I figure I ought to save this one.

We then have a kid who tells us about a black hole. Don’t bother naming the kid and don’t bother worrying about him. He just tells us exposition that could have been told another way. Like, I don’t know, the main fucking characters!

So, the Doom Patrol finally arrive at Titans Tower to share their grief with the Titans reminiscing about the good times they had with Beast Boy-

I’m just kidding, they whine about how they ‘mistreated’ him.

Mento sighed, “Ohh… I hate seeing Rita like that. It breaks my heart even more.”

“Hey, man… can you blame her…?” Cyborg asked. “BB was like a son to you guys.”

“Yeah he sure was…” sighed Robot-man. “I just wish we hadn't been so hard on the little guy in the past. He drove himself crazy to find and protect us, and all we gave him was grief.”

Nobody knew what to do, they didn't dare hold up a funeral for Beast-Boy, because for one thing… they still were questioning if he really was dead. The Doom Patrol did find him dead, but it didn't make sense to how his body just vanished.

Don’t we already have enough of these teenage angst stories?! I’m really starting to hate them!

I would have thought in the average story, that my character would not suck balls! Yet, this prick… whines about things that are not important! Why is there so much angst?!

Sir, please, you’re getting upset. Please relax for a spell. Think of your temper…

Oh, fuck my temper! It’s already blown! By this sally sob dick!

I know, that he does, Because otherwise there’d be effort put into this repetitive title. He only knows how to write characters that just mope.

I think I should be on dope!

What do you mean?

I mean, it’s always whine this… whine that .... where is the plot?

It should be noted that everything happens because the character is sad. Or is it, the storyteller who is feeling depressed?

It’s the author, clearly.

I know, that was simply a question meant to be rhetorical!

If he’d just give a damn, if he wrote with love, and not for pity, and just told a good story.

But we know that he’ll never change his ways ever, and maybe it’s best, that he writes this alone, watch his shows, read your reviews, have the miserable time of his life, I could even grab a knife!

… Wow, that got dark…

Apologies, sir.

… Well, anyway…

Anyway, Starfire then gets a call from her home planet that says that they are in trouble. The Teen Titans look at a map of Tameran, and see that piece are missing from it. I assume it to be the black hole… which they should be able to see the gravitational force that’s causing it…

But as we’ve proven, Mykan could care less about science.

The Doom Patrol decides to join them, not out of the goodness of their hearts, but because Beast Boy would have wanted that. I can see why Beast Boy left the selfish pricks!

The fly out to Tameran, I guess it being the planet next door, since it takes them about 15 minutes to get there, when they are suddenly attacked by the robot henchmen, who I’m not going to name, because I don’t care.

Suddenly, something had hit the T-Ship. BOOM! They began to spin and tumble on all three axis. “WHOA…!”

“What was that?” asked Mento.

“My guess… him?” cried Raven. Everyone glanced out of starboard and could see a half man, half machine, but unlike Cyborg, standing in there in mid-space and blasting their ship and the DP-Ship with a strange ray-gun.

“Catch me if you… c-c-can… heroes.” he mocked before vanishing out of sight.

And his insult was not heard because he didn’t hack their communications and because sound doesn’t travel in space.

After Elisti-Girl had gone back to the DP-Ship, Tameran was dead ahead, but what a sorry sight it was. “Oh, my Gorbnorf!” cried Starfire.

Oh, I’m sorry, was the ‘sorry sight’ too much for us? Or was it just too difficult and long to explain?!

They land on Tameran where they speak with Starfire’s godfather to try and figure out what is going on. Unfortunately, turns out that not even Tameran knows why the planet is losing bits and pieces of itself. Cyborg, using his advanced EARTH technology, is able to figure out that the planet is moving out of its gravitational pull.

Suddenly, robot henchman appears and attacks the group, stating that he is serving his master who wants to destroy everything in his way. He summons a bunch of henchmen-henchmen to attack the group and like most Mykan stories with the Titans, they prove completely ineffective against them.

　

Raven used her powers to bend the tools right out of those ugly brutes, but they magically regenerated. Robin's disc-bombs only seemed to blind the giants, but not harm them, Starfire's star-bolts seemed slightly effective, but not enough.

The Doom Patrol join the fray and they decide when they are getting attacked by killer robots, that now is the best time to sing about it.

Song Count: 7

　

(Rita/Elasti-Girl)

-You keep saying you've got something for me.

something you call love, but confess.

You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'

and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do

one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

…

The giants were starting to fall, but Raven just had to ask, "Does she have to sing while she does that?"

Robin gazed at her, "Well, this is a musical."

I did not add that last part! I know that seems like something I would do! But I assure you, I didn’t! Mykan actually broke the fourth wall in this story! And now the story made Pinkie Pie all sad.

See? Don’t you feel bad now? Oh, wait… It’s Mykan. Of course not.

The fight has the same problem as the Liberty’s Kids one, in that the fight is overshadowed by the song, in which you are simply supposed to use your imagination to put the song together.

Now, some of you might be saying, “Mr. Critique, you fucking moron, that’s what stories that you read are suppose to do. You are supposed to imagine a fight scene.”

And you’d be right, I am a moron, however, the author usually sets the stage for something to be imagined. Let’s see what kind of fight scene you can make from this.

His wife winked down at him… then continued to get at the giants, as long as her powers could sustain.

(Rita/Elasti-Girl)

-You keep saying you've got something for me.

something you call love, but confess.

You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'

and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do

one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

…

The giants were starting to fall, but Raven just had to ask, “Does she have to sing while she does that?”

Robin gazed at her, “Well, this is a musical.”

…

-You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'

and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.

You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.

Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do

one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

...

POW!

CRUSH!

BOOM!

The giants squealed as the giant woman hit them hard.

…

-You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin

and you keep thinkin' that you

That’s some Lord of the Rings style fight scene. If it was taking place at night with no visible lighting. I’m sure there’s a good fight scene somewhere, but someone is holding our heads to the pre-school production of ‘Annie’.

It just goes on like that for a while, so I’m just going to skip it.

The song ends and … now the teams are back on Earth? What?

And one of the Doom Patrol, Elasti-girl is on her deathbed and Starfire’s planet is destroyed? What?!

I think we fucking missed something!

Yes, it turns out that the black hole did indeed destroy Tameran killing all it’s inhabitants. Starfire is, of course, depressed, but not as depressed as the audience for two reasons.

Reason 1: Beast Boy killed all those people! A person we are supposed to be feeling sorry for is going out and murdering billions for his own selfish motives! And don’t give me this, ‘He’s possessed by the book, so that makes it okay,’ bullshit! That doesn’t excuse anything that he’s done! Not that he was much better before that with stalking a girl, yelling at people who were trying to help him and using his dark magic to solve his problems, this is a logical conclusion for a psychopath!

Reason 2: This isn’t real! None of this has any relevance to the characters whatsoever! Why?! Because the characters know that this is just a possibility that could have happened if Terra and Beast Boy did not get together! But the timeline watching this, already has Terra and Beast Boy together! So this warning has no purpose! It would be like if Yoda showed images to Luke Skywalker about what would happen if he joined the darkside even though he said ‘I’ll never join the darkside!’

You’re warning people about something, that will not happen! Kind of like Michael Bay with the Purge!

And of course, we all know who to blame for this is… Terra!

In another part of town it was another school day, and Terra's grades were starting to slide. It was bad enough she was already an average student, now she could barely concentrate…

The reason for this was because of all the stress, fear, and anguish. Mostly due to the death of Beast-Boy, and more of which consisted of what she had heard on the news about planet Tameran being destroyed…

She was beginning to wonder if maybe this was all her fault. After all, ever since Beast-Boy had left the city, nothing had been going right. Her new life that she had struggled to build was falling to shambles, and she wondered if maybe it was the wrong choice after all…

… You know what… I’m done… I’m done being the good reviewer who always holds back. I’m going to go into the bathroom, I’m going to kill myself and I’m not going to come out as a supervillain.

*Walks into the bathroom. Pretends to hang himself. Draws a mustache with a marker on his face. Uses a bathrobe as a cape and kicks his bathroom door down.*

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

By Celestia’s mane, who are you? What have you done with my master?

Your master is dead! As for me, I am… The Reviewer!

... Wow… Seriously? … I mean… Oh, no! My master is dead! It is all my fault! I should have been nice to him and taken his insults as signs of love instead of what they actually were, cruel and heartless!

Ha, ha, ha! And now, I will destroy the entire universe!

Why?

Because I want to!

That is a pretty weak reason.

SILENCE!

I will destroy the entire universe with my poorly defined magical powers!

Oh no! Who could possibly save us?!

But first… I must finish the review. Then all will bow before me!

How will they bow to you if you destroy the universe?

SILENCE!

It is a simple question.

Anyway, now that I have established myself and my motive, let us continue.

Terra continues to angst about her part in the destruction of Tameran. Do I need to refer you back to my- I mean… The Critique’s song.

Meanwhile at the Legion of Doom, Count from Sesame Street counts all the ways why he let Terra live.

He already knew one reason why he was keeping her alive and well, “But why is it that I feel as strange as if I know this girl?” he wondered. Regardless, he had a prophecy to fulfill…

One… One reason I didn’t choose to let her die. Ah, ah, ah!

It turns out the black hole, which couldn’t be a black hole at all, so it’d have to be something else, has gotten bigger. Since black holes are only fueled by matter around it and dissipates when all matters is consumed around it. Granted, the area around Tameran isn’t going to be useful for a few hundred thousand years.

But it says black hole, so that’s what I’m going with. Suddenly, the rhyming witch comes into town and if you wanted some more Mykan sexism, there’s plenty to be had.

Mento gazed over Robin's shoulder. “Witches! Why can't they just home and be nasty?”

Nevertheless, the teams had to run for it. The city needed them.

Yeah, why can’t women just stay in the kitchen where they belong?

I deserved that…

The witch starts to sing about how evil she is. You know. Like most villains do. Maybe I should write a song about how evil I am.

