Alright, here goes · 4:48pm Feb 25th, 2016
The last thing I wrote and submitted to FIMFiction was on Christmas Eve, 2014. I wanted to try to return to WRTMI then, write another chapter or something before the big rewrite I wanted to do, but it just never happened. The only writing I did last year was basically some 4chan fetish crap, the entire time wanting to continue my main fic but feeling utterly incapable of doing so.
I've been unhappy with WRTMI for a very long time. It's one of the reasons I wanted to start over in the first place, but two things have been holding me back: Number one, I don't want to disappoint anyone still waiting patiently for the continuation, which is just delaying a decision... forcing them to wait even longer. Number two, I loved the idea that I was able to have the longest SoarinDash romance fic on the site, and really couldn't commit to the idea of starting fresh and separating Acts 1 and 2 into different stories, as they should have been from the get-go. That's stupid reasoning and I'd be best abanonding it.
For awhile, I thought of just quitting. 2015 was one of the worst years of my life. Well, the last 3 or 4 have been that. Getting a fantastic job, temporary or not, and then losing it and having to return to living in poverty hit me a lot worse than I thought it would. I thought traveling to Germany to visit my boyfriend would give me that happiness inside, but for some reason, when I remember those days, it's bittersweet, or even a little sad, because it's not a year-round reality yet for me. I believe I was happy while I was with him, I really do, but maybe one of the reasons my years are getting worse is because my brain is so far off the deep end that there's no saving me. When left in my current situation, I'm just going to drown in misery and self loathing until I kill myself. This doesn't scare me, a fact that SHOULD scare me in and of itself, but I've actually been pondering my own death since I was 11, so I'm completely desensitized to it. I've been meaning to get some therapy or something, but the drive just hasn't been there. Again, rambling, but my point is, being unable to write has just helped me feel like trash. I've let my readers here down completely.
Feb so far has been better than most. I've been eating healthier after switching to shopping at a bulk store. It's a bit more expensive, but I need to make less visits and I'm mostly home cooking as opposed to fast food. Couple this with a switch from the gym to former wrestler Diamond Dallas Page's DDPYoga program, and I feel marginally better physically. I had to get a new TV and bought an XBox One recently, so I've had plenty distraction. It's been a decent month and I've felt a bit more accomplished. But the best part is the fact that I've been able to really get some writing done. I finished three fics for 4chan that were well received and sank my teeth into what I had compiled for my WRTMI rewrite and I've managed to make some progress.
So, what's this mean? Am I not going to add anything else to the story as it stands? Well... yeah. Part of me wants to, really wants to, but, again, it's been so long since my last update. Act 2 is super complicated because I spent so little time establishing certain places by trying to 'mystify' the plot, while maybe overbuilding other things in a short period of time. The Outcasts, the homeless group of kids of Gymkhana, got a lot of exposition in a short period of time, but still felt completely unimportant to the arc of Act 2. This bothered me the most (almost as much as my inability to keep character accents consistent. Hello, Rapidfire!), since I intended Grape Blossom to be an important character, but I gave you guys no time when reading through to get to know her. So much time between chapters made the story a mess, left readers confused as to what was the last thing they remember happening in an already contrieved plot, and the general switch from the characters-first-plot-second approach I made of Act 1 to the plot-first-oooh-mysterious-characters-second approach of Act 2 was bonkers for some people, I'm sure.
I've always seen WRTMI as my primary focus on FIMFic, my great big main project, but... it sucks, man. It truly kinda sucks. The writing in the beginning is a bit dated, but feels organic, moreso than all of Act 2. There's things that should have been established first, long before they were important, so they too could grow organically and come into their own when needed. Too many new faces, too many new concepts, like the Wonderbolts' secret parent organization, the different districts of Gymkhana and their focuses, the power of alchemy, exactly what powers our villains had been given by the demonic entity. It all needs room to breath or the reader will be unable to absorb any of it. This is something I think that could be solved if not everything had to happen around Rainbow Dash.
