Camper-Wham
"Oh." Twilight swallowed hard. "H-Hello Princess Luna. D-Didn't expect you here." The night princess before her simply rolled her eyes and chuckled lightly.
"Of course you were, you did send the letter after all." Luna replied, stepping through the door and into the room of carnage. Luna's slight smile dropped, and her face immediately changed to that of one that clearly portrayed her lack of things to say in reply to the situation. "Oh. Now I see what you meant by 'strange' creatures."
Strange mechanical bipeds were all around the room, performing rather unusual rituals. Several seemed to be walking into walls, knocking everything over in the process, others were simply stood in groups and replying to each other replying to each other, each sentence ending in 'ohohohoho',and finally there were two of the creatures staring idly around, and occasionally saying things that made no sense. Luna sighed deeply, and facehoofed.
"Unusual, aren't they?" Twilight casually sighed, standing beside her fellow monarch. "As far as I know, these are all of the ones nearby."
"How many?" Luna asked, not removing her hoof from her face.
"At last count..." Twilight replied, before looking into her head to remember the exact number. "...there's 318 here, with the two different creatures included."
"Different? You are referring to that pair over there, yes?" Luna asked, removing her hoof and pointing at the Sniper-Bot and Demopan. Cheerfully, Sniper waved over, and shouted 'g'day, Shiela!' over the sound of Spycrabs. Luna cautiously waved back, before turning to Twilight. "These things can speak our language?"
"Yes. And to answer the question before that, no. There should be two more wandering Ponyville. I'm trusting them not to eat anypony. They're flesh and bone, however, so they do eat food. Meats included." Twilight replied. Princess Luna inhaled sharply. Twilight rolled her eyes. "And yes, I have the utmost trust that they will not attempt to eat anypony. After all, there's nowhere else in Equestria where they'd accept them as residents, or guests for that matter."
"But...surely they would just sneak around?" Luna murmured. "No, that wouldn't be possible. After all, I see all in night, my sister in day." Twilight suddenly realised something at that point, her ears pricking up as she glanced around.
"Princess?"
"Yes, Twilight?"
"Where's Celestia, if you don't mind me asking?"
Now it was Luna's turn to realise something. Glancing about the room, she realised that Twilight was right; her sister was nowhere to be seen. If she was in the room, it would be easily detected through the flowing mane clashing with cold blue metal. Luna turned back to Twilight.
"I...don't know?" she shrugged. Suddenly, as if on cue, there was a knock at the door, which did nothing to silence the Spycrabs. Nothing silences the Spycrabs. "Go answer, Twilight. I'll try to find Celestia." Luna said. Twilight nodded, grasped the door handle in her magic, pulled it open, and...
"Hello, Twilight!" Celestia greeted warmly. As usual, the white goddess of light had her spectral mane flowing freely in a breeze invisible to all, with the golden crown sat atop and golden necklace at the base of her slender neck. Not like usual, however, was the Spycrab she riding on her back. "I have a new pet." Celestia beamed.
Twilight was speechless, with Luna as her competitor in the jaw-dropping contest. "Get on the pony you imbecile! Ohohohoho." the Spycrab chortled, tapping his hands in a crab-like manner. "Oh, pony, who could they ever find to replace you? And my amusement? Ohohohoho."
"Princess Celestia?" Twilight gasped, "Where did you find that Spycrab?" Celestia raised a brow, and looked at the metal creature on her back as she trotted into the library. Her eyes went wide as she saw the other Spycrabs.
"Never mind where I found this 'Spycrab', which was wandering through my bedchambers in the middle of the night," Celestia gasped, levitating the Spycrab from her back and onto the floor, where it promptly ran into a wall. "Where did you find all these 'Spycrabs'?"
"Well, Princess," Twilight began. Luna listened too, since she hadn't heard this story either. "The Spycrab over there, the one walking into a wall by the basement staircase, was in the basement, hidden from the two 'humans'. When they left, the Spycrab...wandered out, before turning out to be no threat at all. So I went to bed, and woke up to see that the Spycrab had opened the door, and stood beside my bed for the whole night."