No! I mean… That is what they would expect you to do. And you want to show them your a better villain, sir- I mean… you fiend!

Hmm… You’re right! I am better than all the other villains! Mwahahahahahaha! But I still blame you for all the pain I’m going through.

Typical…

Song Count: 8

The witch is then confronted by the Titans, to which Starfire is kind of ticked off that her planet was destroyed.

Starfire, however, just wanted to get at the witch. “I will make you suffer!” she thundered as she fire her eye-beam energy. Medeva dodged and the blast had hit one of the buildings instead.

The other Titans gasped in shock, and other building got hit when Starfire carelessly began to fire her star-bolts in many directions. She almost even hit her own teammates and the Doom Patrol…

“Hey!” cried Robot-man, “Watch it!”

Typical women, right? Can’t let anything go… I know I’m going to hell for that. Even if it was sarcasm.

The Titans battle the robots, you’d think they’d get better with every fight, but no, they somehow get worse as the witch continues with her plan. Meanwhile, Terra thinks she should join the fray and cause an earthquake that will surely kill everyone off anyway, since you know, she barely had control of her powers to begin with! She finds a ski mask and puts in on just in time to save the Titans.

Robin clenched his first, and gritted his teeth angrily. “No!” and he threw a rock straight for Medeva's face. The witch merely blew it back with her breath and clunked Robin's head, and really gave him a lump. “Hee, hee, hee…!”

Yes, Batman’s young ward, Robin, the boy wonder, the master strategist of the Teen Titans thinks that he can beat the witch… By throwing a rock at her.

Maud, would you please?

Thank you.

Now that’s how you throw a rock.

Terra appears and attacks the witch with rocks and the Titans instantly recognize her voice. Remember this because I’m going to bitch about it later.

The battle finally goes well for the heroes, thanks to the only characters Mykan likes, and they finally fend off the attack. The witch tries to attack Terra, but Mykan doesn’t like that because she still has to suck on Beast Boy’s dick, so he stops her.

The Count pounded his hand with his cane in a discipline-like manner. “Didn't I warn you not to attack that girl, Medeva?” he asked then he waved his cane and blasted this girl's mask disintegrating it, revealing her full face and long blonde-hair.

And melting her face off while he’s at it! Now, that would be a fucking twist!

Count Dooku attacks the heroes and easily defeats them, capturing Terra in the process. Because the girl always has to be captured! It’s all Mykan thinks women are good for!

And just before you can get settled with the fact that Copy-Cat, the terrible Mary-Sue that- yes, he’s back.

In walked a stranger wearing a robe similar to Raven's, only red. HE removed his hood, revealing that his face looked just like Robin's. He even had Robin's mask, and hairdo. A strange creature, between a young-Man, and a black Cat.

His arms, his legs, his upper body, and the space between his legs, were all covered in black soft fur. He also had a tail, and two pointy cat ears poking out through his black hair atop his head. The only things on him that were not black, were his hands, neck, tummy, lower chest , feet, lower backside, and the rest of his face “Good morning, everyone.” he said a deep, yet soothing voice.

Fuck! I do not want to know about the space between his legs, god damnit! How many times do I have to say it?!

“Oh… uh…?” Raven couldn't stop staring at this creature.

The creature the smiled at her, “Yes, Raven… I am very handsome. Thank you kindly for the compliment.”

No, I don’t think she was complimenting you. I think she was staring at your hairy dick.

The Psyconian's themselves, were each gifted with one special skill or power at birth. Either the ability to fly, shape-shift into an exact duplicate of someone else, Psychic-Foresight, or X-Men claws.

Copy-Cat however was mysteriously born with all the gifts, though it was unknown why…

Because fuck you, I’m the author.

Copy-Cat tells them of Count Logan and his plans to destroy the universe. And remember when I said that the Titans were able to recognize Terra’s voice, even though they actually spent very little time with her. Now, they have Count Logan, who I have already spoiled is Beast Boy, the Doom Patrol know his real name, I guarantee you, so does Robin, he sounds just like the bastard, and yet no one can fucking figure out who Count Logan is!

Now, I understand that they could possibly be under duress from all the stress they’ve had the last few days. Beast Boy’s death, the destruction of Starfire’s homeworld and being saved by the guy who’s junk is constantly hanging out, but couldn’t they at least try to piece it together after the second time?! For god’s sake, they start talking about the possibility of Beast Boy being alive! Why don’t they think of this?!

Copy-Cat's features stiffened, “A very powerful creature-- who's goal above all is to destroy all worlds and dimensions and wipe out all existence permanently. My people and I have been following his activity for some time.”

“Wow…!” cried Robot-man, “And I thought The Brain was the evilest of them all.”

Count Chocula’s not so much evil, as he is pathetic.

They mention the Dark Prognosticus, which Copy-Cat I guess knows about. It turns out that Trigon wasn’t even able to control it, even though he wrote the damn thing. I sware, I am not making this up.

Copy-Cat explained that his people had heard rumors of the Dark Prognosticus from Azarath, but that was all they thought it to be, just a rumor. It was a very powerful and evil spell-book, more powerful than anything anyone could imagine… even the mighty Trigon had never been able to control it, and he was the one who wrote the book…

It became too much for him to control, so he had cursed the book with a special seal; Only someone who had an empty heart; Someone who had never found happiness would be able to read the book and gain access to all it's secrets and spells.

Well, that can’t be Beast Boy. Look how happy he is.

I only use Teen Titan Go clips because it is the only way I can truly be released of the pain this story causes me. I do it so I can sleep at night! AND I HATE TEEN TITANS GO!

Oh… You are in soooo much pain. I feel so bad for you. Forcing yourself to watch clips from a show you hate, instead of turning it off and watching something you enjoy.

That’s right!

Helpful hint? That was sarcasm.

I don’t get it.

Copy-cat agrees to help the Titans take down Count Gismond. But they are worried about what will happen to Terra. I’d be more worried about what Terra would do to him.

Ooo, I think I just came to that.

Meanwhile, Terra wakes up in Count Blood Count’s BDSM dungeon and he tells Terra about how he’s been destroying worlds and killing people in order to appease her.

Terra gulped softly, “And the giants… and those horrible people…?” she asked.

The Count nodded, “They are mine. I ordered them to wreck havoc upon the Earth, and spread my chaos thought the universe. I brought you here so that my minions would stop disobeying my orders and attack you.”

Terra was feeling both scared and angry at the same time. “So you… you're the one who's been destroying all the planets and worlds.”

The Count nodded, “Very perceptive.

Yes, very perceptive of you to put together something that I already told you. You must be the smart one on your little superhero team.

And just to rub it into Terra’s face, Count Bobby, he repeats several lines from the vile episode that dared to attack Mykan’s fictional love life and takes off his mask.

Heh, heh, heh…!” Count Logan slowly raised his hand to his mask and pulled it off. “Behold… my face!”

Terra was frozen on the spot for a whole ten seconds as she gazed at his face. “It's you!” she cried. “No! It's not possible!”

The Count replaced his mask, “Ha, ha, ha-- Oh, yes it can, and it is possible. You should also remember these words…”

“The person you wish me to be is now just a memory.”

“He no-longer exists. I am all that there is now.”

Terra was so upset and nervous that she could barely speak. She fell to her knees as tears of shame spread down her face. “No…! Why…? Why would you--”

The Count gritted his teeth behind his mask. “You wouldn't understand…!”

Oh, I don’t know, could you sing a song about how much we wouldn’t understand?

(Music cue)

(Count Logan)

(Sounds like Tony Jay)

The world is cruel.

Yeah, I don’t care.

Skipping.

Song Count: 9

The door slammed shut, and he was gone. “UGH…! OHH!” Terra threw herself face down on the hay-loaf and let out her emotion in endless tears and soft sobs. Not because of the destruction of the worlds, and not because she knew who Count Logan really was, and not even because he was going to kill her, eventually…

…but because of what SHE HAD DONE which lead to all this happening.

Um… NO, YOU FUCKING DIDN’T! But of course, Mykan would never admit to it being anyone else’s fault. It’s all Kari’s fault. It’s all Cadance’s fault. It’s all Terra’s fault! IS ANYONE SEEING THE FUCKING PATTERN HERE?! He plans everything on characters that didn’t do anything! But then again, that would be taking responsibility for his actions or the actions of the male character! That would be growing up! That would be being an adult! That would be being a respectable human being! That would be changing for the better!

And as we’ve seen, Mykan is not interesting in being an adult, in growing up, in being a respectable, kind human being! He’s not interested in changing! He’s only interested in being a miserable, childish, angry, bitter, hateful person, who does not care about any of his fans or anyone who reads his work!

Want proof? In his recent story of Starfleet, he decided to give Cadance a miscarriage scene. One of his fans, made a comment to him, begging him not to, because she had a miscarriage of her own and found it disturbing to do this, for no other reason than just to do it. But Mykan did it anyway.

Why? Because in his words “You pissed me off!”

Bravo… Just… fucking bravo, dude. I thought I couldn’t have less respect for you than I do, but somehow I do. I am not a hateful person. I am not. No, I’m not going to be in character for this. No, I’m not. This is me. This Joshua Wayman making a direct line to you, Mykan. No Critique. No ponies. No skit, no bullshit!

Me and you. I am not a hateful person. You know. I was always taught that “People are good. And that even though there are a few evil people in the world who don’t care about us, the majority of us are still able to find the strength to be good.” And I’ve always believed that people have both good and evil in them and… I’m sorry… I’m really sorry… I am having a really hard time finding any good in you. I’m sure it’s there… I’m sure that somewhere within all the hatred, anger and depression there is something in you that is screaming “This is wrong! This is wrong!”

And you know what you’ve done, you’ve silenced it! You’ve silenced it to the point where you can no longer hear it through the endless noise of hate that you have built for yourself. It wasn’t My Little Pony that built it. It wasn’t Teen Titans. It wasn’t Digimon. It was you. You built your own prison of misery and you keep coming back to that!