I mentioned before that something I wanted to try for the rewrite were alternating point of view characters, like George R. R. Martin did for A Song of Ice and Fire. Though I don't think I'll be making chapters quite as long as he did... I swear, some of the chapters in A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons felt so long-winded that WRTMI chapter 35 looked short by comparison. But I will be taking the time to establish this little world of mine properly, not all at once, and with care and a great editor from the start.
So, yes, this means I'm going to officially cancel the WRTMI I have now. As of now. My only focus now is the rewrite, crafted to the best of my abilities, starting with Act 1 as it's own seperate novel. It's going to be longer, a lot longer than it is now, because I want to begin the story before the adoption. Rainbow Dash is in here own dark place, much like myself, and I think I can use my own experiences once more. Part of what made Act 1 feel so great with the building relationship between Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo, and Rainbow Dash and Soarin, was using my own life experiences. So Act 1 should be her pursuit of happiness, of a better life, while giving Scootaloo that same feeling of purpose and importance. Soarin and Act 2 itself were intended as the conflict of interests to Dash just having a happy life with Scootaloo, but I lost my focus somewhere and I won't again.
I know I'm going to lose readers and followers with the decision, not just talk, of restarting. Especially after such a great length of time. But it's going to be a better story, it NEEDS to be a better story, and the way it's all in my head now gives me a real sense of excitement to write it again, long into Act 2 and the utter cataclysm Act 3 is shaping up to be. You'll find that Act 2, or I guess Book 2, now, actually had a point!
I think I'll keep the name What's Really the Most Important for the whole story, or maybe Book 3, but Book 1 should be titled differently. Questions for later, I guess. Anyway, here's an outline for the earlier parts of the first act. The story will take place before Season 5 and RD will be a little less... melodramtic over Tank hibernating, since we're gonna start mid winter.
Wonderbolt Prologue, Pov character is Spitfire. I wrote this last year! But added a whole bunch just now.
Part 1: Mental Eclipse. This is all before 'The Mother She Deserves', btw.
Chapter 1: Rainbow Dash,
Chapter 2: Grape Blossom, looong before the events that kick off Act 2
Chapter 3: Rainbow Dash
Chapter 4: Rainbow Dash
Chapter 5: Scootaloo
Chapter 6: Rainbow Dash
Chapter 7: Grape Blossom
...
...
until eventually the chapters that are a general retelling of the old Act 1, with Grape chapters indespersed.
Just my general outline so far. I might be able to condense some of those RD characters, we shall see. I'll probably give each chapter its own title like I already had been doing, 'cause I like them, but I don't want them too complex, either. Like, 'Chapter 2: Bonfire Night (Grape Blossom).' Is that too complex? Idk, if there's more than 2 words in the title, it'll get pretty obnoxious. And yes, a bonfire! Otherwise, maybe I'll do more homage to ASOIAF and do the boring 'Rainbow Dash IV, Grape II' crap.
So, there's the long-winded skinny. There's some more stuff I want to do with this page, maybe link the 4chan and FIMFic libraries by making a collection, or finish off some of the non-WRTMI pony fics I've done privately, we'll see, but right now WRTMI 2.0 is my focus. I'll be back when I've got a few chapters done, show off a little preview or something. I won't publish anything until Book 1 is finished. All at once? Chapter by chapter (when they've already been completed so I can schedule them)? No idea yet.
If you've stuck by me and will continue to do so, thank you, and I'm sorry for putting you through this mess. If you want to call me a cock and flip me off, I'm sorry to hear it, but I don't blame you and I certainly don't hate you, and I am sorry :( I've really been trying to avoid upsetting people, especially now that I'm writing this as another new reader is marching through my story and leaving nice comments and this blog could be a huge blow of disappointment to them... but the longer I delay, the worse it is always going to be.
Again, thank you. Back to writing!
