The Future of My Little Apprentice · 10:47pm Nov 22nd, 2014
The Decomposition and Future for My Little Apprentice
Hey everybody, so more than a few of you are probably a little surprised to be hearing from me, a blog entry on a story that's already been complete for some time. Oh, and there are spoilers in here, so don't read if you haven't finished the story.
Some people don't like reading, so for those people, here's what this blog is about: I'm breaking up My Little Apprentice into three separate stories, one of which isn't written yet.
Wait, what?
No, you heard right. I'm splitting up the story. Here's where it started: I'm not a perfect storyteller. As a matter of fact, I'm a fairly poor storyteller. After having finished writing Harmony Defended, I came to the painful realization that in many ways I fell short of my goals for the story. How?
The name of the story is "My Little Apprentice," and yet we see very little actual apprenticeship going on. It seems almost as though an apprenticeship was about to start when the whole discord thing started, but next thing we knew there was a kidnapping subplot and we didn't actually get to see that relationship develop.
There are many reasons why this happened, but I for one don't really believe in excuses so I won't give any. Instead, I'll present my plan to fix things.
1. The story of My Little Apprentice will be split into a trilogy, dividing along the lines on the three main acts.
2. This means that the first novel, the one that will stay posted under this name, has more or less been written. It includes chapters 1-16, with grammatical revisions (curse my English class for never teaching me about the proper use of said tags!) ane a few new scenes (such as an entirely original prologue). Again, this story will be posted as what is presently called "my little apprentice." This revision will begin in January, and proceed quite rapidly, probably over the course of that month (if not faster)
3. Here's where things get exciting. The second story is not written yet. The idea here is that Chance's kidnapping didn't actually take place on the day of the Summer Solstice, but some time later. There are months of time left open to explore. This story will primarily be about Chance, the CMC, and Twilight Sparkle. We'll see the actual apprenticeship, more adapting to pony life, and some tie-ins with episodes from the forth season. Those who know about my plans to write about a "Science Fair" will know a little of what to expect.
Also important for this section, I intend to handle rising action better. I did an absolutely dreadful job with that the first time, and everybody was completely blindsided. That would have been great if this was a thriller novel, but it isn't, so I intend to do a much better job about that. We'll probably see more about Chrysalis and her plans, at least in some small amount.
4. The third of the stories would be particularly composed of the later sections presently included in MLA, with some fairly heavy revisions. Not just the grammar mistakes (which I would fix), but there are some problems with the plot I would end up needing to fix, plus making Chrysalis and Chance's changeling clone into more important characters.
So, that's my plan. I expect to release new material for the second story with one update a week (the pressure of releasing twice a week was part of the reason we ended up with a barely-edited first draft. I wrote 90k of MLA in march alone). When it comes to re-submitting existing material, we can expect material more quickly. I will add (R) to chapter titles that were already posted but have been revised.
For those brave souls who made it this far, thank you! Hopefully you feel wiser now without feeling older.
Sounds good to me. I did think some things happened kinda fast, but it wasn't enough to really bother me.
Sounds like fun.
for a second I though I was going to see words like 'delays' 'lost interest' and 'cancelled'
(there really needs to be a
for 'relieved'.
So what you're saying is... more MLA?
*approves vigorously*
I don't think the cutie mark crusader's cutie marks are ever explained in Harmony defended, are they? Or in MLA either. I guess that is one thing to touch up on. More MLA can only be a good thing, there was so much skipped in the story or just briefly touched upon in Harmony Defended as a throw away line.
My Little Apprentice, is actually the story that brought me to FIMfiction. I found it on Deviantart after watching a few episodes of the show and followed that story here. I'm glad to see you expanding this story and I just want you to know that I blame you for luring me into the the world of pony fan fiction.
I am in full support of this!
Well I was gonna jump on Harmony Defended like cheese on macaroni but maybe I'll wait for the middle part first that goes before Chrysalis's thing.
I dunno. I think keeping the story moving quickly has served you well.
Let me give you some background on how I approached your work. A long time ago I saw "My Little Apprentice" in the feature box. I looked at the title and the cover art, thought "Twilight gets an OC apprentice... and this has the [Human] tag... probably a self-insert." And I moved on to the next story.
Some time later, "Harmony Defended" showed up in the feature box. I started reading the first chapter and liked it very quickly. That story starts off at a dead run and I could tell there was excitement ahead. Halfway through the first chapter, we transition away from Twilight and Luna and the story slams on the brakes. Because I was only minimally invested in the story at that point, I almost dropped it there, but I kept reading and all of a sudden there's an AI in Ponyville! Now you have my interest!
At this point I realized that "Harmony Defended" is a sequel, and I should probably read the original story first. So I did, and it took a while for the story to build up steam, but the result was worthwhile. You've got a story that takes the best of human and pony society and compares them with each other, which is the kind of FIMfic I like best. And you've peppered the story with tantalizing hints about a really interesting sci-fi universe, which I love reading about. The story's got me hooked now; I'm enjoying it for its own sake, not just reading to get through it so I could read the sequel, as I was earlier.
