Princess Luna's Suicide Solutions feedback needed · 2:34pm Jul 9th, 2014
Is there any character you feel hasn't been fleshed out fully? (Biscuit remains an enigma intentionally)
How do you feel about the story?
We are now beginning the recovery arc, where the real healing finally begins. Expect some ups and downs.
But in general, I need your feedback if I want to make this story better. How do you feel about everything that has taken place thus far. The more you can summarise, the better I feel I can write the second half.
I am in an odd place in the story to be honest. I had the beginning worked out, I have the ending worked out, I know how it ends, but the middle still needs to worked on, which has me worried. Which is why the new chapters are coming so slowly. I am still forming much of the middle part of the story and it has been difficult to do.
The part coming up with Merriweather has me worried. I am absolutely terrified I will flub the whole situation. It is pretty much the central theme of the story at this point, is the bone caught in Noctilucent's craw. It is a big part of what caused his attempt at suicide. Still not sure how to handle the situation.
Anyway, I really need to hear what you, the reader, has to say. It will be of tremendous help if you can be as verbose as possible.
I would really like to see more of Dr. Lethe, she remains pretty mysterious. Other than that, and my inability to imagine a spotted pony, I absolutley LOVE this story, I can't wait to see what you have in store for us.
A little light upon Shadow Patch maybe...he appeared a couple of times in the history, but only as a background "pony"....
How do I feel about the story? It's very deep and makes me reflect on my definition of what a "problem" in my life is and what it means to be depressed. It also makes me think about what I would have to do in my life in order to live in a manner that is more fulfilling.
Characters that need more "meat on their bones"? Within the orphanage, if it can still be rightfully called that, I feel that while all of them have a ways to go, based on all the other works I have read of yours and I know that will come with time, I can't help but feel Graves has been neglected a bit. We've been told he is intelligent and he has been displayed as such, he has displayed the ability to cope with the death of his mother but I feel that he has not impacted the story as much as I feel he can. A suggestion I can give is maybe he finds out that Noctilucent is doing the college courses and is able to help him somehow, as a "subject of study" seeing as to how he has displayed a proper understanding of his own emotions.
As for the romance of this story, I feel that you are going about it in a realistic manner. You do a nice job of setting the atmosphere as uncomfortable between Noctilucent and Quirky as they both, I feel, are coming to terms as to how they feel about each other and how to display said affections.
As for how to deal with Merriweather, I can try to give you ideas but that's about it. For one you have left her as pretty much a blank canvas as to her personality meaning you can take it any way you want. If she decided to keep the child, I don't remember honestly, that could show her as a person with strength of character and integrity who also probably has an aversion to alcohol due to what happened in the past. It also depends on how deep you plan to have the two connect to each other. Does this universe have the concept of herd marriage, sorry if I bring this up a lot, if so you could have her interact with the cast as a whole if not, well drama llamas are a thing if you wish to "test" how Noctilucent's and Quirky's current feelings fair when other forces come into play. All in all I don't have enough information to give an answer that is worth a damn.
So there you have it, for better or worse those are a bit of how I see how this is going.
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Shady Patch is going to slowly transition into being a bit more of a main character.
He is Quirky's balance. He will be needed more.
And, having lost his mother, he will also behave as a counterbalance for Noctilucent. I am still trying to flesh this whole thing out to be honest. I know what I want from him as a character, but getting him to perform it remains tricky. Been thinking about it a lot.
In all seriousness, Graves could use a little more time in the spotlight, as well as Arroyo and some of the others.
I think the only way you could screw up the Merriweather thing is if she forgives him right away. I could see her being mad at him when they reunite and insist that he leave her alone for the rest of their lives.
I don't have any real worries for upcoming parts as I have complete faith in your work.
Glad to see you back again.
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I don't see why she should hate/dislike him eternally, but I would expect some kind of strong reaction at least for a moment. I think you're right on the not forgiving him right away thing.
P.S.
I think Luna has dug herself into a bigger hole than she expected to.
I would like to see some more interaction between the foals and Luna.
I personally think Arryo should be explained further. I personally like him as a character but we don't know much about Him. I personally would love to learn him as a character fully
That shy filly that helps Cactus Blossom, whatshername... I even can't remember that filly's name
2269341 same here
To take this in another direction.
Not every pony can, or should be fully fleshed out.
Sometimes enigmas are important, and background ponies that have their own lives that you don't know add depth to a story.
I truly like this story, part of me was worried because of my history with depression and attempts at suicide in the past. but somehow I find reading this to be a bit cathartic... and after you blogged about whats going on in your life I feel like I have more insight to where this story is truly coming from. I think that's the best part... The raw feeling of someone who has those sensations writing about them. It makes it more ... I don't want to say believable ... but I think it's relate-able.
You put so much of yourself into these stories and it truly shows, I think the arc with Merriwether isn't going to be any different ... my only concern, if I have to have one at all... is that you're going to try too hard to make it something else...and lose the focus. What happened with her cant be fixed because it's in the past ...all he can do about it is understand his reasoning behind that, and look at the point in his life he was at and find out WHY that was his reaction ... but trying to make amends with her wouldn't work out... I know I'd never be that forgiving if a male did that to me. Her righteous anger wouldn't add too much to the story either (in my opinion) because it would either end up with him being crushed beyond recognition ... or, like I've seen on trash TV for years... she might not even remember he was there and then all that will happen are old wounds be reopened and new blame form ... but once again, land him into a depression that might be harder to recover from. Acceptance is more what might have to happen ... he strikes me as someone who also has a bit of OCD in his character too...thats also enough to cause someone to want to put an end to it, it was for me.
I'd love to know more about Biscuit, but I think it's better that he's left like that, I think he more has selective mutism due to trauma and someday that could work itself out for him ... but whatever it was, was so terrible it caused him to slip away. I'd love to know, I have my guesses... but I think it's almost better left alone. I think Dr.Lethe is somepony else that would be very interesting to know more about ... I'd like to know more about how she found this as her skill, or more of her emotional reasons as to why this is her skill..why did Luna trust her?
my last point, and then I promise I'll shut up ... I think the only complaint I have is that they 'allowed' Noctilucent to start to pursue his degree so quickly before he's regained his mark. I had a nervous breakdown 2 years ago and while I was in recovery I thought I would go back for my TH.D in Pastoral Counseling for people with Disabilities... because I'd been through so much and I thought I'd be able to help. I got to the interview stages (and most of this would be a distance program) and they told me that I wasn't "healed" enough to be able to do something like this ... that I had to wait longer and be farther into my recovery in order to be trustworthy and to be able to EVENTUALLY work with my suggested dynamic. TWO YEARS. That time has passed...things change ...
I understand this is a story, and you're the author and can do whatever you want, and I like it
...but I think that he's not gotten his mark all the way back yet should have become MORE of a focus. I feel like they're overlooking that his healing process, even with all the support and everything around him, wont be enough if there's another traumatic event... and I think it needs to be addressed that even in a "therapeutic house' for these foals they've still all gone through extreme trauma and it is possible for one of them to decide to kill themselves... how would Noctilucent be able to cope with that?