Gotta admit... 2014 was dark. · 1:40pm Jan 4th, 2015
Warning! Swearing and all around :(iness
Really need some input, folks. Help, advice, something, because I'm lost.
2014 sucked. 2015 isn't really proving to be any better. And I'm not just talking about emotionally and financially, either... even my writing has suffered lately. Maybe because... I'm not sure I want to do it anymore.
I'm starting to think the spark died a few months ago.
I just saw this, and thought it might be the solution to my problems:
Maybe I need to hone my craft more, to get better as a writer. Do something small every week, maybe? Well, I want to think I'm a good, even great writer, but the only true success I've ever managed on this site was the first I'm Sorry, Sis, which got heavily hyped on Isseus' blog (and was probably helped along by its controversy. Combine that with some glaring errors, and I'm just embarrassed with it now. This is made worse because people are going to confuse it with my fetish material elsewhere). Every other fic I've released hasn't gone anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy the Hearth's Warming Eve fic was well received by those who read it, but I felt like it largely fell on deaf ears.
I always see my friends' fics pop up on the feature box, usually big projects, sometimes small, all the time. There's collabs, cross promos, and it just gives the impression that I've got to be active in the community as well for anything to be noticed, read, and enjoyed. It's as though if I just cast my line out into the masses, they won't bite unless there's familiarity. I only have time for my boyfriend right now. I can't do collabs or anything because everything is too chaotic and stressful for me.
Writing stopped being something that brought me joy just from doing it. I'm too afraid to put any effort in anymore because I'm sick of feeling like it's wasted. I want a reception, good or bad. I'm writing to put my thoughts and experiences out there. I want to know people are actually reading what I'm putting up, and yet I'm scared to devote hours and hours into any of the five or six projects still in my head because I haven't had any success with a new fic or update since July 2013. I know WRTMI updates have been few and far between, but I don't even remember getting so much as an upvote from the last one. I spend all my time lately gaming or watching things because they're my outlet for siphoning off misery right now.
So, I'm struggling to write due to lackluster reception, and I can't get a reception without writing new material, which nets me a lackluster reception, which makes writing harder to want to do, etc.
Maybe I should just go ahead and cancel WRTMI. Considering it takes me months per chapter, I'm exceptionally doubtful I'll ever finish it. Most of it is there in my head, but I'm too goddamn anxious to devote myself to writing out of a fear that I'm not going to reach any audience beyond about 10 very devoted followers—which I am super grateful for, please don't misunderstand me. But with each passing day, I lose more readers, and a story this large is nearly impossible to hook newcomers on. Every time I think about big things I know that are coming up that mean a great deal to me due to emotional investment, I keep asking myself 'is anyone even going to remember these characters? That event? That chapter?'. Those are the thoughts that keep me closing the document and I can't stop them, because I believe them.
I can't keep asking people to reread a full novel every time a new chapter takes 8 months to write, just so they remember what the hell is going on. Maybe the naysayers were right, and moving the fic into the plot for Act 2 made it too big for me to handle. And if I try to write something else, I curse myself for leaving all those who are anxiously awaiting another WRTMI update and I go back, only to come up short again. Over and over. Because I want to be successful. I'm still trying to 'break into' FIMFic, because I've almost been here 2 years and I've accomplished virtually nothing compared to the time frame. My fucking clopfics still have more views than the first chapter of WRTMI. (Is that it the answer? Clop?) Is a megaproject like WRTMI just holding me back because I'm not a good enough author to do it justice?
I really don't know what my next move is going to be. And that's fucking frightening. With my life, with my finances, with my writing, with myself, I don't know what my next move is.
It kind of comes off as though you no longer write out of love, but for attention. That might be the trap you put yourself in.
Sorry to hear you are in such a place. To be honest it sounds like you are afraid of rejection. You say your audience is 10 loyal people and you are referencing to your first chapter of WRTMI. I know from stats that you need to consider everything. So take a deep breath and look at your other stories. Don't compare the bad and the worst, because that doesn't help. Then I want to you make friends. Do you have a lot of friends out side of FIM. If you do then great. Spend some time with them. We all understand about late updates. I got two updates recently that took over a year for the author to respond. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't compare the bad and the good. Instead focus on the whole and then try to get yourself happy. That may help your spark.
This is going to be one of those things where I start rambling again, isn't it?