But I'm not sure the revisions you're talking about will improve the story. For me, the OMICRON Core (and what it represents) is a big part of what makes the story interesting. It's important for protagonists to be good at something, and until Truth awakens, Second Chance doesn't have a lot going for her. She's nice and she works hard, but her connection to the Precursors and their technology is what makes her special. If you postpone the kidnapping, and thereby the scene where Twilight powers up Truth, what will the new, intervening chapters look like? Will they be full of Chance moping about how slowly her magic lessons are progressing and how unworthy she is to be in Equestria? I don't think the story needs more of that.
By inserting a new act into the story, you'll be slowing it down a lot. Are you sure the material you'll be adding will be compelling enough to justify that? It's your story, so do what you want with it, but I don't often hear pony fans saying "You know what we need more of? Wacky adventures with the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"
Sorry for the long comment. Thank you for writing this great story! (I've only finished chapter 22, so no spoilers please!)
2610665
Hah! Not after a thousand years on the moon! I finish what I start, if my constant updates since march are any guide. I intend to finish every story I projected for this universe, and not stopping until I reach that point.
2611242
Yes, that's true. A great deal never got to happen because the story came to an end far too quickly. Of course, if I do include the actual moment when they get their cutie marks, then I have guaranteed to write something in blatant disagreement with the cannon if and when they actually get them. This also places time constraints on the story, since we know that they didn't get them before Tirek did his thing.
2611261
"blame" If that's true, I will happily accept responsibility. There are far better and greater things in this community than anything I could produce. I'm glad you found your way here!
2611378
Not necessarily a bad idea. I'm going to be very careful not to write anything in MLA:1,2,3 that could alter the cannon of HD, but that doesn't mean things in the unwritten part of the story might not forecast things to come. It's much easier to forecast a future you've already written about.
2611491
Before I say anything I'd like to thank you for such a detailed, clear, and honest response. Not that it isn't helpful to hear the short responses that merely approved of the idea, but to hear someone disagree (or at least express concerns) being able to hear your concerns is extremely helpful. Since the split isn't like to take place until the beginning of next year (got to finish HD before I move on to something else, can't divide labor into that many pieces without consequences) , suggestions like this are likely to have a real impact on my approach to the writing.
So, to make sure I understand your concern, it's that postponing the awakening of the OMICRON Core until Twilight arrives is likely to drag the story to a halt. In short, it sounds like you're worried the middle section is going to be filler (IE, a bunch of adventures with the CMC that have no fundamental impact of the story as a whole)
This is a valid concern. I hope I can address it in the following way: The chapters after the kidnapping are going to get a serious overhaul and reworking, with between 20-40k of new content and some serious revisions to the plot. The only constraint is that events are still going to work out in such a way that they flow into Harmony Defended without contradicting it in any way. This means that while Twilight's satellite plan she makes with the AI is likely to still happen, it's probably not going to be the first time she spoke with it at that point, and instead they'll be working from an existing relationship.
I'm not going to put the breaks on the overstory in section two, and I'm able to do this because I can revise and further advance what happens later in act 3 as easily as I can add new content to act 2. Only the stuff before the kidnapping is going to remain exactly the same.
In short, don't worry that book 2 is just going to be a bunch of insubstantial fluff, because it's not. After all, from her perspective, Second Chance just woke up an OMICRON Core. You think she's just going to leave it sitting in the basement with a blanket over it until she gets kidnapped? Not a freakin' chance.
2612962
Is this really a big concern? Your story barely matches with canon as it is due to all the world building you've done. A few things different probably won't mean much. I mean, consider that the CMC are heavily involved with Chance AND Truth (something that should be expanded upon, that is one of the things I was referencing as being skipped or mentioned in a throw away line), something that would never happen in canon. So would it really be a surprise if their cutie marks were different? Their entire lives in Harmony Defended appear to be heavily influenced by Truth from the small snippets we've seen. They are probably the only ponies besides Twilight, Chance, and the other Princesses who have heavy (constant) access to him, and are probably engineers serving directly under his guidance.
2612962
I think that approach has potential. In particular, frequent interaction with Truth would allow you to delve into more detailed comparisons between human and pony society. Twilight and the CMC could ask questions from very different directions, and those conversations could be quite interesting. If you keep the plot moving forward quickly, and the new content develops Chance more, that might be worth doing--especially if Truth gets a bigger role. I am looking forward to seeing how Twilight's relationship with a sentient computer develops.
Thanks for the detailed reply! Glad I could be of service.
That sounds cool. I liked your story and I wil gladly read the longer fixed version.
EDIT: Ah you have made a sequel? Nvm then.... 
And if I may suggest something to change, please reconsider Chance's CM. What can remember that you gave her Earth as CM, beacuse she was trying to save it, she was a human before, and beacuse of that Discord's "Warp mutation think".That's neat but i think that shouldn't be her special talent. IMHO her talent should be something about hi-tech engineering like it was when she was a human. That would be awesome and fun to read about.