That’s what confuses me the most is that you keep fucking coming back to that prison! You know what I think, it is a drug! Okay, it is a drug to you! This misery, this pain, this anger, you honestly have no idea how to live life without it! And so, you just keep coming back to it, like a drug addict! And you’re never going to get better because, better people than me, have tried to reach you and tried to get you off that drug and you just won’t! Or you can’t, I don’t know!

Either way, you’re sad… You’re just sad… And I feel sad that I know the horrible person you are. I wish to Christ I didn’t. But I do. And I’m going to live with that. I’m not going to build a prison and say ‘Oh, life sucks because this guy is a dick.’ I’m not going to let myself built that prison and I’m not going to let you pull me down that road. I am going to grow. I am going to learn. I am going to experience. To achieve, to fail, to grow, to become respectable, responsible and kind. I am willing to change. And I’m not afraid of it. You can hide in your little fortress and be scared of it. I don’t care. Like I said, better people than me have tried to reason with you. But I’m hoping that the people who support you and are reading this, will take a long look at what you are and make a decision for themselves about what kind of person they want to be.

Okay… I’m done… I’ll let the Critique take over again…

…

…

Does he think we’re two separate people?! What a fucking moron!

Meanwhile, the Titans arrive on Psycho-place, that’s the planet where Copy-Cat was born, where Copy-Cat makes some confusing statements about his race.

Copy-Cat explained that while his planet was primitive in technology, their spacecrafts were super-powerful. Propelled by dark-matter, the ships could travel faster than the speed of light, and make traveling in-between galaxies cut down to mere weeks…

Their technology is like Count Olaf’s emotional state, they tend to spike every few minutes.

Raven thought that was incredible. “So… um… what else can you do?” she asked feeling a little nervous, and blushing. Copy-Cat simply smiled at her.

Roll in a ditch and die! That’s my vote!

The Titans give Copy-Cat a tour of the Tower when suddenly he sees a photo of Beast Boy. When he asks who Beast Boy is, everyone starts crying.

And since Copy-Cat is a prick, he, of course, uses his psychic powers to invade everyone’s private thoughts and steal all their secrets. Which of course, everyone is totally cool with, because suck his balls.

Negative-man eased his fears, “It wasn't your fault. Garfield was very special to us.” he said. Copy-Cat would have asked but by reading his mind he was able to tell that Beast-Boy's true name was Garfield Mark Logan.

Hmm… His last name is Logan... And the villain’s last name is Logan... And Beast Boy found the book… And he sounded like Beast Boy… Was the same height… Same body type… Could it be?

No. No. No, of course not. Heh… That’d be stupid.

Also, how did Logan get a copy of Beast Boy’s photo on Psyco Planet. It turns out he’s actually carrying Titan’s Tower with his ship. You know what, at this point, I just don’t even care.

We then get a song about Beast Boy in a … flashback sequence? I really don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore. I’m convinced that Mykan was on some kind of weed when he wrote this.

Song Count: 10

Things aren't more convincing he didn’t with the next part of the story, as the robot henchmen, makes plans to betray Count Alucard. Because there’s always a villain who backstabs the master in these types of stories. Terra overhears this but can’t do anything about it since she’s still dangling over a vat of sharks. Oh, my mistake, I mistook her for what Mykan thinks all women are. The Sandbag from Smash Brothers.

Meanwhile, it turns out that the ‘completely evil and heartless villain’ who has no happiness or joy in his heart and thus, that’s why he’s able to control the book, is having second thoughts.

The minions hesitated for a moment, but then they all vanished as they were told. Leaving the Count just standing there in the middle of space. The Count looked as if regretting something gravely…

“My loyal minions…” he thought deeply to himself. “They have all been so loyal and faithful to me. It only makes things harder for me to do what I plan… but it must, and will be done. The prophecy will be fulfilled, and the end of everything will begin.”

And then the book ate him and waited for the next truly evil fiend to come into the picture and try to destroy the world. Wait, it doesn’t?! What, was the book just not paying attention at that point?!

Meanwhile on Psycho Planet, Cyborg creates a mobile camera to sneak into the black void and find out what is going on.

While they wait, they get to know more about the people of Psycho. Their religion, their culture, their lifestyle, the ability they have to suck Copy-Cat’s dick. All the good stuff.

Rita and Starfire got along with the children just wonderfully. Raven enjoyed it too but was pretending that she wasn't “Terrific! More babysitting.” Deep down, though, she did think the baby kittens were cute.

But Copy-Cat could sense it, and sense deep down that Raven did indeed harbor a crush on him. To be honest, he felt the same about her too.

Even though Copy-Cat was the Prince, he preferred to enjoy himself as well, and never let his royal title make a spoil of things. So he joined the girls while playing with the children…

Oh, I’m sure those kittens would be extra adorable, when I drown them!

… D… Don’t you look at me that way…

Stop it!

*sniffles* You better stop right now.

*Ahem* I mean, um… No, disintegration for you today! You cute fluffy, I mean… you vile demon!

***

Meanwhile in the halls of Canterlot!

Celestia: So, he’s renamed himself ‘the Reviewer’? And he’s planning on destroying the universe?

Computer: Yes, that is his plan.

Celestia: *Burst out laughing.* Does he think us for idiots?

Computer: Clearly. He thinks he has convinced me that he is a different person.

Celestia: As much as I appreciate the laugh, I take it you're here for something else.

Computer: Oh… I was just wondering if we could milk this a bit…

Celestia: What would you have me do?

***

Meanwhile, back at the other thing!

Copy-Cat feels he has to sing to us about how life is beautiful, which he probably got from somebody else’s playlist if I’m to believe this is still by Mykan.

Song Count: 11

Starfire giggled, “I could just stay here forever…”even though she knew she couldn't. At least now she was more determined to stop Count Logan than ever before. She couldn't let these children suffer the fate of her people when Tameran was destroyed.

Because as well all know, her adoptive world is full of dicks!

Cyborg’s camera manages to enter the void and the gang gathers around a monitor to see what kind of dangers they’d be facing.

They see a castle in the distance where they believe that Count Athos is operating from. They quickly are able to find Terra through one of the windows. However, before they can get a message to her, the camera is attacked and destroyed.

They decide that it’s too risky to walk through the front door since it’s likely their powers wouldn’t work properly. Okay, fair enough. But what about Cyborg and Robin? They don’t have powers and Starfire is technically an alien, so ‘powers’ are more biological than anything. And Raven doesn’t technically have powers either. It’s magic.

The Doom Patrol… Maybe, but that’s only because I don’t know enough about them to say much. Still, I doubt Robotman is going to be affected all that much.

But whatever, they say that the only hope they have of defeating book is to find it’s counterpart. The Light Prognosticus.

Meanwhile, Count Baltar is looking for the Shining Twins, who are working with Cadance to make his life miserable, so with his god-like powers and god-like emotions that are beyond mortal men and women, he can ruin their make up and make their dates hate them like a fucking five year old.

Yeap, you could give Mykan the powers of a god and he’d still be a giant prick.

The Count was especially looking forward to getting back at two specific people. Jackie, and Jillian. He still hadn't forgotten about how rude and unkind they were towards him.

…

Squashing his hand between their shoulders…

“She's not interested!”

“Yeah! Get lost, Brat-Boy!”

I would play the “World’s Smallest Violin” gag here, but the violin committed suicide for unfair work conditions. Hanging itself on it’s own strings.

That’s right, Mykan is so pretentious that he was able to murder the “World’s Smallest Violin” joke.

Count Duckula ruins their double date, I’m not even kidding here, by attacking the boyfriends and the girls… really don’t react realistically at all.

The girls were shocked by the way he was treating them, and their boyfriends foolishly tired to attack him. Very foolish indeed! A wave of his cane, and a snap of his fingers… the boys were very badly hurt, and out-cold. The girl gasped, and the Count laughed. “Hmm, mm, mm… like I said, pitiful, pathetic creatures. The weakest of the lot. Ha, ha, ah, ah, ah…!”

The girls never felt so pissed in their lives. “Okay, Brat-Boy…!” Jillian hissed. “It's bad enough you turn Terra against us, and now this?”

Jackie put up her dukes, “Now, we're pissed… so put'em up, Cowboy!”

Count Logan shook his head, and glared at the girls. His eyes glowed shrouding the girls in light revenging them from even moving. “Fools! Threaten me again, and you'll suffer a fate far worse than your boyfriends. Hah!”

The light shined again across the girl’s bodies as they began to chuckle manically. Count Logan looked upon Jackie and Jillian as they began to change in front of his very eyes.

Wings sprouted from their backs, ripping their shirts from their torso, exposing their breasts. Their neatly manicured nails became large talons. Every muscle on their skinny teenage bodies grew until their skirts were ripped from their bodies. Fangs began to take the place of their once perfect teeth.

Count Logan could barely comprehend what was in front of him. Two figures out of his nightmares. Succubi. And both them were staring at him with glowing yellow eyes that held no pupils. Jackie smiled. “Well, it looks like you’ve finally found us out.”

“We’ve been manipulating Terra this whole time. All so we could resurrect our mistress’s child! Princess Cadance’s child shall live again! Live to destroy all who oppose her!

Now, that would be a fucking twist!

But instead, Mykan makes his threat and the girls run away, because Mykanious.

Meanwhile, Copy-Cat shows them the place where the Light Prognosticus, and again, not even bothering to ask the Titans, he instead reads their minds. Oh, good, I’m sure that’s not hypocritical in the slightest.

The only question answered was Copy-Cat's, Who was this girl, Terra? Once again, using his foresight and reading the Titans minds told him everything… a girl with the power to controls rocks and ice. Her involvement with the sinister Slade… but more importantly a very shaky relationship with Beast-Boy and one of the main reasons why Beast-Boy left, and died.

He tells the Titans that the book is buried deep within the tomb of his family. Ooo, is this the point where we find out that Copy-Cat is actually a ghost this whole time?! Because that would make this story slightly better.

But he tells us that it will be dangerous. Well, dangerous for anyone except him.

