Short Hand: Blessings

Shepherd is woken up by a pounding on his front door. He slowly gets up and staggers to the door. He scratched his chin, yawned, and opened the door.

Shepherd: "Yes?"

Diamond Tiara: "You! Human! Bless me!"

Shepherd: "I... Sorry?"

Diamond Tiara: "You're a human protector! You've brought great fortune to those stupid Apples! So you should bless me too!"

Shepherd: "That's... Not how it works, kid."

Diamond Tiara: "My daddy is very rich!"

Shepherd: "I know. I've worked for him. He's a good guy-"

Diamond Tiara: "BLESS ME!"

Shepherd: "I didn't bless anyone!"

Diamond Tiara: "BLESS ME BLESS ME BLESS ME-!"

Shepherd slams the door in her face. He goes back to bed... And Diamond Tiara is pounding on his window.

Diamond Tiara: "BLESS MEEEEEEE!"

Shepherd: "I'M GONNA CURSE YOU IF YOU DON'T RUN OFF! I'LL MAKE YOU POOR!"

Diamond Tiara: "EEP!" She gallops away in fear

Shepherd: groans "Geez..."

An hour later... His door is being knocked on again. He tries to ignore it, but it continues. He groans, gets out, and heads to the door. He opens it.

Shepherd: "Yesss...?"

Spoiled Rich: "Ahem... Ser Shepherd."

Shepherd: "Mrs. Rich. What can I do for you?"

Spoiled Rich: "I wish to apologize for my daughter. She has... Strange ideas about things and was trying to get one over on her schoolyard rival."

Shepherd: "Oh... That's fine. Kids will be kids."

Spoiled Rich: "That, and well... Humans do hold a special place in our religion."

Shepherd: "I am aware. I'm not exactly comfortable with it, as I'm not actually of divine origin... As I keep telling everyone."

Spoiled Rich: "Thank you for that, and your understanding. You can imagine how embarrassing this can be. My daughter bothering a knight and hero of Equestria."

Shepherd: "Think nothing of it."

Spoiled Rich gave him a seductive look.

Spoiled Rich: "Of course... If you could confer a blessing upon our family... I would be most... Appreciative~..."

Shepherd: "... Good day, Mrs. Rich."

He closes the door and heads back to bed.

Comments

[Anar Isil]

(Alternate Take) Shepherd: "...Good day, Mrs. B***h."

[ShadowLDrago]

Poor bastard.

[FanOfSun]

Shepherd: "Ok that's it" Starts T-Posing

[Herald of Opera]

5695283
But only because he probably doesn't know her maiden name.

Because that's how I have characters who are trying to deniably insult Spoiled Rich refer to her. Also a "Miss" to drive home the message of not deserving a husband.

[FanOfMostEverything]

(Boops the snoot)
“There. You’re blessed. Anything bad that happens going forward is because you didn’t deserve it.”

[A.P.O.N.I.]

"WITNESS ME!"

[Eurvos Morgenbrise]

5695296
"Milk" comes to my mind.

[Herald of Opera]

5695472
That's her legit maiden name, too! It's practically impossible to call someone "spoiled milk" without making it sound like an insult already... so it occurs to me that there's a whole extra cycle of abuse going on here.

[HumanSVD]

5695286
NO!!! NOT THE T`POSE!

I am laughing my ass off. I am thinking him just standing there as an NPC that hasn't loaded yet and she's freaking out.

Also, I feel bad for Filthy Rich, his wife is a bit of a 304.

[Eurvos Morgenbrise]

5695521

More like a 3 21 14 20 amirite?

[FanOfSun]

5695521
E̸͕͋̏͗Ṉ̸͓́́̚̕͠D̵̩̣̩̜̣̈̎͝Ų̵̮̼͔̗̏̽̑͠͝R̷̝͂̉͗Ĕ̴͙̎ ̸̨̩̔̑̾M̴̝̜̥͋Y̶̨͙̗̪̎ ̵̼̰̹̜̃͛̓͗͜E̷͕̲͍̝͋X̷̧̨̺̗̫͆İ̵̥͈̞̄̔̃̚S̴̺̹̲̓̀͛͠T̵͕̫͓́͋̃̇͗Ḙ̸̢̀̊N̶̛̞͑̈́̿C̷̣̎͛Ę̴̜̟̤̅ͅ ̸̯̊̌͂̔̇M̵̼̙͂̉͝Ǫ̶̡͇͔͒R̴̲͌̾T̴̹͈̼̞̋̈́̂A̸̩͕̰͊̓̅̈́̋Ļ̴͍̤̣́̏̑͠

[Neon Starch]

Why do I get the feeling that, eventually, this is gonna happen between Shepherd and the ponies?