An update · 2:55pm Oct 15th, 2014
My internet connection is probably going to be axed soon. At home anyway. Expect some delays... and maybe more.
Life is currently circling the drain. There is no better way of putting it. I'm probably going to be homeless at some point, which I do not intend to allow to happen. With my long list of health issues, I wouldn't last long. So when that happens, I'm probably pulling the plug.
As for those who have offered to help, I can't even open a bank account right now. My last bank account was seized by the courts apparently. I don't know what happened. But I am about a million and a half dollars in debt due to hospital bills, and everybody is trying to take what they can. My bank account was empty and I got charged with a 155 dollar fine... not even sure why, but I am going to have troubles opening up another bank account... so Paypal and Patreon might be out of the question. I really don't know what to do at this point. I think there is a bench warrant out for my arrest for failing to show up to court. The debt just keeps coming. I don't have any means to get my meds anymore. No more heart meds, no more insulin, no more blood pressure meds, the pills that were prolonging my life have ceased.
As for the other issues lately, I don't know where to begin. I didn't come here to be harassed. I came here because writing was a way to distract myself from the pain. I don't know how long I have. Might be two years, might be ten years, but those are gonna be ten sucky years. And I thought that maybe I'd pass the time writing or do something productive rather than sit back and feel sorry for myself. Have something (completely meaningless) to show for the last years of my life. It was never meant to be so serious. I came here because I needed an outlet. And I stayed here because it was fun. For a while. At some point, the fun was replaced by stress, which I don't need. Stress and people with congestive heart failure don't get along well. At some point, logging on became a thing of worry. How much hate mail was going to be in my message box when I logged on? It started with Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions. And it spilled over into other works. A dedicated campaign of harassment and negativity. I came here to attempt to be a writer. Other people came here to attempt to be critics. Never had a problem with actual critics, but some of people hurling abuse, insults, and hate messages and calling it criticism, I feel sorry for you. If you put as much effort into writing as you did tearing down other people's work, you might have something to show for all of your efforts.
Anyway, I've been debating just hanging it up. I've thought about deleting everything and having my account nuked before I go. Really not sure how I feel about everything yet, but even if I am somehow given a temporary reprieve from the coming collapse, I am not so sure I want to spend whatever time I have left dealing with petty bullshit and aggravation on a day to day basis. Like I said, at some point, things just stopped being fun. Or maybe I feel this way because there is currently no hope and the end feels so near. I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet. If my living situation improved maybe my patience and the ability to deal with bullshit might improve.
But as it is, everything will likely be ending soon. And even if somehow, something works out, in another month or three, the end will once again present itself. So I really don't see a point in continuing this farce. I don't know how I feel right now.
I just wanted to write and feel better about things, but I can't even seem to get into the groove of doing that lately.
One thing I can promise you... There are a lot more people who love you here than hate you.
What La Barata said
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And it because of folks like you that I've hung around this long.
Doesn't stop the end from coming though. I don't see a way out of what's coming.
many appreciate you here, honestly i think you could be a professional writer if you wanted to! Don't let rude people get you down. Also I hope things get better for you.
reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/raining_david_tennant_nosedrip.gif please dont go, we love you
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I might not have a choice soon.
I am running out of options.
Shit. I have no words that can accurately describe the way I feel after reading that. I can't believe that people would ever show you any hatred or any of your stories criticism. Well, hopefully a light will finally shine in the darkness that is your life, and soon too. We'll all miss you if you do decide to end it.
the negative is always loduer than the negative even when it is a voice of a dozen to a voice of a thousand. and I have a fairly good feeling it is a dozen to a thousand.
you have a really creative story going on here and it dying out seems a tragedy of its own. still, I am sad to hear that your own life is such chaos and uncertainty. I guess that does explain the drive you have for your story, how you have done so much story in such a small space of time.
it may be a small mark on the grand scheme of things, but to nearly a thousand people and likely more it has been an adventure they are glad to have taken and want to continue to take.
even me who gets utterly confused by that mammoth of a story. writing is too good to pass up.
if you cannot write anymore, you cannot write anymore. but don't delete your stuff. and I hope you find a way to help yourself before it all gets worse.
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Your stories have made my heart soar, and then you savagely tear it out of my chest and blend it in front of me before putting it back together and bandaging it up, and then you tear it out again and stomp on it, leaving me weeping on the floor. If you do go, I will remember you as the Feel maker, destroyer of all that is happy. You are the best
I was a little jealous of your writing, but when I heard it was a distraction from pain about a month or two ago, I felt terrible. I don't write as much because I have the opportunity to do more things. I stopped taking that for granted. I never posted "ahhhhhrg I'm gonna catch up!" After that... I don't know, I have a lot of respect for you. A sad, kinda solemn respect but I thought to myself. "Wow, this guy has all that going on and he's trying to do something productive and fun."
Do whatever feels best man. I'm not gonna complain about the lack of Chase. Just whatever makes you happy dude.
Dayumn, yous in deep shit.