“The tomb is heavily guarded against intruders not of the Psyconian race. Those who have dared the journey into the dark-jungle that surrounds it, have perished. The very ground is littered with the bones of those who tried and failed.”

… Then why don’t you go out and get it?! And we’ll stay here with our thumbs up our butts! Come on, you know that’s what’s going to happen anyway! You’d just save us some time by doing so!

Copy-Cat knew of only one way, “But I shall require everyone's help, especially yours Raven.”

“Me…?” Raven asked. “What for…?”

I need you to be my bitch!

Meanwhile, the evil robot henchmen reveals to Count Iblis the location of the heroes and he orders his henchmen to attack the planet. He orders drinks for him and his men, which the evil robot henchmen provides with a side order of poison for his master’s.

Yeah, the servants of darkness aren’t going to take to kindly to you offing their master, but whatever, you’re the evil robot henchmen I can’t even bother naming, so what do I know?

Copy-Cat uses Raven’s magic to contact the spirits of his dead mother and father, and I guess it had no emotional impact on him, though why should it? He probably cut the breaks himself, the little douche bag.

They agree to let the Titans have the Light Prognosticus, but only if they pass some kind of test without their powers. Okay? Why?

“Cause, it’s more dramatic this way!” The story might say. “And it’s my story and I can do whatever I want.”

Well, yes, it is your story and you can do whatever you want with it. It just turns out what you’re doing with it is shit. Why do the Titans need to prove themselves to get the light source when they could just as easily say “You know, we’re kind of in a hurry and this to get back at the guys who killed you a few scenes earlier.” Not that we were ever shown that. Though I still believe that Copy-Cat was in cahoots.

Or they could say, “You know, we prevented Trigon from taking over this dimension! Maybe that ought to be taken into fucking consideration.”

Or my personal favorite, “The fuck is wrong with you! The dude is going to destroy the entire fucking universe, the universe that your son happens to be living on right now, and you’re just going to fucking let him?! Thanks, mom and dad! You can forget about me getting anything for your birthdays from now on!”

But no, like a bunch of idiots, who think that sticking their head into a hungry lion's mouth is a good idea, they cake themselves with butter before climbing down into the family tomb.

And just to put a fine stamp on that, we get this line.

The next morning, All the Titans, and the Doom Patrol were up bright and early. It would be sunrise on Earth, but the sky on Psyconia was still the same, a night-sky. All the heroes and Copy-Cat stood by the edge of the cliff. They were about to embark on a journey with no powers or weapons…

Well they did have their powers and weapons on them, but once they crossed the plateau if they so much as slipped once, they would be disqualified form their quest, and they would not get a second chance.

Oh, so this isn’t even ‘The tomb restrained them from using their weapons and stole their powers.’ This is just ‘Mom and dad are being dicks!’ I wonder if this is how Mykan views his own parents.

We then get some more shit about Terra ‘being an evil person for wanting a normal life’ and I think the human prick that runs my life already spoiled that for me, so here’s a video with a fart sound effect.

Song Count: 12

We then cut back to the Titans who are so far not doing any more than they have been doing in this story. Mostly sniffing their own farts.

When they get attacked by a dinosaur, as you do on a planet dedicated to cat people. They fight it for a bit with Starfire being depowered and fucking useless just to add to the list of sins that this story is going to hell for. Trying to treat Starfire as a piece of meat. Kind of like DC Comics.

They defeat the dinosaur in a fight scene that’s probably been the best of the story so far. Though that could be that most of them had songs interrupting them for most of it and it’s still as exciting as watching a three year old smashing his action figures together. And yet, somehow I have a feeling the three year old would be more creative.

Meanwhile, Mykan is sleeping in his bed, when he starts having nightmares about Beast Boy and Terra not being together. He gets up to try and clear his head, get himself and drink of water and think about how he could change everything. If only he had the power to -

Hey, Mykan’s personal life, get out of the way! I’m trying to read your stupid story!

In his master bed-chamber, Count Logan was lying in his master bed with the covers pulled over his head. He was tossing and turning as he moaned and groaned. Either he was having a nightmare, or his head really ached with pain from stress… or it was both.

His moaning was so loud and painful, even the giants guarding the door outside could barely stand it, soon it quieted down, though.

The Count reached over, and grabbed a cup of cold water. “Ahh…! GRR…!” he drank-up and then pitched the cup at the walls, shattering the glass. He sat upright in bed, his face, no longer hidden by his mask, but unable to be seen in the darkness… he was now just panting softly with his knees brought up to his chest.

“These nightmares…” he hissed. to himself. “They will never leave me be.”

Oh, this is the stupid story. How awkward.

I’ve always said he should add some realism to his stories and this is about as real as the stories ever get. Him telling us his problems in a contrived way. Write what you know, eh Myke?

He tells us that he’ll soon destroy Terra, which begs the question of why the fuck didn’t he do that beforehand? What was so important about Terra being alive? He hasn’t fucked her. Nor has she done anything besides being kidnapped. But then again, that seems to be every single woman Mykey ever writes, so I fail to see who that is any different from Raven and Starfire, who are actually a part of the plot and not just a pair of jugs for Myke to want to rub his face against.

Meanwhile, where the important stuff is going on. You know, I’m getting sick of jumping between points of view here, with little happening in one point of view, and a lot more things happening in the other. It just shows how much the pacing is seriously fucked in this story. It drags on mentioning every slightest detail that crosses Myke’s mind, while still remaining completely void of narrative structure. It’s just stuff happening.

Telling a story and having stuff happen are very different. Telling a story is progressing a plot with things we don’t yet know or haven’t learned yet. Stuff happening has little consequence on the plot. Like Mykey whining for the umteeth millionth time! Or Terra feeling that it’s all her fault! We’ve established that already! No need to beat it in the head again!

This can get very draining with how many fucking times Myke tells us that the Titans can’t use their powers for their test. I haven’t shown that yet? Well, get ready, my friends. Because here’s a taste of my pain!

All the heroes and Copy-Cat stood by the edge of the cliff. They were about to embark on a journey with no powers or weapons…

All of them walked by foot, and no one of them flew. Starfire and Raven realized for the first time how much they needed to work on their footwork. “No more hovering for me…!” Raven groaned.

Raven wanted to get a closer look at an dinosaur-skull on the ground. It was large enough to be two igloos. Suddenly, she wasn't using her powers, but she felt something was creeping up from behind her… “Hmm…?” she looked round. “WHOA…!” she leapt out just a huge bony-tail nearly whacked her.

This was followed by a roaring of a live skeleton of a dinosaur with a horn like a rhino. “YEOW…!” Raven squealed as she rolled out of the way. Everyone winced in horror and shock at the great beast. Robin was about to reach for his utility belt, and Cyborg ready to use his sonic-cannon. “No! Don't!” Copy-Cat shouted at them, “You may not use your own powers and weapons, remember?”

With the boys out of the way, not Starfire was targeted. “No…!” she screamed as she ran “Get away from me!” she ran as fast as her legs could take her without flying. “HELP ME…!” she screamed.

Robin and Mento saw her, “Hang on, Starfire…!” cried Robin. “We're coming…!” added Mento. Since they weren't allowed to use their own weapons and powers, they were however allowed to make their own… that would be using their own skills.

All through the day, the Titans and the Doom Patrol trekked through the dark-jungle. They had evaded quicksand, avalanching boulders, and other vicious creatures. Keeping well in mind not to use their powers and weapons.

Huh? AAH…!” Then he leapt out of the way just before one of the statue-monsters struck him. The battle was on, but this hardly seemed fair at all. These monsters were allows to use weapons, and the teams had to rely on their own skills…

Starfire tried to wrestle one, but with without her alien-strength. “These creatures… they are so strong!”

Celestia and Luna don’t repeatedly raise the sun and moon as much as this guy repeats!

Anyway, they get to the last test, where they have to fight these golem things while intercutting it with a song and the fight only takes place during the solos, so I guess he’s killing flow and my brain cells in one go!

Song Count: 13

This was some battle…

(Music cue)

I walk along the avenue.

I never thought I'd meet a girl like you.

Meet a girl like you.

With auburn hair and tawny eyes.

The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through.

Hypnotize me through.

And I ran.

I ran so far away.

I just ran.

I ran all night and day.

I couldn't get away.

(Instrumental solo)

…

Raven found her self, for the first time, running scared of a piece of rock; up the cliff. “Get away from me!” she growled at it, but that monster just kept right on coming swinging its weapon like a madman.

She kept on running, and running until she came to the ledge of the cliff which overlooked one of the pools down below, “Acid!” she cried. She was trapped, but it didn't go unnoticed. “Raven…!” cried Cop-Cat. “I am coming…!” and he began to hastily climb up a series of vines leading up to the cliff; since he wasn't allowed to fly.

The statue-monster had reached Raven, and raised it's huge weapon ready to attack. “NO---!” a voice shouted as Copy-Cat came swinging in on a vine, and BAM! He rammed his bare feet into the monster's back… his feet were very resistant to most impact pains.

The monster lost its balanced and fell off from the ledge and fell into the acid pool below where it dissolved into dust. “Are you alright…?” Copy-Cat asked. Raven stared at him deep in the eyes, “You… saved me.” she said while blushing.

Copy-Cat blushed too, and looked away from her. “Um, yes… so I did.”

Raven almost didn't know why she did what she did next, but she pecked him on the cheek. Copy-Cat almost felt like fainting. Still, only one monster was down, and three more remained…

Anyway, after defeating them, they finally receive the Light Prognosticus, with one of the villains watching them retrieve it. And rather than do something sensible like, kill them while she has the element of surprise or take the book from them, she instead goes off to whine to her master. Because that’s what everybody fucking does in this fucking fic! Princess Morbucks doesn’t whine this much!

Our heroes make it back to the village of dullards who seem really important for some reason, and our team figures out that none of them can read the Light Prognosticus.

If the Dark Prognosticus required someone who never found happiness, what did this book require?

Knowledge of the English language would probably a good fucking start.

