Story Notes: Unity {part 4} · 11:53pm April 29th
Once more into the breach . . .
Here we go with the final installment!
Chapter 9
There are multiple articles about football players practicing ballet to improve their athleticism; the NCSA says that it improves agility, coordination, balance, and strength & durability. I don't know if they're required to wear tutus, but I hope they are.
Chromatic, metallic, and gem dragons are the three types of dragons in the original version of Dungeons and Dragons (I think that there are more types now).
Grace Manewitz (also sometimes called Janine Manewitz) is a background pony who was the receptionist in Rarity Takes Manhattan and then appeared in a few other episodes. It's canon that she knows how to use a typewriter (and therefore a computer keyboard); there's also a tag that she is a [redacted] which makes it canon. Look it up if you don't believe me.
I would imagine you know what Minions are, unless you live under a rock.
Source
I never watched the movie, so don't really know what they're all about.
The Amsel Striker, also known as the Street Sweeper, is a 12-gauge shotgun with a cylindrical magazine which carries up to 12 rounds.
Chapter 10
All the various coins that the dragon was sitting on are real non-fungible tokens/cyber currencies. The Celestias aren't doing all that well in the short term; when I wrote Chapter 10, their value was $12.19 each; now they're down to $11.42 (at time of writing this blog post). If you want some, though, now might be the time to buy them.
Leroy Jenkins is famous for running solo into a room World of Warcraft. They apparently used that meme in a MacGyver movie. He epitomized Rainbow Dash's desire to rush in without thinking.
A Ruger Redhawk is a line of revolvers produced by Ruger; they've been available in a variety of calibers since manufacturing, ranging from .357 to .45. It can have a six or eight round cylinder.
While there is of course no such thing as a Malware Musket, muskets are loaded down the barrel, and reloading time takes a while. Historically, about 30 seconds to reload. Kind of the same difference in fire rate between a semi-automatic pistol and a Gatling gun. Think of that scene in The Matrix where Neo rescues Morpheus, or the jetpack scene in Kick Ass (although in that last example, I don't think the bad guys got off any shots at all).
Boris Vallejo is a painter most famous for his fantasy art of well-muscled scantily clad heroes and heroines. Bikini armor isn't very effective, or comfortable.
"I know something you don't. I'm not left-handed" is of course from The Princess Bride.
Stallions don't have nipples (they're one of the few male mammals who doesn't), and some horses do have canine teeth. Some horses also have wolf teeth, which aren't the same thing.
Epilogue
While there are various remote ways to disable a server, there are also some effective up-close ways of doing it, such as hitting them with an axe. Repeatedly.
I'm sure all the IT guys and gals reading this are wincing, and I'm also sure at least one of y'all has seen deliberate physical damage to a server.
As I recall, just recently somebody stole a bunch of crypto, suggesting that the tokens are fungible after all.
Since I didn't mention it in the last chapter, a Toyota Yaris is a compact car. While it's designed to be bigger on the inside than you'd think it was, there's no way you'd fit two barbarians and an actual horse in one.
The roof is, in fact, an important structural element in a modern car.
Earlier on, I said that some of the plot elements had been generated by BingAI. I was going to put in a joke about how a section of the story had been developed by Bing, and then a joke at my own expense that the next section that was even more nonsensical was something that I'd come up with on my own.
So I asked it "Hey, Bing, can you give me a mission for a gunslinger and a barbarian to complete? That involves computers?"
And it came up with a pretty good story hook, not gonna lie. Even a short description for the story. "In the realm of pixels and binary, a legendary gunslinger and a fierce barbarian find themselves in a peculiar quest."
Title: The Silicon Heist
Objective: Retrieve the ancient CPU, known as the “Heart of Turing,” which has been stolen by the cyber-dragon, CodeSlyther.
Setting: The mission unfolds in the sprawling metropolis of Circuitonia, a city where magic and technology intertwine.
Mission Details:
The Binary Bazaar: Navigate through the bustling marketplace, where traders sell enchanted software and cursed hardware. Here, the gunslinger must barter for a mystical malware musket capable of piercing the dragon’s firewall scales.
The Forest of Forgotten Files: Venture into the dense thicket where obsolete data roams wild. The barbarian must use brute force to clear a path through the corrupted creatures guarding the entrance to the dragon’s lair.
The Labyrinth of Logic Gates: Solve the riddles of the labyrinth designed by ancient codemancers. Only those who understand the language of machines may pass unscathed.
The Lair of CodeSlyther: Confront the cyber-dragon in a battle of wits and strength. Use the malware musket to weaken its defenses, then deliver the final blow with the barbarian’s virus-smashing axe.
Reward: Upon successful completion, the Heart of Turing will grant the wielder the power to command any machine and bestow upon the land an era of technological prosperity.Warning: Beware of the dragon’s dreaded Blue Screen Breath, which can paralyze even the mightiest warrior.
May your bytes be swift, and your courage vast as you embark on this digital odyssey. Good luck, brave adventurers!
I'll be honest, that was a lot better than I was expecting. I used the various locations that they needed to visit, the mystical malware musket (and having them actually use it was a last-minute decision; I was originally going to have Amethyst toss it in a wastebasket at the end of the mission, having never once fired it). Other than that, I pretty much ignored the mission prompts, because it was a way more coherent story than the one I wanted to tell.
Sorry, image guy here again. Princess Bride-quoting Pinkie?
/10.
Imagine if you wronged Pinkie Pie enough that she went Montoya on your rump?
I don't think there is a horror flick villain scarier than that.
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Heh, no worries; the pics are always worth it
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Given the hinted-at canon that she can just appear if you say her name? Combined with her Pinkamena personality?
There was a case somewhere in Eastern Europe where a guy managed to piss off two donkeys enough that they killed him. They killed him with so much prejudice that the initial assumption was that wolves had done it. I feel like having Pinkie as a sworn enemy would be worse, especially once you realize that Pinkie could destroy you whenever and wherever she wants to but she just hasn't bothered to do it yet.
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Worse if you know anything about her -- I could see her popping up out of nowhere and just saying in an ominous manner "Cupcakes..."
She could drive you completely insane.
"Oh no no no, I don't HAVE to kill you," said Pinkie Pie.
In fact, she could use her pinkie sense such that she doesn't LET you die. That would be too easy.
People always forget analog solutions. Similarly, unplugging your computer can stop a lot of intrusion attempts in their tracks.
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My favorite is to pull the plug , disconnect the commo wire, then restart the machine and run my anti malware suite.
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When computers were slower, you had more time to pull the plug.
btw, it's "into the breach," not "breech."
Breech means something different, and going INTO one is... inappropriate for polite conversation, let's say.
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Breech is a general term that means "the rear of". It can refer to a part of a firearm (breechloaders load rounds from the rear), clothing (breeches are trousers, they cover your ass), or to a physical orientation (breech birth, birth where the baby is born rear-first).
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Given the story was M-sex and had lots of guns, I assumed it was a pun and moved on with my life.
cryptocurrency fundamentally has the same vulnerability as any other encryption scheme. The key is what verifies your identity, and so whoever controls the key controls the content secured by said key. You are expected to provide your own protection for the key, by ensuring that it is only stored on devices that you can reach physically and never transmitted. However, some service providers offer "convenience" features to let you use the key from any device for the low, low cost of letting them store your key on the internet. You can see where this is going.