"That's nice of him." Celestia murmured.
"Well, I went downstairs, and had a lovely sandwich courtesy of the humans' cooking. Then, from what Rarity tells me, the robot over there with the afro ran into her shop, smashed random things using a frying pan, before trading some high-quality metal for a 'Shako', as he called it."
"Stout Shako, for two refined." shouted Demopan from over the room, before turning back to flipping Spike over with his frying pan. Spike was indifferent. All three Princesses looked at the robot, before turning back to Twilight.
"Yeah...that." nodded Twilight, slowly nodding in confused agreement. "Well anyway, the tall robot ran in after she'd picked the store back together, looked at the hats, before shouting 'yeah' at these Spycrabs, and sent them all inside to buy-"
"HATS. OHOHOHOHO." said all the Spycrabs simultaneously. The crowns on Celestia and Luna's heads were shifted by the force of the soundwave, and Twilight's mane was dishevelled into the style it goes into when she has a breakdown. The shocked expressions on each of their faces were enough to cause Demopan to put Spike back into bed, before hitting himself with his frying pan for no reason.
"Ok, mate." Sniper-bot said, putting a thumb up to his companion, whose afro now had a flat portion. Then, as if it were programmed to do so, it popped right back into its usual position. Celestia just threw her head back and laughed, not even bothering to right her crown.
"Why, that's ridiculous!" she snorted in a rather unladylike, not to mention unprincesslike, manner. "The few that have been wandering the castle for the whole morning haven't done anything of this magnitude of...chaotic proportions. Not even the box-carrying ones have done anything this random."
"Box-carrying ones?" Twilight asked, conjuring up a comb to sort her mane. "I thought there were only 318, all here?"
"No, Twilight, there are more roaming the palace." Celestia replied calmly. Even Luna was surprised.
"But sister, I though that-"
"No, you had gone to sleep by the time they started popping up." Celestia groaned, looking at her younger sister. "And how could you possibly have slept when that...metal chariot went rumbling by your chambers?"
"Metal wagon?" Twilight panicked. She was still discerning no information.
"Then there was the whole group of them running around blowing trumpets..."
"Trumpets?!"
Celestia ignored her, instead pointing to Sniper-bot. "And then the duplicates of the one over there ran around, throwing around...ugh, I-I won't talk about it."
Luna gasped in realisation, smiling. "Oh, so that's why I didn't feel like sitting near you in the chariot." she giggled. Twilight growled in frustration, went over to Sniper-bot, and grabbed him by the scruff of his metallic collar.
"G'day!" shouted the robot, clearly lacking the dictionary to argue against it. "Snipin's a good job, mate!" Ignoring his, uh, rant, the purple alicorn dragged him over to the Princesses, deep in sisterly love.
"Luna, I took a shower!" Celestia said firmly, rolling her eyes and stomping a hoof in a diva-like fashion.
Luna, meanwhile, was giggling her little blue head off. "Yes, but I can still smell the pi-"
"Here." Twilight sighed, dropping Sniper-bot in front of Celestia. As he usually does wherever his friend goes, Demopan ran over, and stood in a ready position with pan raised.
"Demopan?" he asked, looking down at Sniper.
"Ok, mate." Sniper replied, getting up and looking at Celestia.
"Ummm...hello?" Celestia stuttered. The robot was her size, but slightly smaller. Even then, with what looked like a slender flintlock rifle in its claw, it was rather intimidating. All of a sudden, it pushed itself into her face, and put a thumb up.
"Ok, mate." it said rather randomly.
"Do you mind if we ask you questions?"
"Nah."
"Princess, I've already tried this." Twilight groaned. Celestia put a hoof up to silence her and began.
"Very good. Now, answer these questions, and I shall see to it that you receive all the hats you want. Deal?" Celestia asked the robot.
"Yeah." Sniper-bot replied, his hat-obtaining systems overtaking every other system in his circuitry. Celestia smiled. She knew she had won. This battle, at least.
