Everfree NW 2023 retrospective, and the trans question · 4:58am Aug 17th, 2023
Let's start with the bad 
:
- My voice cracked at the karaoke, with Nicole Oliver and Bill Newton watching.
- I couldn't enter the cosplay contest as my judging time conflicted with Iron Author.
- And unfortunately my Iron Author entry didn't win any prizes or honorable mentions.
Now, the positive.
Overall, I had a good time. I had some fascinating social interactions at the convention. I met Rescue Sunstreak at breakfast and we talked about our somewhat-similar IRL careers. I also met twice with Jarvy Jared and the EoJ team. I also enjoyed learning more about Ponyguessr at Steady Gaze's segment of the PonyDev panel. I also heard that the unofficial Ponyguessr tournament went pretty well, though I wasn't there. And thank you for the cookie, Scampy. I liked your karaoke of Wagon Wheel, that's one of my favorite country songs (an Asian guy who likes country music, that's not something ya hear every day, huh!?).
I enjoyed hearing the Iron Author winners! Especially R5h's Iron Author story--I never thought that I would feel sympathy for a volcano. And Shaslan's first-place Iron Author entry which was such a poignant story about the meaning of beauty that gave me shivers. No spoilers; I will wait for the respective authors to edit and publish their entries!
Thanks to everyone who attended my slice of life writing panel; perhaps the way I structured it this year was a bit less engaging...but if you enjoyed it, I'm glad you did!
And after two failed attempts, I was finally able to get Tabitha St. Germain's autograph as the second to last person in line on Sunday. And as a consolation for waiting, she gave me an autographed Derpy figurine as an extra freebie! 
I've always had a fear of failure and rejection which has held me back from trying new things in the first place. Conventions have been a big part of helping me overcome my fears.
My fear of talking with strangers. I first overcame that fear at BronyCon 2019, when I travelled alone for leisure for the very first time in my life.
My fear of public speaking and leading a panel. My first panel at Everfree Northwest 2021 helped me overcome that.
My fear of dressing feminine and wearing makeup in public. Everfree Northwest 2022 was the first time I wore makeup and feminine clothes in public.
My fear of singing in public. This year's Everfree Northwest helped me overcome that fear.
What's next? Only Celestia knows. 
With every con, I feel like a new barrier gets broken down. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I went to Everfree Northwest this year and tried everything I wanted to try without regrets. And if I didn't get everything I wanted, it wasn't for a lack of trying or because I was too afraid to give it a shot. I feel disappointed about the bad things (see above), sure, but it's a different feeling than if you never tried in the first place. Rather than looking back and wondering "what might have been" if I had taken a chance...I'm looking forward at "what's next." "What's my next opportunity."
Although I wasn't able to enter as Twilight Sparkle in the cosplay contest, I got many compliments on my outfits walking around the convention--thank you all! I can't believe how much I've progressed in my fashion sense, self-confidence, and my makeup skills in just the past year. Of course, experimenting with makeup and feminine clothing has made me ask myself some...very heavy questions about myself. One question in particular. And believe me, it's a question I've thought long and hard about many times, sometimes to the level of intense anguish.
And the answer I have come to is...
No, I'm not trans. I'm a guy who likes feminine clothing and feminine things (like My Little Pony). In fact, the more I've worn makeup and the clothes I like, the more confident I've become in my own skin and in my own (male) body.
But I'll add a note to that. People change. For some people, the answer to the trans question is a very hard yes or a very hard no. For some people it's somewhere in the middle--it's messy and complicated and it takes time to figure it out. So I won't pretend that I'll always think of myself this way or that my identity will never change. All I can say is that I'm fine with the way things currently are.
And so with that, see you next time. Watch for my Iron Author entry to be published in the next few weeks.
Glad you had a great time, Mica! And glad we could meet up.
Lmao same. You weren't there but Arts, Gabi, and I wandered into the Karaoke Game on Saturday, and that was actually the first time I've ever sung (outside of the shower)! And belting out "The Moon Rises" and "Lullaby For A Princess," at that. So I can completely sympathize with that anxiety (but man, singing in front of Nicole Oliver and Bill Newton? That's lucky!)
I am in no way being flippant when I say good for you coming out as not trans! :D More people deserve to be happy in their own skin.
Genuinely glad to hear about your progress in overcoming your fears and getting a clearer idea on who you are and want to be.
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That could have been you! It was a karaoke event on Friday night hosted by Bill Newton and Nicole Oliver. Any song was acceptable (not just pony songs). I was too scared to go up last year, and I’ve been singing all my life so I had no excuse.
Good to meet you as well.
A toast to continuing to figure yourself out 🍷
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How was I not following you already? Let me fix that!
It was good seeing you at the con! For what it's worth, I thought your singing was great; "Landslide" is a hard song, but I enjoyed your rendition of it!
Glad you enjoyed ours as well. Hope to see you next year and looking forward to reading the Iron Author entry!
Wagon Wheel is a banger though.
Anyways I'm glad up had fun and here's to breaking theough more barriers in the quest that is life.