As far as rude, angry comments go I have this [Nil desperandum carburndum illegitami]. Basicly (don't let the bastards grind you down).
There are a large number of people on this site who understand your stories and realize that the story is not the person. Those who cannot make that differentiation most likely don't have that tight a grip in the first place. Should you leave this site, know that you will be missed by many and that your stories will remain in many hearts and minds as they touch many of us and give us much to think about.
........ if and or when the time comes, I ask this. entrust your story to someone on fimfiction that you trust. so that bucky, his herd and his adventures, can live on. it may be a small legacy to leave, but it would be a legacy non the less.
At the very least, don't delete everything. Let it stand as a testament to your creativity and ability. Deleting this stuff because of a few loudmouthed, entitled morons would be a travesty. Your distraction is our delight. Really.
I wish you the best, and wish I could offer something concrete.
Kudzu if you do wind up having to leave the site just remember that alot of people here will always remeber you as one of the greatest story writers we know. Not only that but don't nuke your account like fan of most everything said let it stand as a testiment to everything you have done.
Now's the time I usually say something witty that gets a point across about the ferocity of the human spirit. I got nothing, so instead, have this.
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while i talk with Kudz in PM i also want to face the fandom, the chase fandom.
we are bronys, and as i learned it most of us are good people and we will not ignore people in need, and right now Kudz needs up...
while i'm not from the USA like Kudz, some of you are... and if anyone is near his location, go and give im a hug, he is in a dark place right now and needs to know not everything is bad.
i also plan to see how to work around the issues and have working patreon and paypal for him, i know everyone here can donate some money for a good deed and this is one we need to do, he provided us with a great story an epic verse and we need to payback, not only in good words as he deserve but doesn't get them as he should but also some money, while it's not the point but money helps people.
i myself donate to some people via patreon to make sure they continue their work, Kudz is not different in this plan... and i do not intend for him to stay in his current condition
Let me say some things. Please read it through, KH.
You have a fascination with several items that would be considered deviant, including flatulence, horse sex, and neurosis. Your humor is suspect, your storytelling style swings from one extreme to the other, and frankly, there are more than a few "dafuq did I just read" moments when I peruse your works.
And by Celestia's shapely flanks, I love you for all of it.
I have my problems with your stories, but then I have iffy little bitchfits about everything I read (including my own work; you have no idea the screaming sessions I have with my reflection over my idiocy), but I cannot deny the love and effort that you have poured willingly into your tales.
The world building is fantastic, the OC's are believable, and the Canon characters are well done. Completely accurate? No, but nobody here gets it exactly right, now do we?
You have given us a world that can only force us into two camps—the Lovers or the Haters.
So while I may have my beef with some aspects, dammit, I love your universe.
And hearing you have your struggles pains me in ways I cannot describe.
KH, I can't help you in any meaningful way. While my health is (thank God) relatively alright, my own monetary situation is untenable. School loans consume most of my income, leaving me with enough to get to work and eat two meals a day. I know this pales in comparison, but I cannot deny that, even if I did have a way to help, I couldn't spare the change to do so, and this makes me extraordinarily sad. All I can offer is my prayers and spiritual support, and hope that you will come out okay.
As for your account, I will not presume to tell you to do either. I can say that, if I were in the same position, I would do all within my power to make sure at it stayed up so what was left of my work could stand as a marker to others, and so that it may be enjoyed by others for as long as possible. Would that mean keeping the account open, or gifting the stories to another author to post? I don't know. But I would want them to be enjoyed, even beyond my own capacity to see them being so.
As for the haters, I have this to say...
Galileo was imprisoned in his own home until the day he died for daring to assert that the Church was wrong...but he turned out to be right.
Van Gogh killed himself, and was considered the worst artist of all time...only to be considered one of the best two centuries later.
And Twilight Sparkle had all of her friends turn their backs on her...she turned out to be right all along about Cadance.
Haters gonna hate, and giving in, submitting, admitting defeat will only make them puff their chests and swagger more.
If the stories stay up, though, they will rail against the heavens, but to no avail. The story will stand tall; tarnished, yes, maybe even chipped here and there, but stand it will.
If I were in your shoes, KudzuHaiku, I would not give them their victory.
Know at you are in my prayers, KH. May Jesus and his angels watch over you and protect you, and know that you can consider me a friend.
God bless.
2534399 I wish you luck and a solution soon. we gotta prove that we have proved to be a community that can move a mountain. let us prove it once more.
2534430 for now i plan to use Western Union to transfer funds to him and open a paypal donation with his approval to go around banks and stuff and make it so he will get money in cash from WU in his location
2534434 that is a good start. hopefully it will work.
I understand if you don't have a choice due to the situation, but fimfic will have lose one of it's best. I will hope and pray for you, my friend. May your stories stand as a monument to a great writer and fellow brony lost. I will remember you.
your friend
C.W.S
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with Kudz's approval here it is
Donate to help Kudz
i plan to go to WU and check what i need to know to transfer the money to him
Hey, if you ever need a laugh, read something of mine. They're like train wrecks in slow-motion, solid recordings of disaster that are sure to make you laugh at my failures.
