Announcing Re-Edits to Equestria's changeling Queen after thinking about feedback · 7:33am Jan 13th, 2016
So, in light of some thinking I did over the week, I've decided and am doing some substantial edits to Equestria's Changeling Queen and the Abyssal Empress.
My last blog post got me a lot of criticism for the lack of a better word. Some of it helped, most of it annoyed the heck out of me, some of them made me think, some of them encouraged me. I won't be doing a blog post like that again, frankly it didn't really help, just got me more criticism, some of it not helpful.
After thinking on what was helpful with the constructive criticism though, I've decided to address a few of the major issues, while keeping things the same.
What the heck do you mean, vren55? Well, what I feel I got right with the story is the actual plot in detail and the sequence of events. However, how I executed it has led to problems that people jumped on and I feel that I actually do have to acknowledge because they do hold back the story's quality.
So the edits essentially keep the plot of the story, but add details or add certain nuance to the story that will assist with the perception of the events and characters. Because while I may think the audience seems to be missing the point, enough have got the same idea to the point I've realized I have fudged the execution. That was not easy to admit, but in order to make this story better in my eyes, I'll do whatever it takes.
The major edits apply to the Chapter 11, which will be re-written. People have respectfully pointed out that while pony loss = good, curb stomp and Celestia being toyed around = not very good. So hence I am rewriting Celestia's fight with Tethys, not to make her win, but to actually give her a fight worthy of her status. I'm also adding detail in the battle itself so it looks more like a decisively losing battle (my original intention) rather than a laughable curbstomp.
Moreover, chapters 4, 6, 7, and the old 11 will have sections added to them to flesh out the kelpies and their motivations, and will be re-uploaded. Almost none of this stuff is new stuff. They actually did happen in the story plot, but the characters couldn't know and the audience didn't know.
Finally, a new chapter 11 is to be written to go between the old chapter 11 and 10, which will turn the Celestia vs Tethys battle to chapter 12. This new chapter 11 also did happen or would have happened in our story canon, I just chose to reveal it to give the kelpies more character and nuance.
I have every confidence that the story will improve greatly after these edits are completed and that most readers will be satisfied by the changes. Hopefully... at least if you guys don't like it, then at least appreciate i'm tried to fix some of the problems XD!
First off, thank you for those who still have faith in me. SvenBjorn and others I haven't able to mention. Please try to tone down attacking people though. Just because I complain doesn't mean we can stop being decent human beings.
For pointing out the problems, I thank those who have commented constructively on the blog post and story. They have given me a picture of the issues I need to fix, while making me feel not too bad about it and encouraging me to write (GO AND CLICK THE NAMES FOR EXAMPLES). I particularly liked Bierkeks comment , Deynarth's comment and Dicefire's comments. They made me want to look at the story again without rebelling against my pride.
Certain others have responded... by being sorry people to say the least. I'm not saying whom. Considering the time crunch I'm facing with my thesis and my tight schedule, I don't have to respond to people who are just going to rage at me.
So, this isn't a problem for most people, but if someone decides its fun to poke vren55 for the sake of riling him up, or if I feel the comment more of trying to get a rise out of me rather than actually helping, I'll comment, warn them to explain themselves or reword in 24 hours (of my warning), and if I get no response, they're being blocked and their comment deleted.
Most people who gave me feedback were fine though. A LOT of it could have been worded better though. When the people I mentioned earlier wrote their feedback, I listened, and I thought because well, I tend to be more receptive to the feedback that comes with some positive comments on what I did right. Some of the way people worded their responses, as righteous and possibly valid as they were, made me RESIST wanting to change the story as it was yarp yarp yarp on how I screwed up. Forget about me, nobody wants to hear that.
Well that's enough time i can spare, back to thesis writing. Wish me luck on these edits.
Meanwhile a Zerv lurks in the comments, waiting to strike unsuspecting posts.
You mean "What the heck do you mean, vren55?"
3682990 Sometimes I wonder if you were born a kelpie.
Oh wait nvm, you created them. That makes you infinitely worse...
3682990
NOT IF I STRIKE YOU FIRST!!!
*upvotes using a rocket propelled computer mouse*
3682992 Praise Dagon! *waves noodly appendages*
3682996
Alternia: *screams and runs away*
vren55: ZERV!!!!! Now she won't let go of my Chyrsalis plushie until tomorrow!
3682994 Wow, someone upvoted Zerv's comment. Has the end of the world occurred?
3682999 All will feel the lord's noodly appendages!
Ywaq maq oou ywaq maq ssaggh Ywaq ma shg'fhn.
