Happy Campers

by Okhlahoma Beat-Down

Camper-Pow

Everypony on the barricade stared in bemusement at the small cylinder unfolding from the toolbox that the stout beast had thrown on the floor. It was red in colour, much like the clothing of the beasts, and metal framework seemed to be the important pieces in the transformation. The humans both had angered expressions on their faces, though it was impossible to know if they were charging their incredibly destructive laser eyes due to their eyewear.

"Stand firm, everypony." Shining Armor said sternly, the stoic expression and gaze he donned not leaving his face. "Get ready for whatever they throw. Civilians, get behind cover. Guards, defensive skyblade formation." The armoured ponies nodded, and began to hold their spears in a serrated manner, before bunching together in front of the barricade to form a near impenetrable barrier. Meanwhile, the non-military ponies had dived behind the wooden crates, pallets, and market stalls that formed the blockade.

"Y'all have ten seconds to let us through." yelled the stout human. He was holding some form of joystick in his claw, in the other he was slipping a small device away. "If ya don't, y'all get t' meet mah cute little gun."

"We shall not allow beasts to terrorize this innocent village!" shouted Shining Armor. "The Princesses are due a visit, and it definitely doesn't mean we're letting our guard down. Surrender your weapons!"

"Nope."

"Final warning!"

"Ya said that a few minutes ago, mate." grinned the taller human.

"You too! Surrender your we-"

Shining was cut off by quick digital chirp followed by a rapid, loud, banging sound. Wood splinters flew outwards as ponies screamed in terror and dived for cover from the barrage. Quickly, the white stallion leapt behind a nearby crate, next to a cyan mare he recognised as one of the bridesmaids at his wedding.

"See!" she shouted, "I told you these were dangerous!"

Ignoring her, Shining peered out from behind the box and at the humans. Both were standing, the stout one with a growling expression as the taller of the pair had a rather indifferent look across his face, possibly even a glare. Finally, the taller one clenched it's claws and raised the thumb.

"Fine shot, mate." he said to his partner.

"Much obliged." replied the other, before turning his attention to the barricade. "I told y'all t' move, pardner." he shouted over. The joystick device was still held firmly in its claws, except one arm had been crossed over its chest. Shining was enraged. They attacked the innocent? His sister's hometown? The hometown of a Princess, on the day of a Royal Visit? That was the final straw.

"Guards, return fire!" he shouted. There was, of course, no reply. Frowning, and looking at his squad, he could see that at least two of them had fainted, 4 more had began holding each other for dear life, and 1 incredibly unlucky guard he recognised as Lightning Rod had a neat outline of holes drawn around him against the wall. Said guard passed out after a few seconds. "Return fire, that's an order!" Shining yelled again. Again, there was no reply, except several terrified looks. Facehoofing, he sat down behind the box again, and resisted every urge to just burst into tears.

------------------------------------------------

"Well, don't that beat all." Engineer smirked. "I love that lil' gun."

"Same." Sniper grinned. "Bloody brilliant. Hope it can get us through the barricade. That didn't persuade those wankers, we give 'em ungodful." It was, however, unlikely that anything that was accidentally hit it the salvo would let them though by choice: as the Administrator had used blackmail to her advantage when the Director came around, it was time to see how much fun it really was to use.

"Well," Engineer yelled over. "Y'all gonna let us through? We gotta prepare for the Princesses...es...yeah." Just a few seconds later, a purple aura surrounded a few boxes, and said boxes began to shift around on the floor. After a few seconds, the boxes began to float upwards and on top of the other crates nearby. By the time it was done, there seemed to be an alleyway leading though the barricade.

"Y-Yes!" stammered the same unicorn from a few moments ago. "J-Just go th-through! L-Leave us b-be!" Sniper grinned at the last comment. Leave you be? I can guarantee I'll be goin' back to Teufort with a Unicorn horn knife and Pegasus tooth hat ornament.

"Well, let's go." Sniper muttered, trudging forwards towards the alleyway. It wasn't too far, only about 30 metres, but the maximum effective range of a sentry is roughly 20 metres. It was lucky that Engi had brought the Wrangler with him, and had blown several days in total by playing with the thing, otherwise the pair never would have made it through.