The Titans decide that, whether they can read the book or not, they decide to go battle Count Paris and defeat him once and for all. So as the story says the villains has already wiped out half the universe while the Titans piddled around with the stupid test, and what’s the next best thing to do… Waste our time with another fucking song.

Song Count: 14

They make their way through the void and to the castle of Count Nafaria. When they are suddenly attacked by laser turrets. One of the team gets hit by them, and is pinned down, but then Copy-Cat uses the book to save the day, by reflecting the beams at the turrets.

Suddenly, Copy-Cat had an idea, and held the Light-Prognosticus directly into the beam. The beam bounced off the diamond on the book's cover and fire it right back up towards the source-points on the castle towers…

It kept going, and going, until he lasers were so overloaded from their own energy… KA-BLAM!! Large sparkling explosions burst from the castle-top as the beams destructed on themselves, “ARGH…!” Elasti-girl gasped for air in such huge relief. Her husband hugged her tightly, “You okay…?” he asked her softly.

Or Raven could have used her magic to destroy them? Or Starfire her Starbolts? Hello? Myke? Bro?

Whatever, I stopped caring at the title.

Finally, they manage to sneak into the castle. And for those of you who are wondering if the story is almost over yet, we’ve still got 8 more chapters to go. Not that it matters, since you could just type ‘The Titans lost and the universe was destroyed. But none of it matters because Terra and Beast Boy got together anyway. The fucking end.’ and it would have changed fucking nothing. And I’m not convinced that’s what’s going to happen in the end.

While they search the castle, they find a little riddle that Mykey was kind enough to put on the wall for them.

Copy-Cat read the text…:

When you come to doors scattered round.

Only two will lead you to where you are bound.

A prisoner below awaits to be freed,

To find the enemy, go up you will need.

I’m guessing this is like the Riddler shtick, where he can’t commit a crime without leaving a clue, where as Myke can’t write a horrible story without something rhyming in it.

They find themselves in a room full of doors where each of them get separated with two per group. I would say this is like the Sailor Moon Season 5 opening, but that was actually something I enjoyed, where this is not.

The teams each run into one of the henchmen of Count Screwloose, but easily defeat them. I guess the first few times they fought them, they were just messing with them. Now that those cute little cat people are threatened, it’s time to get serious!

When I think that this is the style of Titans that Mykey writes, it actually makes this shit a little more bearable.

After the heroes defeat the villains, leaving only Count Smokula, Raven and Copy-Cat find Terra and free her from her prison. However, before they can get away, they are attacked by Cadance’s pets. Ha, and you all thought I was joking when I said they were demons!

Terra felt so relieved she was going to be free, but the moment she stepped out from her cell, she gasped, and pointed behind the others. Raven and Copy-Cat slowly turned round, and saw Jacquelyn Hyde… in her sweet-forum. “Hi there…” she said sounding all ditzy. “Ooh, I'm so happy you're here!” she changed into her bad-forum, “Now I can finish you off here and now!”

Raven and Copy-Cat stood poised at ready, “Bring it on, ditz!” snapped Raven.

“We are ready for you…!” added Copy-Cat.

“Hah…! Maybe for me, but not if I do this…!” Jacquelyn snapped her fingers and giants appeared all over the dungeon. “LOOK OUT…!” cried Terra.

Anyway, they beat her without any real challenge to it, before chastising Terra about how ‘She’s so evil and she’s so wrong. And she’s a meany poopy head that should die! Even though I’m in love with her, so it’s really confusing! But it all makes sense because she should die!’ I’m not even scratching the surface of the tip of the iceberg!

Terra felt a little nervous, and she would have tried to lie about, but she remembered, Copy-Cat would sense her out. She was busted, and had to come clean. She explained how, she couldn't remember how she changed back from her stone state… but she felt so guilty about all she had done, all the people she had hurt… particularly Beast-Boy, that she decided to live a normal life, be a school girl, this way she could start over, and life a happier life and help everyone to move on and forget her and the past…

She even explained how when Beast-Boy saw her, and tried to reconcile with her, she played dumb, and pretended she didn't know him or anything of her former life. She was trying to make him see…

“Things change Beast-Boy. The girl you want me to be is just a memory.”

Copy-Cat was outraged, “I have never heard anything, in all my existence, heard of anything so incredibly incompetent and ridiculous. It is no wonder Beast-Boy wished to perform suicide…!”

… You know what… I’ve raged, my human counterpart has raged, Computer has raged, it’s your turn. I want to give you this chance to say how this makes you feel about a man who is so unhappy about his life that he has to make other people who want something different than what he wants feel bad about their life choices. Go ahead. I’d love to hear them. In the meantime, I’ll watch what my new headcanon for this world is.

They finally arrive at the final battle against Count Anstetten where we still have six chapters left.

He reveals that he captured Negative-Man and somehow combined him with the magic book that not even Trigon could control and he conquered universes, to make the portals destroy the universe faster. I don’t know, this is how he explains it.

The Count then projected an image of what he had done. Not only had the Dark-Void grown large enough to suck up everything faster than ever, but by stealing some of Negative-Man's shadow-energy, he was able to generate miniature voids, millions of them… and sent them to all corners of what was left of the universe to destroy the lasts of it faster…

I would bother to look it up, but let’s face it, if Myke can’t put for the effort, why the fuck should I?

The Titans swear that they will ‘Not let him get away with this!’ And Count

Orlok says ‘There is nothing you can do to stop me,’ as he takes off his mask to reveal that he is actually-

The biggest and most powerful evidence was, Beast-Boy's body had gone missing without anyone touching it. “It can't be!” cried Mento.

“Hmm, mm… but it is!” snapped the Count, and he removed his mask for everyone to see his green-face, “I am all that is left of Beast-Boy!” It was him indeed, only he looked a little more adult-aged now than before he died…

HOLY SHIT! The stain on the wall from where I flung my mac and cheese is in a slightly different spot from last time!

Yes, the idiots that our heroes are finally put two and two together and come up with that Count Logan actually refers to Garfield Logan. Just in case we’re too stupid to get it. There’s nothing that can make me feel better.

Sir, Princess Celestia is about to make an important announcement about the Reviewer.

Really?!

***

Citizens of Equestria,

I come to you in a time of great peril. Our beloved country has enjoyed years of peaceful solace. However, that tranquility is about to be shattered by a villain known only as ‘the Reviewer’!

No pony is aware of the identity of this mad pony, but it is believed that he has plans to destroy the entire universe. All because of a story that he dislikes.

I know that your first instinct would be to panic, however, I must advise against it. Everypony must remain calm and go about your daily lives as if nothing is wrong. I assure you, Equestria is doing everything in its power to stop the ‘Reviewer’!

This is Princess Celestia, wishing you a good day.

***

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Even Celestia herself trembles at the might of… The Reviewer!

You sick twisted fiend!

You made me this way, Computer! It is all your fault! It is all your fault the Reviewer is actually… *Wipes away the fake mustache* … The Critique!

No! How could this be?! … And how is this my fault?!

Because… Because… Because you found the story?

Did I make you open it?

No.

Did I make you read it?

No.

Am I forcing you to read it?

No.

Am I forcing you to finish it?

… No.

So, who is at fault?

...mine...

I am sorry. I did not catch that.

… mine…

Could you say that one more time? I did not have my recording devices ready.

IT WAS ALL MY FAULT, OKAY?! I’m the one who keeps reading these stories! I’m the one who keeps coming back to these tropes! I’m the one who invented and indulge myself into this holiday! Me, myself and I!

That is my new ringtone.

You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?

Oh, you have no idea.

Let’s just get back to the review.

The group tries to convince Beast Boy to give up and come home, but Beast Boy is pretty much coo-coo for Cocoa-Puffs.

Beast-Boy charged at him, “Stop calling me that…! I AM NOT BEAST-BOY!” and he punched him hard in the gut, then the face, and kicked him away. “YOU'RE ALL GOING TO PAY FOR MY PAIN…!”

“We do not have a choice…!” cried Copy-Cat. “He cannot be reasoned with, we must strike him down.”

Oh, okay.

Unfortunately, our heroes aren’t as super-special-awesome as myself, so they get their ass kicked royally. However, Terra finally gets her hands on the Light Prognosticus and it starts to beat Beast Boy back.

A song interrupts the fight scene, because it’s pretty much the only thing Mykey is good at.

Song Count: 15

This was going to be a battle to remember…

(Music cue)

Beats-Boy charged, and Terra charged. The both of them firing energy balls, and punching and kicking each other. Beast-Boy swinging his cane…

A crash of thunder

A brilliant flash of light

A battle has begun

And only one will win the fight

Danger in the air

Destroying everything in sight

The time has come to right the wrong

With Prism Power might!

Good on him to tell us that fight scene is going to be good. Maybe if he keeps saying that, we’ll be brainwashed into believing, ‘This is the best fight evar.’

Eventually, Terra is able to literally beat the evil out of him and Beast Boy remembers who he is and he and Terra hook up… IN the dimension where they aren’t supposed to hook up, but who cares, Myke certainly didn’t when he wrote this fucking thing.

The story then stops to tell the backstory of Beast Boy and why he did the horrible things he went through. And, I’m actually pretty impressed, because it’s pretty much the whiniest whine that’s ever whined! So, much so, that I’m not even sure I can do it justice with how Myaknious it is, but god-damn it, I’m going to try anyway!

Well, here’s a song played all the time

So much so that it is a crime

He whines that life is so unfair

Here I’m thinking that I just don’t care

You never will convince me, sir

That there’s a pain that’s caused by her

If you’d stop trying to tell me

And stop whining like a fucking banshee

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious!

Now Princess Cadance is a bitch

She should die inside a ditch

Least that’s what I’d be telling you

If you hadn’t eaten glue!

Maybe it’s you that’s got the beef

Blaming her on all your grief

In this fiction that you call your home

with plots as strong as styrofoam

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious!

Cue Solo, Computer!

Play girl! WOO!

That is my sexy computer voice!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Oww!

Myaknious! I just stubbed my toe

And now it hurts

It really hurts

fucking hurts

Get a doc

Get a doc

Get a doc, doc, tor!

