Snails Aren't Bugs Story Notes · 2:47am Mar 23rd, 2015
Snails Aren't Bugs.
The title came from a Calvin and Hobbes comic.
Snails are a member of the mollusk family (mollusc to you non-Americans, if Wikipedia is to be believed). Clams are also.
I don't remember a whole lot about kindergarten. I can say, without hyperbole, that for me it was long before most of you were born. I remember that we had inflatable letters, each of which had a name—that was to teach us the alphabet. The only one I can remember now was "Mister M with a Munchy Mouth."
Back then, they taught with terror.
We also had yummy paste, but you weren't supposed to eat it when the teacher was watching.
Luckily, when it comes to remembering school, I have two advantages: my family moved several times during my school career, so when I went to middle school, it was in a new town, with complete strangers—and I got to do it again halfway though my high-school career.
I also had the misfortune of spending a day in kindergarten for my journalism class. We were doing a photostory of a pair of twins. It was probably one of the worst days of my life, and I can tell you that whatever a kindergarten teacher is paid, it isn't nearly enough. If someone offered me the choice between going a round with Mike Tyson or trying to corral twenty ankle-biters for a day, I'd chose the quick K.O.
I went it alone, without pre-readers, so let me know if you find any errors.
Because it's cute:
Whenever I hear about mollusks I am reminded of this documentary.
2901314
Yeah, I found a few errors:
- The writing outlines everything so blatantly that it hurts to read it. It's as though it were actively trying to prevent me from thinking about what is written down, and instead goes ahead and explains everything to me as though I were an idiot. No thanks. The characters in the story may be children, but I'm not.
- Neither kid is in character, especially not if I'm supposed to count the thought processes you wrote for them. It's fine if you want to add depth to their characters, but the verbose narrative style really doesn't work when combined with how simple-minded these two are.
- Rolling three stereotypes into one ("starving African kids" + "Japanese and origami" + "smart Asians") is just... I don't even get it. Why?
After reading that I have to wonder how old are you exactly?
2901314
I can't breathe.
~Leonzilla
2901388
Alright. I don't quite get where you're coming from on this, which is probably due to lack of sleep on my end.
Are they simple-minded, or is that just how we've seen them portrayed in canon? I mean, it's kind of a headcanon/philosophical question [and there were some more though-provoking comments on the Snips and Snails thread than anything I'm likely to come up with after a 65-hour long work-week]. One point in the duo's favor is that they have their cutie marks, while the CMC don't, which might mean they're more mature (now) than the CMC.
Oddly, when I was a kid, it was Chinese for all of the above--at least, that's how I remember it.
2901415
Jimmy Carter was president when I was born.
2901426 ah then you aren't that old.
Stormbringer could probably double your age XD.
Although you indeed were in kindergarten before I was born I will give you that.
~Leonzilla
Snails are weird.
2901426
Ah, so you're not so old after all. When I was born, Eisenhower was president.
Not that age alone has any value. I only hope to run out of years before I run out of money.
The Letter People were the bomb, for serious. I still miss kindergaten D:
Didn't immediately spot any errors, but this is an unnecessary comma:
"The first day blurs by so quickly, that nopony really learns anything."
2901926
Correction made--thank you!
2901520
I kind of wonder who the oldest author on FimFiction is.
2901588
And kind of boring. Slugs are way cooler.
2901688
So that was, like, back in the 1800s?
Actually, FWIW, that makes you about the same age as Dale
Only the wisdom gained from experience. Oh, and if Bill Knapps is still around, they used to give a percentage discount of your meal based on your age if you ate there on your birthday.
The American dream. Clive Cussler has said that he hopes that when he's on his deathbed, he gets a call from his accountant telling him his bank account is overdrawn.
2901886
I bet a set of them could be had on eBay...
2903438 probably Stormbringer although he hasn't signed up for almost six months this is not the first time he is had a prolonged absence, I believe he will be back.
2901688 If that is true you just might in like 20% chance you are actually older than Stormbringer; but even if you are in fact older than him unless you actually publish some story about ponies you won't be considered the oldest author.
~Leonzilla
2903542
Naahhh... I haven't published here, and it's starting to look like I won't. It's getting more difficult to maintain a secret "nom de plume" (that's how pegasi preen in Prance) these days. I wasn't trying for the oldest author list, I was just trying to reassure you youngsters that you aren't ready for the rocking-chair quite yet.
2903559 well in any case I would very much be interested in knowing how you end up becoming part of our little community.
~Leonzilla
2903590 There's nothing special to tell, really. I've always enjoyed animation and a well-spun tale. When MLP:FIM came along celebrating some of the ancient classic Virtues, I found it to be surprisingly worth watching. I followed it to fimfiction.net, and despite those virtues being less prevalent here in favor of simpler formulas, there is also much to appreciate in these archives.
<That could have been ...me.)
Lately, I've been reading any "Fallout Equestria" material I could find, for instance. It might be strange that the mixture of game-illogic and pony-fandom has produced such a bizarrely interesting result, but I've been enjoying it. Where else could you find a cute little radioactive pink zombie arguing with her suit AI, and feel sympathy for both?
PS: I just stole a copy of that "Simpsons" image above, and added a speech-bubble pointing at the little boy. It reads: "It tastes like ...ponies." My humor muse is a sick, sick, mythological being.
2903932 yeah that last one is particularly good or so I hear xD.
Well there is certainly a lot of that around here. One of the longest stories in this site is a Fallout Equestria spin-off after all.
I have been procrastinating to read Fallout Equestria for way too long. My goal is to finally read it before the end of the year tho.
The only spin-off of it I have read is the Sweetie Chronicles crossover with pink eyes.
Needless to say it was awesome.
~Leonzilla
2903441 They're like naked snails.
2904643
Terrifyingly huge naked snails.
lh5.ggpht.com/2ODud21CULXWY-pJ5wJa68_6j2GKxoz05ghU0q8bn6LayWQ-gEpnsXdxECci5ImeeMe_rFCWapmOf7zJhQg=s580
2901688 You win. I was born right *after* the Eisenhower presidency.