First of, I still think you should have made that story two stories. The first quarter, the competition, training and show with Soarin is a very good romance story that has almost nothing in common with everything that comes after it. It's a prequel and it's a good prequel, and that's exactly what it should be to the other story you tell. (Given, you did it better than "My Roommate is a Vampire", but in my subjective opinion that story is the worst example on stitching two stories together)
That said, I did enjoy the story. I read it when it was already (nearly) as long as it is now, and I don't think I got actually bored at any point during the story. It inspired me to take the Anubi race into my headcanon, so chances are I will be making obscure half-references to your story in years to come. Congratulations.
That's not to say the story couldn't use a good summary for all the people who did read it. It's already starting to get slightly fuzzy in my memory, and it's not like the major happenings would take that long to count down (especially when you can summarize the first quarter with "Soarin and Rainbow are dating now").
Whether you do all that or not, here's my final piece of advice: Write something else. Don't cancel the story, put it on Hiatus. But write something else in the meantime. One-shots, Slice Of Life, Comedy, Puns... Join the "write-off" group if you feel like it. Few people enjoy writing gritty death and gore on characters they love, and everyone can use a break from that now or then. In two months you might feel inspired enough to jump back in the game.
(Also, get someone to repeatedly nag or kick your flank if you fail to write something you promised to write, or fail to write in general. It helps. I think. I really need someone like that for myself.)
Some of my favorite Fics on the site have about a hundred upvotes, tops. And I personally don't really read out of the feature box either. I think your writing is excellent and I kind of jumped in just before that last chapter was updated (WRtMI). Even if it does take you several months, I would happily read all those chapters again because I genuinely enjoyed that story. But I can also understand why you're frustrated. I can't really give you any advice (newbie writer, all my stuff is crap that I'm scared to post) but I can tell you that I at least really like WRTMI. Maybe you need to take a step back and allow writing to be fun again. Start with something small and work your way up. If it's really the fame you want . . . I'm not sure how I can help
I'm sorry to hear you're going through that. Right now, I can relate. For now, I think you should just focus on what makes you happy. If writing is stressing you out right now, you really don't need to focus on it too heavily. When you start to dislike what you're doing, the quality of whatever it is will drop. You should probably try to focus on the most important things first. I can't really talk too much about that, since I'm awful at prioritizing, but just try to relax for now. I personally love a lot of your short stories, and I think you have a lot of talent (especially when it comes to conveying emotion). I'll have to read your Hearth's Warming fic whenever I get time. Although I'd love to see more from you, I'd rather see you produce stuff when you're ready to write something. Just do what makes you happy for now, and prioritize what you can. I hope things work out for you.
I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time, but we aren't that far into this year. Things can change. Sure, I haven't been a supporter very long, and yes, I'm still young and learning the ropes, but I have seen enough work to know you have a lot of talent. I am usually not an easy person to impress, but you amaze me more and more with each story. It isn't your fault your stories haven't been featured. I think you should stop writing to please and start writing to write. If you know you've done all you can on it, sit back and watch the magic. If people don't like it, it's their fault, not yours.
Just because we don't say anything doesn't mean we aren't listening.
I know the feel, bro. I'm friends with Lithe, Billy Colt, et cetera. I'm the nobody of the group - 3 years on this site and not even 100 followers, and half of my followers aren't even online anymore. And, personally, I feel like I'm the better writer of either of them. (On the bright side, I've yet to succumb to writing porn.)
Sounds like you're going through the same thing as me - the 'why bother?' stage. Why bother when shitty crossovers, tons of currently-trending fics (Like when FNAF was released and we got tons of those), and bad, wish-fulfillment porn takes up the so-called 'featured box'. Why bother when most of the good outlets are going down the drain - Twilight's Library, et cetera, and when Equestria Daily turned from a badge of honor to pandering, formulaic crap with standards so high it's actually easier to get published in a real magazine.
So why bother, when hard work and dedication goes unrewarded in the shadow of stupid shit that gets pushed out? Well, Stephen King says you have one 'Ideal Reader', a one-person audience whom you want to please above all others. Only they matter in your mind. Once you find that Ideal Reader, you'll find a new spark of inspiration. I know I did, at least. Were this website to burn in a hellfire, I'd still write out my series just so she could read it.