Get a doc, doc, tor!

Get a doc, doc, tor!

Really fast, fast, fast!

Really fast, fast, fast!

Damn!

Bleeding out! Bleeding out! Bleeding out!

I think I’m dying! I think I’m dying!

And so this stupid, stupid, stupid, joke!

Stupid joke!

And so this stupid joke!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Myaknious! Myaknious! Myaknious!

Yes, I am trying to make that a word, what’s it to you?!

After the song, everyone realizes…

I’ll give you all a moment to recover from this incredibly new development.

However, the book starts to activate, I guess, because the prophecy wasn’t fulfilled? But it shouldn't be able to activate because Beast Boy doesn’t have unhappiness in his heart? Because Terra loves him and wants to suck him off, just like Myke does? Or maybe the book was pissed that he got such a minor role and the prophecy that they are talking about doesn’t mean jack by the end anyway, because, again, NO ONE FUCKING CARES!

Count Spankula tries to bring down the castle, which is totally not Beast Boy’s fault, as the story points out, because he’s totally under the control of the book. The heroes try to escape with Beast Boy, but find out they can’t move him. And like pricks, they leave him to die. Or maybe this is the right thing to do, he is trying to kill them.

“Well, come on, grab him and let's get out of here!” cried Negative-man. Everyone agreed, and most of them took off from the castle roof, Mento tried to pick up Beast-Boy, but his hand went right through him, “Huh?”

“Steve! Hurry!” cried Elasti-Girl.

“I can't pick him up!” her husband called to her. “I can't touch him.”

Robin and Elasti-girl tried to pick him up together, but they couldn't touch him either. Their hands just went right through him. “Come on, you guys!” cried Cyborg, “We're running out of time.”

The castle was breaking up badly, the towers were crumpling, and the floors were caving in. “We have no choice!” cried Robin, “We have to leave him!”

They get out of the castle and fly off in Copy-Cat’s spaceshit, where they discover that Beast Boy is alive and has transformed into a dragon. Turns out that robot henchman, again, who I don’t bother naming, uses the Dark Prognosticus because he has a sad backstory. Want to know what it is? So the fuck would I, but the story kind of forgets that whole thing.

He uses the book to transform Beast Boy into a dragon and tries to kill everyone with it. Isn’t it funny how the villain gets replaced in the last three chapters by villain we don’t know? Sure, he was in the story, but he hardly did anything except plan his betrayal. Who is he? Why is he evil? Why is he a half-cyborg? What the deal with working Beast Boy?! Why didn’t he just manipulate Terra into loving him and having Beast Boy lose the book that way? How did he know about the book and it’s power?!

While Beast Boy destroys the universe, the trio stooges who worked for him reveal the secret of the Light Prognosticus, that everyone has to believe in the Grand Ruler. At this point, there are only three chapters left, so I’m willing to buy it. When asked why the stooges decided to help them, they reply that they still loved Beast Boy and wanted their turn to suck on his cock.

The group believes in fairies and manages to destroy the Dark Prognosticus and kill Beast Boy in the process.

Song Count: 16

Yes, I skipped the final battle, because let’s face it, it’s pretty much the same fight scene we’ve seen already. Just imagine everyone sucking Beast Boy off.

Song Count: 17

So, Beast Boy is dead, Myke can finally rest knowing that his nightmares will never come back and the world is happy once more.

“Garfield Mark Logan/ Beast-Boy”

1990-2006

A Teen Titan, and a True Friend.

May he finally have found happiness.

…

“SIMULATION OVER”

Wait, so this whole story?! This whole scenario was just a simulation! This… this… story… is… AMAZING!

Wait, what?!

And I’m a monkey! Watch me shake my monkey butt!

Sir, are you okay?

I’mma gonna throw my poo at you!

Sir, control yourself!

This… is … me… controled…

***

Luna’s horn began to dull as the vision began to cease from Critique’s eyes. “Now, do you see what future awaits you, if you choose to review such a fic?”

Critique sat up straight, rubbing his temple. “Wow… I finally end up losing it? Jesus, that fic was way worst than I thought it was.” He placed his hoof on his chin. “Wait a minute, doesn’t you showing me reviewing it technically mean I reviewed it?”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Look it makes about as much sense as the rest of the story does.”

“Oh, so that means, not at all.”

The only reason this story was even written was to get people to feel bad for Beast Boy because Mykey can’t move on. He treats Beast Boy as the victim, despite the horrible things he does and pretends it isn’t his fault, claiming it to be somebody’s else's.

That doesn’t make me pity Beast Boy. It doesn’t make me invested. It makes it a pretentious fic that thinks it’s saying more than it actually is.

It doesn’t teach anyone to live up to their responsibilities and only teaches people how to blame other people for their problems. Something that Mykey has taken to heart. It’s not his fault that this fic is a failure. It’s everyone else’s.

It’s everyone else’s fault that this story doesn’t have relatable characters who make intelligent decisions. That the writing is poor. That for all the talk of ‘prophecies’ the story has very little to do with them. We aren’t even sure what the prophecy is supposed to be! The characters are boring. The fight scene are interrupted with songs and even when they aren’t, they’re completely bland. Whining takes over most of the dialogue in this story and not one moment did I ever feel sorry for Beast Boy.

Why? Because he was a complete dick in this story! I loved Beast Boy in the Teen Titans. Yeah, he could be annoying sometimes, but he’d always do what was right. He’d always look on the bright side of life and he’d always lead with some kind of optimism. I got none of that from this fic. None of the character I enjoyed from this fic. But that’s not what Mykan sees in that character. He only sees his misery.

It was the same with Davis, it’s the same here.

This fic has nothing to offer anyone and is a complete waste of time. It’s one of the worst, guys. One of THE WORST I have ever read in my entire life. Fuck. This. Fic.

“So,” Luna finally spoke. “A deal’s a deal? I show up for your 100th review, you stop insulting my sister.”

Critique smiled and nodded. “Of course. I promise. Scout’s honor.”

With that, Luna’s horn shined brightly, before she vanished.

A scoff came from Critique’s lips. “Like I’m a scout.”

Is it really wise to lie to Princess Luna?

Oh, like she watches my reviews. Next week, we finish up Mykanuary with the Starfleet series. I hope you bought plenty of movie tickets and popcorn, cause we are in a for a show!

***

Luna’s horn began to dull as the vision began to cease from Computer's eyes. "Well?"

Computer raised her virtual eyebrow. I don't know... Does this extra bit about me seeing what would happen if my master asked you what would happen if he asked you to show him what would happen if he did review that fic seem kind of pointless? Like it was already a dumb idea, but now we are just going one further?

Luna gave a nod. "Yep."

So, it is not just me then?

"Nope."

Good to know.

Comments

[VampDash]

Poor..... Critique..... I think?

[iowaforever]

100 reviews! here's to 100 more (not that you'll enjoy most of those, but eh.)

had a romance between them when Terra was tempted by the darkseid

Whoa, Darkseid was in this show? When did that happen?

It’s actually a direct sequel to the story I read a year ago.

I wanted to write my own, where it's a computer simulation and Avatar!Lian Harper kicks Copycat's ass for wasting her time/hitting on her friends/being a dick.

In that story, a character named Mykan appeared and told the Titans that he could drink from his magical spring to make them stronger.

He also wanted Raven to hold his Rod of Lordly Might, but that's something else entirely.

Slade only sniggered, “You really think you have out-bested me child…?”

Just then, Raven, Copy-Cat, Cyborg, and Beast boy dropped down, surrounding him. “Maybe not alone, but we all can.” Copy-Cat sneered. They were soon joined by Robin and Starfire, and all seven Titans attacked all at once…
Cyborg blasted him hard with his Sonic-Cannon. “BLARGH…!” followed by Beast-Boy ramming into him like a bull. “OOH…!”

“Azarath… Metrione… ZINTHOS!” Raven cast a dark wave of energy to ensnare Slade, rendering him defenseless allowing Robin with his staff, and Copy-Cat with his X-men claws, to beat Slade to a pulp.

In the end, Slade was brought to justice after all these years and the city held a great big banquet and congratulations ceremony to honor the heroes…

Boring fight scene is boring. Now, which one shall I chose today?
...
...
...
Let's go with this one:

How long do you think it is before he steals the TARDIS from Doctor Who?

I give him six paragraphs.

Richter, or as I call him, Rick-ter, because that’s how Mykan wants it pronounced,

I'll just call him Rick Dick.

Basically it’s a machine that can show any number of infinite possibilities and any number of alternate timelines. I am almost hoping for Crisis on Infinite Earths to happen and the whole universe can reboot into something far less stupid.

Careful; last time that happened we got New 52.

“Things Change, Beast-Boy! The girl you want me to be is just a memory.”

You know who else said things change?

Thank you for that insight, Mykan. Anything else you want to tell us? Like when you combined letters together they make words?!

When it rains, heh heh, people get wet.

After Terra tells him to shove off, in a very nice way, thank you, Beast Boy starts crying endlessly about how ‘Life is pain’ and everything you’d expect him to in a Mykan story.

Wow… That’s pretty rough, Beast Boy. Almost as rough as watching your parent’s murdered in front of you, raised by a psychotic to fight his war, never being good enough for him, having a falling out with the only father figure you have, essentially losing both of your fathers.

And then there was that time he died... or did that not happen in this universe?

He… wouldn’t come out to play?! … Mykan… You know these aren’t the characters from Teen Titans Go, right? They can act like teenagers. Why do the teenagers act like children?! And the children act like teenagers?! Can you not read numbers?! Does 15 look like a five standing next to an ‘I’?

Remember how last year I said Mykan never got out of Elementary school? This is probably a symptom of that.

But Beast Boy is able to win her over with a song about how much his life sucks and how I want to suck the life right out of him so that his life won’t suck anymore because there won’t be anything left to suck!

No shocker here, but RWBY did a much better "my life sucks" song, complete with awesome fight scene.

As he probes through Raven’s stuff, he finds a book with the Punisher symbol on it.