-----------------------------------------------
"Dagnabbit, we were too late." Engineer growled, kicking some dirt upon seeing the landed chariot. In front there were two armoured ponies, seemingly oblivious to everything that wasn't the pair of humans. The stallions were gawking at the two bipeds as though there were only two of them in existence. Sniper gave them his true-to-meaning death glare, and they quickly looked away, terrified of the prospect of having an Australian bushman gutting them with a machete.
"Ahhh, piss." grunted Sniper, before he trudged over to the side of the chariot and looked down. The guards didn't saying anything, mainly out of fear due to the wooden hilt of a knife they could see. "Wherever these bloody Princesses went, I'm gonna find some bloody tracks. No animal I target ever escapes Mr Mundy*." Promptly, the tall bushman crouched down, and ran his finger through the dust on the floor. Just before he raised his fingers, he found what he was looking for; a circular indent on the floor, with what appeared to be a crest marking. Sniper smiled, and stood. "Gotcha, pikeys."
"Got 'em?" Engineer asked, arms still holding the toolkit as he looked to his friend. Sniper nodded, and gestured to the library. "Nice work, pardner." Smiling, Engineer held the toolkit by its handle, like a normal person, and began to move to the tree-styled building alongside his tall, long-ranged friend.
----------------------------------------------
"BEEP. BOOP." growled a voice from the back of the library. Celestia, Luna, and Twilight all stood, knocking Sniper-bot from his chair, and charged powerful beam spells from their horns. All had the same look of a surprised animal turned hostile in their eyes, with Luna's glare going so far as to cause Demopan to hit himself in the head again, as usual for no reason.
"Who's there?" Celestia called. "Identify, for before you stand the three rulers of Equestria!"
"I AM A ROBOT." replied the voice, before the door handle to the basement began to creak open. Slowly, the image of another robot came into view. This one was wearing a cardboard box on its head, a blue shirt with two ball-shaped objects on it, shoeboxes on its feet, and what seemed to be washing machine pipes on its arms. The box had an upside-down coat hanger in the top, two red plastic cups for eyes, and a hole cut out for a mouth. Inside the mouth, another mouth could be seen, of the same type as Sniper and Engineer, Twilight noted. "I AM PROGRAMMED TO TAKE AMERICAN JOBS."
All three Princesses lowered guard, incredibly confused as to what was actually going on. Before anypony could ask, steps were heard going down the stairs. Then several more. And more. Soon, there was a whole trampling of feet coming down the stairs, each accompanied by a similar figure to the one that came from the basement.
After about five minutes of this happening, the library was filled with these new robots, each clutching either a gardening tool, mining tool, or kitchen appliance. Finally, silence fell when the room was literally filled to the brim with them, the princesses all pressed together in a manner many youthful stallions would think to be the start of the greatest pornographic video ever. Silence reigned for a moment.
"I AM A ROBOT. OH NO."
"OH NO. BEEP BOOP."
"BEEP."
"BOOP BEEP. I AM PROGRAMMED TO TAKE AMERICAN JOBS. OH NO."
"OH. BEEP. BOOP. NO. JOBS."
"MONEY. SENATOR REAGAN. BEEP BOOP. MAGGOTS."
Twilight, Celestia, and Luna began a telepathic conversation, one perk of being a Princess.
What's going on?
Not even worth asking sister. All I know is that these just-
Came out of nowhere?
Yes, that. And that there's one putting its shovel in...a rather comfortable place.
Shush, sister, too much information. Now how do we get rid of these?
If I could find a spellbook that had some info, I could try a spell from that. But then again, IF.
Hmm...Twilight, do you know any inter-dimensional spells?
Nnnnf...oooh, yes...that's what I call a massAAAAhhhhh...
Sister, I told you not to speak to that Round Flank when she came to the gala. She changed you, you know.
She is right, Celestia. There's one behind me with a pickaxe, and it's hitting AAALLLLLLL the right places...
Ugh, my most fai-umm, my fellow Princess, you too?