Well there's your problem right there! You stopped writing for you and started writing for us. That is a dark path that leads only to stress, sadness, and disappointment when you finally finish the next chapter. If you write to try and get readers, you never will. When you do that, you end up writing what you think we would like to read, rather than what you want to write. That kills the spark, sucks the joy out of it, and leaves you with a bland story thats more like literary oatmeal than anything else.
When you do what you love and love what you do, other people will love it too. If you aren't enjoying writing your stories, take a break and write something different. Make a comedy, and just go for the most ridiculous thing you can think of. Anything to make writing fun again! You could even go get a buddy and start writing that comedy with them, the fun is always doubled that way! Or if you don't want to go get a buddy go do a google docs live writing thing, hang with those ten loyal followers of yours!
2699692 It's very easy to get caught in for this site. It makes you doubt yourself when you find out an audience you thought was loyal to all of your stories is only loyal to one specific one. It can get confusing, but it makes sense. The best way to fix this is to write for yourself. If you're not having fun, then stop and think about what you want to do, or change how you're doing it. I guess.
Also, sorry, I haven't gotten up to What's Really the Most Important? , but I planned to. I can understand the sting of fewer comments and less views, maybe it's something wrong with the site in general? Maybe groups will help, I'm not sure. I've been trying to figure out how to fix this myself. I still write for me, but attention and more social interaction from readers is always nice, less attention is always... empty.
WRTMI is one of the stories I look forward to most in my lists. I really hope everything works out ok :-)
Your problem is, your not writing for you anymore. If you're not happy with your own story, then you'll never feel like anyone else could ever be happy with it either.
Additionally, why are you complaining? Other people are clearly happy with WRTMI. I looked at it; It has over 400 hundred likes, 1,130 comments and over 100,000 total views. Your freaking ridiculously popular. Most people are lucky to get 50 likes and a few favs.
My advice? Man up, grow a pair, quit whining, and stop trying to please an audience that's already happy. Focus on making yourself happy with your writing.
It looks like this has already been said, but it can be said again. Your goals were pure when you first started; you wanted to tell a story that you had in your head. Now you want the followers and features and tons of views that popularity brings. That's not a bad goal at all. It's just very hard to achieve, and even harder to achieve with certain kinds of stories. To me, if you want to be famous on this site, then there are only a few things you can do. You need to be dumb fuckin' lucky with a story that randomly gets a ton of views, or you can pump out story after story (clop or not, but clop will probably give more followers that way), and you can be more active in groups, comments, and other things.
The epic story you're writing, WRTMI, doesn't appeal to the largest audience. Its sheer length will scare some away, and the action and dark tendencies in it will scare away others. I don't intend for what I say next to be a plug at all, but I know three other writers that are in a similar boat (views-wise). There is Wind and Stone by the legendary Ruirik. Over 700 followers and he's only got 700 views on his 113k long story. Only a few are dedicated to it (the mature and sex tags are new, from one scene). Another of the writers is The 24th Pegasus and he's written three stories, Of Skies Long Forgotten, Snow and Shadows, and Summer Lands. Between the three stories, there are over 460k words, and the views decrease from 4000 to 1700 to 700 between each one. The last one is LoyalLiar. He's had a bit more luck, but his views have dropped off as well. He only has a handful of loyal readers that have stuck with his 500k words between two stories.
I'm not trying to say that you should suck it up or anything of the sort. I'm saying that they keep writing, telling their tales, even though not all that many are listening. They enjoy what they write, and Ruirik has admitted that it kinda hurts when only one person comments on a new update, but they keep going. You need to get back in touch with why you started writing. That spark inside is dying, dwindling to a small ember, and you need to give it some time to build back up into a roaring fire. This is a Blog Post that's really good by HoofBitingActionOverload that I thought might help you a bit. It's helped out a friend who has gone through some of the things you're going through now (once again, views and follows-wise, not the other life stuff).
You should start writing for yourself again. Write what you want to see, what you want to tell. I love your writing, and so do others, but we hate seeing you like this. I hope you find that drive again, that passion for telling a story that originally drew me to you. Maybe what I've said here has helped, at least a tiny bit, because that would be good. I wish you the best of luck, Krishna, because we want to see you happy again. Take care.
~SolidFire
I've passed my first anniversary, and I feel for you as well. I actually enjoyed it. I'm also going through this, so this should work for you as well. As long as you have one follower, that one person is worth writing for.