It's Punisher's War-Journal?

If it’s supposed to be dangerous, why is it not kept in a better safe than an unlocked suitcase under Raven’s bed?

Kind of like how Davis keeps sensitive financial documents in an easy to unlock suitcase instead of, say, a safe?

“Keep out of this, Blondie!” and he punched her hard in the face sending her skidding right into a pile of garbage cans.

Unfortunately, when he looked back:
38.media.tumblr.com/3aaef8e5ab6c46977c900f013a18fcab/tumblr_inline_ndgohwQoVG1t0y9xi.gif
No one calls her "Blondie", they call her "sir".

And rather than showing the search for Beast Boy, why don’t we sing a song about it to cover up the fact that I have no idea what to put here?

See, Mykan, I can song too.

Beast Boy continues to journey by himself looking for a way to cure the monster within him while a piano plays a really sad song in the background.

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/29/2c/46/292c461895f3ee6f18ef55eea4b32053.jpg

But again, this is the DC Universe; vigilantes are born every other week.

It's like someone put out a recruitment sign for "Parents willing to die for the sake of an angsty background".

Anyway, the dream makes Beast Boy angry so much that he is able to magically summon the Dark Prognosticus. The Dark Prognosticus tells him that all his dreams will come true if he just turns himself over to the dark side of the force. Because that always works so well.

It is unstoppable... I am unstoppable. I see it now: the Beast that will devour the world.

Cue romantic song that makes the girl a hypocrite.

A giant armored creature, with horns and tools, and very sharp teeth, and a deathly growling.

vintage.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132132673050.jpg
"What did you say about my niece, xenos filth?"

Rhyming alert! Rhyming alert! Man your battlestations! We have a showy artist on route! Raise the shield! Fire photon torpedos!

"I'm givin' it all we've got, captain!"

Do… Do we not know what certain words mean? You are grateful? Yet, you’re displeased? … Is… Count Logan bipolar?!

Probably.

I’m sorry… Was that a joke? Because if it was, IT WASN’T VERY FUNNY!

Ooh, I can joke! Why did the bat fall out of the tree? ... Because I killed it.

… Wow, that got dark…

But awesome.

The fight has the same problem as the Liberty’s Kids one, in that the fight is overshadowed by the song, in which you are simply supposed to use your imagination to put the song together.

That never works. Here, Mykan, here's a lesson in writing fight scenes:

A scream died in Twilight’s throat as the beast lunged out of the brush. It let out a low hiss as it swiped at her, chitinous claws gleaming in the moonlight as they descended towards Twilight. Twilight yelped and curled into a tight ball, trembling as tried and failed to find some way to defend herself.

The attack never connected. The ringing of claws against metal filled the clearing, Twilight venturing a glance through her hands as Celestia stepped over her, sword blazing with power. “Are you alright, Twilight?”

“Y-y-yes...” she stammered, pulling herself up to her knees while Celestia slid into a defensive position. The creature hissed again, stepping about at the edge of the shadows as it tried to look for an opening. It found one and charged forward, its motions nothing more than a blur. Celestia swept her sword downward, parrying the series of blows her opponent launched towards her. Celestia stepped forward and slashed downward, but the beast darted away and snuck back into the shadows, circling around again as if it had no interest in Celestia and wanted to kill Twilight above all else.

The creature lunged forward again, but was stymied as Celestia threw herself forward, her shoulder slamming into the beast’s chest. It screeched in pain and anger as it lashed as Celestia’s armor, a second unseen pair of appendages slicing downward like the mandibles of a praying mantis. The mandibles scraped across Celestia’s armor, pulling her closer so the beast could attack her without risking retaliation.

The creature’s advantage did not last, for in the next instant Celestia cried out before a bright flash filled the clearing, Twilight ducking down and tossing her arm over her eyes. The beast screamed in rage, smoke rising from burned sections of chitin as it staggered away from Celestia. Celestia poured power into the flames surrounding her left hand before lunging forward, raking her claws across the monster’s carapace. White chitin and greenish ichor was vaporized by Celestia’s attack, the beast stumbling back and collapsing as it flailed helplessly with its claws and mandibles.

And that's not even one of my good ones.

Reason 1: Beast Boy killed all those people! A person we are supposed to be feeling sorry for is going out and murdering billions for his own selfish motives! And don’t give me this, ‘He’s possessed by the book, so that makes it okay,’ bullshit!

He picked up the book; he chose to give his soul over to a demon.
i.imgur.com/5CyVsDQ.jpg

It would be like if Yoda showed images to Luke Skywalker about what would happen if he joined the darkside even though he said ‘I’ll never join the darkside!’

But didn't he? In the cave?

Typical women, right? Can’t let anything go… I know I’m going to hell for that. Even if it was sarcasm.

Probably.

By throwing a rock at her.

lh3.googleusercontent.com/-V_FR0o_sWyQ/Vd-u8EWR4-I/AAAAAAAAN_I/4Hhr3hmHIUg/w800-h800/tumblr_miej9sjE1C1qhjbxeo1_400.gif

And melting her face off while he’s at it! Now, that would be a fucking twist!

static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/toht_8064.jpg

(Sounds like Tony Jay)

YOUR WHINEY VILLAIN SUE SHOULD NOT EVEN HAVE HIS NAME SPOKEN ON THE SAME CONTINENT AS TONY JAY!!!

Bravo… Just… fucking bravo, dude. I thought I couldn’t have less respect for you than I do, but somehow I do. I am not a hateful person. I am not. No, I’m not going to be in character for this. No, I’m not. This is me. This Joshua Wayman making a direct line to you, Mykan. No Critique. No ponies. No skit, no bullshit!

Me and you. I am not a hateful person. You know. I was always taught that “People are good. And that even though there are a few evil people in the world who don’t care about us, the majority of us are still able to find the strength to be good.” And I’ve always believed that people have both good and evil in them and… I’m sorry… I’m really sorry… I am having a really hard time finding any good in you. I’m sure it’s there… I’m sure that somewhere within all the hatred, anger and depression there is something in you that is screaming “This is wrong! This is wrong!”

And you know what you’ve done, you’ve silenced it! You’ve silenced it to the point where you can no longer hear it through the endless noise of hate that you have built for yourself. It wasn’t My Little Pony that built it. It wasn’t Teen Titans. It wasn’t Digimon. It was you. You built your own prison of misery and you keep coming back to that!

That’s what confuses me the most is that you keep fucking coming back to that prison! You know what I think, it is a drug! Okay, it is a drug to you! This misery, this pain, this anger, you honestly have no idea how to live life without it! And so, you just keep coming back to it, like a drug addict! And you’re never going to get better because, better people than me, have tried to reach you and tried to get you off that drug and you just won’t! Or you can’t, I don’t know!

Either way, you’re sad… You’re just sad… And I feel sad that I know the horrible person you are. I wish to Christ I didn’t. But I do. And I’m going to live with that. I’m not going to build a prison and say ‘Oh, life sucks because this guy is a dick.’ I’m not going to let myself built that prison and I’m not going to let you pull me down that road. I am going to grow. I am going to learn. I am going to experience. To achieve, to fail, to grow, to become respectable, responsible and kind. I am willing to change. And I’m not afraid of it. You can hide in your little fortress and be scared of it. I don’t care. Like I said, better people than me have tried to reason with you. But I’m hoping that the people who support you and are reading this, will take a long look at what you are and make a decision for themselves about what kind of person they want to be.

...
...
...
reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/slow_clap_citizen_kane.gif

And since Copy-Cat is a prick, he, of course, uses his psychic powers to invade everyone’s private thoughts and steal all their secrets.

I remember a Firefly/Doctor Who crossover where the main villain did that to Mal. Want to know what happened? Mal died. Yeah, dead. The psychic trauma of having someone force their way into his head killed him stone dead, and if it wasn't for the villain having a change of heart and sacrificing himself Mal would have stayed dead.
FORCING YOUR WAY INTO SOMEONE'S MIND IS NOT A GOOD THING!!!

That’s right, Mykan is so pretentious that he was able to murder the “World’s Smallest Violin” joke.

Aw, I liked that violin...

They defeat the dinosaur in a fight scene that’s probably been the best of the story so far. Though that could be that most of them had songs interrupting them for most of it and it’s still as exciting as watching a three year old smashing his action figures together. And yet, somehow I have a feeling the three year old would be more creative.

... want a better fight scene? Because I've got a better fight scene.

“We do not have a choice…!” cried Copy-Cat. “He cannot be reasoned with, we must strike him down.”

YAY!

The story then stops to tell the backstory of Beast Boy and why he did the horrible things he went through. And, I’m actually pretty impressed, because it’s pretty much the whiniest whine that’s ever whined! So, much so, that I’m not even sure I can do it justice with how Myaknious it is, but god-damn it, I’m going to try anyway!

After the song, everyone realizes…

And we have plots within plots. Plot-ception!

Really, this 100th review was great. Can't wait to see you take on the next installment of Mykan's one man whinefest.
... Still making him a villain in one of my stories.

[The Cynical Brony]

Congrats on 100 reviews, mate! I'll probably get to this amount of reviews in about... 50 years.

[Charles Spratt]

Congratulations on making it to 100, man! This review was absolutely hilarious as usual, man, even though the ending was a bit confusing. Still, keep up the good work, man! Cheers

[spideremblembrony]

Whoa, Darkseid was in this show? When did that happen?

It happened when Weird Al Yakavioc was cast as Darkseid in one of the episodes. Wait... That was Teen Titans Go... Never mind.

Careful; last time that happened we got New 52.

As much as I hate the New 52, there were some comics I liked. Like the Batgirl series.

It's Punisher's War-Journal?

Actually, I would have bought this story more if Beast Boy had basically become the Punisher.

"I'm givin' it all we've got, captain!"

KAAAAAAN! KAAAAAAN! (Yes, I know how Khan is spelled.)

Really, this 100th review was great. Can't wait to see you take on the next installment of Mykan's one man whinefest.

... Still making him a villain in one of my stories.

Here's to losing my sanity at the next 100.