I highly recommend trying therapy, man. I felt similar to how you feel about the "drive" not being there (partly due to anxiety), and I also felt like I didn't "deserve" help because I felt worthless. However, I was essentially forced to return to a therapist after I had to spend a week in a psychiatric care hospital this past May due to a legitimate attempt at killing myself. Now, I visit him on a semi-regular interval, and I can honestly say that it is a GREAT thing for me.
In addition to that, taking an antidepressant has helped, too. Prior to taking any kind of medication, I had a lot of misgivings about the idea of taking a magic happy-pill, but it turned out that it wasn't like that at all. It's sort of like getting circulation back into a limb when you've laid down on it for a long time, but with your brain. My mind feels a lot less... numb.
Oh, and exercise and good eating is fucking awesome, too.
Not trying to tell you what to do or anything, KK, but you're a great guy, and you deserve help and care if you need it. You really fucking do deserve it.
Man, I know this is going to be the usual cliche stuff that most people say, but no. It's true that many people have enjoyed your work and WRTMI, including me, but none of us here are looking at the fact you haven't written for this site in a while and thinking to ourselves, "Damn, KK really is slacking off!"
Hell, if anyone actually is thinking that, then that's their problem, not yours. You aren't working for us, and you aren't at our beck and call. We enjoy reading what you write, but you aren't a bad person for not writing in a while.
I don't honestly think it sucks. On the other hand, though, I think your assessments are on point. The story kind of started to get lost in its own epic scope, and it happened in a way that felt rather abrupt given the overall content and feel of Act 1. To me, it felt overwhelming, and in a way it also felt like a derailment of the original premise of the story.
Despite that, you do have a lot of great stuff to work off of, and the material of Act 2 succeeds at its grandiose aspirations. Even though I felt like the transition to Act 2 was a bit of a blind-side, once I was in the midst of Act 2, it was pretty awesome. Still overwhelming, but awesome nonetheless.
I've also mentioned before just how striking the improvement in writing quality as the story went on is. I'm dead serious, KK. It's pretty amazing to see.
And you know, if the grand-scale rewrite ever starts to feel overwhelming as a project for now, you could always start off smaller and write a oneshot or something. But I'm just rambling at this point.
I wish you the best of luck with your new endeavors, KK. It's also great to hear that, in spite of how you've been feeling, that this February has been better. And if you want anyone to talk to about stuff, feel free to shoot me a PM.
Thanks for the update, man.
Well, I hope you keep doing better. It sounds like you've had a rough few years. If you need someone to talk to, I got a Skype? Or I can just PM here. *hugs*
I'm still a follower! ^^
While I am sad that the current What's Really the Most Important isn't going to be updated, I'm even more excited that you're starting up an entire series (yes! More reading! *fistpump*). Whatever you write and publish is going to be amazing and you better believe I'll drop everything as soon as I see that little notification in my feed. I eagerly await whatever stories you have to tell us.
And since the current What's Really the Most Important has "ended" I feel that I need to express my thanks to you for writing such a magnificent story. I've laughed. I've cried. I've been on the edge of my seat with suspense, and stories with that kind of magic is hard to come by. So, really, from the bottom of my heart, thanks for the story you told. I look forward to any and all stories you have left to share.
3776847
100% me to a T, mang. It's good advice, just hope I can heed it.
idk anymore, I work hard my whole life with nothing to show for it.
Thanks for the wishes and praise
3776862 I'm always happy to get PMs
and could exchange a Skype through there
3777801 Thank you!
3777806 Thanks, man. Feels good knowing I can get an emotional response in people! I know the next go will be even greater.
Gonna echo what was said about the benefits of seeing a therapist. These folks have made it their life's work to help your life be better. What initially surprised me about therapists is that their services aren't just for people in trouble; marriage and guidance counselors are often sought out because they can see potential trouble before it starts. That sort of third-party insight is invaluable.
I just wanted to say that this WRTMI I am currently reading through again and I still love it. I will read the re write because you are an excellent writer and I will continue to stand by and support you