2699692 it's definitely a trap. There's a high I get when people love something I wrote, and I feel like I have to get it again.
2699705 it's not so much I'm afraid of rejection... I'd welcome even a hostile reaction, because it might be something to build from. It's the effect to the cause I want.
2699727 Glad I inspired you with the anubi race. Despite it all, hearing stuff like that makes me feel fuzzy as all hell! My idea for a rewrite would divide the acts into their own separate fics.
I think my best bet now is to set it aside. I obviously can't write for it right now. I don't want to cancel it, I really don't. I -want- to finish it, I just don't feel able to. I've been poking at a CMC/Manehattan CMC fic I've hinted at before and I'm not struggling with it.
Well, sadly I must say that I can recongize myself a lot in this. I actually knows how it feels, and it feels awful. I feel it myself right now. But of course, it's not about writing. It's about art.
But if I should give you something to maybe help you, it's that instead of forcing your self to do updates on the large story, just think through the day of other things you could write. Just Ideas that pop into mind. Maybe there was this one theme you wanted to try out, well, try it. And it isn't about the views, the comments or the followers.
It's about you. And what You want to do.
People in the old age, they drew and wrote to express themselves. To put a story down for anyone to see if they wanted. They just wanted an outlet.
That is what it still is today. But sadly, now when we write, draw or compose, we just think of others who do the same things. The others who reach higher peaks, and we think that we should be there. We should reach that spot. But it isn't so. The cavemen didn't care about others, they just wanted to express something, to put something in their mind into the physical world. And they did. We do so too.
For example; I draw. To me, my art looks great when I make it. But then when it is done, I still think it looks great, but then, I start comparing it.
Comparing it to the hotshots and in that second, it becomes trash.
But it never is trash. It is you, or who you were in that moment. And you are never trash.
The other ones art and text may look smoother. Better. But that is still them in that moment.
And you can't compare yourself to someone else, that is just wrong.
But still, What I'm saying is...
Don't compare your art, yourself, to other pieces of art, or other persons.
You are you, you become greater and awesome, and I swear, you'll just get more experience ignoring how "good" other pieces are than if you compare and eye em.
2699729 Thank you. It's clear the desire for fame is what has screwed me over in the first place, but it's a nightmare trying to get out of that hole. I do need to step back and try something smaller right now.
2701832
Well, I can't do much to help, aside from repeatedly saying that you're awesome.
And write songs. If you ever want to incorporate a musical number in one of your stories, I'm your man/stallion/magical talking unicorn.
2701930 your very welcome. I hope you find your inspiration again soon!
2699733
This is, sadly, quite true
I'm still looking for something that I'll enjoy working and can get top quality through. That Scootalove fic was a step in the right direction, but it was still written because I had already promised a holiday fic.
2699740
Just wish I could remember this more often. Thanks.
2699748 It is exhausting when I see what I'd consider subpar fics of subpar material hit the feature box and gain hundreds of faves in mere days, something I'd like to point out to 2700107 that WRTMI only accomplished after nearly two years. I've seen authors gain dozens of followers in mere hours. And I certainly don't feel ridiculously popular when I go days and days without notifications and every single author in the feature box as of right now has more followers than me, some by thousands. One of them has only been on FIMFic for nine months.
I will look for that feeling of my ideal reader. Maybe I already have them. There are certainly people I love hearing from whom I would love to provide content, even if it were just for them. But while writing continues to feel like a chore rather than a joy, I still feel aimless. Maybe as xanderman1201 pointed out, my audience is already happy? Then the same problem lies with the fact that writing sucks right now and I'm worrying that it's me.
2699933
I understand the wisdom here and in everything 2700193 explained (not to mention that blogpost, that I did read. Was enjoyable nodding to myself 'yeah, exactly' every time he aired a grievance). What I don't understand is why I haven't had one of those eyes-wide epiphany moments. It's not like my writing spark is like an irregularly beating heart that needs a shock to restart itself. It feels like I've already flatlined.
I tried some writing in the last few days. While enjoyable at the time, thank God, any urge or desire to keep doing it was shortlived. If I, say, went back to work after writing on break, by the time the next break came along or I got home, I couldn't jump right back into the same doc. I need to take a step back and just let this all sit. I need to get my bearings, this entire ordeal and not knowing whether I'm done as an author has completely drained me. I've also been dying of a flu the last 4 days... possibly related to my present mood, probably not.