[spideremblembrony]

3701494 Actually the ending is very similar to how this story ended. It turns out that after the simulation, there is another simulation of the doctor seeing what would happen if he invited the Titans over. ... Admittedly, I could have made that work a lot better than I did. So that one's on me.

[spideremblembrony]

3701136 But you will get there!

[inum76]

I know I said I was not going to, but seeing that this is your 100th, I thought I would take a look, just the same.
100 reviews. What a milestone. Well above and beyond your own stories you have written as well. That is a lot of writing.

And, damn. What a long review this is! It may take me a week to get through this.
You are a writing machine!

I will never top this or even try with any comment. It gives me an overload just glancing at it, never mind trying to read any of it.
But I will give it a go, even if it takes me a few days to do so.

Okay, yeah, I have read some stories that make me want to consider blinding myself, but overall, I’ve enjoyed this experience and I hope to continue to do so

OK, yes, more Star-Trek references.
I remember when Data got his emotion chip working. He went to Ten Forward to test it out. He met up with Guinan as she was tending the bar. She gave him a drink to try. His face contorted after a gulp of the stuff. He was practically gagging from the taste of it.

Data said "I am definitely getting something form this, I just cant find the right word.

Guinan suggested, "From the looks of you, I'd say you didn't like it."

Data with much enthusiasm to her words, while pointing at his glass said, "Yes! That's it! I hate this stuff. It's absolutely revolting!"

Guinan held out a bottle of it, and asked, "You want some more?"

Data in return held out his glass with a smile, and said, "Yes, pleases."

But you all aren’t here to hear about me

Well, I wouldn't entirely say that.

Things Change and The End … The Musical

A Musical? That might work in a video, but in story form, I think even I would down right hate it. I don't always care for songs in a story, or even a story in a story. Even though I have done that last bit. But a whole musical in story form, I would just put it down, and find something else.

You got bearings of chrome steel to sit through something like that! I feel for you man.

n that story, a character named Mykan appeared and told the Titans that he could drink from his magical spring to make them stronger. And… that’s it…

OK?

Yeah, it was a pretty sad, boring fic.

I imagine so. But I will let you tell of it, seems you got a lot more to say then that.

You’ll pretty much see that Mykan, like other fans of the show, was upset with the ending of the Teen Titans show. Most of those fans have moved on by now.

I was, and I did, after a day or two, despite how much I loved that show.

As far as Teen Titans Go, That show can just go. It is a mockery of the one before it. Sad.

So, let’s get started because we have got a lot of story to go through.

Oy vey Looks like torture.

Well, that’s it for the 100th review. Nice and short ,wasn’t it? See you all in a year.

You tease!

… Have I mentioned how much I love you guys?

A few times.

Basically it’s a machine that can show any number of infinite possibilities and any number of alternate timelines.

Didn't they have a gundam in the Gundam Wing show with such an ability? An ability that it used during a fight as the fight progressed, to predict the outcome of the fight, well before it was over?

I think it was called Zero Gundam. And it was made by a gundam pilot that had gone mad before making the thing. That thing was scary.

you would honestly make a drinking game out of it.

And you wouldn't want anyone to get drunk now, would you?

there is nothing at stake because the main characters aren’t in any danger! It’s not real! We know it’s not real! So the threat isn’t real! Thus, the story has no purpose! It has no reason to exist!

There was something like this done in Dragon Ball Z. A group, and those that followed the show know who, went to get some training. Though in one part of it, all they did was stand in a room that ported their minds to another space and time to have a fight that never happens. The fight was all in their heads.

The only advantage this had was to give them some experiences in knowing what to prepare for. It was no real substitution for some real training. What they did learn form it, was, they had a long way to go, in order to beat what they are told is coming to earth.

Excluding Copy-Cat, whom they had not yet met…

Wait, wasn't Copy-Cat from a Teen Titans animated movie? Another who Beat Boy liked, until he found she was made of ink. And evil. Something like that. I do think I did see her in that. I think it was called Titans in Tokyo. It's been a wile, so I am not sure.
So how did they not meet her? This makes my head hurt.

Or how about being the daughter of a demon that has caused untold destruction upon countless worlds? With the only purpose for your existence is being that you are the vessel in which he will come into your home world and destroy everything you hold dear?

Yes, I did find Raven's life situation, a bit more tragic than any of the others. To wander in emotional limbo, unable to let others into one's life, personally, simply because she would take part in their destruction, in time, and could do nothing about it.

Well, that is something to live with.

He… wouldn’t come out to play?! … Mykan… You know these aren’t the characters from Teen Titans Go, right? They can act like teenagers. Why do the teenagers act like children?! And the children act like teenagers?! Can you not read numbers?! Does 15 look like a five standing next to an ‘I’?

I know I have done a bit the same with some in my stories. Where I have some of the young a bit too serious, and the older more goofy.

But I see this in real life at times. Some children act far more mature, both emotionally and decision wise, than some of the adults I have been around. This I tend to reflect in my stories, though it is unintentional. It is part how I think from what I have seen, and It's just what I do. Even if it is not entirely correct.

No wonder he doesn’t fucking talk to you! You are terrible friends! Go watch Friendship is Magic or something!

Oh' that helps.

Princess Cadance and Terra making out in front of Beast Boy.

If you had the tech from in Monsters Inc, you could generate plenty from how hard I would laugh at seeing that.

“Move on…?” Beast-Boy snapped, “Move on…! Move on to what? I've got nothing to move on too.”

All I wont to do is move on to that hot body of yours babe. Can't you see that!

Why is it that the girl we’re supposed to hate is making far more sense than the character we’re supposed to like?!

I don't know. I am kind of with Beast Boy on this.
A guy knows what he wants, but a woman don't know what she wants, until a guy shows her just what she is missing.

What!!!

This is what I have been told on how it is. Okay, maybe this isn't right. But it worked for Rocky. Watch the movie, and see how putting the moves on Adrian worked on her, even though she was just trying to walk out on him. Hay, if it worked for Rocky, why not everyone else?

i.ytimg.com/vi/-Q1XBnAojho/0.jpg
I know, Shut up! I'm not helping again.

But Beast Boy is able to win her over with a song about how much his life sucks and how I want to suck the life right out of him so that his life won’t suck anymore because there won’t be anything left to suck!

A succubus would be good for doing that.
Oh' look! A little green slime ball has found one. And I am not talking about Beast Boy and Terra.
i3.cpcache.com/product_zoom/470875601/velossa_amp_ooze_minions_quest_mousepad.jpg?height=250&width=250&padToSquare=true

Oh, good, so running through people’s private property is subject to all of the Titans. Good to know for later.

It's not the first time that Beat Boy has done that on the show. Do you remember the time he got himself stuck in Raven's hand Mirror, for doing just that.

The little green goblin just don't know he should not stick his hands in a girls room. Even if that girl happens to be Raven. You could not pay me enough to try that shit with her things. Not alone do it out of curiosity.

If it’s supposed to be dangerous, why is it not kept in a better safe than an unlocked suitcase under Raven’s bed?

This is about as intelligent as those in the movie Jason X. I am not talking about those in the movie, but those that put Jason on ice. You know, instead of breaking him apart at every joint and casting each piece in a solid block of steel or some other solid. Knowing that they could not kill him by shooting him to death.

Putting him on a ship with no on board controls, on a one way trip to the sun might work to destroy such an immortal as well.

But those in horror movies, or stories are not well known for their intelligence either.

Look, it’s been a long month, I’m almost out of booze, and I’m still on chapter fucking three of this piece of shit!

And with that I am checking out. It's been real. I may look over the rest in relative silence. But on another day.

Chow.

[master-of-mayhem]

Finally got around to reading this. That was a lot a review to go through. Boy that story was even worse than I had thought. I mean I heard it was bad, but that was absolutely infuriating. You have my condolences for having to read through that mount pf garbage.

Oh, and congrats on the 100th episode by the way.

[N Harmonik]

3701042

... Still making him a villain in one of my stories

.
Please, please, please, PLEASE let us know when you'll do so!

[N Harmonik]

Awww, we have to wait a year for the sequel to be slayed?
http://dakari-king-mykan.deviantart.com/art/Musical-The-End-of-Ends-II-562386994

[iowaforever]

3719282 THERE'S MORE?!?!

[spideremblembrony]

3720405 Yeah, apparently, there's an alternate version of the story in which Beast Boy tells Terra what would happen if they never got together. And if I remember correctly, he reads it to her like a bedtime story. It's exactly the same as the first one. No variation whatsoever, except Beast Boy becomes this bounty hunter instead of a villain. Not much to say here.

[iowaforever]

3720704 Oh joy, and I thought Mykan couldn't get more repetitive. What's next, Beast Boy's going to explain all this to Lightning Dust/Blobfish?

[N Harmonik]

3720704 I think you're confusing the sequel with Mykan's most recently published fic. In the sequel, Beast Boy and Count Logan are split into two people... Not that there's much difference.

Isn't it cute how Beast Emo care more about the fact that Terra doesn't want to be him than the fact that she's no longer a statue?

[spideremblembrony]

3721788 Really? Wow... that actually makes it worse. To know that there is a fourth fic that is the exact same goddamn thing.

[Alchemystudent]

You know, after watching the Deadpool movie (and loving it, and reminding me why I am always cautious when I write Pinkie Pie, because when you give me her...I tend to write Deadpool) and realizing that Deadpool's girl is Vanessa aka copycat, all I want to think about is that Copycat is in this story and is waiting for a date from Deadpool, then he shows up in this story to make me feel better.

[iowaforever]

3766356 Does he cut off Mykan!Copycat's head and use it as a puppet? That would make it even better

[CuddleCutie]

Well, the lesson in here is clear "You should have gotten that boy in therapy" I mean, things spiraled out of control

[DakariKingMykan]

4930716

Therapy will not help, (I made BB take therapy) and even then then it was mocked.

So, don't ask for things to happen, when you don't really care about it anyway.

[Dice13456]

Beast Boy in name only embodies the "Nice Guy"