I think you could use a good laugh right now.
I like to think of you as an inspiration to other aspiring writers. There's a lot the younger hopefuls can learn from your style and perspective in storytelling.
Speaking of which...there are writers...and there are storytellers.
You, sir, are the latter and damn good at it.
2534485 think we need to determine a money goal here. for example how much would he need to continue as is.
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short term - donations, give what you can, a quick fix to a big problem but that is what we can do as an immediate solution
long term - Patreon, a regular monthly income from people who like his storys and want to help on a regular basis. this would come later on.
I understand the reason you are contemplating chaseicide. it still doesn't make the fact that you are a great writer that has touched the lives of many. honestly everday I look forward to your updates on the chase. life has been trying many of your readers as well. maybe not in ways that it has tried you but just know your stories has been a ray of light in recent hardships for me personally. Also for what it is worth my prayers are with you. it is my honest hope that even though you are suffering from many hardships that everything works out.
does this link work for you people?
DONATE
Whatever happens, wherever we end up in a century, if we're still here, if we're still reading and writing fan fiction, if its still here on fimfiction or fanfiction.net pony or not, I will remember you kudz, as long as I'm able, because you dared to be different and you dared to write and god dammit its been a good run so far for me as a reader and occasionally as a member of this little community you have here... Celebrating having so many comments on a fic, talking about your awesome writing that caught me off guard at first, it was a little weird but I really grew to love it. So whatever happens, make from life what you can and leave as few regrets as possible from this life into beyond. Everyone here on the internet has a voice and that's not always a good thing unless its kudzuhaiku because I know you've seen more and struggled through more than me and there are nuggets of truth and honesty and wisdom and love in your crazy rantings.
I say, no matter what happens, never let the neighsayers win. Don't shut 'er sown over a few whiny brats. Even of the worst happens... a part of you will continue here.
The sharks and neighsayer can chip away at your confidence, your dignity, take your money, your meds, and even your life... but they'll be damned if they think they can take your legacy.
2534504 think the problem is you need to be signed nto a payapl. I know I am not right now.
2534519 try this link Donate
i just want to say that you truly seem like a wonderful individual. i wished that your life didn't have to end like this. i have thoroughly enjoyed the stories you gave us in the end and i admire your resolve in doing it. it takes a strong man to turn death into fuel rather that a wall.
when the end comes to you, we will miss you, i will miss you. i hope you get to die the way you want and i hope that whatever comes after is what you want it to be.
now, if you excuse me, i need a moment
2534524 that will work I suppose. think he needs to post a journal with this link so people knows about it. and to emphasize he is supporting it.
I don't know how to feel.
Mr. Haiku, your storys make me smile, they make me laugh until it hurts, they make me think about life and its facilities, they make me enjoyably sad.
You have given us so many great original characters to love.
A while ago, I thought about asking my fellow readers 'If The Chase was a book series in the stores, would you buy it?'. My instant answer was yes.
And I've never understood haters. Sure, it's normal to dislike something, but that is just horrid. Projecting the hate you have for your empty life on something else. In this case, on something wonderful in the making.
Right now I'm crying because I've spent my workday at a chemist in the stable German health system discussing with customers because they didn't get their drug with exactly the same carton from exactly the same company as the last time.
Be happy you get them, you *@%#$§*.
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It says 'Sorry — your last action could not be completed' when I go to the site.
2534545 he opened a blog post on it
2534550 try this one DONATE
I wish I could help... but I'm still only a high school student. I can only offer my words of comfort which don't really help in this case. I hope that somehow, things will get better for you and you can come back to us. *intense virtual pegasus hug* I've honestly taken most of the details from the chase and turned it into my own head canon. As a fan, I ask you to not nuke your account. It is one of the best stories I have ever read, and is one of the few things I look forward to every day after having dealt with daily stresses.
http://oscar-is-replying.tumblr.com/post/87081757210/erebusatrophyxrp-lost-minds-and-triggers
A little something to remember that while we cannot do what's in this link, we want to.
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Maybe someone could try and get Seth to help with a EQD link?
2534574 you might think it's funny but i did plan a trip to USA next year
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I'll bring the bricks. :)
It will be a shame to see yet another great writer leave this site.
Well... Shit.
Oh, fudge. Try and get to the U.K. Most things our N.H.S. can fix. Slowly, but mostly for free.
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Oh Goddess, please, send a rescue... I'm dying for more civilised lands and I love the BBC. Oh please oh please oh please. And proper tea. Not this pumpkin spice tea latte crap.
Lemon curd. Scones. Crumpets... with all of the little holes to collect butter. Proper bacon.
Oh for fuck's sake somebody send a rescue. I'm stuck in an abysmal shithole of a country.
2534269 you got a friend in me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iWrIfEgFlQ
Where did the planet go wrong with its economy? How could nobody have foresaw the spiraling disaster of the current day and age? This country is so many trillions in debt... how could it have gone so utterly wrong?