Just gotta get the fuck outta here for awhile, I think, and then see if I can jump back on the horse. Cuz, y'know, My Little Pony? Nevermind.
2699975 Very empty. It's disheartening and feels crushing. Anyway, I guess I don't blame people for not getting a chance to read WRTMI. I've even said it myself that, to me, a fic that's closing in on the size of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a pretty big timesink for one go, especially when you can't just slap on an audiobook or physically take it around the house or town.
2700046 Thank you, I do too... this is my baby
2701634 I know, but sometimes it's hard to remember that when disappointment sets in and you're already in a depressive mood. I can only hope others don't get to the point I'm at, where writing itself is bothersome.
2701836
I will try. And I'll act on any of the random ideas that pop into my head when I'm able to return to writing properly. I know it might sound confusing when I say I can't write and yet I submitted a fic back on the 26th, but that one took far too long considering its size and I really struggled hard with the concept, hard enough that my BF stepped in and bounced some ideas off of me until the right ones stuck.
I did have a blast writing the intro, though. And I will need to check out some of your art sometime if I haven't already.
2701953 I... actually intended to include a song after Act 2. This was my original plan back during the outset, once I was giving the 3-act structure a rough outline in my head. I may still do it if I ever get there... or maybe the TV show will give the character in question a song that I wouldn't be able to match up to and I won't need to. If I don't, the place where it would've taken place should be pretty obvious when it comes to that point. Let's say it's several things coming to a head.
2704490 Short answer? Take a break. Take a week or month or whatever where you don't consciously think about writing. Ideas will still come to you, and sometimes they'll even give you that little spark again. The brain is funky like that.
And look for music as inspiration. Find a song that fits your story's theme, and imagine how the story plays out in relation to the song's lyrics. Example: Cape and Cowl is a revenge tale, so I mentally applied Disturbed's 'The Infection' as its thematic equivalent. I'd listen to it and the story would almost write itself in my head as I imagined scenes happening. It doesn't even have to be a single song - right now I listen to Disturbed's 'Leave It Alone' and Metallica's 'Master of Puppets', since both thematically fit the sequel.
tl;dr take a break, relax, listen to some music, let ideas ooze into you as they will. You may find yourself going "Ooh I can't wait to write that!".
2704572 Music often helps, but it's always been hyping up big events that are coming up later
(listening to this pretty much painted the last major event of Act 2)
(this one inspired... something, but can't remember what).
A big problem I have is that I can't write or read if there's music in the background. It's like I literally can't focus on a single thing if there's music blasting. Yet I can miss an entire wrestling match reading Cracked. The fuck.
Anyway, I'll be taking a break from it all, anyway. We'll see what the future brings.
2704497 Just keep writing new stuff when you can. Things will get better. *hugs*
2704503 Writing IS never bothersome. The only time it is when you're filling out mountains of paperwork.
2704490 The way you describe it, it sounds like you also have a minor case of writer's block--not so much a lack of ideas, but a lack of really compelling ones. I'd suggest grabbing a bucket of popcorn and hopping on Netflix for a movie marathon. After submerging yourself in other peoples work for a while you might find that you've been hit with a surge of inspiration.
You know how it goes, you only find what you're looking for when you've stopped looking. Don't worry that you might be 'stealing' ideas either, there truly is nothing original under the sun; oftentimes you'll find that the best ideas are the ones that happen when you stuff a bunch of other ideas in a pot and melt them together! (for example, Star Wars happened when George Lucas got it into his head that cowboys vs samurai in space would make for an awesome movie.)
Aww man, I'm sorry you feel that way KK :( I know how it feels to get serious writers block, believe me. Hopefully you can get WRTMI back on track, but I really don't mind the breaks in between the chapters. As long as it's good content, which it always is from you! :)
2704692 Thanks
Just distancing myself from it is already doing me wonders. I've got a creative itch, but I'm still having a problem putting things into words.
2705627 Maybe it is a writer's block... but I'm always brainstorming new ideas or refining the ones I have, so I really don't believe it's creative stagnation.
2710007 Thanks. You're anotther long time reader I'm very glad to still have by my side
2713400 Thanks, I'm always glad to be here!
2713400 Well, I would suggest you write down notes. Whenever you come up with ideas, just short things.