Sniper didn't say a word as he went through the small gap, only tipping his hat to a few mares who were frozen in bewilderment. Engineer spent only a second longer, as he had to pick his sentry up in case a few innocent ponies were killed in a hailstorm of lead. However, as the Texan passed through the breach, he turned to where the white stallion was and looked. He was small, but larger than the other ponies nearby. White furred and blue-maned, with eyes that had shrank so small they were mere pinpricks, he seemed like th sort of thing you'd see if you were in Broadmoor.

"Much obliged, Tex." Engineer chuckled. The moment the first syllable left his lips, the white stallion shrank even further into a ball. Laughing, Engineer turned and ran after his partner with toolbox in his grip.

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"Hats. Ohohohoho."

"But of course. Ohohohoho."

"Demopan?"

"Non. Ohohohoho."

"Piss off, bighead."

"I'm afraid not. Ohohohoho."

"It seems I am not the only Spycrab. Ohohohoho."

"I'm afraid not. Ohohohoho."

"Erm..." Twilight began. The library had been in absolute chaos since Rarity had brought the army of robots with her. Large clusters of 'Spycrabs' were dotted around the room, most wearing some form of headwear and walking in aimless circles. The two other robots, however, were...different. One seemed to be a mechanical recreation of Sniper, hat, rifle, everything. The other, however, represented...the struggle...to...um...be understood when wearing shutter glasses, a fake afro, and holding a frying pan. Yes.

"Yeah." replied the Sniper-bot rather quickly. In an instant, it was leaning over within inches of her face, looking her up and down with small movements. Reeling back, Twilight sighed, and turned to the robot.

"Would it...be okay for you to answer some questions for me please?" she asked.

"OK, mate." replied the machine. Twilight smiled. This is easier than I thought.

"Thank you. First: who's the other robot?"

"Demopan?" cut in the robot from the other side of library. It stopped flipping a still sleeping Spike in it's pan, and ran over to the alicorn. Twilight nodded cautiously, and wrote in her notebook using levitation.

"OK, thank you. Next: where are you from?"

"-ERROR. FILE NOT FOUND.-" shouted the Sniper.

"...right, no comment. Next question..."

"OHOHOHOHO." added a Spycrab. It seemed to be walking into the front door, and was banging against it with its face.

"What's wrong? Is somepony outside?" Twilight asked. The lavender alicorn stood up, trotted to the door, and opened it with a hoof. On the other side, she was greeted by the unenthusiastic face of Princess Luna.

"Hello, Princess." Luna sighed. "We hear you have found some creatures?"

Author's Note:

Short chapter this time, probably going to make longer ones soon.

Comments

[viconis]

A spycrab as a pet.... I like it

[Starscape]

OHOHOHOHO.

[BlockBreaker911]

You shouldn't be keeping spycrabs around!!!

[KingOfTheMuffins]

2527983

But of course. OHOHOHOHO!

[Trigger Happy]

2528132
Demopan?

[totallynotaunicorn]

2528132
I require assistance OHOHOHOHO

[GordonFreebrony]

I require more... OHOHOHO

[Hunter96]

But of corse OHOHOHOHOH

[Other_Dark]

The humans both had angered expressions on their faces, though it was impossible to know if they were charging their incredibly destructive laser eyes due to their eyewear.

....Seriously?
This just feels so OOC to me. I don't see the royal guard as being this spectacularly retarded.

[Lucky Alchemist]

Crab people Ohohohoho

[KingOfTheMuffins]

2528947

OHOHOHOHOH!

[Edward_Richtofen]

ITZ ME RICHTOFEN ZE MEDICK AND I AM HERE TO DISECT EVERY SINGLE VUN OF YOU SPCRABS *licks bloody Ubersaw* ZIS IS GOING TO GET MESSY

[totallynotaunicorn]

2529902
OHOHOHOHO
ohohoho

OHOHOHOHOHO

[CIA]

"You prancin showponies!"

[CIA]

2530727
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/343/459/825.gif

[KingOfTheMuffins]

2533045

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!

[Paladin Redflare]

Ohohohoho.

[Dementia Ravenmane]

Oh god, Luna has now joined the madness...

[Pwniez]

stuff is about to get juicy