What? A mare needs a way to wind down. We can get rid of these robots later, maybe dump them in a hole somewhere?
Yes, yes, good ideaaAAAAAAHH! WOW! THAT FELT GOOD!
"BEEP. BOOP. I AM WET. WATER IS BAD FOR ROBOTS. BEEP. BOOP."
Celestia facehoofed, and teleported herself out of the library. Just as she appeared, she felt a large thing walk into her. Before she could get angry, some flat surfaces grabbed her back, helped her up, and dusted her off.
"Oh, why thank you sir." Celestia smiled, eyes closed. "You are a gentleman."
"Thanks, Shiela." replied a voice. Celestia opened her eyes, and almost fainted.
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Celestia, has anypony ever told you that communicating in yellow makes everypony's eyes hurt?
2562738
I could say the same thing about the sun. Everything Celestia does is blinding.
Umm were they just raped?
Celestia got hit with Jarate. Pardon me while I go retrieve my fries.
2562738 My eyes were just fine. The Dash color scheme for reading worked wonders.
Looks like Sniper-bot really... *Puts on Glasses* Pissed her off.
YEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
Wait was that the BLU Solider in robot disguise at the end there?
2563360 Nope. BLU robot Soldiers wearing robot disguises. Robot-ception.
2563706, wait now that I think about it could be the RED Solider. There is absolutely no description of clothing color.
What? A mare needs a way to wind down. We can get rid of these robots later, maybe dump them in a hole somewhere?
Yes, yes, good ideaaAAAAAAHH! WOW! THAT FELT GOOD!
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3my5wT5oK1qf3il3o1_500.png
The humans are here! Wonder how they will react?
2562893
Of course. Ohohohohoho.
This is getting funnier with each chapter!
2563912 Jarate? Nooohohohohoho.
2564534
Demopan?
2564559 Stout Shako for 2 Refined!
2564608
Yah!
i3.ytimg.com/vi/ft0qkmHtpns/maxresdefault.jpg
The Silver Stout Shako has asked to trade with you!
2564619 Paraderp has accepted your trade!
Paraderp has addedStout Shako.
2563912 it seems that im not the only spy ohohohohoh
...hats? HATS? HATS?!
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMM
2563027 It's not rape since they didn't say no.
Sooo... When will be something else than reusing overgrown memes? As of it now, the story itself is kinda flat.
The shark, I saw it.
I am prepared for a hatewave
Ohohohohohoho
2564731
The Silver Stout Shako has added 2x Strange Refined Metal
2564770
Of course. Ohohohohoho.
2566886 gentlemen ohohohohoh
2566885 Paraderp is ready to trade.
2566916
After you. Ohohohohoho.
2568270
The Silver Stout Shako is ready to trade.
*slams Make Trade button*
2568808 need a dispenser here ohohohohoh
2568895
Alrighty then. Ohohohohohoh.
2568811 Trade Complete.
You traded forStout Shako.
2568952 whats going on here? nothing ohohohohoh i doubt that no ohohohohoh
2569131
*branarnananerrr*
The Silver Stout Shako has found a Mann Co Supply Crate.
Oooh... Chance of Strange Bacon Grease...
2569139
Let us move. Ohohohoho.
2569409 Yes. Ohohohoho.
Ohohohohoho?
already did it, director gets pwned at the end :3
2569629>>2569409 no thank you ohohohohoh
2577280
That spy is not one of us. Ohohohohohoho.
2575855 "Let me in, Mr Pwniez, how do these words make you feel?" ',:-|
2577589
"Im getting paid to kill things, not to feel things"
~some random merc
:3
2577520 It seems we are not the only spies. Ohohohohoho.
2578999
But of course. Ohohohoho.
2582857
Shall we? Ohohohoho.
2583934
Of course. Ohohohoho.
2579111 E-gad, crab men
2575235
indeed. Ohohohoho.
2562839 That seems like innuendo...pics please :D
Okay, too much Molestia
3104525 *Pulls out a silver flask of holy water, and starts splashing water on my computer screen*
The power of Christ compels you!