3683004 vren55: ZERV! Alternia's about to crack and start squeezing Harlequin to death! Or worse, she just might cuddle him and I don't want my girl at that stage yet!!!!
As I read the story, to me the war initiated by an antagonist (as any war), the antagonist will at first have the advantage because the antagonist hastwo elements on his side to allow hims score victories early on of the war: One is the element of surprise & that no one knew about them. Hence I thought it was obvious to me that the kelpies will score successful victories against the Equestrians & the Griffins.
But like all wars, the antagonist will lose the surprise & soon their opponents will start to learn from their own mistakes & eventually learn about the antagonist motivation & any strategy they have when they attack, which in turn will lead how to defeat the kelpies. After all, Celestia was heading to that island to acquire information about the kelpies & sea ponies. So I thought the follow-up stories will be of the Equestrian, their allies the Changeling, & the Griffons hitting back. Hurting the kelpies bad enough that they will sue for peace, & probably a treaty singed between equals. That was the my impression more or less the basic plot for your story.
It was surprise that some of your readers criticized you (some quite nasty), & one thing I'm afraid that these people will discourage you from continuing your story just because they aren't patience enough to allow the story to progress naturally.
Don't give up & hope to continuing reading your story. Hope to see you update it with a new chapter soon.
3683011 Oh progress continues. New chapter practically wrote itself it went so quickly. We'll stick to our usual two week update schedule as best we can.
3682999
No, but in 2017 it will. :P
3682992
3682990
Sounds like someone needs a hug. Hugs, hugs for everyone.
I am curious why there was bad reaction with Celestia fight. For me I though Celestia managed too well considering she is against someone used to battle again powerful foe (She defeat lot of fighters to gain her status).
But don't lose your motivation about pesky details. It's a enjoyable story to read :)
Just so long as people arent being a big bag of dicks and giving negative criticism all over the place there
Eh. I was kind of looking forward to see how you pulled off the sympathetic-ish kelpie reveals later on instead of parcelling them out early on. And those battles may not have been pleasant to read, but they made sense considering the ponies/griffons are, in a physical sense, trying to fight the whole ocean. I actually thought Celestia put up an okay fight, all things considered, a back-and forth of minor hits until the end... though I suppose Tethys really was toying with her, if she could have sucker-punched her with a waterspout all along.
But, if you really think the story can be improved, I await your work.
Got a feeling I was one of those people. Sorry if I was, didn't think it would come out like that.
I think the biggest lesson here is that you really, really won't be able to please everyone at the same time, and shouldn't lose sleep over it. It's awesome that you're accepting criticism and reflecting, but ultimately it's your story.
I personally liked how completely radio-silent the kelpies were. I guess it's like how Jaws worked specifically because they almost never actually showed the shark, and the other Jaws movies had zero suspense because they were like "hey look at this shark!" Sea horror is a thing because it's just about the only frontier left we can't really pierce that well, and invisible things that can kill you at a moment's notice are effing terrifying.
As for the curbstomping, I can see the argument either way. It's difficult to really write them having losses under the circumstances, since up till the latest chapter it's all been sneak attacks where the camera cut away, and then we only see the aftermath (if at all) after they would've had plenty of time to clean up their own losses. Celestia...well, the girl's not running on all cylinders in the first place, and magic and combat have had a thousand years to adapt and evolve past her.
3683572 3683160 3683113 3683087
Thanks for your support! I'll get to it, and zerv as well.
What will happen with the extra sequences is that they are essentially italian dialogue, aka only dialogue. They reveal something about kelpie motivations, but nothing about their abilities. It is essentially like putting a triangular fin in the water for Jaws.
Good for you.
3683440 If it happened to me its fine as I have preettty thick skin. Just try to keep the fact that other people don't have as thick skin when you comment on others stories.
It sounds great !
I command you for listening to the parcels of constructive criticism, it would be easy to be blinded by the unwarranted abuse you received.
And screw the jerks who have the galls of demanding changes as if they owned the story
Its your story, other people can only make suggestions.
I am looking forward to the next part with renewed enthusiasm.
3683833
I try not to be an ass about it. But people have told be I can be pretty blunt sometimes
... I should probably work on that.
Yay, I got praised by the author! I can die happy now!
But seriously, i tried to put emphasis on "constructive" rather than "criticism". Some others seemed to emphasize ... "being (technically) right" in the most offending way possible.